by James Dobson
He released the handle, his heart racing even faster. He recalled a similar moment from a year before when he had lent his mother courage she didn’t possess. When he had watched her take her final breath. He felt the rage of resentment rising within. Her transition, while setting her free, had brought him none of the promised results.
No college fund.
No Maria Davidson.
No real hope of a teaching career.
If the Supreme Being cared about his creation, loved his children, why hadn’t he done anything for Matthew’s mom? Or for Matthew? Or for the old man suffocating on the floor within?
He took a step off the porch and looked into the evening sky. Then he added one more name to his growing list.
Matthew Adams hated God.
Chapter Fifty
“Pleased to meet you, Beth,” Troy said after standing to greet the woman who was apologizing for running behind schedule. Julia smiled warmly from her chair while joining thirty seconds of polite but meaningless small talk about the traffic and warm temperatures.
Austin Tozer and his partner, the woman Amanda had called Hen, appeared to resent Beth’s presence, rolling their eyes impatiently in reaction to the ritual of social etiquette. A cold glance suggested this wasn’t the first time the couple had met the child welfare agent.
Troy returned to his wife’s side at a kitchen table that retained a sticky residue. Julia imagined the couple hastily clearing away dishes in reaction to the doorbell. It would have been much better to meet in Troy’s office. More professional and more like home turf. But she had eagerly accepted the demand they meet at Austin’s home. Julia was just glad the couple had agreed to get together, no matter how reluctantly.
As Beth Morris settled into her chair, Austin made a preemptive strike. “I don’t want to lose Amanda.”
It was what Julia had feared after three calls in the prior two days. During the first conversation Austin had loved the thought of getting rid of Amanda so that he and Gwen could live a normal life, whatever that meant. By the second call his posture had softened considerably from that of a fed-up guardian stuck watching a she-brat to that of a sentimental brother inseparably linked to his precious little sister. He had suggested postponing the conversation but backed down when Beth Morris sent a message insisting they proceed as scheduled.
“We’ve grown very close,” Austin continued. He shot a glance toward his partner as if hoping she would mouth his next lines. “I love Amanda, and so does Gwen.” Austin took Gwen’s hand clumsily as if realizing he had omitted the scripted gesture. “She’s like our daughter. She needs us.” He seemed to cringe as Gwen’s fingers squeezed firmly. “And we need her,” he added.
Julia couldn’t believe her ears and didn’t believe Austin’s words. She glanced at Beth, who was jotting notes onto a tablet. Then she looked at Troy, who winked reassuringly in her direction.
Troy had been remarkably receptive to what Julia now feared had been an impulsive idea. She should have given him more time to grieve the disheartening news of their infertility. And that’s exactly how she described it. Not his infertility. Their infertility.
“I can’t get pregnant,” was all she had said. It wasn’t a lie. But the whole truth, she feared, would destroy her husband. Right or wrong, she couldn’t allow that. So they held each other and cried themselves to sleep. Julia waited until morning to mention fostering. She waited until lunch to say anything about Amanda Tozer, a name Troy didn’t recall from her dark zones story.
“I changed her name in the feature,” Julia reminded him. “She needs a real family. She needs a daddy.”
Now, two days later, they found themselves sitting across the table from two conniving opportunists. Austin and Gwen must have done some research on Troy’s and Julia’s past successes before crafting a scheme to make money off of Amanda’s departure.
“I understand how you must feel,” Troy said in response to Austin’s prepared speech.
Julia wanted to call Austin’s bluff. But she held her tongue, trusting her husband’s instincts.
Troy continued, “It must be difficult to contemplate losing your sister so soon after saying goodbye to your mother.”
It clearly hadn’t occurred to Austin to connect the two losses. “Yes. Yes it is.”
“Very difficult,” Gwen added while wiping an invisible tear from her cheek. “She’s a wonderful girl.”
Beth Morris looked up from her pad. “Where is the wonderful girl?” she asked. “I thought she was supposed to join us. I’d like to get her perspective since she’s old enough to speak into this decision.”
“She’s still at school,” Austin said uncomfortably.
Beth glanced at the time. “The school day ended an hour ago.”
“She rarely comes straight home,” he said. “Besides, I don’t think it would be wise to include her just yet. I mean, we are discussing sending her away from her home.”
“Are we?” Beth asked abruptly. “I thought you said you had changed your mind.”
Austin sent a panicked look to Gwen. “Well, that’s not exactly what I meant.”
Beth looked back at her notes. “You said, and I quote, ‘I don’t want to lose Amanda.’”
“That is what you said,” Troy added.
“What he meant to say,” Gwen interjected, “is that losing Amanda will be more difficult than we realized at first.”
Julia fumed quietly at the lie. They wouldn’t miss her in the least!
“So you are open to the idea?” Beth asked.
“Well, yes,” Austin replied. “But we were sort of hoping to reach an agreement of some kind.”
Gwen’s eyes became daggers pointed toward her partner’s loose tongue.
“An agreement of some kind?” Beth asked. “Could you be a bit more specific?”
“You know,” Austin said hesitantly, clearly in unscripted territory.
“No, Mr. Tozer, I don’t know. Please enlighten me.”
“My mother’s transition instructions placed Amanda’s share of the money in trust. We receive interest on that investment to cover the cost of raising her. When she’s old enough we are supposed to use the principal as a college fund.”
“How much will she receive?”
“Um, well, it’s not quite that simple,” Austin stammered. “Our expenses have been much higher than anticipated and my employment history has been less lucrative than we had hoped. So—”
“So you borrowed against Amanda’s share of the money,” Julia finally said, no longer able to restrain herself.
Beth’s head shot in Austin’s direction. “Is that true, Mr. Tozer?”
Austin squirmed uneasily.
“Do you have any idea what it costs to raise a girl like Amanda?” Gwen interjected in her partner’s defense. Then her eyes zeroed in on Julia. “I realize our bills would be pocket change to some people. But they keep us pretty stressed.”
Julia started to react, but Troy stepped in.
“I’m sure it’s been very expensive,” he said. “But those expenses will only rise the longer Amanda stays with you. Won’t you let us help?”
Austin’s eyes brightened as if Troy had finally caught his skillfully concealed hints. “Help? Help how?”
“What was the total value of Amanda’s share of the inheritance?”
“Fifty thousand dollars,” Gwen said without delay, a number far higher than the meager sum Austin had implied during his interview with Julia.
Troy appeared momentarily surprised by the sum, then continued setting the trap. “As you know, Mr. Tozer, my wife is writing a feature story about people in dire economic circumstances thanks to the financial meltdown.”
Austin nodded.
“I read the portion about you, although your name isn’t used. I told her I thought the story would be much more powerful if it included a photograph of you and Gwen.”
“Really?” Austin’s partner said. “You think so?”
“I do. And, of
course, it would be best to use your real name.”
“Of course,” Gwen agreed.
Troy looked back at Austin. “Mr. Tozer, what if I paid you a lump sum for permission to use your real name and photograph in that story?”
It took Julia a moment to follow Troy’s lead, wondering where on earth he planned to get that kind of cash. Then she understood.
“That’d be perfect,” she added enthusiastically. “The syndicate always prefers real names and photos when possible.”
“I suppose we could do that,” Austin answered warily. “How much?”
“Mr. Simmons,” Beth said in an effort to take control of a conversation clearly moving out of bounds, “I don’t think it prudent to continue this—”
“Please, Ms. Morris, just one thing more,” he interrupted. “Julia, tell him what you found.”
Julia reached into her shoulder bag to retrieve a tablet.
“What?” Austin asked. “What did you find?”
“I believe you know a private investigator named Tyler Cain. Is that right?”
Austin squirmed in his chair while receiving a threatening glower from Gwen who, Julia recalled, had been furious after Austin hired Tyler to spy on her.
“Well, he provided me with some information he thought might prove useful to my story.”
“What sort of information?” Gwen asked.
“Apparently you subscribe to several rather graphic pornography services.”
Austin blushed in Beth’s direction. Julia looked at Gwen. She appeared unfazed by the revelation.
“And?” he asked defiantly.
“And your preference options include early adolescent girls.”
Austin swallowed nervously while Beth looked disapprovingly in his direction.
“And that you’ve selected hair color and body styles remarkably similar to Amanda’s.”
“Let me see that,” Beth ordered while reaching toward Julia’s tablet.
“Now wait just a minute,” Austin said while getting up from the table. “My entertainment options are nobody’s business but my own!” He glanced sheepishly in Gwen’s direction. “It’s perfectly legal material.”
“It may be legal, Mr. Tozer,” Beth said sternly. “But these preference options raise very serious questions about your suitability as a guardian for a child who matches your parameters.”
Austin cursed. He grabbed a bunched-up napkin from the kitchen counter and threw it furiously toward the wall. It fell limply onto the floor.
“Take her then,” he finally said. “Who needs her anyway?”
A moment passed before Beth Morris broke the silence. “Mr. Tozer, are you saying you will not protest the Simmons’s request to pursue foster adoption of Amanda?”
He looked toward Gwen. Her eyes threatened. He no longer cared.
“Yes. That’s what I’m saying.”
His shoulders sank in defeat as he began leaving the room.
“Mr. Tozer. Can I ask one last question?” Julia asked.
He nodded, his face still looking toward the door.
“Where can we find Amanda?”
Chapter Fifty-One
The car pulled close to a dying playground blemished by overgrown weeds and discolored monkey bars. Julia recognized Amanda fifty yards in the distance. She was sitting alone on a rusting swing that rocked to and fro without intent, a girl lost in solitary thought.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Troy asked.
“Give us a minute alone first. It might be better that way.”
He nodded in agreement before kissing Julia on the cheek.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” she asked. “I mean, we haven’t even been married a year. Are we ready to become instant parents of an adolescent girl we barely know?”
“Correction,” he said with a smile. “You barely know her. I’ve never met her.”
She sighed at the truth of it.
“I can’t explain it,” he added. “But I have a strong feeling this is right for us. As if…” He hesitated.
“As if God is leading us?” she asked, giving him permission to take the conversation places she had too often resisted going.
A nod. “Yeah. Something like that.”
“I’m sorry, Troy.”
“Sorry for what?”
“I don’t know. For dragging my feet about motherhood. And for making you feel…”
Words failed her. But the gentle touch of Troy’s masculine fingers against the softness of her cheek told her he understood.
“Go on.” He nudged her toward the car door. “We’ll be fine.”
Julia made it as far as the monkey bars when Amanda noticed her approaching form. Ten more steps and she suddenly realized who it was.
“Ms. Davidson!” Amanda said enthusiastically. “Is that you? Remember me? Amanda Tozer?”
Julia laughed. “Of course I remember you, Amanda. I came to see you.”
The girl looked confused. “Me? Not Austin?”
“I already spoke to your brother. He told me you might be here.”
“My half brother,” she insisted. “He sent me a message saying to hang out here until he calls. Said I couldn’t come home right away. Not that I wanted to anyway. He was meeting with you?”
“He was,” Julia answered, reaching toward Amanda’s disheveled head of hair.
“I know. Bad hair day again,” she said. “I wish I had straight hair like you. It’s so pretty. You’re so pretty.”
Julia moved toward the swing beside Amanda’s. “Mind if I join you?”
“Really?”
“I’d like to chat. Then I’d like to introduce you to someone.”
She looked toward the vehicle in the distance. “Your husband?”
“Yes. Troy.”
“Really? Cool!”
Julia started pumping her legs back and forth. “I think I remember how to do this.”
“Easy as pie!” Amanda said, pumping her legs to demonstrate for a novice.
They swung in delightful silence for a few moments while Julia tried to put herself in Amanda’s shoes. A near-stranger was about to ask if she wanted to leave the home of her deceased mother, the only home the girl had ever known. How to approach the subject?
“Amanda,” Julia began, “I met with your brother because I want to ask you something.”
“Me? Really? What?”
Both swings eased themselves toward stillness. Julia turned toward the girl to meet her eyes.
“Do you remember when you said you wanted to call the Foster family?” Julia laughed at the recollection.
Amanda nodded. “Sure do.”
“Well, I made some phone calls to get information on how you could move in with a foster family.”
A series of rapid-fire questions shot in Julia’s direction. “Really? You did? For me? Wow! What’d you find out?”
“If the right family comes along, and if your brother—”
“My half brother!”
“Right, sorry. If Austin doesn’t oppose the arrangement, the process can move fairly quickly.”
“How quickly?”
“Depends on how fast the family can complete applications, get a home study done, attend training, that sort of thing.”
Amanda sat listening intently to every word.
Julia swallowed hard. “So, I was wondering—”
She didn’t finish the question. Amanda’s arms flew around Julia’s neck. “Yes, yes, yes!” she shouted as they tilted off balance, sending both bodies to a worn patch of gravel below.
Tears flooded Julia’s eyes as the girl planted her cheeks with six or seven kisses.
“I get to live with you?” she shouted between pecks. “And with your husband? Like a real family?”
Julia sat up with some effort. Then she patted the ground beside her to offer Amanda an adjoining spot.
“Everything’s already in progress,” she finally said. “So if you’ll have us, we’d be honored to have you.”<
br />
“You’ll be my foster family?”
“For a while,” Julia answered. “Until we qualify for full adoption.”
That’s when emotion filled Amanda’s eyes. “You mean it?” she managed to say after a long silence.
Julia nodded decisively. “I mean it.”
They sat on the gravel for several minutes while Julia explained the why, what, how, and when of a process she didn’t fully grasp herself. “I’m not quite sure of all the details,” she said. “But we’ll figure them out as we go. Right now, there’s a man over there who can’t wait to meet you.”
They stood. Then Amanda intertwined her fingers with Julia’s as they began to walk.
Troy opened the car door in the distance. Then he stood beside the vehicle, the look on his face reminding Julia of the day he’d asked her on their first date. But he seemed less anxious, more resolute, as if about to accept an adventure neither he nor Julia could begin to comprehend.
Their eyes met. He winked as if never more proud of his friend, his lover, and his partner in the task of becoming a bright spot in Amanda’s darkening world.
About the Authors
Dr. James Dobson is the Founder and President of Family Talk, a nonprofit organization that produces his radio program, “Family Talk with Dr. James Dobson.” He is the author of more than thirty books dedicated to the preservation of the family. He has been active in governmental affairs and has advised three U.S. presidents on family matters. Dr. Dobson is married to Shirley and they have two grown children, Danae and Ryan, and two grandchildren. The Dobsons reside in Colorado Springs, CO.
Kurt Bruner serves as Pastor of Spiritual Formation at Lake Pointe Church and on the adjunct faculty of Dallas Theological Seminary. A graduate of Talbot Seminary and former Vice President with Focus on the Family, Kurt led the teams creating films, magazines, books, and radio drama. As President of HomePointe Inc., he helps local church leaders create an ongoing culture of intentional families. Kurt is the best-selling author of more than a dozen books. Kurt and his wife, Olivia, have four children and live in Rockwall, Texas.
