The Strength to Fall (McKinnon Brothers Book 1)

by Chisolm, D. M.

  “I’m more scared right now than I’ve ever been in my life. I don’t know the first thing about being a boyfriend and a lover.” I tried to look down again as his confession made me blush but he wouldn’t let me. “I’m a 25 years old man that until two days ago had never even kissed a woman. I don’t even have female friends.” He laughed at himself. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to live up to the image of my father and my brothers, even Declan who is two years younger than I am. I’ve always been the “nice guy”.” He let go of my chin to use his fingers as air quotes for “nice guy”. That made me laugh. “Good, I love your smile, it’s gorgeous and I want to do whatever it takes to keep seeing that smile. I’ve met women I’ve wanted to be with and never even tried because after so many years of rejection, I just didn’t want to be hurt anymore. But I have never had the intense need to take care and protect someone as I do you. I’ve never had the feelings I feel when I’m near you or the way I feel when you’re not near, even just a room away. I want to see you, be close to you. I know it’s a corny thing to say and I never believed in it until I saw you, but…..I think this may be, um…please don’t think I’m crazy or run away from me, or have an attack, ok?” He paused for my answer and my heart beat wildly because I knew what he was going to say and I was terrified. My eyes must have shown my fear because he rubbed his finger down my cheek with one hand and made small circles on my leg with the other. “Adira, are you here with me? Can you answer me, please?”

  “Ok,” was all I could whisper.

  He smiled slightly at my answer and placed my hands in his. That instant spark I always felt when he touched me was so strong I gasped. “Did you feel that?” he asked me. I moved my head up and down. “I have felt that since the first time I touched you when I ran into you in the lobby and every time since, but right now it’s the most powerful I’ve ever felt.” I moved my head again in agreement. “You know I’ve told you how inexperienced I am, so I don’t have anything to compare these feelings to, but Adira, I think this is love at first sight.” He paused watching me carefully for signs of panic. Amazingly, I was ok, scared, but ok. “I think this is what Claire knew would happen when we met. Why she waited to introduce us after her death, we may never know. I always knew she was eccentric but all she did to bring us together is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard of.”

  I felt my strength returning and I knew I needed to speak. “I don’t know if I’ll ever understand. I would have been here for her. She knows when my parent’s never returned what that did to me, how it changed me. I need control over my situations, she knew that. As little as she visited the last several years, she still talked to gran, I know gran told her about my anxiety. I heard her tell her when they didn’t know I was listening. And I worked with my uncle, he knew first hand of my issues. My uncle! I haven’t even thought about him. I wonder what he may have known about all this since gran knows things. I’ll have to call them both tomorrow. But if they all knew and didn’t tell me, I don’t know how to feel about that. I’ll be angry, at both of them.”

  “You should call them tomorrow and get some answers. You deserve that. I can be with you if you want me to.”

  “Don’t you need to work?”

  “I can work from home if I need to. I want to be here for you. Relationships are about the good and the bad. We’ve spent the last two days uncovering family secrets, injures, and living in the same house. We’re way ahead of the curve, babe.” He smiled that sexy smile that showed his dimple and pulled me up with him. “Hey, look at that, you’re standing and putting pressure on your ankle. Does it hurt?”

  I hadn’t even noticed but now that I was aware I was standing on my injured foot, the pain was noticeable. “Yea, it hurts, but not like it did. Doc said I could slowly apply pressure when I felt I could stand on it without pain.” I attempted a step but immediately realized that was a bad idea. I started to fall over a bit, but Ozias caught me and scooped me up in his arms.”

  “Whoa, don’t push yourself. You’ll make healing take twice as long if you do.”

  Our faces were so close our foreheads were touching and our lips were…..Ozias began kissing me so slowly and controlled. I moaned into his mouth. God, he tasted so good. How is it possible this man has never kissed before? He was a master. He broke the kiss and carried me to the end of the hall to a part of the unit I had never been in. He expertly opened the door while holding me. Two iron lamps were illuminating the very masculine room casting an orange glow. He brought me to the king size bed with a huge, black wooden mission style headboard. He gently laid me on the silky grey comforter and positioned himself beside me. Without hesitation he leaned in to kiss me again and despite my head sending warning signals to slow down, I kissed him back.

  I grabbed the back of his head to pull him closer. I needed him closer. I wanted to feel him. Touch his skin. I was consumed with passion for this man and way over my head in this whole situation. “Ozias,” I moaned.

  “Adira, say my name again.” He looked at me with hooded eyes and moved his lips to my neck. He swirled his tongue right where my neck meets my shoulder. How did he know that was my most sensitive spot, well above my waist anyway?

  “Oh, yes, Ozias…right there. Mmm.” I leaned up to kiss his neck while he worked magic on mine. I must have hit a sensitive spot because he tensed then relaxed and moved further down my neck towards my breast.

  “You feel so good. Oh, God.” Ozias stopped to grab the bottom of my tank. He pushed it up slowly and grazed his fingers across my belly. He scooted his body down on the bed so he could kiss me there. I should stop him. This is too fast. He’s a virgin. If I sleep with him now and I don’t stay, it will hurt him. My body was responding to the slow kisses he was trailing up my belly towards my breast. He was pushing my tank up as he went. My head was at war with my body though and I was afraid my head was going to win. He must have realized I was distracted because I felt his lips leave my skin and I instantly felt the loss. Damn it. I want him, badly, but it this the right thing to do?

  “Adira? Are you ok? Did I do something wrong?” I leaned up on my elbows and saw the worry in his eyes. They were still dark with passion. I could see the evidence of his need bulging through his jeans.

  “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. But I don’t know if this is the right thing to do.” There I said it.

  Ozias sighed and stood up. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just brought you back here. We should have talked about it first. I’m just so….” He looked to the floor. “I’m so turned on by you. I’ve had to constantly think of unpleasant, completely unsexual things to stop from having a constant erection while in your presence. No woman has ever had this effect on me. It’s not just physical though. I want to please you, take care of you, and keep you safe. Adira, I….it’s just that I don’t know any other way to explain it except that I need you.” His stare was so intense I shivered.

  Can I do this? Can I abandon all rational thought and not worry about consequences? I never have had impulsive, passionate sex. Even the guy I regretted sleeping with was a planned sex date and if a planned sexual encounter can end badly, what’s wrong with throwing caution out the window? Maybe this is what I need? Maybe this is exactly what I couldn’t do at home because I had my whole world arranged to keep me from getting hurt. Maybe Aunt Claire knew if she told me about Ozias I would sabotage the relationship just from worry before I even met him. That was a light bulb moment! I’m ready to dive in and give this a chance and it scared me to death.

  Ozias was looking at me with a very worried expression, however, still turned on as I could plainly see. “Ozias?”

  “Adira?” he said in a husky voice.

  “Do you have any condoms?” He coughed as though he was choking and I laughed. He obviously wasn’t expecting me to say that.

  “Yes, I’ll be right back.” He ran out of the room and I could hear him rummaging through some drawers in the room next to us.

  He returned panting with a
large box of condoms. My eyebrows rose at the sight of him.

  “Plans for a long night of sex?” I teased.

  He blushed. “No, these are Declan’s. He keeps them here when he’s home from college because he can’t entertain women at mom and dad’s. Sorry, I just grabbed the box. I wasn’t thinking. But I won’t lie, a night of sex with you sounds amazing.” He grinned slyly.

  I pushed to the edge of the bed so I could be close to him. “Oh, really? Is that right, Mr. McKinnon? So what will you do to me? That is, if we have sex all night?” I was so turned on now there was no going back and I was shocking myself at my prowess.

  “Adira. I’m the luckiest man alive if I get to just hold you all night.” He walked to me setting the box of condoms on the nightstand. He put his fingers under the straps of my tank and slid them off my shoulders.

  “Ok, if that’s all you need to be happy, we can just cuddle.” I teased.

  He groaned as his tongue slide across my collarbone. I shivered. “No, I’d rather touch, kiss, and feel you everywhere.” He took the hem of my tank and rose it above my head. I lifted my arms so he could take it off.

  “You’re beautiful.” His stare was intense and he looked as if he was studying me. Then I realized he’s never touched breast. I took his hands and placed them on me.

  “Are you trying to kill me?” He grabbed my head and kissed me hard. I needed him naked right that minute.

  I broke the kiss, “Your turn,” I said as I took his shirt and lifted it as high as I could. He took over and removed it all the way. OMG, sculpted abs met my gaze. I couldn’t stop myself from running my fingers over them. I grabbed his pants to unbutton them and he helped me remove them. His boxers came down with his jeans and he was in front of me, naked. And hot as hell.

  “Ozias, I need to feel you,” I panted.

  “Not yet. Your turn now.” He pushed me back on the bed gently and hooked his fingers under my pants. He pulled them down revealing my red lace thong panties. He stifled a moan. “Roll over.” I was shocked at his commands, especially knowing this was his first time. I was starting to doubt that he was being truthful, but when I looked over my shoulder to see his face I saw doubt. He was trying so hard to be the man he thought I needed and I loved him for it. I decided to let him take control. I rolled over to my stomach. He lightly ran his fingers across my bare ass.

  “So beautiful. Adira, your body is such a gift.” I felt him take the string of my throng from my waist and take them off. I was secretly glad I had waxed Thursday, otherwise this would be embarrassing, however; I don’t think Ozias would care. I felt him lie next to me and kiss my shoulder. He gently rolled me on my back. “Come around to this side of the bed.” He positioned us so we were in the middle, my head caressed in soft, downy pillows. He was over me now and looking straight into my eyes.

  “Ozias, I know this is your first time so I want it to be special. I touched his cheek with my palm. “I’ve never been someone’s first.”

  “I’ve been waiting for you my whole life. You allowing me to be with you this way, Adira, it’s the greatest gift. You have no idea.” He looked nervous as he gazed into my eyes. Those gorgeous hazel eyes that hypnotize me.

  “What’s wrong? If you’re having doubts, please, let’s wait. I don’t want you to do this if you’re not sure. You can’t take back your virginity.”

  He blushed, leaned over to get a condom off the nightstand, and leaned back on his heels. He was magnificent. He looked at the condom and I swear he was looking for instructions. I had to stifle a giggle. I wanted to ask if he needed help but I thought that would offend him. He looked at me with embarrassment. I held my hand out to see if he wanted me to put it on for him.

  “I’m nervous,” he admitted. “I’m ruining this, aren’t I? I was trying to be so authoritative earlier because it’s what I thought you’d like, but I’m lost here. I’m so far out of my league with you. You’re so…so….perfect. I want this to be good for you too.”

  Those were the sweetest words a man has every spoken to me before sex. I don’t think he gives himself enough credit. “Oh, Ozias! You don’t have enough confidence in yourself and you should. This is already wonderful. You are doing everything more than right.” I looked to the condom and back at him with a questioning look.

  “I think I can do it but if it looks like I’m doing it wrong, will you help me?” I nodded yes. I watched in fascination because I’d never really watched this before.

  “Well, looks like you know what you’re doing to me.” I smiled.

  “I don’t but I can read instructions and follow them,” he laughed, but then he became very serious. “I may need your help now though. Sorry.” He blushed.

  “Hey, this is something that takes both of us. Let’s do this together, ok? We can learn what works and what doesn’t. It takes time to find your rhythm with a lover. Don’t overthink it.” I took him into my hand and helped guide him inside me. “Ready?”

  He gulped and I realized the enormity of the moment for him and it overwhelmed me. I was shaking. “Yes, I’m ready.” Ozias said with a shaky voice.

  “I’m ready for you.” He looked a little concerned at that statement. “Ozias, it just means I’m really wet and turned on.” I smiled.

  “Ok. Good to know. I’m glad you’re turned on,” he said with a wicked smile. He moved in just a little. He gasped.

  “Yes, I’m very turned on by you, Ozias, so I need you to go all the way in.”

  “What if I hurt you?”

  “You won’t.” He pushed in slowly and I could feel him fill me. “Yes, you already feel so good.” I thrust my hips up and pulled him down to kiss me.

  “Oh…oh, I….this is so much more than I ever imagined. You are amazing.” He kissed me hard and started to thrust more, but it wasn’t enough. I needed more.

  “Ozias,” I breathed heavily.

  “Yes, Adira?” He was panting and had a look of concentration on his face.

  “I need you to pick up the pace.”

  He looked surprised at that. “Ok, I will….but….I don’t want to, um, you know…too fast” He was worried about coming too soon.

  “Just thrust harder but adjust your pace when the feeling gets too much.”

  “Ok,” he panted.

  He started to thrust harder and leaned down to kiss me again. I ran my hands down his back and then up through his hair. He felt so good! Oh, my! He was good at this! Wow! He sat up, took my thighs and spread them farther apart. He was looking down at me and I was just in amazement.

  “Is….this….ok?” He could barely speak.

  “You’re amazing!” I felt myself climbing and climbing. I was getting tighter and tighter as he picked up his pace. Oh, my, this man was magnificent. “Yes, yes, keep doing that,” I panted.

  “Adira, God, you feel so good, so good,” He was staring at me intensely and I felt that connection again. All the world just fell away and it was only the two of us. He leaned back down to kiss me and the change in position sent me over the edge.

  “Ozias!!!Yes!”

  He picked up his pace and leaned his forehead to mine. His strong arms on either side of my head. “Oh, Adira!!!” I felt him coming as he grunted and thrust. It was beautiful. I was filled with so much emotion.

  “Ozias, oh, I’m coming with you!” And I did for the second time. That had never happen to me before. Wow.

  Ozias collapsed on top of me. I felt his breath on my neck. We laid in each other’s arms completely sated. This was the most intense sex I’ve ever had, but that’s just it. It didn’t feel like sex, it felt like…..love. The realization came over me and I was overwhelmed. I started to cry. Ozias started at the feel oh my tears on his chest. He sat up quickly.

  “What did I do? Did I hurt you?” He looked panic-stricken.

  “No. Oh, Ozias, no. You did everything right. More than right. I’m just overwhelmed because…..because.” I can’t say it. It’s too early to say it.

  He seemed to
know what I wanted to say though. He touched my cheek, looked in my eyes and said, “Me too.”

  “Me too.” I replied and the tears fell harder.

  Chapter Nineteen

  We made love throughout the night, taking baths together in his huge tub, and taking naps in between. About 2:00 AM, Ozias fixed us a snack of cheese, crackers, and wine. It was the best night of my life. It didn’t take us any time to find a rhythm or what each other liked. I’ve never been able to be so open and honest with a lover, telling him yes, I like that, no, that’s not working. It was amazing. It was making love though neither of us had said it yet, we just said, “me too.”

  I woke to Ozias’ arms wrapped around me. We were spooning and we fit like a glove. Could it be true that everyone has a soulmate and Ozias was mine? In this moment, I believed it. I didn’t want to get up but nature was calling so I slid out from his arms and hopped on one foot to the bathroom. After, I tried to hop to the guest room for a change of clothes but I wasn’t being very coordinated or quiet and I heard Ozias stir.

  “You sneaking out?” he joked.

  “It would be hard to sneak anywhere when I sound like bulls in a china shop! I just want to change! My crutches are in the living room.” I held the wall and glanced back at him. “Someone whisked me away to seduce me like Rhett Butler did to Scarlet O’Hara and left my crutches in the other room.” I gave him a playful smile.

  He laughed hard at my comment. He walked over to me and scooped me up into his arms. “Hey!” I said beating his chest with my fists. “You can’t just tote me anytime you feel like it! I feel like a child,” I pouted.

  “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn,” he said in his best Rhett Butler voice.

  I threw my head back in laughter. “Oh my, Ozias,” that was the cutest thing I’ve ever heard!