“Easily.” Cam knew he was on firm ground with what he was about to say. “She loves you. And you know what? Because she loves you, she’ll help you to forgive yourself, and that’s what you need more than anything else, Alex. For what happened today and what happened back then.
“Now, I suggest you go to her, talk to her, and I’ll clear off to bed. I’m bloody knackered.”
Alex had his doubts. He even doubted that he’d find her in their bedroom, so he was dumbstruck when he opened the door to find not an empty room in darkness but a room with romantic, dimmed lighting…and a beautiful woman naked in bed.
She was lying on her side with her back to him. He couldn’t tell whether she was asleep or not, but at least she was there. Between them was the tempting expanse where he normally slept at her side.
A heavy sigh lifted his shoulders. He’d asked way too much of a novice sub…the woman he loved. How could he possibly explain his reasons for asking her to be his Domme? And even if he could find the words, once he told her what happened to him she’d run, as far and as fast as she could, and he couldn’t blame her one iota. He’d let himself be raped, and he was still screwed up mentally because of it.
How the hell could he tell Beth that? Alex didn’t know what to do—a feeling he wasn’t used to. He’d always been in control—always had to be. Even during the assault, when he’d lost control of what happened to his body, he’d held on and kept control of his mind. Now, he had no control—if he did, he’d know what to do, what to say…whatever it took to stop the woman who was his life walking away from him, as she surely would once she’d recovered from what he’d inflicted on her.
He was on the point of talking himself into moving to one of the spare rooms when she turned over, and reached towards the place where he should have been lying beside her. She gave no sign of being aware of his presence.
He owed her an explanation, but when it came to Beth, he was vulnerable. It would probably be best if he left her alone tonight and they talked in the morning—if he took his place beside her in bed, he’d want to make love to her.
Not sexually dominate her, but make love to her, and after what happened that afternoon, she’d have every right to refuse him. He turned to go.
“Aren’t you coming to bed?”
Alex felt like putting his fist through the wall. The pain would help him to decline and get out of there before he hurt her again. He sure as hell couldn’t look at her or he’d be lost. “I thought you’d prefer to be alone tonight.”
“And that’s why you’re here now?”
“I wanted to make sure you were all right—I thought you were asleep.”
“I was. I’m not now.”
She wasn’t making it easy, and he couldn’t blame her. Cam was right—he really needed to talk to her, but he couldn’t burden her with the mess he’d carried with him for so long. In spite of his friend’s confidence in the matter, Alex couldn’t help but believe that if Beth knew the truth, he’d lose her.
“I know there was a reason for this afternoon, Alex. If you won’t or can’t tell me that reason, then at least tell me if it worked. Or was it all for nothing?”
The pain in her quiet, calm, honest voice sliced right through his soul. An answer was the least he owed her, and there was something in her tone that hinted at an expectation of hearing the worst.
The memory of the time he’d endured in that hell was one he’d never willingly called up, yet it had dominated his nights for a long, long time. He braced himself for the impact, waited for the trickle of sweat down his spine, but it didn’t come.
And the reason it didn’t come was that, although he still had that memory, it no longer had the power to carve him up into tiny little pieces. Its prominence and power had been usurped by a new memory, of an act carried out with love by the woman he’d cherish and protect for the rest of his life. She was in his bed, waiting for him. He should be on his knees in front of her, not a million miles away from her.
“It wasn’t for nothing, Beth. Please believe me.”
Silence, but he still couldn’t turn around. She didn’t believe him.
“Does that mean you don’t need me anymore?”
He heard the stifled tears in her voice. “Need you? Beth, I need you more than I need air to breathe.”
Go to her!
I can’t!
“I know I’m not being a very good sub tonight, Sir,” she said, her voice hesitant, “but surely we can work out whatever it is that’s keeping you over there and out of this bed?”
Alex looked over his shoulder and lost the last shred of willpower that he had. She was sitting up, the covers bunched around her waist, oblivious to her nudity. He took a couple of steps towards her, into the light.
“You are my perfect sub, Beth, never doubt that, but tonight, I don’t want you as my sub—I want you as my lover. Will you let me be your lover tonight?”
Her answer was eloquent in its simplicity. She said nothing, just drew the covers aside and offered him her hand.
15
“There’ll be a couple of happy campers out there the day after tomorrow,” Cam announced over breakfast. “I had to send a couple of the guys out on protection detail at short notice, but I still have a couple of very willing volunteers.”
“Volunteers? Okay, Cam, who have we got?” Alex asked. He knew a lot of the men employed by Spectrum Security, having worked alongside them while in the Special Forces.
“Dylan Baxter and Conor Devlin will –”
“Oh, Christ. Not Baxter and Devlin. Please tell me you’re joking, Cam. Those two clowns are the worst double act on the planet!”
“But they are good at what they do—you know that as well as I do.” Cam was struggling to suppress a grin at Alex’s deadpan reaction. The other man had been their officer commanding back in the day…and knew exactly how good they were at their jobs.
“As I was saying…Bax and Conor will be joining us. I’ve told them to keep out of the way…unless there’s trouble,” Cam qualified, his mood suddenly turning grim. “I’ve also got Rob doing the grunt work, trying to track down Underwood before he can get here.”
Alex nodded—how Cam had assigned his men was Cam’s decision to make, not his, but Alex would have allocated the assignments in much the same way. All ex-Special Forces, like himself and Cam, they had their own areas of expertise. He sighed heavily. “Thanks, Cam—I owe you.”
Cam shook his head dismissively. He was clearly a man with something on his mind, though, and Alex didn’t have to wait long to find out what it was. “Where’s Beth this morning? Things all right between you two now?”
A memory filled Alex with warmth, of the moment when he’d joined Beth in bed and kissed her. “She’s still sleeping. We’re working on it, Cam.”
“Have you told her?”
Tension formed a boulder in Alex’s stomach. That was the elephant in the room—invisible as far as Beth was concerned, but for him, it was the one thing he truly feared, because of the threat that, for her, it could be a deal-breaker. Would be a deal-breaker.
“Alex, tell her.” He heard the other man’s sigh. “You were the victim, remember?”
“Yeah.” The word was almost a snarl. Victim. The word stuck in Alex’s throat. He was a man, a Dom, and no one’s victim, for God’s sake. He should have fought back harder. If he’d—
“And if you had, they would have turned on the boy. That’s what you were afraid of, remember?”
Alex hadn’t even realised he’d given voice to the bitter recrimination that had been his daily mantra for years. “Don’t make me out to be some self-sacrificing hero, Cam.”
“Not self-sacrificing, but yes, you are a hero. Don’t hate yourself for being one man in the face of insurmountable odds.”
He was going to be sick, would have been sick if he’d touched any of the food on the plate in front of him. The “insurmountable odds” had taken him and the son
of his client captive because he, Alex, had been arrogant enough to think that he could do the job of two men. With two of them, he was sure they’d have been able to take care of the four men who’d attacked them, but odds of four against one had been too much.
What followed had shown him what the bowels of hell looked like.
He glanced at his friend—from the look of him, he wasn’t ready to drop the subject. “Not now, Cam,” he said quietly. “I promised Beth breakfast in bed this morning. Can you amuse yourself for a while?”
Thankfully, Cam knew a hint when he got one. “You’re a lucky bastard. Look after her, Alex.”
“I intend to—if she’ll let me.”
“Okay, then. Since breakfast will keep the two of you amused for the next few hours, I’ll see you at lunch.”
Alex saw his friend off; the other man had already said that he intended to reconnoitre the nearest villages, to see if any strangers had been spotted in the area. Alex knew that he might or might not be back for the midday meal, depending on how much success he had with his enquiries.
And there was also the lure of a fine pub lunch at the Dog and Partridge to factor into the equation.
Alex busied himself in the kitchen, whipping up breakfast for the sleeping beauty he’d reluctantly left an hour or so ago. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel the heat of her body next to his.
He checked the contents of the tray—juice, coffee with milk and sugar, toast, egg and bacon, and a selection of fresh fruit. There was only one thing missing, and he could fix that by vandalising the vase of fresh flowers in the hall on the way back to the bedroom. His mouth curved into a smile for the first time that morning; he was definitely getting soft in his old age.
Beth was still asleep when he arrived at the bedroom. He wasn’t surprised; the sex had been incredible—no, making love had been incredible. He’d given her his body with love and tenderness, and she had given him the same. Leaving the tray to one side, he got down on one knee by the bed, intending to wake her gently, but she beat him to it. Her smile warmed him through, banishing the coldness that had settled around him while he’d been talking to Cam.
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
Alex grinned, feeling like a complete idiot. Again. “We had a busy night, if you remember –”
“If I remember? The torture you inflict on me every morning in the gym is less demanding!” Beth gave a somewhat theatrical yawn.
A wicked thought popped into Alex’s mind. He leaned forward and kissed her. “In that case, tomorrow morning I’ll just have to raise the ante and really give you something to complain about!”
He wasn’t surprised when she hit him.
“Seriously,” he continued, “you do know that the workouts are just intended to increase your level of fitness and give you a cardio workout?”
“Hmm, I’ll let you have that one.” Then the look in her eyes changed, to something less frivolous that told him he wasn’t about to get away with anything. “There’s something different about you today, Alex. Why… Last night, why didn’t you…we… You made love to me without the things we’ve done before. Why?”
He couldn’t give her the full explanation, not yet, but he did owe her some sort of reassurance. “Your breakfast’s getting cold. You eat—I’ll talk.”
Alex made himself comfortable beside her, careful to stretch out on top of the covers fully dressed, rather than doing what he wanted to do, which was strip off, get into bed beside her and make love all over again…all day. At times, Beth really was too much temptation for him to withstand.
“I guess…I am different, sweet. Or starting to change, at any rate. Starting to feel free of something from the past that’s had a hold on me for a long time. Thanks to you.”
“Then yesterday…?”
“Began that process, yes. Do you want all that toast?”
Beth considered slapping his hand; instead, she buttered a slice and held it up to his mouth. He took a bite, and then plucked it from her fingers.
She glanced at the tray on her lap. “I didn’t thank you for this.”
“That’s all right—we’ll negotiate later.”
She didn’t have to be a genius to work out what that meant. The wicked grin told Beth all she needed to know, that while her Dom might have taken a temporary leave of absence the previous night, he would be back, and soon.
“You said there was something in the past that’s had a hold on you—is that what you’re not going to tell me about?”
He glanced away from her; she sensed his defences going up. He clearly wasn’t ready to go into that yet—if ever. She sighed. “When… If you’re ever ready, I’m a good listener, you know, Alex.”
“I know.”
All right, so they couldn’t talk about the past—that left the present and the future, and while she assumed Alex would soon resume his role as her Dom, she needed to be sure. “There is something I need to know,” she began. “Am I still your sub, Sir?”
He turned back to her at that, his face fierce with a sensual hunger that thrilled her to her toes. His mouth crushed hers in a killer of a kiss. “Always,” he growled, nuzzling into her neck. “Think of this as a brief holiday. I’ve no intention of letting my sub off the hook.”
Well, that was one thing settled. “Since I’m still your sub, it makes the question more pertinent…Sir. Why was last night so different?”
“Beth, you’ve given me so much: not only your submission, but your love, your friendship, and your support. Last night, I wanted to give something back to you.”
And he had. His caring and tenderness had rocked her to the depths of her soul. Beth had felt wrapped in love from head to foot when his magnificent, powerful body had stretched out beside her. He’d touched her face with his fingertips, as if he were a blind man imprinting her upon his memory, and then his lips had made sweet contact with hers—not taking love and passion from her, but giving her spirit what it needed to soar into the heavens.
She’d felt loved and worshipped and adored, and because it was Alex, it had blown her mind. Afterwards, he’d gathered her close and held her while, overwhelmed by all that had passed between them, she gave in to long-overdue tears. They’d slept, and then he’d made love to her again, still so loving and gentle.
No wonder she’d needed to sleep later, and now Alex was making it really difficult for her to concentrate on anything. His lips were making her crazy with need and his hand was cupping her breast, so that his fingers could roll and pinch her nipple.
“Alex,” she got out on a breathless whisper. “Sir, if you don’t stop doing that right now, this tray’s going to go everywhere.”
She had a moment’s peace while the tray, along with her half-eaten breakfast, was whisked out of harm’s way, and then Alex was back. This time it was his mouth that fastened on to her nipple, snagging it between his teeth and drawing it deeply into his mouth.
God, she could hardly speak. The man was a menace. The way he was damn well dressed, too, in those close-fitting black jeans and a skin-tight white T-shirt, was a reminder, as if she needed one, of just how formidably strong he was. The way the short sleeves clung to his impressive biceps was wicked—he could tempt a saint into sin. Beth threw her head back against the pillows stacked behind her, grabbing the sheets with both hands, trying to stop her sanity spinning off into the farthest reaches of the universe.
Her grip on the sheets disappeared when he dragged the covers away from her body, exposing her to his heated gaze. His hand pushed her thighs apart and then covered her sex, the palm resting on her smooth mound while his fingers thrust into the wetness of her pussy.
Aroused beyond reason, Beth moaned breathlessly, her hips pushing against his hand while all the time he suckled on her breasts, alternating between them and sending her spiralling out of control. Her Dom had returned, sooner than anticipated, and he was making it abundantly clear that he was back in the driving seat.
>
“Please, may I come, Master?”
He raised his head from her breast. “Not yet.” His voice was thick with desire.
No, he couldn’t be doing this. Through half-closed eyes, she watched him move down her body, push her legs further apart, and then settle between her thighs. The next thing she felt was the swipe of his tongue over her labia, his thumbs pulling the folds apart, and then he was suckling on her clit the way he had her nipples, drawing it into his mouth, flicking his tongue over it, arousing her even more. What started off as a moan became a long, drawn-out wail.
There were no bonds holding her in place, no floggers or paddles there with the threat to redden her rear; her Dom held her where he wanted her by the force of his will alone. Her back arched away from the pillows, automatically forcing her hips into the bed and her pussy away from his devouring mouth.
Beth could do nothing to resist when he pulled her towards him, laying her flat on the bed. She heard a zip and then Alex was over her, his weight all on his muscular arms as his cock plunged into her.
God, he was so big, long and thick. Her pussy wanted to clench around him, to slow down the deep thrusts. His jeans were rough against her thighs, abrading the sensitive skin, making her spread her legs even wider, offering her pussy up to him.
Her orgasm was unbearably close. She begged again for permission to come, but the only response she received was to have her Master thrust more deeply into her. She didn’t even realise that tears of pure, unadulterated, sensual ecstasy were rolling down her face.
“Now, Beth!”
Fulfilment came in an explosive rush, a volatile cascade that for a moment threatened to tear her apart. It was Alex’s weight that kept her from going into orbit as he held her, keeping his own orgasm in check until hers was done.
She held him through the shockwaves of his climax, through the spasms that racked his body and the cries of fulfilment that told her his orgasm was every bit as intense as hers had been. He was deep inside her when he came, the hot wash of his seed filling her, mixing with her own wetness.
The Velvet Ribbon Page 23
