Without turning aorund, she slowly shook her head, not trusting herself to speak or to look at him. There was nothing more to say, and any overtures would be painfully rejected. No, let him leave hastily and halt this racking agony. She drew in a ragged breath of air, which tore at his heart. She sniffled to master her loss of control. But the tears refused to stop coming forth; they burned a salty trail down her cool face.
He turned and headed for camp, his muffled footsteps seeming to thunder into her ears as he walked away from her. She was tempted to run after him, to beg him to stay or to take her with him. It required all of her strength and willpower not to do so. He was Wanmdi Hota, fierce and legendary Sioux warrior. He was Indian first and man second; he was Gray Eagle first and her husband next. He was her whole world; yet, her beautiful world was spinning away and she was helpless to prevent it or to recall it.
She sank to the sandy earth. She rested her arms upon a large rock and laid her damp cheek on it, the tears now moistening her arm and the rock instead of her dress, the same rock upon which Gray Eagle had propped his foot to sort out his worries and fears. She curled against the rock, as if it could protect her from the emotional enemies that assailed her without mercy. Had so little time passed since he had lifted her and carried her to this spot? Why did it seem eons of time had passed? Where had things gone wrong? If only she could return to the moment she approached him as he stood in moody thought. If she had spoken and acted differently at that vital moment, she would not be here alone while her love prepared to ride away. When he laughed with joy and swung her around in his arms, she should not have spoiled that imminent truce.
She was oblivious to the passage of time and to the melodious songs of nature. She rested her forehead upon her tightly clasped fingers. Her sobbing had ceased, for her well of tears had been drained. She felt numb, as if grieving for some permanently lost love. Gradually she became aware of the steady lifts and falls of a horse’s hooves. She knew without looking up who was approaching her. She steeled herself to allow him to ride away with her lagging pride intact.
He reined in his striking Appaloosa. He gazed down at the beautiful woman who was his meaning in life. She appeared so vulnerable, so small, so tormented… so close and so far from him. He must not weaken. To dismount and to embrace her would prevent what must be.
He hoped and feared she would defy his necessary action, but she did not. He was plagued by relief and sadness when she did not. “You must return to camp, Shalee. It is not safe to be here alone.” He wondered why she would not look at him or bid him farewell, unaware she could not risk either without severing her heart completely.
She failed to respond in any fashion. He wondered if she had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion. “Do you hear my words, Shalee? Do you sleep? You must return to camp before I go.”
“Go if you must; I will be safe. Who would dare to hurt the wife of the Gray Eagle, except Gray Eagle himself?” she said in a small voice that echoed her anguish, a voice nearly smothered by her lowered head.
“I do not wish to hurt you, Shalee. You must understand why I do this for us.”
“For us, Wanmdi Hota? Or for yourself?” she corrected him sadly.
“I cannot offer you half a man, Shalee. I must become whole and strong again.”
Pride! Always his damn pride! It stood between them as stubbornly as her white heritage! “I will be fine here; do not concern yourself with me.”
“Why do you not tell me goodbye? Is that not the white man’s custom?” he plausibly asked, attempting to draw her out.
“Because I am not the one leaving. Why should I follow the wasichu customs when I am Indian now? Or have you forgotten that?”
“No more than you have forgotten my customs. Do not resist my leaving,” he suddenly entreated, his tone soft and compelling.
“I am not begging you to stay, nor am I trying to halt your departure. What is it you wish me to say? Your decision is made; I will not defy it.”
“Goodbye, Shalee,” he murmured in English, the word unknown in Sioux.
Where was the “I love you and I will miss you"? Where were her farewell kiss and embrace? Where were the words of comfort and encouragement? She had previously used hers to no avail. To repeat them would matter little since he was riding away. “Goodbye, Wanmdi Hota,” she finally stated, the word ringing with an ominous tone that haunted him.
Neither moved for a time, each waiting and hoping for the other to demolish the door between them. At last, he kneed his horse into a swift gallop to leave the torturous scene, never glancing back. She lifted her head and watched the dust and dark shadow until both vanished from sight, then gave in to the sobs that conquered her remaining strength.
Within moments, she was being held tightly in White Arrow’s comforting embrace as he spoke softly to her. She wept for a long time; he allowed her this necessary release. She was like a hurt and frightened child. Why had the Great Spirit summoned Gray Eagle to leave her side at this terrible time?
When Shalee regained control of herself, she looked up into his worried eyes so full of affection and concern. “Leah did not win her-victory, White Arrow; but she has her revenge. She has not replaced me, but she has driven us apart. It will never be the same again. He cannot even bear to look at me, or to touch me, or to stay at my side when I need him so much.”
“When the Great Spirit calls, Grass Eyes, a warrior must follow. He feared to touch you and to weaken. I will care for you and Bright Arrow until his return.”
Her somber gaze fused with his warm and sincere one. “He does not seek a vision from Wakantanka, my friend; he goes to seek his pride and to vanquish his guilt. He wishes to punish me for revealing to him that he must share the blame with Leah over this trouble. Since my accident, we have been drifting apart; soon we will be too far away to find each other again. I am losing him, White Arrow, and I don’t know how to prevent it.”
“No, Shalee. It is not so. He loves you, and you love him. This is but a rock in your path; he will remove it and all will be happy again.”
“What will the others say when they learn he has left me?”
“Warriors are often called to seek visions. Have you forgotten this? He is a leader and these times are dangerous. It is natural for him to seek guidance and to purify himself. He will return soon. Do not permit Leah’s victory, Shalee. If you love him, fight for him.”
“I used every skill I know and possess, White Arrow. I failed. He would not remain here to settle our troubles. He would not even kiss me farewell and hold me in his arms for but a moment. He did not even say he loved me.”
“Did you do and say such things?” he astutely asked, knowing she hadn’t, since he had been watching.
“I couldn’t. It took all my strength to keep silent and to let him ride off.”
“It was the same with him, Shalee. He is Gray Eagle and much is expected of him. It is hard for him to view any weakness in himself.”
“Does a farewell kiss and embrace reveal weakness? I am his wife!”
“He could never touch you, then ride away. You are the only woman ever to reach his heart or to earn his love.”
“If that is true, why are we both suffering this way?” she cried out.
“Love such as you share is special and rare, Shalee. Evil cannot bear the sight of such love and happiness. Evil uses Leah to end it. Do not yield, Shalee. Pride and resentment are its cunning weapons. Defeat your enemy, not your husband,” he tenderly advised. “Come, let us return.”
He helped her to her feet. She smiled up at him, then placed her arm around his narrow waist. “What would I do without you, White Arrow? How many times have you saved my life, or my happiness, or my sanity? I love you, dear friend,” she exclaimed, hugging him tightly.
He held her possessively, rebelling against the wish that she was his woman. He dropped a light kiss upon her forehead, then gently grasped her hand to lead her back to camp. He prayed Gray Eagle would return quickly for two re
asons: one, the buffalo hunt was near; two, it was not wise or safe for him to share such closeness with Shalee. Would his longing for her never cease? Would the dangerous love never alter to simple affection? For years he had concealed this lingering love and desire for his best friend’s woman. If the day ever came and Gray Eagle was slain, he would take Shalee to wife. Was that why he hadn’t taken a wife yet? Gray Eagle’s life was in constant jeopardy; was he foolishly waiting to… no! he angrily scolded himself. He would never desire his friend’s death to possess the woman they both loved. He must find a wife and end this obsession for Shalee. Only then could he find peace and love….
Chapter Seventeen
Two days passed with such sluggishness that Shalee grew tense with the insufferable waiting. How long would this purification require? She missed him terribly. White Arrow was constantly at her side, lifting her spirits when they sank, teasing her when she was close to tears, playing with Bright Arrow while she fretted over her husband’s absence, sharing meals and talks with them, hunting for them, protecting them, loving and caring for them: everything a devoted husband and father should do.
She and White Arrow had been friends since shortly after she had met Gray Eagle. Because of Gray Eagle’s rank, he had been unable to offer her the genial friendship and easy acceptance that White Arrow had from the beginning. They had spent many times together; their rapport was immense. They could laugh and share easily. Like kindred spirits attuned to each other, they had a full and happy relationship. And it was tranquil and safe, for Shalee was unaware of White Arrow’s great love for her.
During those early days years ago, she had sensed that he was physically attracted to her. But his love and respect for Gray Eagle had prevented real love, or so she thought. As time had passed, their friendship had mellowed and deepened. He had become adjusted to concealing his love, to displaying it only as fondness and pleasure. A few times when she had been Gray Eagle’s white captive, White Arrow had spared her many punishments and given her much assistance and encouragement. But in ravaging times like this one, his protective role plagued him. He wanted to comfort her in ways a friend should not.
They had discussed many topics during these past two days alone. Facts she had ignored about her husband and his ways were refreshed for her by his friend. She searched her heart during the long and lonely nights, coming to know that nothing was more important than their love. Leah’s ploy took on newer and clearer dimensions. She flushed as White Arrow explained many intimate things about men and women. She wondered how she could still remain so naive after being married for so long. Perhaps because there had been no need for her husband to tell her such things.
Fortunately, she had avoided Leah during these two trying days of discovery, partially because of White Arrow’s companionship and nearness. Regardless, Shalee watched Leah from a distance. Evidently Leah didn’t realize that none of them accepted her claims against Gray Eagle. Her speech was cocky and her manner insolent. She strutted like some vain peahen or regal queen. It galled Shalee to watch her infuriating smugness. It was time to bring Leah back down to reality! She wasn’t some defenseless victim; she had willingly played the whore! She assumed they believed her vicious lies about Gray Eagle. How dare she prance around pretending to carry her husband’s child! How dare she slander him! How dare she cause this rift between them!
About to rush out and set the lecherous girl straight, Shalee cautioned herself to patience and control. Leah would thrill at the sight and sounds of her anger and insecurity. No, my wily vixen, you will not dance with joy over my body!
Late on the third afternoon, Shalee was watching her son as he played with other boys his size and age. She contained her bubbly laughter as he appeared to better each one in the hoop game. Not once did his hoop-net miss a cone, while others steadily dropped out one by one as theirs did. Finally, Bright Arrow lifted his arms in triumph and shrieked with elation. He raced to Shalee and threw his arms around her thighs.
“I won, Mother!” he squealed excitedly.
“Yes, my son; I saw. You are as strong and swift as your father. Your eyes are alert and your mind keen. Soon, you will be a great warrior like he is. I am so proud of you, Bright Arrow. I love you so much,” she whispered softly, kneeling to hug him.
“Before many moons, I will seek a vision as my father does.”
She smiled and nodded. “Just like your father. The Great Spirit will guide him and make him strong and wise to lead his people. One day you will be chief of the Oglala. But first, you must work to become stronger and quicker. A chief must have keen eyes and ears and his legs must run swiftly. But you must also learn patience and kindness to others. Lose as well as you win,” she advised, smiling.
“You are as wise and cunning as my father,” he mischievously stated, then raced off to join a new sport.
Shalee stood up, watching his retreating back. He was a good child, and he would become a good man. Each day he resembled his father more and more, in manner as well as in looks. She had so much to be grateful for and to give her happiness. She must allow nothing and no one to spoil such special feelings again.
“He will be chief if my son allows it. But I will teach my son to be more cunning and more powerful. I think I will name my son Eagle Star. He will soar with his father and shine brighter than a tiny arrow. When they are both grown warriors, the Oglala will name my son chief over yours. You make him too soft and gentle. A chief must be cold and ruthless,” Leah sneered, eyes glowing with hostility and arrogance.
In the flash of an instant, Shalee had balled her fist and slammed it across Leah’s jaw. Leah reeled backwards from the stunning blow and crumbled to the ground. The two women glared at each other. Leah regained her footing and stood, arms akimbo.
“You dare to strike me and endanger the child of Gray Eagle,” she scoffed contemptuously. “He will slay you if you harm his son.”
“You are a fool, Leah. No one accepts your vile lies. Gray Eagle knows he never touched you that night. He was playing along with your game to test the depth of your evil and daring. You are such a harlot. Besides, there isn’t any child. All will know that soon, won’t they?” Shalee nonchalantly sneered, laughing in Leah’s hostile face, which was red with rage and hatred. “I wonder how many days it is before your monthly declares you the witch you truly are.”
“There were other times we touched!” Leah snapped acidly.
“If you mean by the river, when you tempted him with your treacherous hands, what man wouldn’t enjoy such treatment? Are you so naive, or simply stupid? Or perhaps the other time when he went to bathe and you ‘accidentally’ presented your naked body as offering to a savage god? We have no secrets, witkowin. I know each time you went near him and all that happened between you.”
As Leah’s face paled at the reality in Shalee’s scornful claims, Shalee went for her finishing blow, “I also know about you and Running Wolf. What do they call a woman who craves brutal joinings? How sick your mind must be to enjoy pain at such a special moment.”
“You’re lying. You think you know everything, but you don’t! A little guessing or adding to facts you were told! Gray Eagle will soon be mine!” Leah confidently vowed.
Shalee burst into laughter. Speaking just low enough to avoid being overheard, Shalee began to describe Leah’s adventures with both Running Wolf and Gray Eagle. She went on to inform the stunned girl of her knowledge of Leah’s interference on certain occasions. “You see, Leah, you are not so cunning after all. You are merely a brazen woman without morals or conscience. All laugh at you. All plan your punishment the moment it is certain you do not carry Running Wolf’s child,” she hinted, relishing Leah’s fear and humiliation.
“You are the fool if you believed his claims about never touching me!” Leah panted in anxiety.
“I would be a fool if I did. Gray Eagle will always love and desire only me. Long ago I warned you of failure and punishment if you sought to pursue him. Now, you are trapped. You are safe
only until your lie reveals itself. You could never win Gray Eagle’s heart; it is mine alone for all time.”
Shalee dramatically withdrew her small knife and pointed it at Leah. She ominously warned, “If you speak such lies again, I will cut out your sinful tongue. A tongue isn’t necessary to carry a child, if one exists. I am Princess Shalee and I have the power to carve you into little pieces if I so desire.”
Leah actually backed up several steps. Shalee was serious! Soon, the scheme would come to light. She had rashly alienated the only person who could have helped her. Shalee! Always Shalee! Damn her! A pox on her beauty!
“I will give you one chance to confess the truth, Leah. If you refuse, I will be the first in line when your punishment starts. With the help of the other women, who will rage at your defilement of our chief, we will leave nothing for Gray Eagle and Running Wolf to punish. I warn you now; if your story does not match Gray Eagle’s, your lying tongue will be missing before nightfall.”
“You wouldn’t dare harm me! Running Wolf will not allow it!”
“Running Wolf says you are mine until the truth is out. If there is no child, you are still mine. It was my husband you set your evil eye to taking. Look around you, Leah; no one will come to your aid.”
As the terrified girl glanced around, any eye she caught was hostile, knowing the white girl was up to some wickedness or the gentle Shalee would not have assaulted her and would not be holding a knife upon her. Her wide gaze halted briefly upon the leering face of White Arrow.
“You see, Leah, no one can save you from me. Like a loosened rock, you are swiftly rolling down a dangerous hill. Only I possess the power to save you. If you speak the truth, I will spare your life. I will send you to live in another camp, even if you do not carry Running Wolf’s child. Only your honesty can inspire kindness and mercy within me.”
Leah studied Shalee for a time. “If you know the truth, why do you demand that I tell you everything? You aren’t so bloody sure of yourself or your lover, are you? You’re afraid! You’re jealous! You do think I have the power to entice him from you,” she exclaimed, bubbling with false hopes and assurance.
Brazen Ecstasy Page 34
