He stepped inside and took a seat in the armchair by the window.
Chrissy watched him. “Who’s he?”
Rayne cleared her throat. “That’s my friend Colin. Suzette told you.”
Chrissy scrutinized him, and he knew she was measuring him, though he wasn’t sure what to do. Finally, her face softened. “Do you know how to read?” she asked.
“Yes.” He forced himself not to react to the strange question.
Chrissy pushed herself to standing, rushed over to a bookshelf, and grabbed a book. She brought it to him without a word. And then she sat on the floor in front of him, crossed her legs, and tipped her head back expectantly.
Colin glanced down at the book and then opened it. Apparently, he was supposed to read to her. He wondered how on earth this woman who seemed more like a child had ever gotten married and had a child of her own. What type of mental illness did she have? Had she gradually digressed over the years?
Their conversation by the car came back to him.
“Are we visiting anyone in particular here?”
“I never know who I’m going to visit until the nurse, Suzette, tells me.”
Colin glanced at Rayne and then let his gaze wander around the room. It was filled with the oddest assortment of belongings. Everything from toys to model airplanes to ballet slippers to hard hats.
Rayne’s mother had multiple personalities.
Rayne looked nervous. She mouthed sorry and winced. She needed him to understand. She needed him to step up to the plate here.
She needed him.
He sat up straighter and opened the book. “Green Eggs and Ham,” he began, smiling. At least it was a book he had loved as a kid. So, he read it. Entirely. No one else spoke a single word while he was reading.
When he finished, Chrissy was frowning. “You didn’t read it right,” she insisted as she shoved off the floor and rushed from the room.
He was stunned by her outburst, and even more concerned about where she’d gone.
When the door to the adjoining room slammed, he realized it was probably a bathroom. His gaze shifted to Rayne. She looked concerned. “Oh, goody,” she murmured.
“What? Did I do something wrong.”
She sighed. “No, but there’s no telling who will emerge from that bathroom. All we can do is wait.”
He glanced at the closed door. “She has multiple personalities?”
“Yes. It’s called DID—dissociative identity disorder.”
“How many personalities does she have?”
“Not sure. More than twenty.” Rayne stood and came closer to him.
“There isn’t any medicine that would help her?” he asked, realizing how ridiculous that question was. Of course Rayne and her father would have done everything in their power.
“There are plenty of medicines, but the patient has to be willing to take them. My mother is not. Sometimes when I was a young child, she would take a prescription for a few months or even years at a time. Those days were the only normal ones I ever knew. But then she would stop, insisting she didn’t like how they made her feel. Eventually, we stopped nagging her and left her alone. It’s not worth the fight. At least this way she’s usually content.”
He wrapped an arm around her hips and drew her closer. “I’m sorry, baby. That must have been really hard growing up. And now too.”
“Yeah. It was. But it didn’t have to be as hard as my father made it. He didn’t want anyone to know, and he adamantly enforced that rule. Even now, a year after his death, I still struggle to shake his insistence.”
“How many people know?” he asked.
“One, now that you’re here.” She pursed her lips, staring down at him.
Wow. Oh God. This was huge. And whatever he chose to say next would be important. He held her gaze for a moment and then spoke. “You’re right. I’m here now. And I can handle this. I bet it’s even fun some days.” He glanced around the room. “Who’s the construction worker?”
“That would be Edward. He’s twenty-four and from New York City.” She smiled.
“Does he even have the accent?”
“Nope. But he thinks he does.”
Colin smiled, squeezing her tight. “See? Fun.”
“I’m not sure I would call it fun, but she’s my mother, so I do my best.”
The door to the bathroom opened and the person who emerged was not Chrissy. She was older now. Much older. She had on a robe and walked toward them with a cane, holding her back. Her hair was now in a bun at the base of her neck. “Hello,” she greeted. “I didn’t realize I had guests.”
“Hey, Josephine. How are you?” Rayne asked.
At lunchtime, Rayne watched her mother, now disguised as an eighty-year-old woman, leave the room to join the other patients in the cafeteria. Josephine waved goodbye, and Rayne promised to visit again soon.
She took Colin’s hand and tugged him from the chair he still sat in. “Let’s go. Josephine wears me out. She talks nonstop.”
He followed her, not releasing her grip. “She was nice, though, and not in a foul mood.” He stopped Rayne at the doorway and cupped her face. She loved the way he smiled down at her. “At least she didn’t ask me to read Red Fish, Blue Fish.”
Rayne giggled. “Nor did she critique your reading abilities.” As she led him from the room, down the hall, and out the front door, she felt a weight lifting off her shoulders.
She’d not only told someone about her mother, but she’d shown them. And the world had not ended. In fact, no one had judged her.
Colin led her to the Tahoe and helped her climb in before rounding the hood and entering his side.
She needed him to know something else important. “Before you ask, DID is not hereditary. It’s usually brought on by trauma. In my mom’s case, no one has ever been able to discern what might have happened to her, but we speculate she must have seen something or experienced something she couldn’t handle as a teenager or even younger.
“She managed to hold it together and avoid dissociating most of the time, but a few years after I was born, she couldn’t do it anymore. She started to slip. It took a while for my father to get her to see a psychiatrist, but eventually he had her diagnosed.”
“That must have been very hard for him.”
“Yes. I know he loved her. He did his best for her. He even kept her at home for many years until even the staff who worked for him grew concerned and felt she needed full-time inpatient care. I was already in Miami going to college by then.”
“What made you choose Miami?” he asked.
Now that the dam was open, she needed to unload the rest and let Colin judge her for himself if he was going to. “My father’s idea. He thought I should get as far away from Denver as I could and go on with my life. He was a good man, but he was much older than my mother and very old school.”
Colin’s brows were furrowed in concern. “Did you visit?”
She nodded. “A few times a year. I knew my mother was deteriorating, or more like giving up the fight. Patients with DID have some control over their treatment. If they don’t want to suppress the identities, they don’t have to. My mother prefers to let them all have their time.
“My father never tried to stop her, but he did hide her. I think he struggled with his embarrassment for many years. On the one hand, he didn’t want anyone to find out about her and judge him. On the other hand, I believe he really loved her and wanted her to be as happy and safe as possible.”
Colin reached over and took her hand. “Thank you for sharing, baby. I know this was hard for you.”
She nodded, emotion welling up again. She sucked in a breath and looked away. “Sorry. I’m not going to cry. I promise.”
He tugged her hand, drawing her closer. “Why not? Who says you can’t cry?”
She looked back at him as a tear fell. “My father.”
He swallowed. “Well, I’m sure he meant well, and he did the best he could with the cards he was dealt,
but he was wrong. It’s okay to get emotional. It’s okay to cry. It’s a lot to deal with. You carry around a huge heavy burden all the time. You need to let it go sometimes.”
She took several deep breaths, trying to rein in her emotions.
“Now I understand why there is such a wide variety of books in your library.”
She nodded. “And the gym. A few of her identities used it.”
He cupped her face and met her gaze. “So this is where you go twice a week?”
She swallowed. “Yes, but sometimes I visit other patients. Seeing my mother more often than once a week is too much for me. It’s draining. I’m not even sure she knows when I come. I let Suzette decide. I usually feel better after I spend time with people whose families live too far away or else just don’t come to visit often.”
She was unable to speak as she swiped away the lone tear and held back the rest. Maybe one day she would be able to really let herself feel, but not today. Not right here after everything else.
Colin squeezed her hand. “I get that your father ingrained in you that it wasn’t proper to tell people about your mother, but I’m not sure I understand why you think I would judge you for it. How does this family secret even come close to resembling what I told you about Sarah? You’re not to blame for your mother’s illness or even your father’s reactions.”
She pulled her palm free and wiped her tears with the backs of her hands, meeting his gaze. “It’s not about my mother or my father. I was afraid you would judge me for my choices.”
“What choices?” His brow was furrowed.
She glanced away. “When I told you it was my father’s idea for me to leave, that was true. But what’s also true is that I left. I escaped. And it was a relief. I went to Miami when I was nineteen and only came back to visit on holidays for all these years. I abandoned my mother and left my father to handle her.”
For a moment, Colin was silent, and then he reached for her chin and lifted it. “Nothing about this is the same. You spent your entire childhood on eggshells. Your father gave you this gift so you could have a life. You didn’t abandon anyone. Your father was here taking care of your mother the entire time. You were busy fulfilling your own dreams. No one can be expected to give up their entire lives for someone else. It wouldn’t have been healthy.”
Colin dipped his face a bit as if to ensure she was looking at him closely. “And, when it was time for you to come back, you did. You stepped up to the plate and returned. You didn’t have to. Your mother might not even know what you’re sacrificing. You could have simply paid for the facility and stayed in Miami. You’re the most admirable person I’ve ever met.”
Another tear slid down her cheek. “If what you say is truly how you feel, I think you also need to reconsider your opinion about Sarah. Maybe she made the best choice she was capable of. She could have aborted the baby or put it up for adoption. She could have even raised it on her own.
“But maybe she knew she wouldn’t be a good parent. Maybe she knew she was too young or not cut out to be a mother or any number of things. Maybe the best gift Sarah could have given Emily was to let her parents raise the child so she would have a good home and be well-adjusted. And maybe that was a relief to Sarah, but maybe it was also one for Emily.”
Colin stared at Rayne’s face for a long time, his gaze searching her expression. Finally, he licked his lips. “How did you get to be so smart?”
She shrugged. “My father made me study instead of letting me have friends over.” She forced a grin.
Colin chuckled. “Maybe that was the best thing he could have done to show you how much he loved you, by protecting you from what he anticipated would have been ridicule from your peers if they had known.”
She smiled. “Now who’s smart?” When Colin released her chin, she thrust herself forward, hugging him awkwardly across the center console.
He smoothed a hand up her back and buried it in her hair. “Everything is going to be okay,” he promised her. “We’re going to be okay. Everything is out there between us, and I’m not leaving. You’re not leaving. We’re going to make this work.”
It was almost too much. What she needed now was to be dominated. “Would you please take me back to the house?” she asked as she pulled away.
“Of course.” He didn’t move to start the car, though.
She realized she hadn’t given him enough information. He probably thought she wanted him to drop her off or something so she could be alone. “I need you to chase away the stress, Sir,” she added.
He smiled slowly. “That, I can do.”
CHAPTER 20
When they reached Rayne’s house, London wasn’t there. She’d left a note on the kitchen table saying that Pierce had taken her to lunch and then to the house she’d shared with Louis to retrieve some of her belongings.
Colin lifted a brow. “Should I be concerned about this Pierce guy?”
Rayne rolled her eyes and flattened her hand on his chest. “No. Never. He’s one of the good guys.”
Colin blew out a breath. “I worry about London.”
“I get it, but she’s a grown woman, and she needs to rebuild her life. She’s in good hands if she’s with Pierce.”
Colin set his hands on Rayne’s biceps and slid them up to her neck. “The house is empty then. Do you mind if I ravage you?”
She giggled. “Please, Sir, ravage me.” Her body came completely alive. In addition, she snapped into submissive mode instantly. She needed him to dominate her. It would clear her head and chase away the last of her hidden demons.
“I love the sound of that word on your lips. It makes my cock so hard.” He kissed her again. Teasing. His hand slid farther up her back and into her hair.
One second, they were standing in the kitchen, and the next second, he lifted her up by the butt and carried her out of the room.
She wrapped her legs around his waist as he made his way up the stairs and into her bedroom.
She moaned, angling for a deeper kiss as he lowered her back onto the bed, coming over her.
He grabbed her wrist and tugged her hand over her head, pressing it into the pillow, and then he consumed her, kissing her as if he hadn’t seen her in months. There was a new electricity between them.
At the pressure of his palm against her wrist, immobilizing her, she slid into submission. It worked every time. It was fast, and it made her pussy instantly wet and needy.
There was no doubt they clicked. He needed to restrain her, and she needed restraint. It was in her blood. She couldn’t have articulated it before a few weeks ago, nor had she ever realized it, but it fulfilled something in her that chased off every concern and left her relaxed.
It wasn’t that she’d never been restrained. She’d been playing in the scene for a long time before she left Miami. She’s experimented. But the Dom had never been the right one, she supposed. He had never been Colin. She’d never fully relaxed into the role and let her mind participate in a way that made her come hard, fast, and often.
Her lips were wet and swollen, her body on fire, when he released her mouth and spoke in a rough voice. “Take all your clothes off, and then I want you on your belly, arms above your head, holding the rungs of the headboard.”
Convenient that she’d purchased this mission-style bedroom furniture in her teens. It now provided the interesting juxtaposition of being D/s functional while having a pure feeling with the white paint at the same time.
Rayne stripped, tossing her clothes on the floor, and then she flipped onto her stomach and did as he demanded, wrapping her fingers around the headboard. She was well aware of him behind her, removing his own clothes.
Finally, he straddled her legs, set his hands on her thighs, and smoothed them up her body. As he molded his palms to her butt, he hissed. “Your skin is so soft and smooth.”
She smiled into the pillow, relaxing.
His hands continued up her body, massaging her back along the way and then stroking the sides of
her breasts.
She squirmed.
He had a way about him that always dragged out the prize. It was totally worth it. He scooted down her body and palmed her ass again, his fingers kneading her flesh, pulling it apart.
She closed her eyes and focused on how good it felt, trying to ignore the view he had.
“Safeword?”
“Red, Sir.”
“Good girl. Never be afraid to use it.”
“Okay, Sir.”
He released her butt, lifted one leg over her body, and then nudged his knee between her thighs, forcing them to separate.
She parted for him, and then wider when he joined that knee with his other one. Seconds later, his hands were on her thighs. “Lift onto your knees, baby.”
She wasn’t sure where he was going with this, but she lifted her ass into the air, her knees spread wide, supporting her body.
His hands went to the backs of her thighs and urged her to drag her knees forward. The next thing she knew, she stretched out similar to a yoga pose with her hands reaching above her head and her knees drawn up close to her chest. The only difference was that her knees were separated, leaving her pussy wide open and exposed.
The position somehow seemed to leave her more vulnerable than anything he’d done with her before, including actual bondage with ropes. The fact that she was expected to voluntarily hold this position for him aroused her on a new level.
He set a hand on her lower back, holding her down. Her ass would have been resting on her heels if they weren’t spread obscenely wide. His free hand smoothed down her thigh and then up the other one. By the time he pulled a finger through her folds, she was holding her breath.
“So wet. Always so wet for me. I think you like my form of dominance.”
“Very much, Sir.” There was no denying it, plus, why would she want to? The rewards were so delicious.
“Don’t release the headboard, baby. I’ve been wanting to claim you from behind like this for…well, probably longer than I should admit.”
Mastering Rayne (Club Zodiac Book 4) Page 16
