The Strength to Fall (McKinnon Brothers Book 1)

by Chisolm, D. M.

  “Ugh! I hate everything in my closet!” I walked from my walk-in closet to my bed carrying several outfits and threw them on the bed.

  “I seriously doubt that. You always look great.” Ozias said trying to be supportive. He was propped up at the end of my bed paying more attention to the fact I was only in my bra and panties than my wardrobe choices. He stood up and moved around to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my shoulder. I shivered at his touch. “We could go shopping. We rarely leave the house.”

  “I don’t want to go shopping. I just don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard to win their approval, even though I am.” I blew my bangs out of my face. I seriously needed a haircut and honestly, I could use a few new outfits, especially professional ones. The thing is I don’t like shopping. I like clothes and I like to look my best but I hate the whole process of shopping. Online shopping is my favorite but then there’s the pain of sending things back and I don’t have time for that. It’s Friday and I start Monday.

  “I could see if Erica is available? She loves to shop. She’s still in town for a few more weeks before she goes back to school.”

  I looked at him like he had lost his mind. “Uh, no thanks. I know it was all for show, her flirting with you, but I don’t feel comfortable enough around her to go shopping.

  “Jealous much?” He squeezed me then turned me around and kissed me.

  “I don’t share,” I said putting my arms around his neck.

  “I don’t either and it makes me insanely happy that you’re jealous of another woman flirting with me.”

  “Yea? Well, don’t push your luck with looking for ways to make me jealous. You wouldn’t want to see my bad side” I pushed back from him and pointed at him for emphasis. “Ok, I gotta focus. I have to at least have an outfit to wear the first day.”

  “Let me call Erica. She’s like a sister. Really. Hey, Declan actually likes to shop. He’s all into how he looks. Maybe we can all go?” Ozias was so cute trying to convince me.

  “Well, if Dec is free and will go too, then I’m ok with it.”

  Ozias raised his eyebrows at me. “So why shouldn’t I be jealous that you not only came to the party with my brother but also danced seductively with him?”

  I picked up a shirt and threw it at him. He caught it before it hit him. “I didn’t come with him. He was riding the elevator the same time I was and he was trying to help me calm down because I was seeing red watching Erica throw herself at you.”

  “Still didn’t like his hands on you. Dec, he’s a player. Don’t think for one second he wouldn’t be after you if I wasn’t in his way.”

  I walked over to him, ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him to me. “He doesn’t even have chance, babe. I’m drawn to you. You know whatever this force is pushing us together defies logic. Dec wouldn’t stand a chance with me even if you weren’t in the picture. I know his type and I don’t play that game.”

  Ozias looked away from my eyes and hesitated. “Am I completely different than all the other guys you’ve dated? If it weren’t for Claire, you wouldn’t even give me the time of day, would you?” He was so insecure about this part of himself.

  I ran my finger down his face to his chin. I saw him react to my touch just like I react to his. I moved his face until his eyes met mine. “Ozias, no, you aren’t like the other men I’ve dated.” He frowned slightly. “But, that’s a wonderful thing. I have always picked the wrong guy and part of that is because I think I knew we wouldn’t last. They masked my pain, but you, you are helping me heal. I’ve never reacted to another man the way I react to you. You give me butterflies all the time.” I kissed him softly on the lips. He returned the kiss with more passion moving me to the bed and lying me on top of the clothes I laid there.

  “Ozias, we’ll mess up the few decent outfits I have,” I said knocking him off me playfully. “Call Dec and see if he and Erica want to go shopping and maybe out to eat.”

  He pouted like a child. “Ok. But can we pick up where we left off later?”

  He was so adorable and insatiable. If Ozias ever had to doubt his skill as a lover I think I’ve calmed those fears. The last few weeks we’ve barely left our houses. Ozias worked and I’d do various things around both our houses, we’d eat dinner, make love, and go to sleep. We mainly sleep in his bed, it’s a king, and mine is just a queen. We eat at my house more often because I like cooking in my own kitchen and honestly Ozias’ kitchen has the barest essentials. It would be a good idea to get out and see the city at night. I’ve yet to really do that.

  “Yes, we can pick up later. Don’t you know I’m just assuming that we will without you even asking?” I laughed because he knows I want to be with him just as much as he wants to be with me. He started to leave the room to call Declan when an object on my dresser caught his eye. He picked up the candle that was infused with seashells. Another souvenir from a trip to the beach with my aunt. It was such a touristy thing to buy but again, Claire felt it was better choice than the t-shirt I had wanted.

  “Where did you get this?” Ozias asked.

  “Orange beach, Alabama. I’ve been going there my whole life. My family owns a cabin there. We never bought souvenirs since the place is like a second home but one trip my aunt decided for memories we all needed some touristy item to keep. We all got one of these candles.”

  Ozias turned to me. “I have one just like this. Claire gave it to me about a month before she passed.” He stopped in thought. “I wonder how long she had been planning for us to meet? Did she ever talk to you about men or relationships?”

  I walked to him and looked at the candle. So many memories. “Well, sometimes. She took the role of my mom in that way until, well until she stopped visiting. She would give advice sometimes. She didn’t care for either of the men I had dated seriously. They never met but I would mention things when she called.” Ozias put the candle down and kissed me. I laid my hard on his shoulder as we both held each other. I wondered what other things we’d find that Claire obviously wanted us to discover.

  Declan and Erica both wanted to go out with us and Erica was especially excited about the shopping. Seems she takes shopping quite seriously so she wanted to come see my wardrobe before we went. She’s probably in for a little shock that a woman doesn’t enjoy shopping.

  Ozias opened the door to Declan and Erica about thirty minutes later. She was even more stunning in the natural light pouring through my windows. She was wearing a short chiffon black dress with off the shoulder slit sleeves, silver high heel strappy sandals. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun showing off her diamond stud earrings, at least 3 karats, and paired with a sliver necklace with medallions dangling from the center. Her silver cuff bracelet completed her outfit and I was already jealous. She looked like she should be in a magazine despite the fact that she was maybe 5’3 without the heels.

  “Hey, Adira. You look amazing!” Erica had a bubbly personality, I was learning, and I’m not a bubbly kind of girl but I put on my best smile.

  “Hey! Thank you for agreeing to come shopping with me. I just need some business casual items before I start work Monday.”

  “Well, I love this. Turn around.” She touched my arms and helped me spin around so she could see all of the dress I was wearing. I chose a dark green sleeveless, pleated mini dress with a rounded collar. “Oh, the back is adorable!” Erica exclaimed as she had me circle around. It was backless with scalloped edges and hit about three inches above my knees. My favorite part of the whole dress was that it had slit pockets. I love dresses with pockets. I decided on shorter black heels because Ozias and I were the same height and I didn’t want to tower over him. Bronze medallion initial earrings and my large stone champagne and gold crystal bracelet were all the jewelry I decided to wear. I also decided on wearing my hair swept up in a messy bun. It was too hot to wear down.

  “I do like fashion,” I explained, “I just don’t like the shopping part.”

  “Well, we’ll
get you what you need to start your job but then one day you must go with me for an all-day shopping spree.”

  I sighed but smiled trying to think of a way to get out of that. “You ladies ready?” I heard Declan say. We walked from my bedroom to meet the men in the living room. Ozias had a big grin on his face when he saw me.

  “Beautiful,” Ozias kissed my check.

  “Yes, very,” Declan said and hugged me. I saw Ozias tense as his brother embraced me. I ended the hug quickly and gave Ozias a reassuring smile and took his arm.

  “You look amazing yourself,” I told him as we left the unit. And he did, wearing slim fit khakis with a fitted blue checkered shirt. Declan looked amazing too in trendy dark rust slim fitted pants and an olive green button down shirt.

  I made it down the elevator with the help of Ozias squeezing my hand and rubbing small circles on my back. I was proud of myself for my improvement but I doubted it would be this easy without Ozias with me.

  We shopped in a few boutiques that Erica said were her favorite. I was just ready to get it all over with. I did find a few outfits that qualified as business casual. I bought two skirts that were sexy and young without being inappropriate for work and two pairs of business casual pants in gray and khaki. A few tops to interchange with the pants and skirts. I felt better about my working wardrobe.

  The guys chose to go to another store when we were in the boutique and said they would meet us at the restaurant, a popular local place with a bar on the terrace. I asked how we were going to get in but Erica said her dad knew the owner well. We still had to wait but not as long as others who didn’t look happy as we passed them to enter. The ambiance was romantic and comfortable. Ozias held his hand at the small of my back as well were lead to our table on the terrace. It was a hot night, it was July after all, but it was beautiful. We ordered drinks and small plates. As I looked around and felt Ozias near me, for the first time in a long time, I felt happy, truly happy. I inched closer to him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

  We danced, drank, and ate. I needed a night like this. Surprisingly, I liked Erica. She was a little too happy for my taste but she was genuinely nice and also very intelligent. She was almost through med school and was hoping for residency here, she said she was ready to be back home. I wondered what her relationship was with Declan so I asked Ozias when they were dancing and we were at the table alone.

  “Does Erica like Declan?” I asked.

  “Not that I know. She’s always been like our sister. They are the same age, went to school together all their lives, but if they are involved past that I don’t know.” Ozias didn’t seem particularly interested.

  “She’s beautiful and really smart, and I’ll even admit she’s nice, even if she did try to make me jealous,” I joked and elbowed Ozias in the ribs.

  He feigned injury and laughed. “Yea, she is, but I’ve never been attracted to blondes. I prefer feisty brunettes.” He nudged me. “She’s always hung around. She’s an only child so I think she liked the company. Why she’d chose us brothers over other women beats me though. Maybe she does like Declan, but for her sake I hope not. He’ll break her heart.”

  “Is he really that bad?” but as I asked, I watched him on the dance floor with women all around and I knew that he was.

  “I love him, but yea, Dec, he’s an ass most of the time. He’s cocky and way too smart for his own good. And according to the countless women that have always surrounded him wherever we go, he’s hot. Not that I would know what a hot guy looks like.”

  I laughed. “You,” I said with all seriousness.

  Ozias shook his head. “No, but I’m very thankful you think so.” He kissed me and I felt a chill even though it was still in the high 80’s at 10:00 pm.

  “You are, you’re just not confident in yourself. Declan is confident, too confident though. You’re humble, but don’t sell yourself short.”

  “I love you, Adira,” He kissed my forehead and then my lips.

  “I love you, too,” I said still amazed that we were here together.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  My job was going well. The two women, Jane and Sara, that started Soiree were really great and were so creative. We all were different personalities and brought something unique to the business that made it work almost effortlessly. We were mainly planning small personal parties, birthdays, and very small business events. We’ve had great success and wonderful feedback and in this business word of mouth is everything. The summer had started at a snail’s pace with the craziest of all the revelations that I had learned. Now the second week of August, humidity and heat at its highest, knowing it was its last chance to be felt before the cool of fall. Ozias and I were at a place I felt we were a real couple. I was stubborn and he was so analytical we would have disagreements and fights like most couples, but we always found a common ground. My life was settling to an almost normal pace and I was thankful. I would spend most my lunch breaks at a park near Soiree’s office and I had finally found the courage to read some of Aunt Claire’s journal.

  June 12, 2014

  The greenhouse is my sanctuary. No one seems to come here but me so I have started leaving my journal here. I guess if anyone ever takes it they will get a glimpse of my soul and heart. Of course, Al owns the majority of both and always has. It is a strange feeling to feel guilt and pure joy at the same time. When we are together I’ve made a rule that neither of us will talk about the past or family. I just want to be in the now. It’s all I have and on days my mind and body aren’t working like they should, I spend enough time with my thoughts that when I feel well, I just want to live. Al makes me feel alive. I secretly weep for the loss of the life we should have had. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I believe that’s true. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t let Mr. McKinnon win. I was young and scared. He was intimidating and at the time a very powerful man with many connections. When he told me he needed Al to marry into the Wallace family for financial security, I thought that wasn’t enough of a reason to keep us apart. I would love to speak to Jo and get her side of what happened. There had to be a reason her father wanted her married to Al. I’ll have to see if I can visit when Al is not home. Maybe she will talk to me.

  June 16, 2014

  I had lunch with Ozias today. He is such a sweet intelligent man. If Al and I had had a son, I would have hoped he would have been like him. I can’t let myself go to those thoughts though. The pain is too great. Ozias is so confident in his professional life but he falters in his personal. He’s an attractive young man. I can’t see why he’s alone except that he won’t even try to date. Every time I’m with him my niece, Adira, comes to mind. She has never healed from her parents’ death. I really haven’t either but I hide it better than she does. She’s stuck and seems to choose men that she knows won’t last. I think she’s afraid. She doesn’t talk much to me about her love life. Mom tells me things. I wonder if I arranged for her and Ozias to meet if they’d hit it off. Knowing both of them, I doubt either would give the other a chance. Maybe I can bring them together? I’ll have to think about this.

  August 14, 2014

  Today is Adira’s 25th birthday. I called to talk to her and even over the phone I could tell her heart was heavy. I’m not feeling well today so I didn’t want to speak long. I don’t want her to know I won’t be here much longer. I know it will be hard for her when I’m gone, losing someone else, but I can’t bring myself to tell her and watch her heart break yet again. It’s selfish, I know, but I figure I’m allowed some selfishness at this point. I thought of Ozias the whole time we spoke. She’s alone, no boyfriend, and she’s pushed most of her girlfriends away. All she does is work and help mom. I want her to learn to fly instead of fall. I remember her birth so vividly. She was such a tiny, sickly baby. Elizabeth had such terrible pregnancies and Adira’s was hard on her. She was born in the early morning hours, 4 weeks early. She was not breathing well so she had to stay in the NICU for 2 weeks. Matthew a
nd Elizabeth could not agree on a name so I bought them a baby book the day after she was born. Elizabeth looked up the names by meaning and when she found Adira, we all knew that was it. Strong----that was what she wanted for Adira. I wonder if she has forgotten that her name means strength. I need to remind her, even if it means putting her in a situation where she has to be.

  Wow. I had forgotten that was the meaning of my name. Strong. I certainly don’t feel that way. Aunt Claire really had thought about Ozias and me being together. There is so much pain in her writing. She always seemed so carefree and happy. I guess some people just chose to hide that side of themselves to the world. I wish I was more like her in that respect. I closed the journal not able to take in anymore right now.

  Coming home from work was exciting knowing I would see Ozias. He was standing outside my door when I got off the elevator. I took my earbuds out and greeted him with a kiss.

  “Hello.” He hugged me tight. He was holding a letter in his hand.

  “What’s that?” I asked pointing to the letter.

  “I don’t know. I just signed for it. It’s from Claire’s lawyer.”

  “What? Why would he be corresponding with you?” We walked into my unit. I sat my purse down on my foyer table as we both walked to my living room.

  “I don’t know. You want to open it?” Ozias handed me the letter but I shook my head.

  “No, it’s addressed to you.”

  He ran his finger under the seal of the envelope and pulled the letters out. He cleared his throat before he began reading.

  Mr. McKinnon,

  The letter enclosed is from Claire Stuart. I was instructed to mail this to you at this point in time, but only if Adira McLeod still remained at Claire’s apartment. I have it in good faith from her grandmother, Olivia Stuart, she is indeed still there. Claire was insistent that this letter be delivered at this date so I hope it reaches you.

  Sincerely,

  Mr. Robert Jones

  We both stood there with shocked expressions. What has Claire done now? I was just as nervous as I was intrigued. “Let’s sit,” I said. We made ourselves comfortable on my couch as Ozias opened the handwritten letter from my Aunt Claire.