‘But……,’ Nic waits for me to continue.
‘But, I don’t know if I can forgive what he did. I’m afraid it will always be there in the back of my mind and I’ll never fully trust him.’
‘Yeah, I can see where you are coming from.’
‘It’s a massive dilemma. What do you think?’ I am hoping that Nic will give me some good advice.
‘It’s so difficult Sammi. No one can tell you what the right thing to do is. You have to follow your gut feeling.’
‘Unfortunately my gut is telling me to meet him and that scares me.’
‘I think you’ve got your answer then. You will always regret it if you don’t.’
I ponder over Nic’s words for the rest of the day. I ring Leanna and tell her about the letter.
‘Well you have to give it to the guy, he is persistent,’ she says after I have read it out to her.
‘He certainly is.’
‘It’s hard Sammi, because I was there to pick up the pieces when he broke you,’ Leanna reminds me.
‘I know.’
‘You were devastated and I hate him for doing that to you.’
I stay quiet and wait for her to say more. ‘But it is your life Sammi and I can see that you still love him. I don’t think you’ll ever be able to properly move on from him.’
‘I know that. I’ve tried dating and going out with other people but it’s never felt right.’
‘I suppose he technically didn’t cheat on you with Alice as you guys weren’t together when he hooked up with her.’
‘Yeah that’s something I keep holding on to.’
‘You need to do what’s right for you. I’ll support whatever you decide to do,’ Leanna says.
‘Thanks Leanna.’
‘Anyway it’s about time you get some action. You’re a complete misery when you aren’t getting any.’
‘Ha ha,’ I laugh sarcastically before hanging up.
Chapter 20
I t’s another hot bath and herbal tea night for me tonight. I need the quiet time to think. My bath is my sanctuary. A simple lavender bath gel is what I fancy tonight. Auntie Jo was not as encouraging as Nic or Leanna when I update her on my chat with Caspar and the letter he sent me.
Basically, she thinks I should steer clear of getting back into any sort of contact with him, even just as friends. I told her that my feelings were still strong for him and I felt that he was genuinely sorry for what he had done. In the end she told me to go with my heart and she hoped that things would work out.
I can’t help reminiscing about all the fun times I had with Caspar. No guy has ever compared to him. I hadn’t ever been able to make any relationship work since Caspar.
I sink deeper into the lavender scented water and feel my muscles unwind in the hot water. I miss Caspar. I desperately want to feel his arm wrapped around me. I want to spend nights in bed watching films cuddled up next to him. His kiss, I crave to feel his lips on mine. Our kisses were magnetic.
Can I forget everything and move on? Will I be able to get over any resentment I hold if I decide to get back with him? I know it would only poison and destroy our relationship. I make up a mental list of Pros and Cons.
Pros:
He didn’t cheat on me with Alice
Ellie is not his daughter
He is deeply sorry for what he has done
He realises he loves me
He has grown up and is more mature now.
Cons:
He slept with Alice
He ghosted me on my 21st and disappeared for 8 years
There are more pros on the list but the reasons on the con list are pretty major. Is everything between him and Alice truly over?
Or do they have some weird toxic relationship where they get drawn to one another every so often. But if they really loved each other, surely they would be together now? And they aren’t.
Can I trust him? He seems really genuine and everyone can make mistakes. I know that I really want to try again and like Nic said if I don’t try I may live to regret it.
Do people ghost again? Is there such a thing as a serial ghoster? Somehow, I don’t think he will. But I still don’t know what to do. I’ll have to sleep on it.
Today is the day that Caspar wants to meet. I have decided to go for it and meet him. I find it cute that he remembered the good old days and chose for us to meet in the hot tub. It’s totally cheesy but romantic as well. I have to find my best two piece swimsuit as I want to look good.
I am really nervous as I drive over to Passion. Thank god Gemma isn’t working a late shift tonight. It would be so cringy if she was here to witness our hot tub reunion. I haven’t seen much of her lately as her love life has suddenly heated up.
Luke, good old married Luke, her manager has split up from his wife. He caught her having an affair with their neighbour when he came home early from his shift at the gym. Luke had swapped shifts last minute and turned up early with a takeaway to surprise her. He was the one who got the surprise when he found his wife and neighbour in a compromising position in the lounge.
Luke didn’t waste a minute to start divorce proceedings. A couple of weeks later, he started wining and dining Gem. She is literally floating on cloud nine. They are really cute together and I know he is taking her out on a date tonight
I don’t see Caspar in the reception area which is good as I don’t want him to see me before the hot tub. I did arrive half an hour before we are due to meet so I have plenty of time to get ready.
I spend time reapplying my foundation and highlighter to get a soft glowy complexion. I put on some waterproof mascara. Now for the hair. I pile it up high into a bun. I can’t risk wearing it down as it will get all frizzy and wild at the slightest hint of moisture.
The beauty of a Saturday night at the gym is that it’s dead after 7 pm. I’m pretty certain Caspar knew that when he picked this time. Sure there are a few saddos who have nothing better to do than work out on a Saturday night. Not to mention a few blokes who pop in to give their muscles a quick pump before going out in town to pull the ladies.
I look at the time. It is almost 8pm. I don’t want to go out too early. I don’t know if it’s better for me to be in the hot tub before Caspar arrives or if I should wait a bit.
I don’t want to look to keen and I do look pretty good in my bikini so it wouldn’t hurt to let Caspar see what he’s been missing. It’s 8:05pm. I think it’s acceptable to go out now. A couple of middle-aged ladies come in to the changing room from their swim. Right, it’s now or never. I pick up my towel and wrap it round me.
I take a deep breath and head out to the pool area. My heart is pumping fast. I hope I don’t trip up or slip on the wet floor. That would be such a Sammi thing to do. Concentrate on your walking, I tell myself.
I am so busy thinking about not slipping that I actually do slip a bit on my way out but I manage to catch myself before I fall.
God I hope he hasn’t seen that. I look over to the hot tub but no one is in there. A couple of swimmers are gliding gracefully up and down the lanes. What should I do, wait until he comes in or should I just get in?
There are some loungers by the pool, maybe I should just wait there. What if he doesn’t turn up? He might be getting me back for not showing up the other day. What if this is all some type of set up?
‘Sammi,’ I hear Caspar’s voice behind me.
I turn around and he is standing there looking totally gorgeous in his swim shorts. His abs are rock hard and his skin is golden brown.
‘Hi,’ I whisper shyly.
‘You turned up,’ he leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek. That is very chaste of him but I respect the fact that he is not overstepping boundaries.
‘Shall we go in?’ he points to the bubbling hot tub.
‘Definitely,’ I smile at him and start to relax.
I drop my towel onto one of the loungers and follow him in. I can see Caspar checking me out as I enter the hot tub.
‘Wow Sammi,’ he smiles appreciatively as he watches me get in.
‘Stop,’ I blush as I lower myself into the bubbles.
‘I’m so happy you turned up Sammi,’ he takes my hand and looks into my eyes. ‘I meant everything I said, I’ve grown up. No more messing up, no more mistakes.’
I squeeze his hand back.’ I’ve still got doubts Caspar. You hurt me deeply and I don’t know if I can fully trust you yet.’
‘We’ll take it slow, I promise. No pressure.’
‘Okay.’
We catch up on each other’s lives over the last 8 years. Caspar laughs at my wedding stories. He retrained and worked his way up to manager in a very successful graphic design company. He decided to move back to Roseford as it is close to work and he fancied coming back to his hometown.
‘So do you see Ellie much then?’ I try to ask casually.
‘When I can, she is a great kid. Believe it or not, Aaron and I are really close,’ Caspar explains. ‘He tried to make things work with Alice for Ellie’s sake.’
‘Did he like her that much then?’ I ask.
‘No but thought he should do the right thing. She wasn’t interested.’
‘Hankering after you, no doubt.’
‘That’s over, Sammi, seriously there is nothing between us,’ he says seriously.
‘Does she know that, though?’
‘Trust me, I’ve made it perfectly clear.’
We get switch over to lighter topics of conversations and get back to our old easy banter. The pool has completely cleared out and we are the only ones here. We decide to go in the steam room for a bit. It is really romantic as the ceiling is studded with little twinkly lights and it smells lush from the essential oils they release with the steam. We each lie down on a bench and enjoy the heat.
Caspar puts his hand on my thigh and I look at him. He leans in to kiss me and our lips make contact. The kiss is perfect. It’s getting hotter in here by the minute. I know we are in a steam room but that’s not what’s making my temperature rise. We pull away after a few minutes and decide that it’s time to leave.
We both hit the cold shower outside the steam room. We both need to cool down. We get changed and meet out in reception. The gym has started putting on cocktail and alcoholic smoothie nights on a Saturday so the bar is busy with very good looking gym members looking to hook up.
‘Do you fancy a cocktail?’ Caspar asks me.
‘No not really,’ I say.
We kiss in the car park. I know Caspar wants us to continue the date and spend the night together. I really want to but I must show some restraint. However, the heat from the steam room has made me feel a bit light-headed and I have lost my inhibitions.
Caspar and I head back to my house. We are barely in the door when we start kissing each other frantically and pulling each other’s clothes off. I lead Caspar up to my bedroom and we make love.
It’s passionate and fast as we are desperate to be with each other.
Later, we make love more slowly. It’s intense and even better after all these years. When we are finished I fall sleep in his arms and have the best night’s sleep I’ve had in ages.
I wake up the next morning still wrapped in Caspar’s arms. He smiles at me as he slowly wakes up. I smile back and he leans over to kiss me. I hesitate kissing him back because I am worried about morning breath. He doesn’t seem to mind or notice so we spend the next few minutes snogging like a pair of lovesick teenagers.
We spend a couple more hours chilling and dozing in the bed watching really bad Sunday morning tv.
‘Are you hungry?’ I turn over and look at Caspar.
‘Definitely,’ he gives me a cheeky smile.
‘Do you fancy going out for brunch? I know a great new place.’ I think back to the fantastic brunch I had with Leanna at Pure.
How ironic that we were there just a few weeks ago discussing my problems with Caspar. Today, I could be there having a brunch date with him.
‘Sounds good to me,’ Caspar stretches out a bit.
I wait for him to get out of bed first. I am not wearing anything. Neither is Caspar. But I really don’t want to be the first one up as I feel totally shy about him seeing me fully starkers in broad daylight. I feel a bit awkward as I wait. Caspar breaks the awkwardness by sitting up and putting his boxers on.
‘Do you mind if I grab a shower,’ he asks.
‘No of course not, there are clean towels in the wicker basket in there,’ I point towards the en-suite bathroom.
‘You can always join me if you want,’ he winks at me.
Chapter 21
W hile Caspar is in the shower, I quickly scramble out of bed and find my dressing gown. I put it on, relieved to have avoided walking naked around him. I open up my wardrobe to pick an outfit. We finish getting ready and drive over to Pure. It is busy in there but the waitress tells us there should be a table free in about ten minutes so we sit down in the waiting area.
Caspar picks up a paper and I scan over the tables to indulge in some people watching. There are quite a few couples in here enjoying a lazy Sunday breakfast. Other couples are barely engaging with each other. Instead they are glued to their phones. It’s interesting observing all the different dynamics between the couples.
Caspar reaches over and gives my thigh a squeeze. I look up and get little butterflies in my stomach. I can’t believe I am sitting here with Caspar Danes and that we are so loved up. I never could have imagined this a few days ago.
We know each other so well but it also feels like we are in the first flushes of a new relationship.
I look round the tables again, feeling content sitting next to Caspar. I see a familiar blonde girl sitting with Luke from the gym.
Gosh, I wasn’t expecting to bump into anyone I knew. All I need next is for Leanna and Auntie Jo to come in. There is no way we can really remain unnoticed by Luke and Gemma. I wish I would have had the chance to tell my friends about our reconciliation instead of them finding out like this. At least it’s Gemma though. I know she will be happy for me.
I mentally prepare my reaction for when we walk past their table. However we are still waiting in the seating area, when Gemma and Luke stand up to leave. They head over towards us and Luke goes to pay at the till. I haven’t seen Gemma since she officially got together with Luke. I watch them. They do look really happy together and they make a totally cute couple.
Gemma finally sees me and waves as she comes over. ‘Sammi’, she squeals as she hugs me.’ How are you?’
‘Yeah good,’ I say sheepishly waiting for her to notice my companion. It takes her a little while to click.
‘Who are you meeting here?’ she looks around to see if it’s anyone she knows.
‘Actually….,’ I begin to answer and I see that she suddenly notices Caspar. She does well to keep composed.
‘I’m here with Caspar,’ I finish my sentence.
‘That’s great,’ she says enthusiastically and greets Caspar. ‘We really need to catch up soon Sammi. It’s been ages and I’ve got loads to tell you.’
‘Totally,’ I agree and look over at Luke. ‘I can’t wait to hear all about things.’
Luke has finished paying and comes over to us. He takes Gemma’s hand.
‘Look, it’s Sammi,’ Gemma tells him. ‘She’s here with Caspar.’
‘Hi Sammi,’ Luke turns to Caspar. ‘Alright Caspar mate?’
‘Yeah, good mate,’ he smiles.
Luke pats his back. ‘We need to sort a time to go out for those beers.’
I forgot Luke was good friends with Caspar.
‘Yeah we must, I’ll text you later and we’ll sort something out.’
We say goodbye after I promise to call Gemma later. Finally we get shown to our table. I am ravenous by now and can’t wait to tuck in to a big plate of scrummy food.
‘Wow, this menu is pretty immense,’ Caspar says as he goes through the menu.
‘It’s all so good,’ I tell him as I wave ov
er the waitress to order an Apricot Fizz. The brunch was just as amazing today as it was with Leanna. After we finish our food, Caspar suggests we go back to watch a film in bed.
‘I’m not usually so lazy,’ he tells me, ‘but I just really fancy a duvet day with you.’
‘I bet you’re usually down the gym for a double session on a Sunday,’ I joke.
‘You think you know me so well,’ Caspar replies back sarcastically, ‘but yeah actually you are pretty spot on.’
We get into the car to make our way back to mine for our afternoon film session.
‘So how do you know Luke?’ I ask casually as I turn on the ignition and reverse out of the space.
‘We used to play on the same football team when we were younger. We’ve stayed friends, he’s a decent bloke.’
‘He was married wasn’t he?’
‘To Rachel but she was a total control freak, I am so glad he’s separated from her.’
We arrive back at mine and snuggle into bed with a nice hot cup of tea and a film. We both end up falling asleep when the movie finishes. Caspar spoons against me and puts his leg over mine. I feel so safe and secure being held so close to him.
We don’t wake up until 6 pm.
‘It’s later than I thought,’ Caspar kisses me on the neck. ‘I better get going, I have some work I need to do for tomorrow.’
I really wish he could stay tonight as well but I know I can’t be clingy. After he leaves I check my phone. I have a few texts mainly from Gemma and Leanna. Gemma is insistent that I call her ASAP.
‘It’s about time,’ she says straight away as she picks up the phone.
‘Sorry, he’s only just left.’
‘What has happened since I last saw you?’ Gemma demands to know. ‘The last thing I knew was that Caspar was someone you were obsessed with avoiding.’
‘I know but after I saw him at the gym, he came to my work and he wouldn’t leave me alone until I heard his side of the story,’ I explain.
‘Okay well what did he say?’ she asks.
So I fill her in on the whole Alice pregnancy situation.
‘Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. It’s all so mental,’ Gemma is blown away by the whole story.
Ghosted: Wicked Wedding Planners Series Page 19
