The Strength to Fall (McKinnon Brothers Book 1)

by Chisolm, D. M.

  I looked at Ozias. “Yes, I know she’s been telling me a woman was coming, but how could I have known she was telling the truth. She’s been trying to get me to date and get married all my adult life. Before her dementia, she used to tell me it was one of her biggest worries that I’d always be alone.” He looked grieved as he said these things to us.

  Carla took a quick sip of water. “Yes, well. I wish I had said something to you sooner but I didn’t know it would come to this.” Carla paused then continued where she had left off, “I soon realized Ms. Jo was more coherent after her visits and she was less depressed, she wanted to get dressed and do her hair every day knowing Ms. Claire was coming. She seemed excited to be confided in that way. All of Ms. Jo’s friends slowly stopped coming to visit through the years. People can’t handle seeing their friends die. I’ve seen this many times. I’ve also seen people feel the need to confess secrets, as if to bear their souls, to exonerate themselves from a lifetime of guilt, especially when their loved ones are going downhill fast. It may be wrong but this isn’t the first time I’ve witnessed someone telling deep secrets and feelings to a person they knew wasn’t able to share.”

  “So Aunt Claire decided to ease her guilt of having an affair with Doc to Ms. Jo? That’s despicable.” I said with a scowl.

  “Well, yes and no. She did tell her about Doc but that was only a few days before she died. What she mainly talked about was you, you and Ozias.” Ozias grabbed my free hand and I drained my wine. “She loved you, Adira. It was clear. She told Ms. Jo about your parents’ death and she cried so hard at the loss of her sister, her twin. She said she felt like a part of her died that day.”

  The tears streamed down my face. I never use the word death concerning my parents. I just say they never returned. Hearing Carla say that was bringing all my pain to the surface. Ozias moved his arm around my shoulders and was making small circles on my shoulder. Amazingly, it was helping a little.

  Carla continued, “And you know she loved you like family, Ozias. I don’t know when the idea came to her, but she got it in her mind that the two of you were just made for each other. She told Ms. Jo that her dying wish was for you to find love and happiness, Adira. Ms. Claire even told her that she changed her will and had willed the co-op to you. Originally, she had left instructions in her will to sell it on her behalf and donate the proceeds to a charity for the victims of the tsunami, but she said one day after talking to Ozias, she knew she had to get Adira here to meet him, that the two of you would never make a connection on your own.” My tears were coming in waves now, but Carla continued as if she had to get this all out in one breath. I guess being the only person besides Ms. Jo to know these things has been a burden. “Claire, mentioned that she wanted the money she had been investing for decades to go to you, Adira, so it would no longer have a bad memory attached to it, but maybe it could change your life.She said she had left her mother as the executor of her estate and she was helping to make arrangements that she hoped would convince you to move here and stay.”

  “What?” I exclaimed. “My grandmother knows about this?” I couldn’t say anymore. My emotions were flocculating between sadness and anger.

  Carla just nodded. “She told Ms. Jo a few days before she passed that it wouldn’t be long before the woman of Ozias’ dreams would be here. Ms. Claire died on a Friday, the last time she came to visit was the Wednesday before and that was also the day she confessed to her about Doc. She said she had loved him for years even though it was no excuse for her actions. I guess she knew her time was close.” Carla wiped a tear from her eyes. “She wanted to replace all your anxiety and pain with happiness and love, Adira, and she was sure that Ozias was the answer to all that.” At our shocked expressions, Carla raised her hands and waved them slightly, “I know, I know, it sounds crazy.”

  I just latched on to something she said, “Carla, what do you mean, it was her dying wish? Aunt Claire died of an aneurism. It was sudden. She would have had no way of knowing her death was near.”

  Carla looked at her lap, “No, Adira, she didn’t. Your aunt had a brain tumor and it was inoperable. She knew she was dying and she knew her time was short.”

  I gasped. “Ozias, did you know?” I asked with pain in my voice. He shook his head no.

  Chapter Fourteen

  After Carla left I dragged myself to the guest room and laid on the bed. I didn’t care it was till hours until bedtime, my body was so heavy, heavy from the events and the realization that my aunt and my grandmother have lied to me. I threw the covers over my head and let the tears fall. “Grab this opportunity, the both of you. At least get to know each other and give this a chance to see if it can be real. In my line of work, if I’ve learned one thing to be true it’s that time on this earth is short, whether you’re granted a few years or many, they all go by in the blink of an eye. If your Aunt Claire saw something in the two of you she thought would make the other happy, why not at least try and see if she was right? If nothing else, think of it as fulfilling the dying wish of a loved one.” Carla’s words as she left us played in my head. Maybe the odd connection I have to Ozias is Aunt Claire’s spirit guiding us to each other. To some that would sound crazy, but where I was raised such beliefs in the supernatural were common and there were plenty of stories to support the belief. But, I didn’t know how I felt about it all, about being lied to and about Aunt Claire, and now I know partly my grandmother, thinking I am so incapable in life that they have to go to such great lengths as to involve Ms. Jo, a women not well herself, in schemes to create happiness and love in my life. Was it that obvious I was that unhappy and depressed? I sighed. I knew that it was and had been for the past, almost, eleven years. How different my life would be if my parents had returned…..

  I awoke from sleep from a tapping on the door. I rolled on my side, “Come in,” I said knowing it had to be Ozias. I will still under all the covers with just my head sticking out.

  “Hey.” He looked nervous.

  “Hey,” I shyly answered back.

  “You’ve been asleep for a while and I just wanted to check on you. Are you hungry? Do you need anything?” He barely looked at me as he spoke.

  “What time is it?” I uncovered my arm to see the time on my Fitbit.

  “Eight, um, in the morning.” he said.

  “I looked closer at the Fitbit in shock. Wow, guess I needed the sleep.” I pushed myself up and reached for my crutches. Ozias quickly came around the bed to help me, but he stopped short and hesitated.

  Neither of us knew how to act around each other now knowing that my aunt’s sole purpose in willing me her co-op was to play matchmaker. The awkwardness between us was so heavy you could feel it. I tried just to ignore it for the time being.

  “I need to use the lady’s room, if you don’t mind?”

  “Oh, of course. Um, I’ll be out in the living room if you want me, err, I mean, if you want to come out there, I’ll be out there. In the living room that is.”

  “Ok, just give me a minute.” I hopped to the bathroom and shut the door as Ozias exited. He was cute when he was nervous, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do so we were going to have to address this and address it soon.

  I had no intention of leaving Ozias’ home the rest of the day and possibly not until Tuesday. I decided vegging out was my only priority the next two days, so I put on my favorite pj’s and pulled my hair into a messy bun. My red cotton Victoria Secret pajama set with wide leg, hip hugger pants and a spaghetti strap tank with a small amount of lace in the v across my breast. It had a built in bra that pushed my breast up to form cleavage and I was staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror to decide if that was too revealing to wear around Ozias. I don’t want to send the wrong signal, but, honestly I was confused about what message I did want to convey. Am I interested? He’s hot, we have a connection, his kisses are…..oh, his kisses are wonderful. I felt myself flush thinking about it. My body is betraying me and I’m trying to stay level headed. I
decided to play it safe and I pulled a white cotton t-shirt over the tank. Ok, now to go address this mess of a situation we have been thrust into.

  “I know that dad, but what you don’t understand is that we both deserve the truth and she’s been through enough, damn it. Just come over here and apologize, if nothing else for your actions yesterday Come over in about 30 minutes, we’re about to eat breakfast but then I expect you here.”

  Ozias was on the phone with his dad and I was ease dropping although I wasn’t trying to be sneaky about it. Ozias turned around and tucked his phone between his ear and shoulder when he spotted me. He motioned for me to come to him where he was standing in his kitchen at the island. He pointed at a variety of bagels and coffee from the coffee shop we went to yesterday. I chose a plain bagel and grabbed my coffee. I wondered to the living room trying to balance my coffee, a bagel, and crutches. Not easy. Before I fell on my face, I quickly sat my food down on the table against the wall near the windows. I noticed an odd item that looked similar to one Aunt Claire and I purchased on a trip to an Indian festival when I was a child. I picked the object up to inspect it. It was a hollow pitcher-like item made out of animal skin with a leather strap around the top.

  Ozias breathed out a hard sigh and shook his head at whatever his dad was saying, “Yes,” he paused, “Uh, uh. Dad, do this for Claire, it’s what she would have wanted.” I guess that got Doc’s attention because Ozias hung up after that. I gave an expression that asked, what was that about? I sipped my coffee letting the caffeine fuel my brain.

  “Ok, you’re probably already mad at me so I figured might as well get all the damage done and over with so you can move on with your life and get as far away from all this crazy as possible. So, I asked dad to come over so I, we, could ask him about Claire. I have to know the truth, Adira, I have to know why she didn’t tell me, or you, that she was dying. I’m sorry if that upsets you.”

  “No, I need to know too and whether or not it upsets me at this point is irrelevant.”

  “It’s not to me,” Ozias said looking into my eyes. He looked at the item I was inspecting and laughed. “Remember me mentioning that Claire would bring me strange gifts from her travels? Well, this is one of them. Do you know what it is?”

  “Actually, I do. It’s a water pitcher, well more that it was used to collect water. It’s what the Indians used to carry water back from the river. I own one myself. I haven’t thought about it in years though. Aunt Claire took my brothers and I to a festival and this is what she wanted me to have. I would have preferred a dreamcatcher or something but she said this was more interesting.” I laughed at the memory.

  “She gave me this about a year ago. I didn’t know what to say except, thanks. Who gives a gift like this but Claire?” Our eyes met and something shifted. What was Claire’s intentions?

  I went to sit on the couch to eat my bagel and Ozias went to the kitchen to get his food. There was a knock on the door, Ozias went to let Doc in. He rubbed his chin angrily as he gestured for his dad to come sit in the living room.

  “Son, I’ll tell you a few things if it will make you just drop this whole thing but some of what you want to know is none of your damn business,” Doc snapped.

  Great, so here we go again. I couldn’t stay quiet. “And is it my business?” I guess Doc didn’t see me standing in the kitchen so he startled at my question.

  “Adira, I didn’t know you were in the room,” he answered glaring at Ozias.

  “I told you she was here and that we needed to talk to you. This affects Adira more than any of us. She’s uprooted her whole life on a lie and you don’t know what all she’s been through, so just cut the bullshit and answer our questions.” Ozias was indignant.

  I felt a tightness low in my belly that I tried to ignore. It was a major turn on for Ozias to defend me like that. I smiled at him softly. He locked eyes with me and a small smile formed on his lips. He joined me on the couch and his leg brushed mine and that shock flowed through me. I could tell he felt it too because he tensed his jaw, I sign I’d learned he did when he was affected by our contact. I took the Alpaca blanket that was lying on the floor and draped it over me like a shield. Whatever Doc had to say I was determined to not let it hurt me.

  Doc paces a few steps then sat down in the chair opposite us, the same one Carla sat in. That chair was becoming my least favorite piece of furniture. He spread his legs and leaned his elbows on his knees. He hung his head and ran his fingers through his hair. He sighed loudly and looked at us, “What do you want to know?”

  It took a minute to gather my thoughts, but then I said, “Did you know Aunt Claire had an inoperable brain tumor and was dying?” It hurt just to say it.

  He was silent for a few minutes then he answered, “Yes.”

  That was it? Just a “yes”? Really? I looked at Ozias.

  “Dad this isn’t a yes or no only conversation. She, we, need answers. You’re going to have to elaborate.”

  Doc looked exasperated. “Yes, I knew Claire was sick….and dying.” He choked on the last words. As much as I disliked this man, I believed her loved my aunt and knowing that made me soften just a little.

  “When was she diagnosed?” I asked.

  He was silent again. Ozias’ knee was bouncing up and down impatiently. “Dad, I’m serious. Just tell us everything and we never have to speak of it again. I can’t even talk to you about mom at this moment because I haven’t calmed down enough to broach that subject with you. But let’s just get the facts that affect Adira out of the way and let her move on.”

  That was twice he mentioned me moving on. Maybe Ozias had already made his mind up about us. Maybe there was no reason to even worry about it because he’s decided he doesn’t want to even try with me. I can’t think about that right now though.

  Doc stood up and moved to the wall of windows overlooking the river. He turned his back to us like whatever he had to say he couldn’t look us in the eye to say it. Coward.

  He began to speak in a monotone voice filled with pain, “Ok, I never thought I’d ever have to tell this story but if I’m going to do it know that I’m doing it for Claire.” He glanced back at us over his shoulder. “Not you, Ozias, and not even, you, Ms. McLeod” He turned back around. “I’m doing this to defend Claire’s honor and memory because I don’t want either of you to assume the worst of her. You don’t know what motivates a person to do what they do unless you’ve walked in their shoes, and Claire never had it easy. So I tell you this for her, and after I’m through, don’t ask me ever again to speak a word of it.” He looked at us again, “Understood?”

  We both shook our heads. I felt like a child being scolded but I wanted to hear this story so I didn’t argue with Doc.

  Doc stared back outside at the setting sun, “Ok, I’ll have to go back many years for this to make sense, all the way back to college, 1981.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “It was the fall semester 1981. I was a senior, premed, and Claire was a freshman. I saw her for the first time sitting outside the library. The sun was casting soft light over her long curly red hair and it caught my eye, but when she turned and those emerald green eyes looked my way, my breath was taken away. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I felt drawn to her, like a magnet. I walked up and introduced myself and she told me her name. Claire Stuart. I’ll never forget the moment our hands touched, it was like magic. I didn’t know you could have a connection like that with someone.” Doc cleared his throat full of emotion at the memory.

  Ozias touched my hand and I felt the same feeling Doc just described. I was in shock at the moment in realization the Doc not only loved Aunt Claire but their love wasn’t some sudden affair, they had known each other for years. I was enraptured by his story and it had just begun.

  He started again, “I had no intention of starting a relationship. I had my goals set. One more year and off to Harvard. My father never believed in me, never thought I’d pass medical school so he wouldn’t
agree to Harvard unless I graduated from a local university, with honors, that was his stipulation. That just fueled me more and I graduated Summa Cum Laude.” He sneered, “Old man was never satisfied though. He thought I needed to be reined in in other ways too. I was a little wild in my days.” I could see a smile form on his lips at the memories. “Nothing too bad, but my friends and I liked a good party and we liked the rush when doing adventurous and slightly dangerous things.” He chuckled. He started to walk to a table against the wall and laid his palms on it for support.

  Doc sighed heavily, “Claire and I were inseparable though. My intentions of no serious relationships was thrown out the window, she was addictive. I knew I was moving to Cambridge in the summer and I couldn’t imagine leaving her, but as much as I knew she loved me, she had her own goals too. She had a four year scholarship so marrying me meant giving that up. I had to focus on med school and then residency. We were so in love and Claire was impulsive but we were also smart and had to be responsible. So, we had one wonderful year together then I moved to Harvard and she stayed here. We talked on the phone, wrote letters, and saw each other when we could, but it was hard. We were both consumed with school.”

  Doc walked to the kitchen, grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and went back to staring out the window. I was doing the math in my head. My parents were married in ’85, so this was before then, but Aunt Claire still came home a good bit at that point so I wondered what had happened to make her stop. “Doc, my aunt visited home pretty regularly until about 2006, the year I graduated high school. Do you know why she stopped?”

  He shook his head yes. “I’m getting to that.” He paused. “But first let me finish this and let it be done with.” I waited for him to continue. “When I was home, it was like we were never apart. I introduced her to my parents early in our relationship and even though my mom loved her, my father did not—at all. He thought she was too wild, too spontaneous. Not a doctor’s wife and not a suitable daughter in law for his high society friends. When I went back to Cambridge to start my senior year, Claire and I had been together for almost five years. It wasn’t a conventional relationship because she was here and I was there but we knew what we felt was special and I knew that if I got residency here then I was going to ask her to marry me.” He stiffened and I knew something bad was coming. “Well, Claire called me a few months at the start of my senior year, she had already graduated and was working for Mr. Howard, of Howard Technology, as his personal assistant. She told me she was pregnant and even though I was scared, I was ecstatic. It no longer mattered what my father thought, we’d have to get married. I couldn’t come home until Christmas break but I assured her everything would be ok but not to tell anyone yet. Even in 1985, it was taboo to be an unwed mother. Howard Technology was on the breaking edge of the new and emerging computer market. Claire traveled a lot with Mr. Howard and she had a public persona to maintain. So my plan was to marry her during the holidays and no one needed to know the baby was not a honeymoon baby and even if people did the math no one would say anything once we were married.” Doc came and sat down and faced us.