I glanced out the window to see gray light casting shadows over the skyline. The wind was starting to pick up and I felt a chill past through me. “Yes, I need to get home. Now, please.”
Chapter Eight
“May I hold your hand in the elevator, just to help you get through riding?” Ozias was so thoughtful and it was appearing to be harder to keep him in the friend zone. I did need his hand to help me, so I took it. His hand was warm and fit perfectly in mine.
“Talk to me. About anything to distract me.”
“Well, we can continue our book conversation. You never answered me, what is your favorite?”
“Too many favorites to pick just one. Let me see, well, I love The Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah.”
“Yes, you mentioned her before. Contemporary fiction, right? Any other genres?”
“Yes, and don’t laugh, but I love some young adult, like Twilight and Divergent. The Hunger Games are good too.” I waited to see if he was going to make fun of me but he just stared at me like he was really concentrating. “Ok, and don’t tell, but I like a little bit of naughty too.” I smiled at him and I felt my cheeks flush.
The elevator ding signaling we were at our destination. That was the least stressful elevator ride I have had in five years! Ozias could calm and anger me like no man I had ever met!
We settled into his co-op and the rain began to come down in sheets.
“Just in time,” he said pointing out the window.
I nodded. “Weather is another trigger. You must think I’m a basket case.”
“No, I think you’re human.”
That comment warmed me and I gave him a look that let him know so.
“So, what did Dad say? I’m assuming not broken since you just have your ankle wrapped now. Still need the crutches though?”
“Yes, not broken, thank God. It is sprained but he really feels it will heal quickly if I stay off of it for at least a week and continue the RICE. So I guess I need to call and see if I can get permission to move my furniture sooner?”
“Not gonna happen. The board is full of pretentious, old people who are sticklers for rules. I’m surprised they let you take the co-op. Not because of you but they like to keep this a family orientated environment. When my dad bought this unit and I started living here, they freaked out at first, which was ridiculous because they know me. I’ve lived here my whole life. My dad is very respected by the board so if they give him grief over letting his son move in here, trust me, they won’t let you move your furniture before Tuesday.”
“How did Aunt Claire get them to agree to her moving in then?”
Ozias was silent. I raised my eyebrows to indicate I was waiting for his answer.
“I’m not certain but I imagine my dad gave her a referral.”
“You just said your dad doesn’t have that much pull with the board.”
“He doesn’t. They are quite firm about their rules but they do like donations too. Claire never said but I think she donated money for the greenhouse on the roof. It’s small but very unique to our building. She loved being in there. She planted all kinds of flowers. There is a man that comes weekly to maintain it but she’s the only resident I know that had permission to plant flowers.
“I didn’t know she did that. I’m learning I didn’t know the majority of what she did. I was quite shocked when her lawyer contacted me about her will. It’s still surreal to me that I own a co-op in a big. I was planning to just sell it but the first time I visited, I knew I needed to try living here. So I’m going to give it a year and if I hate it or am too homesick I’ll sell it.”
Ozias looked sad about my statement. “Well, I have to convince you to stay then.” He walked towards me from where he was standing by the windows and sat beside me. “Put your feet in my lap. Massage is good for sprains. I’ll be gentle.” He gently took my feet, removed my flip flops and placed my feet in his lap. The minute he started massaging my ankle, I felt so relaxed, just like last night. Last night! Better fight to stay awake this time but my lids were getting heavy. With the sound of the rain and the relaxing feeling of Ozias’ touch I gave up the fight and drifted off to sleep.
Warm arms are wrapped around me and I push my butt further back to snuggle even closer. I sigh and feel so comfortable. I take the strong arm draped over me and pull it closer to my breast pressing it slightly. My stomach tightens and I squirm a little, feeling aroused. I start to roll over slowly and I smell a clean, crisp scent, strictly male. My lips brush skin and by reflex I kiss the warm area. That’s when my eyes flew open and I realized Ozias’ arms are wrapped around me and we are asleep on his wide leather couch. My kiss on the v of his neck exposed by his blue t-shirt, roused him from sleep. He opened his eyes and stared straight into mine. There was a spark in the air and before I could talk myself out of it I leaned in. He took the opportunity and our lips collided, soft at first but then with an intensity. I grabbed the back of his neck and twirled my fingers through his hair pulling him closer. He moaned into my mouth exploring with his tongue, a little wildly like a first kiss. He tasted sweet and a little salty, perfect. He gently moved me to my back and was now above me. He broke the kiss just long enough for us both to take a breath then he lightly traced my lips with his tongue. I was aware of his body to my side and when he tried to move over me I panicked about my ankle getting hit, so I gasped slightly and pushed on his chest a little. I could feel his heart beating wildly, as was mine. He pulled up to look at me questionably.
“Am I doing it wrong? Did I hurt you?” he asked shyly.
“What? No. I was just nervous about my ankle. What do you mean are you doing it wrong? Do you kiss every girl a different way?” His question confused me.
He was slow to answer. “No, I’ve never kissed any other girls before.” I stared at him with huge eyes and my mouth hung open. I guess he took that as an invitation because he leaned in for another kiss.
I stopped him and pushed to sit up. I ran my hands through my hair untangling it from the nap. “Uh, Ozias. Are you being honest with me, because I won’t think it’s cute if you’re lying? How could that be? What are you, 25, 26? There’s no way that’s possible.”
He sat up next to me and played with the ends of his shirt and in that moment he looked like a boy instead of a man. Was it true? How could it be?
“I’m telling you the truth. I told you, I don’t lie well, I’m overly honest and it gets me in trouble most of the time.” He paused looking like he was weighing what to say next. “You’ve just met me so you don’t know how I was as a child. I was always the smallest and the smartest, that’s a bad combo for school. I thought college would be different, I was younger than everyone though, and by then I was used to girls ignoring me—or just making fun of me—and the few friends I had were like me so we just hung out together and played games and stuff.”
His eyes cut towards me and I just sat there listening. “Look, what I’m trying to say is, um, that I’ve never even been out on a date, not a real one. My mom used to set me up until I begged her to stop. The girls were always daughters of her friends and they would look at me either pitifully or with disgust. Most of them had been thrown out of good private schools or dating guys their parents disapproved, so I was kind of punishment for their actions. It was their parents’ way of saying. ‘You best behave or this is the kind of guy I’m going to make you marry’” He said the last sentence pointing his finger out and using a “dad” type voice. I smiled at how cute he was doing that. He suddenly got up. “Hey, need something to drink because I do if we’re going to have this conversation?” He got up and moved to the kitchen.
“Sure. What do you have?”
“I have some red wine, not sure what kind. It was a gift. I don’t drink often. I think I may have some whiskey. Honestly, I just need some water but if you want something stronger I can get it.”
“Water’s fine. I don’t drink much either. I don’t like to feel out of control,” I explained.
He looked at me with the silliest grin. “Exactly, me either. My friends don’t get it. I never want to go out because that’s all they want to do. They think it gives them the courage to talk to girls but honestly it makes them act like asses.” He handed me a bottled water and sat back down.
I could tell how nervous he was. He was rubbing his neck and bouncing his knee up and down. I placed my hand upon his shaking knee. “Why don’t you just tell me one thing you think I need to know and if you feel comfortable sharing more you can but if not, we’ll just table this conversation for another time.” That seems to calm him a little, but just a little.
“Ok, here goes. Adira,” he paused obviously having an internal battle as to what to say. “I…,” he coughed and looked down, “I’m a virgin. Whew! I am so glad that’s out of the way. He wiped his forehead with the palm of his hand. I had already assumed that with the confession of I was his first kiss and no dating, but hearing him say it out loud was still a shock. “Ozias, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Honestly, I wish I was. I regret sleeping with my first. I was in a bad time in my life and I just did it to try and forget the pain I was in. Today everyone assumes something’s wrong with you if you’re a virgin even in high school. I think it’s a good thing. You’re waiting for the right one.” I hoped my words helped his nervousness.
“Tell that to every guy my age. I’m 25, almost 26, it’s just humiliating. I wish I could tell you I was old fashioned and that I’ve been waiting for the girl I was going to marry, but that’s not true. I’ve just never had the confidence or met anyone who would even give me a chance. I am old fashioned in some ways, but if I thought I could have had sex in college or any day since, you can bet I would have.” His smiled lite up his face and those dimples appeared again.
“I’ve got to tell you that I think you’re very attractive.” He cut his eyes at me and shook his head. “Seriously, you’re hot. How is it possible that women haven’t flirted with you? You must work out, right, I mean you’re body is so tone. Has no one ever given you a clue they’re interested?”
“You can’t imagine how happy it makes me to hear you say those words. If I could go back in time and tell my teenage self that a beautiful women thinks I’m hot, it would have gotten me through some tough times.” He grinned, a little seductively. “I don’t think I’d even notice if a woman was flirting with me. I’ve conditioned myself to not even pay much attention to women in that way. Once you’ve been shot down so many times, you just stay down. I was teased mercifully in high school. In college, I was a study buddy but not even a friend. I’m short for a guy and I was really skinny until about junior year in college. I started working out and only taking the stairs. I filled out but I didn’t know how to act around women or talk to them. You are the only woman who I’ve ever had the courage or the motivation to be myself with, to say and do things I’ve only thought in my mind but never played out. It’s like you’re a dream come true.”
That was flattering but also very scary. I just met him and he’s saying I’m his dream girl. This was all too fast, too crazy! I scooted over to put some distance between us.
“Ozias… that’s very sweet of you to say, but, well, we just met. I can’t be your dream girl. I’m flattered that you feel you can talk to me and even act upon some of your feelings, but we don’t know each other. What you feel is probably no more than lust, and trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve confused lust for love and it just ends in heartache. We have to live next door to each other at least for the next year. I don’t want anything to happen that will hurt either one of us. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
He hung his head down and was quiet and just when I thought he was going to speak again, he stood up and left the room. He went out on the covered balcony and shut the sliding glass door shutting me out literally and figuratively. I didn’t know what to do so I sat there a few minutes and when he didn’t come back in I got up and went to the guest room.
It was only 2:00 in the afternoon so I didn’t know what to do. It was still raining outside and I wasn’t about to leave anyway. I guess I could read for a little while. God, I hated this! I don’t want to hurt Ozais and I am attracted to him but now that I know he is a virgin and now I’m his first kiss…. Wait, I’m his first kiss. That’s an important memory. When he thinks back on this day and his first kiss it was be shadowed by that speech I just gave him. Oh my God, I just gave him the ‘you’re a nice guy speech but….’. The same excuse he’s heard from women all his life. I felt queasy and horrible. I’m a horrible person. I’ve had an instant connection to the guy even while in pain and I just put him in the friend zone right after his first kiss! No wonder he is still a virgin at 25 and he’s given up on girls. I have to go talk to him and make this right, but what do I say? I really don’t want a relationship. I have a goal to being here and a relationship is not part of that. Could we just be friends with benefits? I haven’t had sex in over a year. Wow, I just realized it’s been that long! Maybe I’m just horny and if we have sex we can get this sexual tension between us out of the way and we can just go on from there. But, that never works, it either starts a relationship or ruins a friendship. If only we weren’t neighbors! Ok, I’ve got to just go talk to him. He’s been very honest with me, it’s my turn to be honest with him about why I’m here. Now, just to get the courage to talk about it.
Chapter Nine
I opened the sliding glass door to see Ozias sitting in a zero gravity chair. There was another one just like it with a small glass table in between them. The balcony spanned the length of the unit, quite the luxury in the city. Ozias’ balcony was decorated with a glass table and wrought iron chairs, two with ottomans, two zero gravity chairs placed to the right of the table and chairs. It was simple but very nice. I hopped over to the chair near him and arranged myself until I was comfortable. He stared out in space and ignored my presence. It was an immature thing to do but I could see he was hurting and he had put his walls back up. Damn. I felt really crappy at the moment.
“Can I talk to you?” I asked breaking the silence.
He continued to stare straight ahead but I saw his head give a quick nod.
“Ok, I’m going to take that as a yes. First, let me say, that I am very sorry I said all that to you after we kissed. A first kiss is special and I hate I tainted yours with a speech that you’ve probably heard countless times from girls. I am really upset I did that. I can only imagine how it makes you feel.” I paused to see if he was even listening to me. I saw his jaw clench and he lowered his head, both an indication he had heard me so I continued.
“What I have to say to you is not easy for me and I may not even be able to get through it. I need to though for a few reasons. One, we will be seeing each other a lot just by being neighbors so I don’t want you to assume I am some snobby southern diva that thinks she’s too good for you, cause that’s not true. Second, I do have a connection to you, Ozias. I felt it the moment you caught me after we fell. Every time you have touched me since I feel an electricity between us. I’m not going to lie, it’s kind of been freaking me out.” He shifted in his seat and quickly glanced my way. “I’ve never had as strong of a reaction to any man as I’ve had to you in the last twenty-four hours. It’s quite unnerving. And third, but this one is very important and I need to know you are really listening.” I paused for a moment to see if he was really hearing me.
“I’m listening,” he answered in a low, gruff voice but continued to stare straight ahead.
“Ozias, I’m not here just because my aunt willed me her co-op. I…I have a story to tell you and it’s not easy for me. Some of what I will say I haven’t said out loud, in a very long time. It’s just been too painful. The only reason I feel the need to tell you know is because of what just happened between us. I meant it when I said I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to get hurt either. I have a purpose for being here and I can’t lose sight of that. It’s the most important thing to me at this point in my life. I do
n’t know what I’ll do if I don’t succeed.” The rain had started to fall heavily again and the wind picked up. I shivered. Without a word Ozias came beside me, leaned down and picked me up. He quite expertly opened the sliding door and carried me in the guest room, laid me on the bed and walked out. I was too stunned to speak. I was about to call out to him after he had abandoned me for about 10 minutes when he returned with my crutches and two bottles of water. I shook my head at the insanity of it all. This man was either licking whip cream from my mouth or not speaking to me at all. He was making me dizzy with his crazy emotions and responses.
“I just ordered pizza. Hope that’s ok. I got a veggie supreme because you ordered the veggie omelet this morning so I thought you’d like that.”
“Yes, that’s fine. I like veggie pizza.”
“I moved us in here because the rain and because I wanted you to be comfortable. If what you have to say is really that hard for you, you can at least be comfortable while you say it. And anytime you want me to leave, just say so and I’ll go.”
“Ozias, it’s not that I want you to leave. What I have to say is hard and personal. It’s not directly about you but it will, I hope, explain to you why I said what I did after our kiss. And just for the record, you not only did it right, but I can honestly say that was the best kiss I’ve ever had.”
His eyes shot up to mine. He stared at me a moment weighing my words. I could sense he was trying to determine if I really meant that.
“I wouldn’t lie about that, Ozias. I’m not that kind of girl. I don’t flirt or flatter men I’m not interested in. To be honest, I have more experience than you but not much. I mean, I’ve made out with a lot of guys—ok, not like a slutty number—more like about five, but I’ve only slept with two. I’ve already told you I regretted the first one and the second, whereas I don’t regret, I thought I was in love but now I know it was just lust and he was a distraction from my pain.”
The Strength to Fall (McKinnon Brothers Book 1) Page 6
