The Strength to Fall (McKinnon Brothers Book 1)

by Chisolm, D. M.

  He frowned as he sat me down on the couch. “Don’t call me cute. Cute is for babies and puppies.”

  “What should I call you then? Pain in my ass?” I smirked.

  “Only when I deserve it, but Sexy, Gorgeous, Sex god works just fine for me.” His smile was infectious.

  “Well, look who’s got a big head now? Sex god already? You need more than one night of love making to qualify for that status,” I said as I shook my finger at him.

  He got serious and sat beside me taking my hands in his. “Making love? Was that what we did all night? Was it to you?” He looked worried and that made me nervous to answer.

  “Um, I…do we have to talk about this now? I haven’t even had coffee yet. This is too heavy a conversation to have without caffeine.” I hope my joking would change the subject.

  “Adira, I’m not playing games. I know what last night was to me. I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

  “Then tell me, Ozias, what was last night to you?” Two can play at that game, if he’s not playing games he can say it first. If that’s even what he wants to say. Oh, God, what if it isn’t? I barely know this man. What if now that we’ve had sex, and he’s no longer a virgin, he wants to go sew his wild oats? I was starting to sweat and my pulse was climbing. Did I make a huge mistake sleeping with him so soon?

  “Calm down, ok.” He was rubbing my back but this time it bothered me. I’m not a child.

  “Don’t placate me. I’m not a child. You don’t have to tell me to calm down. I’m not going to have an attack. I’m…..I’m, um, I’m just nervous, damn it!” I shouldn’t be getting mad. This is why it was a bad idea to get so involved physically before we really knew each other. An amazing connection can only go so far.

  “Babe, I would never treat you like a child. I hate you think I would. Haven’t I helped you through every attack you’ve had the last few days? I’ve picked up on when you’re starting to overthink things and trigger your anxiety. That’s why I always start rubbing you and talking to you. I don’t want you to go through an attack if you can stop it. And you’re the one stopping, Adira. I’m just helping you along. If you think about it, the last two panic attacks that have started I was able to get you to a place you could stop it from becoming a full blown attack. That’s all I was doing now. I may not have a lot of personal experience with relationships but I know anxiety and I know how to overcome it. I want that for you more than anything.” Ozias sat back but still held my hand.

  Wow. Ozias just got me. He just knew me even though he really barely knew me. He was right though. I’ve stopped the last two attacks from going full blown. I want that so badly. To not have the chain of anxiety around me dragging me down and caging me in. If this man wants to help me do that, I’d be a fool not to let him try. Aunt Claire had some amazing insight into what I needed in a man and obviously I had been picking the wrong guy my whole adult life.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized and leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I want your help. Thank you for helping me as much as you have so far.”

  “You’re welcome. I’d do anything for you, Adira. I.” He looked at our hands joined and squeezed mine. “I want this to work, I want try. ” I felt he had more he wanted to say but he was holding back.

  Here is where I make a decision to keep this relationship easy going and just about friendship and sex or I dive in head first and fall head over heels in love with Ozias McKinnon. Who am I kidding? This relationship hasn’t been easy going from the moment we collided. I was tired of being scared and analyze everything in my life to the minute details. I’m in. I’m all in. Aunt Claire knew the two of us well and if she thought we should be together then by damn, we will be, or at least give it our best shot. I felt Ozias slip his hand from mine, his face looked full of pain. OMG, I’ve been doing it again, overthinking, while I’m deciding to not overthink. Oh boy, it’s going to be hard to break that habit.

  “Ozias, wait,” I said as I reached for his hand. “I’m sorry. I want to stop overthinking everything. Stop talking myself out of what I want because I’m scared.” I turned and slipped onto his lap taking care not to press on my ankle. I grabbed the sides of his head with my hands and stared into is beautiful eyes. “Ozias Boyd McKinnon, this is the craziest thing I’ve ever done and even though I’m terrified, it feels so right. We feel right.” I kissed him passionately and felt his body respond. “Oh, no you don’t. Settle down, Sexy, Gorgeous, Sex god Ozias. You can’t have your way with me until you feed me. I’m starving.”

  His smile took up his whole face. “Alright, let’s get you fed so the sex god can continue fawning over his muse.” I laughed and it felt so good. So light and free. “Let’s get dressed and go eat. Then we’ll decide what to do today. Sound good?”

  “Sounds great. Help me to the guest room, please.” Ozias carried me in the guest room and sat me on the bed.

  “I’m going to get dressed and I’ll bring you your crutches before I do. Be right back.”

  As he left, I thought to myself that this is what a normal, loving relationship feels like. Being kind, worrying in a healthy way about each other, laughing together, having amazing sex. Ozias and I might just have a chance at a lasting wonderful relationship and we have Aunt Claire to thank for it. And Ms. Jo. I know what we need to do right after we eat.

  Ozias returned with the crutches and turned to go back to his room. “Ozias, I know what we need to do after breakfast.” I said.

  “Ok, what do you want to do?”

  “I want to tell your mother thank you for helping us get together. Aunt Claire chose your mom and for whatever reason, I think your mom needs to we’re going to try a relationship. It will make her happy.”

  A huge smile lit up his face,” Adira, thank you for caring about my mom that way.”

  “I do care. Family means everything” Ozias hugged me tight. I felt so at home in his arms.

  Chapter Twenty

  Small victories are great, especially when they involve elevators, at least they do in my world. I was able to ride the 40 floors down the co-op, with the help of Ozais’ hand in mine and my earbuds sending soothing music to my brain, without an attack. If it weren’t for my ankle I’d do a happy dance right in the lobby and I told Ozias so. He laughed at me when I said it and his laughter made my heart light. Finally after three emotionally draining days, I was having a great day.

  We ate at the same coffee shop we had eaten before, but this time without the cloud of heavy emotions hanging over us. It was the best breakfast I had ever had. As we were leaving, I asked if we could go to the grocery so we could eat in sometimes. Had I not been on crutches we could have walked the few blocks south, but Ozias paid a cab to drive us.

  “So, you cooking me a good old fashioned southern meal, little lady?” Ozias said in a southern voice.

  I threw my head back in laughter. “That was the worst southern accent I’ve ever heard! Do I sound like that to you?”

  “Only when you’re angry.”

  I glared at him jokingly. “Well, as a matter of fact, I’m a great cook. My family owns a restaurant. Anything you would like me to cook for you?”

  Ozias touched his chin as in thought. “Well, let’s see. I visited to Mississippi gulf coast one time for work. I had fried catfish, fried chicken, yup, every meat was fried. So I guess something fried?”

  I gave him a side glance, “Not everything is fried! I’ll cook you a variety of dishes and a dessert too. Sound good?”

  “You’re quickly becoming my favorite person of all time,” he leaned in and kissed me.

  I blushed. This was our first public display of affection. Ozias put his hand on the small of my back as we entered the store. I felt like we were an official couple and I had to admit I liked that.

  “Grab a buggy, please,” I asked him.

  “A what?”

  “A buggy, you know to put the groceries in?” He was looking at me like I was crazy.

  “You mean the cart? Bug
gies are for babies, but you’ll use a basket here. I’m not sure what your grocery stores are like in the south but here you will mainly use baskets or reusable bags. I don’t have mine with me. I usually just order from Direct Fresh and have it all delivered. It’s easier.”

  The phrase, “You’re not in Kansas anymore” came to mind. “Yes, our stores are big and you usually need a buggy. We don’t have time for delivery, go get a basket so we can buy a few things.”

  He kissed my forehead before retrieving the basket. “Adira, I love your southern dialect. It’s adorable.”

  This was all so normal and so easy. Being with Ozias was just easy and that should have taken away all my fears, but instead I was looking for the other shoe to drop.

  After putting the groceries away and putting a roast in the oven to slow cook until dinner and made a pitcher of sweet tea, a comfort from home I was missing, we went to see Ms. Jo. As soon as we walked in their home, I heard an excited voice scream Ozias’ name.

  “Ozias! Bro, get over here, man.” A tall younger version of Doc rushed us and immediately put Ozias in a head grip, attempting to give him a noogie.” In almost one fluid move, Ozias flipped the guy on his back and held him down. I hopped out of the way. I was pretty sure this was one of his brothers and knowing brothers, I knew he wouldn’t just give up.

  “Do, not, move! I’m letting you get up but I’ll put you right back down if you as much as flinch. Got it? Dude, you almost hit my girlfriend.” Ozias slowly backed away.

  Girlfriend? Well, now.

  The guy got up and air punched toward Ozias face but Ozias grabbed his fist mid-swing. Impressive and hot. I waited for introductions as the Doc’s young doppelganger faced me. He favored Doc so much it was eerie. “Declan, this is Adira, Adira, Declan.” Declan was stunned to say the least. I propped my crutches on the back of the couch and held my hand out.

  “Hello, nice to meet you,” I gave him my best smile.

  Declan just looked me up and down in shock. His examination of me was making me feel I was under investigation. He started at my head, stopped too long at my breast, guys, and looked slowly down to my toes. I wasn’t dressed inappropriately. I was wearing my Seersucker shorts with a short sleeve white linen top and white thong sandals. So, I cocked my head to one side, put my hand on my hip, tossed my hair over my shoulder and gave him a once over right back. “Is it common here to stare and not introduce yourself to a lady after she’s extended her hand to you?”

  Declan broke into a big smile, rushed to me, picked me up, and swung me around. Ozias freaked out. “Dec! Put her down. Damn it!” I felt big arms take me from Declan and sat me back down. Well, that’s one hell of an introduction.

  Declan slapped Ozias on the back. “You!!! Why didn’t you tell me you finally found a girlfriend? No, offense, Adira, but we thought there wasn’t a girl out there that would give this guy a chance. He’s usually so standoffish around women.” Ozias turned bright red.

  I smoothed my shirt down and ran my fingers through my hair. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Declan. Just to warn you though, once my ankle heals, don’t think you’ll get anything over on me. I have two brothers, twins, and they treat me just like one of the guys. Don’t let all this fool you.” I pointed up and down my body. “I can take ya, buddy.” I smiled as I grabbed my crutches and went to find Ms. Jo. I left both men staring at me with amazement. I laughed to myself. I heard Declan start talking to Ozias as I went down the hall.

  “Bro, she’s hot. Where did you find her and does she have a sister?” I just smiled as I knocked on Ms. Jo’s door.

  Carla answered the door and looked pleased to see me. “Adira, so good to see you.”

  “Can I see Ms. Jo?”

  “Sure, honey, let me get her for you. She spilled her tea and we were changing. Come on in though. She won’t mind.”

  Ms. Jo was sitting in a room to the side of the master that was arranged as a sitting room with a bench and a few high back chairs, all were done in the same pale blue fabric. There was a beautiful cherry wood vanity on the far wall, the seat had a pink velvet top, and Ms. Jo was staring at her reflection. “Ms. Jo?” She saw me in the refection of the mirror and smiled.

  “Hello dear, so good to see you.” She tried to turn around but her foot got stuck on the vanity leg and her hand was trembling too much to be of much use.

  “May I?” She nodded. I lay my crutches on the ground and bent over to help guide her leg out. She smiled at me.

  “Thank you, Claire. Oh, wait, you’re not Claire are you?” She looked exasperated with herself.

  “It’s ok. I’m Adira. Do you remember meeting me yesterday?” Wow, that was just yesterday!!!! I feel like we’ve been in slow-motion.

  Clara broke in, “Ms. Jo, this is Claire’s niece. Remember?” That must have triggered her memory because she touched my arm and smiled.

  “Oh, have you and Ozias fallen in love yet?” She just beamed.

  “Now, Ms. Jo, let’s not bother her with that right now. It’s time for lunch, you ready to go to the dining room?” Clara was nervous by her question.

  “Hey, mom,” Ozias entered the room and bent over to give his mother s kiss on the cheek. It’s obvious that he loves her and she adores him because her face lit up as she held his head as he kissed her. “What questions are we not bothering you with? She doing ok today, Carla?”

  Carla glanced at me as if to say, what do I do? “Well, Ms. Jo that’s what we came to talk to you about, Ozias and me. Why don’t we sit with you for lunch?” Ozias must have realized what question was asked because he gave me a knowing look. Carla looked relieved.

  “I made enough for everyone. Come, let’s eat.” Carla motioned for us to go to the dining room.

  “Carla, this was wonderful, thank you. You’ll have to give the recipe for your chicken salad.” Lunch was a sandwich, fruit, and lemonade. Carla’s cooking made me think of gran where every bite was filled with love.

  “Do you like to cook?” Carla asked me?

  “Yes, and bake. My family owns a restaurant.” Ozias grabbed my hand and squeezed.

  “Oh, well then, when you are free come down here and we can share recipes while Ms. Jo naps.” Carla seemed impressed I could cook.

  “Man, Oz, you just keep getting luckier. Want to come play poker with the guys tonight? One of my college buddies has us all addicted to playing now. I need some of your luck to rub off on me.” He patted Ozias on the back.

  “No, thanks, man. I’d rather stay in.” He gave me a glance full of promise of a night of passion. I blushed.

  Declan noticed right away and laughed out loud. “Of course, you would man,” he said shaking his head. “If I was you, I would too.” Ozias turned three shaded of red.

  I just smiled at him but that made him blush even more. Carla seemed embarrassed by the conversation and excused herself to clean up the kitchen.

  “Declan, are you staying here tonight,” Ms. Jo asked?

  “Not sure, probably not, mom. Sorry. I’ve got plans with the guys and if my night goes well I may stay at Oz----“he stopped short. “Well, guess I won’t do that either.” He looked at me as he said it and now I was turning red. “I’ll stay with a friend.”

  “Can you stay for dinner at least? It’s Sunday. We haven’t had a family dinner in a long time. That reminds me, where is your father?”

  “Mom, its Monday so Dad is at work. I promise to have dinner next Sunday before I leave.” Declan stood up to leave the dining room. “If you will excuse me. Adira, it was very nice meeting you, truly, you have no idea.” He hit Ozias in the arm and jumped back quickly as Ozias tried to punch back. These brothers loved each other and I was happy to see that.

  “Thank you Declan. It was so nice meeting you. I hope we meet again before you leave.” I smiled and laid my hand over Ozias’ to make sure he knew I was just being friendly. Declan turned to leave but Ozias stopped him.

  “Dec, I think you’re forgetting to say goodbye to mom.” Ozias
took on a parental tone and the scowl on Declan’s face said this wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation. He walked over to his mother and put a hand on her shoulder.

  “Mom, I’m leaving, ok?”

  Ms. Jo looked up at him and patted his hand. “Be careful, Dec, I worry about you so. I love you.” Pain etched across Declan’s face and he left quickly as I could see the start of tears. I heard the door shut hard and it made me jump. Ozias patted my knee under the table and gave me a look I understood. I understood emotions so painful they had to be kept under the surface. The thought of feeling them in full was too great a burden. I hated that for Declan and his brothers, and now, even for Doc knowing what he’s been through. That reminded me why we were here.

  “Ms. Jo, you want to move into the library for your afternoon reading?” Carla had returned from the kitchen as started helping Ms. Jo up.

  “That sounds lovely, thank you.” As Ms. Jo pushed up from the table you could see her trembling was more pronounced today. My heart ached for this family.

  “Hey, Carla, I’ll take mom. Adira and I need to talk to her. You’re welcome to stay too though,” Ozias said as he rose from the table.

  We situated Ms. Jo near a window in the library. She said this was her favorite spot. The light cast a white sheen over walls of books placed on beautiful walnut bookshelves that extended from floor to ceiling. There was a ladder for the high shelves even. I giggled like a child at the excitement a room like this made me feel. What I wouldn’t give to have a room just like this. I may never leave. The red leather chairs with nail head trim and matching ottomans were masculine with stacking tables in between. I could see Doc sitting in one of those chairs at the end of the day. Ms. Jo sat on a small sectional couch upholstered in a sage green fabric. One end had a chaise with a throw lying at the end. I could see myself in that very spot on a rainy day. Two end tabled with lamps finished the room. It was my favorite room already.

  “Mom,” Ozias started and took my hand. “Adira and I wanted to talk to you about the conversations you and Claire had.”