Damn, couldn’t I even get out of my gear before they came in? Not like reporters in the locker room bothered other guys. Hell, Denison was over there with no pants on.
Then again, he didn’t have a kid at home, and the last thing I wanted Lettie to find on the net in ten years was a shot of her old man’s dick.
Pants on.
“Can I get a moment?” The blonde asked, waving her microphone with a smile.
“Sure,” I responded and stood.
She asked the normal questions. How was my shoulder? To what did I credit our victory? What did I have in mind for the rest of the season?
I gave the rote answers about teamwork, the strength of my shoulder, and my optimistic outlook.
Once she was done, I showered and dressed as quickly as possible.
“You’re coming tonight, right?” Rory asked as we took our bags from the locker room.
“What?”
“Do not pull that shit,” he threatened. “It’s the first game, the first victory, and we’re going out tonight.”
I grimaced in apology. “Man, I have Lettie.” And Bailey.
“And a nanny. Come on, it’s tradition,” Warren countered.
“He doesn’t want to leave the nanny,” Rory stage-whispered.
“Shut the fuck up. What are you, twelve?”
Rory shrugged. “Truth, man.”
I looked up, saw my girls leaned against the wall with the other families, and my heart did a little flip at how...right that looked.
And then I saw my mother chatting Bailey’s ear off. Lord have mercy.
She was a little over fifty, but I swear the woman only looked forty. She had that classic, raven-haired beauty most women paid top dollar for, with a class that you couldn’t put a pricetag on. She’d also been the one to take care of me and Lettie when Helen walked out while I was still in recovery.
“I’m not making any promises,” I said to the guys as we made our way to the girls.
“Tell him he has to go, Mrs. M,” Warren asked, giving my mother a charming smile.
She arched an eyebrow. “Has to go where?”
“Hi, Mama,” I said, kissing her soft cheek at the same moment Lettie attacked my leg.
“You played phenomenally,” Mom answered with a smile.
“What do you think, Lettie-Lou?” I asked as I lifted Lettie into my arms. She gave me a resounding smack of a kiss on my cheek but leaned back when I tried to do the same.
“You’ll mess my warpaint,” she said, pursing her tiny lips in a way that reminded me way too much of Bailey.
I noted the black streaks under her eyes that had my number drawn in. “We can’t have that,” I said and growled at her neck as she giggled.
I looked up and met Bailey’s shy smile with one of my own. Shit had been off with us this last week, more awkward than we’d ever been with each other, and I knew it was because of that kiss.
That hot, perfect, taste of her.
Damn, I wanted more.
“Where is he supposed to go?” Mom asked the guys, snapping me out of my stare-fest with Bailey.
“We always go out for drinks the night of the opener,” Warren explained.
“Tonight is Bailey’s night off,” I countered. I never left her with random sitters, and they knew it. No Bailey, no going out. Period.
“Well, then it’s a good thing there’s plenty of room at grandma’s,” Mom said, holding her arms out for Lettie. “What do you say, Scarlett? Want to come have a sleepover with Grammy?”
“Yes!” She shouted, lunging out of my arms. Mom caught her easily and kissed her forehead.
“Good!”
“Can we watch Music movie? Please?” Lettie turned those eyes on Mom and she melted.
“You’re still into the Sound of Music?” she asked.
Lettie nodded seriously. “The hills are alive, Grammy.”
I smiled as Bailey laughed, her hand lightly touching my arm. This was what family was supposed to be, sharing these moments, the happiness after a victory, the joy of watching Lettie grow.
It was wrong to picture Bailey in that role—especially when I knew she’d inevitably leave to start her own family, her own life—but I couldn’t help it. Everything was easy, happy, and that feeling was intoxicating—addictive.
“Then it’s settled,” Warren said, slapping me on the back. “We’ll see you later, my man.”
We said our goodbyes and headed to the parking lot. Bailey handed over her keys to Mom since she had Lettie’s car seat and she’d driven Mom here anyway, and I kissed Lettie goodbye.
“You be good for Grammy, okay?”
“Always,” she answered with an impy grin.
“I love you,” I said, as I hugged her tiny body tight and let her go.
“Love you!” She said before running over to Bailey. “Love you, too!”
Bailey dropped to her knees and hugged Lettie. “I love you, tons and bunches.”
“Let’s go, kiddo,” Mom said as she buckled Lettie into her seat. The door shut with a resounding thud, and though I knew it was Mom taking her, a stab of nervousness still hit me.
“You sure you don’t want me to bring you a bag for her or anything?” I asked.
“Of course not,” Mom said right before she kissed my cheek. “I love taking her shopping. Now go enjoy yourself, Gage. You need the downtime.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Her eyes darted over to where Bailey was occupied making faces at Lettie through the window. “She’s good for you.”
“Mom,” I warned quietly so Bailey wouldn’t hear.
“You deserve happiness, Gage. Don’t shun it out of fear. She’s not Helen.”
I stiffened at her name. “It’s complicated.”
She gave me the mom look.
“That’s only because you complicate it.” She kissed my cheek again and then patted it like I was ten. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
My heart clenched as they drove off, and Bailey laid her hand on my arm. “Ready to head home?”
I looked down into those gorgeous eyes as the word “home” resonated through me. “Yeah,” I answered, my voice low. My gaze dropped to her parted lips. It would be so easy to close the distance between us and kiss her. God knew that I loved the way she tasted, the way she fit against me.
In that moment I realized how great it was to love her as one of my best friends...and how easily I could fall in love with her as so much more. Because you’re not already screwed enough as it is.
“Gage?” her eyes widened and she leaned forward slightly as if she didn’t realize it—as if she was drawn to me as magnetically as I was her.
Maybe Mom was right and I deserved happiness...maybe Bailey wouldn’t leave. Maybe she’d be the one who stayed. But I also knew the one thing she wanted out of her life—kids—was the one thing I wasn’t ever going to have any more of.
“Gage?” a feminine voice called from behind us.
“Yeah?” I asked as I turned to see the same blonde reporter racing toward us.
“Gosh,” she said, giving me a smile and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m so sorry, but my bosses were dying for a few more questions. Could I ask them?”
I smiled while inwardly grumbling. PR was part of my job, and as one of the faces of the Sharks, I couldn’t exactly be a dick and tell the lady that I was dying to get Bailey home so I could debate kissing her in a less crowded environment.
“We’re in the player lot, so I think we’ll be okay,” I answered.
“Thank you,” she said with a relieved smile. Then she batted her eyelashes at me and blatantly checked me out. A month ago I would have been tempted, but even all dressed up, she paled in comparison to Bailey in my jersey.
A sense of territorial pride swept through me and I winked at Bailey as she backed away so she wouldn’t be in the shot.
Bailey gave me a knowing smirk as the blonde pushed her boobs out and grinned for the camera. “So Gage, now that you�
��ve won your opener, and you’re feeling optimistic about the season, have you given any thoughts to your game with Ontario in three weeks?”
Every muscle in my body tensed, and Bailey’s smile slipped.
“We’re going to approach that game just like every other one. With preparation as a team.”
“Absolutely. And knowing you’re going to face Adkins for the first time since returning to the ice?”
I’d known the question was coming, but it didn’t hurt less.
“He’s an old teammate,” I answered slowly. “What happened between us was on the ice and ruled accidental. I bear him no ill will for what happened to my shoulder. This is hockey. People get hurt. I’m just lucky that I’ve made a full recovery and can continue in my starting position for the Sharks.”
Good boy.
Bailey nodded behind the blonde, a silent source of support.
“That makes total sense. And what about your personal vendetta? Will we get to see that play out on the ice?”
Holy shit, the woman was a dog with a bone.
“I think we can keep our personal feelings to ourselves. Like I said, he’s an old teammate.”
The blonde’s eyes narrowed. “Right, so you don’t think you’ll be off your game a little knowing that you’ll be playing against the man who destroyed your shoulder and left town with the mother of your child? Your daughter right?” She looked down at a notepad. “Scarlett?”
Unadulterated rage poured through every fiber of my being. “This interview is over.”
“I’m sorry?” The reporter sputtered. “I’m simply asking about your performance.”
“No,” I said as calmly as I could manage. “You’re asking about my daughter, and she’s off limits.”
I walked in front of the camera and led Bailey to my car with a hand on the small of her back, knowing the camera would follow—that I’d be a top story on ESPN for being a dick to a reporter.
I didn’t give a fuck.
No one messed with my daughter. No one threw her pain in my face and paraded it in front of the public like they had any right to it. And I’d be damned if someone ever alluded to Scarlett being abandoned by her mother, or pitied. I could love her enough for both parents.
I slid behind the wheel as Bailey clicked her seat belt in place, and then I tore out of the parking lot like the devil was after us. Or maybe I simply knew that mine was about to catch up with me.
What was worse than an insanely hot Bailey tempting me beyond all reason? A pissed-off Bailey. She didn’t blow hot like other women did—I could handle that. Have a little fight, air our shit out and move on. No, she wasn’t a volcano, there was no sudden eruption. She was like an earthquake...all around us I could feel the tension, and I knew she was brewing something up just beneath the surface.
The same way I knew that once she blew, I was in for a life altering shake-up.
She’d been like that since we were kids, and I knew she was always the most dangerous when she was quiet...and she’d been silent since we left the rink.
“Are you going to say anything?” Bailey asked as I threw my keys on the kitchen counter.
“What would you like me to say?” I snapped, grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
“Gage, you get to be mad about her asking those questions. You can talk to me.”
“Of course I’m pissed,” I said, slamming the door shut. “But talking about it isn’t going to help.”
Bailey leaned back against the opposite counter and folded her arms over the Seattle Sharks logo on her chest. “What are you more nervous about? Seeing Adkins or Helen?”
My head snapped up. “I’m over it. Both of them.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Why the hell do you think that?”
“Because you won’t take a chance on us.”
“What the fuck does that have to do with any of this?” I fired back.
She arched an eyebrow at my raised voice. “You think I’ll leave. You think if we act on whatever this is between us that I’ll leave and it will destroy Lettie, right?”
I peeled the label on my water bottle. “Maybe. What about it?”
“I’m not Helen!”
I winced. “You’re not. But shit happens, Bailey. We’ve been friends for what? Twenty years? Relationships fail. People walk out. My mom left my dad, Helen left me. People leave.”
“It is so damn unfair to loop me into that assumption.”
“You left once upon a time,” I countered.
“For college!”
I leaned forward, bracing my hands on the island. If she wanted to go rounds, I’d go. “And how long before you walk out? Fuck, Bailey. You’re going to leave, it’s just a matter of time.”
Man, if looks could have killed, I would have been in a chalk outline.
“You’re an asshole.”
“You’re not going to get an argument from me. Look, what we have here, this incredible chemistry...it’ll fade. Yes, I want to fuck you. I want nothing more than to lift you onto this counter, slide your pants off and bury myself in you so deep that you can taste me. Hell, I’d love to do it while you’re wearing my name on your back, so go ahead and leave the jersey on.”
She winced, and I hated myself for the words, but they had to be said.
“Is that all I’d be for you? Another puck bunny to warm up your bed? Another nameless fuck? God, Gage, you’ve been one of my best friends since I can remember, and that’s what this comes down to?”
I ripped my hand over my hair. “No. God damn it. I just mean that we’d eventually fuck each other out of our systems, and then what? Would you still stay here for Lettie? Eventually you. Will. Leave.”
“You don’t know that it would go badly!”
“But I do! Bailey, don’t you want a family? Kids of your own? An art gallery?”
She blinked. “Well, yeah. You’re saying those things could never happen if we were together? If we took a chance on this?”
“No more kids.”
Her head snapped like I’d slapped her. “What? You’re a phenomenal father, Gage.”
“Yeah, to one kid. I love Lettie more than life. She’s got my whole heart—whatever’s left of it. But I know that I’ll never trust a relationship enough to have another kid. It’s not fair to them when shit goes south.” I’d sliced myself open with that realization a long time ago.
She shook her head. “Yeah, you’re over Helen, alright.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You are letting her taint your whole life! You won’t take a chance on me because I might leave and hurt you—hurt Lettie. You won’t take a chance with anyone for the same damn reason. You’ve given her all the power, and she doesn’t deserve it!”
“I’m protecting my daughter.”
“You’re protecting yourself!” She pointed a finger at me. “You know what? You don’t want to try with me? Fine.”
“That’s not what I said.” I came around the island and stalked her until I had her caged between my arms. She met me with fiery eyes and a tilted chin. Such a little warrior, my Bailey was. “I want you. I crave you. I wake up from dreams where I’m inside you, where I hear you scream my name, and then I have to take a cold shower so I don’t come down here and act those fantasies out. Every drink I sip tastes like your kiss, every time I breathe in the scent of your perfume I’m reminded of how you smell when you’re pressed up against me. My hands ache to feel your curves, and I swear to God that I only breathe when you’re in the damn room. I want to try with you more than anything, Bailey. But Lettie comes first. I don’t get to want anything. I gave that up the day she was born.”
“So that’s it? You’re just what? Going to have a string of one-night stands for the rest of your life?”
“Better than letting anyone hurt Lettie.”
She blinked back moisture in her eyes. Fuck, I was going to lose it if I made her cry.
Instead, she took her
fingers and pushed at the center of my chest. “Move.”
I moved back because she wanted me to, not because she made me. She couldn't move me if she actually tried. “Bailey.”
She stalked out of the kitchen.
“Bailey!” I called after her.
She turned, the look on her face a mixture of sadness and disgust. “You’re right. I do want a family and a life of my own. I eventually want a husband who looks at me and sees his future, and I want to be a mother. I’m not saying that has to be right now. Maybe you have it right. Maybe one night stands are where it’s at. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go get ready.”
“Where are you going?”
“Out with Jeannine. I think I need a drink or twelve after the way today has gone.”
My hands gripped the counter behind me to keep from going after her. “You deserve a night out.”
She nodded. “Yeah. I do. I deserve a lot of things, like a man who’s willing to risk his heart for what we could have together.”
“It’s not—”
“Keep telling yourself that bullshit, Gage. It’s not about Lettie, it’s about you. She already loves me, and I already love her. So just remember that while you’re holding yourself back from a real relationship, you’re also holding her back in the name of protecting her.”
My shoulders slumped. Fuck. I’d never thought of it that way. “I love her enough for both parents.”
“Yeah, you do. You’re the best dad I’ve ever known. You teach her everything about life, and hockey, and music, and art, and you never let her wonder for a second if she’s loved. But Gage, I think there’s enough room in your heart for m—” she shook her head and chewed on her lower lip.
Me. She was going to say, “me.” I swallowed, my tongue suddenly thick.
“Bailey…”
“I just can’t with you right now,” she said and left me standing alone in the kitchen.
Alone. What I liked to be. Where I was safe. Where Lettie was safe. Where nothing changed, and no one got hurt.
Safe was best.
Except Bailey.
There was nothing better than Bailey.
And I fucking knew it.
Bailey
Chapter 8
Enforcer (Seattle Sharks Book 2) Page 25
