“We’ll wait to see if the swelling recedes and go from there. I can’t give you a timeframe right now, it depends on the brain’s healing pace.”
“Do you expect any after effects?” I ask in a cautious tone.
“It’s hard to know at the moment, we’re dealing with a severe situation. It’s really hard to say if there’ll be any effects later on. We need to just take it one step at a time.”
Tyler’s features are tight with pain, the muscle above his eyes working as he takes a deep breath. “Thank you.”
“Mr. Adams I know it’s hard to wait for answers, but please know we have him monitored by our best people. I assure you, we are giving him the best treatment possible.”
Tyler nods somewhat mechanically. “When can we see him?”
“We’ll let you know as soon as possible.”
When the doctors leave the room, Tyler covers his eyes with his hands, he slides them higher, holding his head and shakes it lightly in utter bewilderment. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“Tyler,” I slide my hand to his waist. “Tyler.”
Keeping his bemused, agonized pose, he murmurs to himself. “This is all me.”
My gaze darts up to him. “What?”
“He’s here, fighting for his life because of me.”
“What? No! Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.” Determined. “They were after them because of me, because he is my son. This would have never happened if I’d just let it be, let him live a normal life. Not be chased by fucking photographers. Why did I have to do that? I should have never brought him into this to begin with.”
I take a step to stand before him. “Tyler, look at me.” I wait for his eyes to meet mine. “Tyler, Jeremy loves you. He adores you. He looks up to you. He couldn’t be prouder being your child. Knowing you. I’m sure he wouldn’t change it for the world.” Tyler looks entirely tortured and it breaks my heart. I lean forward and wrap my arms around his waist and press my cheek to the center of his chest. I say nothing, because it feels like no matter what I say it won’t take his guilty feelings away.
Holding Tyler, with all my heart I pray this experience will end up family lore and not something that’ll impact Jeremy for life, or worse.
“Finally, it’s quiet.”
“I prefer the chaos. The noise is so much better, silence scares me.” A conversation between two nurses at the front station.
The scene is hard to take in. In a way, it feels surreal. It’s not gruesome, or heinous, on the contrary, it’s clean and quiet. Too clean and quiet. Too clinically clean and frighteningly still.
Tyler clasps my hand so tight it pulsates. I can feel his tension flow through to me while absorbing my own anxiety in return. The room is a standard hospital room with its sterile aesthetics. Florescent light, pale walls. The machines and tubes intimidating, but what makes the scene petrifying to me is the preteen that looks so small and frail, lying still in the vast bed. Energetic, goofy, smiling, adorable Jeremy is pale, almost as bleached as the sheets he lies on. The kid lying on the bed looks like a faded carbon copy of the boisterous boy whose been residing in my heart since the first time I met him. An automatic ventilator sticking out of his mouth forces Jeremy’s chest to rise and fall in rhythm to its mechanically daunting, steady noise.
Tyler clears his throat, it sounds like a strangled choke. We stand still by the bed, looking at Jeremy incomprehensibly. Tyler’s hand leaves mine as he bends in half to place a gentle kiss in the center of his son’s forehead. He takes a step back to stand next to me, tall and broad and utterly shuddering. “You know, he always has this little, faint crooked smile on.” His eyes trained on his son. “Even when he sleeps.”
My own lips lift a little in sentiment. “Yes.” Is a soft whisper. “He has the most beautiful smile.” All I want is to see it again.
Tyler inhales heavily and shakes his head. He scrubs his hand over his stubble. “Why,” he breathes on an exhale. “Why him?”
I lean closer, resting my head on Tyler’s shoulder. Seems like ages pass as we stand, just stand, trying to understand, trying to make sense of this dreadful reality.
Somewhere between Eli bringing us food that neither of us can even look at to Jay stopping by, I fall asleep on the armchair by Jeremy’s bed.
Soft caresses on my hair stir me from a troubled sleep. I gently flicker my eyes open to a softly lit room. Night greets me from the large windows as I scan the room. Feels like I dozed for a few hours.
“Hey,” Tyler’s voice comes from close behind me, just next to my ear. That’s when I realize I’m nestled in his arms on the same armchair I fell asleep in. At a certain point Tyler must have lifted me up only to take me in his arms. I crane my neck to look at him and stretch just a little to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
Tyler offers me a bottle of water from the table. I take a long drink and give it back to him. He looks at me for a stretched moment. “I’m sorry for my outburst yesterday,” he says in a low voice.
I take his hand in mine, threading our fingers and mirror his soft tone. “It really doesn’t matter right now.”
Eyes still deep into mine he resumes. “No, it is important. Better say what’s on your heart and not wait till it’s too late.” The soft light in the room makes his eyes shine. They shift to Jeremy before returning to mine. “When I came back home last night, I had a completely different end to the night in mind. I bought you something and I wanted to give it to you, but then we got distracted and later you had that news for me, and I sort of lost it a little. I’m sorry. I’m not saying I’m okay with it, I just wanted to say that I should have handled it differently.”
“Tyler, about that.”
Tyler shakes his head, communicating, “It doesn’t matter.” I take his hand in mine. “I agree, yes we didn’t handle it well. Both of us. I should have talked to you before making my own decision about my future.”
“Our future.” Comes as a resolute emphasis.
“Our future. I understand where you were coming from, I do. I just, well, for us to work, I need something for myself. I wouldn’t feel complete without fulfilling my own goals.”
“I’d never hold you back from pursuing your dreams, Ivi. I just hope your plans include me.”
I nod pensively. “They do, Tyler. They include you both.” I pivot to look at Jeremy.
Tyler sends his hand to gently pull me toward him. For a frail moment, before leaving a chaste, sweet kiss on my lips, he holds my stare intently. “Go to that meeting on Monday, hear what they have to say first, come back home and we’ll go from there.”
I nod twice, processing.
“Now, about yesterday.” Tyler’s teeth graze his lips. “When I came home, there was something I wanted to give you.” He looks a bit apprehensive digging into his front pocket. Tyler produces a small, velvet box.
I squint at the box. My breath traps somewhere in my ribcage. It’s the kind of box that usually kicks off a couples’ unified life-journey.
Tyler’s eyes lift to mine and drop back to the box in his hand, mine follow suit. He opens the box to reveal a delicate, gold necklace with a guitar pick charm with “Tyler Lee” carved in the center.
I glance up at him. “It’s beautiful. I love it.”
Tyler holds the box in an open palm, stare on mine. “Last night, I wanted to give you my first name,” he swallows, not breaking our stare. “Till you chose to take my last.”
My lips part in awe. I’m lost for words. One way or another, Tyler just made the greatest promise to me. My eyes run over his handsome features. “Tyler.”
“Turn your head.” I do as told. He gently brushes my hair to one side and secures the necklace around my neck.
I dip my chin to look at the little toggle with Tyler’s name decorating my neckline. I brush it with my fingertips. Tyler’s look at me is almost tangible. I lift my eyes into his and what transpires has my next breath catch in my chest.
Sometimes, the bravest
, strongest, most meaningful things are said in silence.
Waiting Room - A sign in the hospital Ivi has been gazing at with absorbed attention, contemplating how apt it is to her current state.
Tyler’s brows pinch, his stance rigid as he nods at Dr. Soames. He folds his arms across his chest. From where I’m sitting, talking on the phone with Chris as he gives me some final details regarding my Vegas trip, I manage to hear the gist of their conversation.
“Propofol,” says Dr. Soames as he briefs Tyler. “Some fully recover and are completely unaffected by the coma. Others may suffer from disabilities caused by the damage to their brain.” He listens to what Tyler tells him next. He nods. “It’s impossible to accurately predict, sir. It depends on the severity of the damage to the brain, the patient age and how long they’ve been in a coma. Once he’s conscious and responsive we’ll run some tests to assess his condition.”
“How long before he wakes?” Tyler says.
“It depends on the patient; it could be within minutes or hours after the effect has been ceased.”
Tyler nods. Somewhat startled by Chris’s voice, I’m pulled back to our conversation. “Let me know if anything changes.” Chris concludes our short call. “Hang in there, kid. Hope to hear some good news soon.”
“I will. Thanks again. I’ll let you know.”
When I tuck my phone back in my pocket and turn to look at Tyler, I catch him brushing Jeremy’s hair off his forehead. The way Tyler looks at Jeremy, the tenderness in which he tends to his son makes me fall even deeper in love with him.
A nock on the door has us both shift our attention to where Melena is standing, some bruises decorating her face, her arm in a sling but otherwise she appears to have come out of the car wreck nearly unscathed.
Tyler walks over to her, meeting her in a half hug. “You look much better.”
“I’m fine. I just talked to the doctors.” She glances at Jeremy. “They say he should be waking up soon.”
Rubbing Melena’s arm, Tyler says emphatically, “It can take a bit longer than that, we have to be patient.”
Tyler and I leave the room, allowing Melena some privacy with her son.
Stirring a cup of lacklustre hospital coffee, Tyler asks me, “About what you said earlier about skipping the meeting, I think you should go on Monday, at least hear what they’re offering. Melena and I are here with him, it’s fine, really.” Tyler hands me the coffee and inserts additional coins into the machine.
“I don’t think I’ll take it,” I muse out loud.
He glances at me over his shoulder. Retrieving a steaming cup, he stares at it. “Why?”
“It’s just a job, not anywhere my dream job. And mainly because I don’t want to leave you. Both of you.”
Tyler nods. “Okay, and what do you want to do, if you had your choice, no limitations whatsoever.” He leans on the wall behind him, attention trained on me.
I blow on the coffee and take a sip. “Mainly what I’ve been doing so far as a volunteer, but maybe on a greater scale. Help people, tell their story, make their voices heard. But I don’t think I have the power to do that, just me. It’ll probably have to be through some organization but getting an actual paying job in these places is a long shot.”
“Just because you can’t reach a lot of people doesn’t mean that you don’t have the same impact on the people you’re reaching.” Tyler says. “You’ve already been doing it.” He pauses. “Kiis,” and then, “you know that you don’t have to worry about money, right?”
I shake my head. “It won’t work this way. I can’t and I won’t be dependent on you, Tyler.”
“Tyler,” Melena’s raised, labored voice breaks our intent stare down. “Tyler, he’s awake.”
“Wherever you may be in the world, actions speak louder than words and we acknowledge that.”
The hotel infomercial playing on the TV while Ivi lies on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
Jay: You’re welcome;-).
I glance at Jay’s odd message. Trying to be stealth so the people discussing the next YWOP projects around me won’t notice, I check my phone’s screen for the image that follows said cryptic text. A warm smile blossoms on my lips to the image of Jeremy faintly smiling at the camera, his hand captured is a wave. In the picture, Tyler is squeezed by Jeremy’s side, sound asleep, his big tattooed hand holding his son’s. I love them both, I do. I’d do anything for them. And the last thing I really want to do is put distance between us.
“Ivi,” Chris addresses me. I tuck my phone away, focusing my attention on him. He leans closer, lowering his voice. “What do you say, then?” Meaning to ask if I’d like to take the job.
“I’m grateful for the opportunity.” I take a sip of water. “Also, it’s a great opportunity to get to know the organization better.”
“But?” He prompts.
“I think I want to do more. This job is more administrative. I’d like to be a part of the team that does the field work rather than run it from an office.” Also, I don’t think that I’m ready to relocate now, or ever, but I keep that to myself.
Chris nods. “Understood.”
“If it’s possible, I’d like to help you guys from remote until you find the right person for the job.”
“I’ll run it by the others and let you know. Appreciate it.”
“Will that be all, miss?” Says the room service guy while a tad mockingly eyeing the rich offering I’ve ordered for dinner. With his judgemental smirk he extinguishes my prior thought of ordering a sundae for later. Even though he managed to get me a tad irked, I still tip him. I’m just that kind of person.
His grin together with his cadence morphs flirty. “Dinning solo tonight?”
I cinch my robe tighter. “None of your business,” I snap and promptly regret being rude, immediately giving him another note just before walking forward, urging him to leave my room. At the tap of the door closing, I pile my hair high on my head and tie it with an elastic band. Not entirely sure what to make of what I’m feeling, I drop to the bed. If I knew better, I’d say I’m about to get my period, but it’s not that. I feel a bit emotional. Maybe a little more than just a bit. Hence the wealth of comfort food teasing me from the silver platter. Let’s just say there are enough calories on that platter to properly feed a nuclear family . . . and their pet. Which instantly makes me feel awful. Such a waste! I don’t really need all this. Yes, emotional state is off the rails.
Placing the loot on the bed, I pull back the sleeves of the two sizes too big bathrobe and grab the burger. I bite into the bun and as I chew my eyes well up. When I swallow, somewhat hard, the damn dam breaks and tears roll down my face like it’s a slip and slide party. I’ve clearly hugely underestimated my vulnerability. It’s a given, when so many things happen to you in a short time and you hold them all in, keeping your cool, trying to stay intact for too long. Eventually you’ll crack. I look at the juicy burger through a glossy screen, whipping my eyes on the oversized sleeves. And everything, everything, that was bottled up, till the very last drop, gushes out. I’m sitting on the bed in some estranged hotel with Sin City’s colourful lights flickering through the vast windows, sobbing my heart out. With my toes I push away the little jewellery box and the piece of paper I absentmindedly scribbled on earlier as if they are the enemy.
I feel like I belong and not at the same time. Amelie’s words. Max’s words. Arguing with Tyler. Petrified of losing Jeremy. Jeremy lying in a hospital bed hooked to a ventilator. Tyler giving me that charm with his name and a promise. Leaving them both to go to Vegas. And the engagement ring I bought Tyler earlier today! Everything that’s swirling in my head reduces me to a messy pile of erratic emotions bawling into a pillow, in Vegas! Definitely hormones going wacko. Through the sounds of my meltdown I manage to hear the chime of my phone. Grabbing the device, I am met with an image of Tyler’s smiling face which only intensifies the stream of tears rolling down my face. I choke a sob and answer. “Hey.”
&nbs
p; “Kiisu?”
I swallow, trying to compose myself.
“Ivi, you okay?” Tyler asks over my pause.
“Ye — s.” I sniff. “Sure, how’s — ” sniff. “Jer.” Sniff. “Mi?”
“What’s wrong?” Tyler’s voice is an octave, or two, tenser. “Ivi?”
I really try to tone it down by taking a deep breath but the only thing that comes out is a strangled sob.
“Ivi, you need to talk to me, baby. I need to know what’s going on.”
How do I put into words that my heart utterly burns for him? That all I want in this world right now is him. “I miss you.” I wipe my tears with the pillow. “I miss you so much right now. I don’t know what’s come over me, but — ” I need to take another breath since oxygen seem to be scarce in the room.
“What’s going on, did anything happen to you? Talk to me, Kiisu.”
I shake my head even though he can’t really see me. “No . . . I — just. I don’t know. Everything. I just feel a bit emotional.”
“A bit?” Tyler asks, his tone an octave lighter.
I exhale a teary laugh. “Talk about making your boyfriend run for the hills.”
Tyler’s chuckle makes the tight ring in my stomach loosen some. “The last thing your boyfriend wants to do is run for the hills.” His humours lilt lingers over the brief pause. “Maybe just drop by the nearest pharmacy for some, umm, Rescue Remedy?”
“Ha. Tell you what?” I manage to stop the waterfall. “Maybe just shift delete everything you heard till now from your memory. I’m just being silly.”
Tyler drops the banter and asks, “Remind me, when’s your flight back?”
“The only available flight was for tomorrow evening.” I take a deep breath, shake my head lightly, still trying to make sense of my behavior, I whisper, “I don’t know what is it about tonight, but I miss you so much, Tyler.”
Unplugged II: Unplugged, #2 Page 13
