by K R Caverly
But no matter what I do, Sebastian never seems to leave my mind. I hate him more and more with each passing day, and sometimes I just clench my fists and imagine he's there, so I can punch him. All I want is for it to be the day that Marco and I go to his house and I get to pull that trigger, once and for all.
I know what I have to do this.
I know I have to end this.
Finally, after what feels like forever, it's time.
The morning of the day Marco takes me to kill Sebastian, I wake up with a start. As soon as I check my alarm, I race into the shower and get dressed, then hurry down the stairs to the door. Marco is waiting for me there, dressed up in one of those overly expensive drug dealer suits, a cigarette dangling from his lips.
"You ready, my love?" he asks, smirking at me, his dark green eyes looking sadistic as ever.
I pull the gun out of my pocket, load it, and then smile. "I've always been ready," I say. He steps forward and kisses me again, his breath hot and full of desire. His hand snakes down my back to my butt, and he smiles at me as he touches me, more of a smirk than a genuine smile.
I force myself to smile back, even though I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable. "What's the plan?" I say, trying to change the subject. It feels off to be this close to him, to have his head on my shoulders, to have him kissing my collarbone like this. It's odd, how he kisses me only for his own desire, not also to make me feel good like Sebastian does. Or, should I say, did.
Marco hands me my cellphone in between his kisses, then pulls back and looks at me with those intense green eyes of his. "You call him," he says. "Tell him I tried to kill you. Tell him you're sorry, and you need to go back to his house. He'll listen to you. He's an idiot, my love, an idiot blinded by his love for you. He won't even see it coming. And then when you go to meet him, I'll accompany you as support, and you get to do the honors." A huge grin spreads across his face. He's been hunting Sebastian so long, I realize, and now, finally, he's going to get him.
All because of me.
I keep my voice as carefree and determined as possible as I say, not looking away, "I'm ready." Then: "And what will you do to my parents, once you get them?"
Sebastian flicks his tongue back and forth in his mouth. "Any requests?" he asks, his green eyes burning into mine like a snake's.
"Keep them alive." I barely hide the hesitation in my voice. "That's all."
He grins harder. "I can do that." He leans in and kisses me again, hot and slippery, so wrong, but I kiss him back anyway, because the utterly wonderful numbness returns when my lips touch his.
He pulls away, barely restraining himself. "Call him," Marco says gruffly, taking in a deep breath. "I'll claim you later. Okay?"
I nod. A part of me is relieved to have him off of me, though, and I automatically hate myself for it. I'm still in love with Sebastian, I think as I start dialing his number. Luckily, the part that hates him for what he did to me largely outweighs the rest.
The phone rings once, twice, three times before someone picks it up. My heart is pounding the whole time, but I keep my eyes narrowed for Marco, who is watching me from the side. I can't look weak. I can't be weak. Not ever again.
I'm ready to do this, I remind myself as my finger brushes over the cool gun in my hand.
I'm ready to end this.
After another minute, there's a click on the other end of the line. I hold my breath as the anger builds back up inside of me, listening to the phone crackle for one second, two seconds. "Angel?" The voice on the other end of the line is full of suspicion, but it's definitely Sebastian's. My whole body hurts. Freezes.
Sebastian.
My Sebastian.
The Sebastian who betrayed me.
Who lied to me.
Who ruined my life.
I bite down on my lip, hard, barely resisting the urge to scream at him. My heart pounds faster and faster, and I let myself morph into the person I'm supposed to be playing: the desperate Crystal, the Crystal who needs Sebastian, not the one who wishes he were dead.
"Sebastian?" I keep my voice as innocent and desperate as possible. "Sebastian, is that… is that you?" I sense Marco smiling at my little performance, knowing this is going to be the end of Marco. I hate myself already for doing this to him, but I know it's right. I know he deserves it.
"Yes, angel. Of course it's me." Sebastian's voice is so sad and broken and intense all at once that it hurts to hear.
I bite down on my lip harder this time. "Marco tried to kill me," I say, making sure my voice cracks for dramatic effect. "He--he's after. Please, Sebastian. I'm sorry for what I said to you. I'm sorry for leaving you. I was just… I was just angry, but now I need you," I whisper. "I need to go back to the house. Will you meet me there?"
There's a pause at the other end of the line, and the phone crackles. My heart pounds faster and faster, but I already know he's going to say yes. I already know he can't say no to me.
The fucking idiot.
"Angel," he says, and his voice is so innocent, so hurt. "I'm sorry. But are you sure this isn't a trap--"
"Of course it isn't," I say quickly, making sure my voice is filled with as much need as possible. I force myself to start sobbing a little, which makes Marco smile. "Please, Sebastian," I say in between tears. "Please, save me."
"Okay okay," Sebastian says quickly, his voice filled with concern. "Come to the house now. I'll be outside waiting for you. I'm sorry," he whispers, and his voice sounds so broken. "I love you, okay?"
"Okay," I say, forcing myself to sob again. "I'll be there."
Then, I take a deep breath, and I hang up. Marco slaps me on the back, laughing to himself, telling me Sebastian is a goner, and I feel a small smile tickle across my lips at that, because I know it's the truth. And even in the silence on the other end of the line, where Sebastian's voice just was, all I can think is one word: I'm going to kill you.
* * *
Marco parks his black SUV in the street behind Sebastian's safe house, gliding it to a stop. The sky is starting to darken now, and there is no sound but the slight howling of wind through the branches and chirping of crickets all around us. I slowly open my door and step out, feeling the cool pavement beneath my feet. Marco follows my lead, handing me my gun and looking up at me, his face illuminated by a pale streetlight overhead. Even through the darkness, I can see that same vicious look in his eyes, the look of someone ready for revenge. Kind of like me. "Are you ready?" he asks in a low voice.
I can see that he's ready, too.
I can see he wants to end this as badly as I do.
I check to make sure my gun is loaded, then slip it into my pocket and nod at him. "I've been ready for a long time now," I whisper, meaning it. And right now, in the cool night air, feels like the perfect time to do it.
Marco's smile grows. "Good, my love," he says. "I'll stay behind you. You take care of Sebastian, and I'll do the rest. And then, you'll be all mine. Forever."
I give a small smile. "I know," I say, taking a step toward the house. And then, just like that, I'm off.
The front porch lights are on in Sebastian's safe house, illuminating the expanse of green hill. The whole place is at a deadly hush, like the wind is whispering, waiting for what's about to go down. I keep my hand in my pocket, clenching the gun, as I come around the side of the house, through several entangled bushes, and start walking toward the front door, where I know Sebastian is waiting. The quiet sound of leaves crunching under my feet fills the air, and I listen to the monotonous hum it all, as leave after leave gets destroyed.
Marco stays a good distance behind me, not making a sound, and it isn't until then that I realize how quickly my heart is pounding, how much my throat is hurting from the cold, how chilled the blood in my veins has become.
I keep my eyes narrowed, determined, as I come around the side of the house. I take step after step, inhaling, exhaling, trying to stay calm. I know what to do. I've known for so long. And this is right--I know tha
t now--but I can't help but feel so, so nervous.
Finally, I reach the front yard, and my body gets bathed in the intense porch lights of the giant house. I don't squint, though. Don't even hesitate. I just keep walking to the front steps, where a figure is standing. I have to work to hide my smile.
I know it's Sebastian, waiting for me.
Oh, how goddamn predictable he can be.
His face comes into vision as I draw nearer. It's surprisingly calm, although there is obvious worry etched into his features, like he knows what's about to go down. He's dressed in his usual business clothes, his head held high as he stands among the marble steps, two white pillars on either side of him. His blue eyes lock with mine almost immediately, and then something strange happens: he shakes his head.
Doesn't say "I'm so glad to see you." Doesn't say "Are you okay?" Doesn't check to make sure I'm not hiding something from him. He just shakes his head.
"Angel," he says, watching me with that hawklike gaze, but his voice is almost regretful.
"Sebastian," I say back. I stop at the bottom steps, just a few feet away from him. Behind him stand my parents, who are watching me intently, who are obviously alarmed. I don't meet their gazes, though. I'm done looking at them. "You came."
"It doesn't have to be like this," he says, his voice full of regret, but it's so quiet it practically drifts off with the wind. The sky is dark, so dark, and only the porch light illuminates his face.
I can hear Marco coming up behind me, can feel that it's almost time to end this once and for all, and even through my furiously pounding heart, I take a deep breath. I lock eyes with Sebastian. I prepare myself.
"Yes," I say slowly, hearing Marco a few feet to my life, just beyond their line of vision.
"Yes, angel?" Sebastian asks, narrowing his eyes at me.
He knows what I'm going to do. It hits me then. He knows, and he wants me to stop.
And then I force a smile, because I know with every part of me that this is it. This is the moment I've been waiting for. This is the moment it all ends, and Sebastian can do nothing to stop it.
I reach into my pocket, and I pull out my gun, aiming it directly at Sebastian's head. "Yes, it does have to be like this."
My mom screams. My dad covers her in her arms, whispering something into her ear. But Sebastian doesn't even seem afraid--just sad. It's weird, how he changed since I called him. It's like he was expecting this all along. He just keeps shaking his head.
Marco bursts out of the shadows then, holding a gun of his own, and I hear my mom crying, hear my dad comforting her, and yet, I feel nothing. I just keep staring at Sebastian, at those beautiful blue eyes of his, my fingers hovering at the trigger.
"It doesn't have to be like this. Don't be like me, angel," Sebastian pleads, narrowing his eyes at me. His voice is so sad, so full of regret.
"Shoot him," Marco barks at my side, aiming his gun at my parents. "Shoot him before he tries to pull anything."
My heart beats faster, but I don't shoot, not yet. I know the plan; I have to wait. One second, two seconds. Three. Four.
He sighs. "Yes, angel," he says, his blue eyes burning into mine, as if he's trying to warn me not to do this one last time. "Shoot me."
A smile flickers across my lips. Even through everything, it still feels good to talk to him. Anger rushes inside of me, bubbling up, seeping through the core of my being, and I feel my finger moving closer and closer to the trigger, feel my head and heart pounding so hard I swear they're going to explode. But I don't shake. I don't let myself be weak.
I can't ever be weak again.
"You would like that, wouldn't you?" I say to him calmly.
"Shoot him!" Marco shouts, louder this time, but I block him out.
This moment is just me and Sebastian. Just me and him. This moment is all about revenge.
I don't dare take my eyes off of him. I focus on his every word, waiting for the signal.
"It only feels right, coming from you." He's still staring at me, as if begging me not to do what he's know I'm going to do. I can tell he's stalling, trying to convince me not to, but my mind is already made up.
I'm going to do whatever it takes to be happy.
"SHOOT HIM!" Marco screams at my side. "Shoot him, my love! Shoot him or I will!"
My heart is pounding furiously and my mom keeps sobbing and my head keeps hurting, but I try to push it all away, to just focus on this moment, on the trigger, on the feel of the gun in my hand. I block out everything but me and Sebastian, but what he did to me, but what he will do. And I click off the safety and press my finger to the trigger, and then I hold it there. "Any last words?" I whisper to Sebastian, eyes boring into his.
"DO IT NOW!" Marco screams, his voice becoming increasingly desperate.
My whole body hurts, but it's all focused, finally in order. My finger twitches at the trigger, itching to pull it.
I keep my gun trained on Sebastian's forehead, just as Marco showed me.
I know what I have to do.
And I know the time is now.
"Yes," Sebastian whispers, and he sounds so defeated it hurts. "Just a few." He drops his gaze, his eyes burning into mine, and every part of my body is screaming at me at once, and I know this is it. This is the moment. "Don't do this," Sebastian whispers.
And then I fire.
Chapter Twenty-One
The shot rings out through the night, shattering the silence that was just there. It reverberates throughout my ears, the end-all of all of this, the final piece in Sebastian's grand plan.
And I've just completed it.
I keep my eyes trained on Sebastian the whole time, and he looks back at me, regret spreading across his features as soon as I pull the trigger.
Because my gun is no longer trained on him. It's pointing at Marco, whose shirt is now pooling with blood where the gunshot went through, complete alarm all over his face. He stares at me, horrified, and I just shrug.
"Keep your friends close," I whisper into his ear as he stiffens up, then falls back, crumpling to the ground. "And your enemies closer."
Then, he collapses back, lifeless.
Sebastian forces a smile. "You did it, angel," he says, walking over toward me, but his voice is sad too, sad that it ended the way it did. Sad that it turned me into him. "You remembered the plan B I told you about."
I grin at him, launching myself at his warm, muscular body, letting him wrap his arms around me and hold me close. I breathe him in, loving his familiar masculine scent, and the feel of his body against mine is too great to explain. Sebastian holds me here, and it is feels better than anything else could possibly feel.
"Of course," I whisper, and I feel his breath on my lips, hot and heavy and giving me tingles. I squirm as he holds me, his fingers touching my skin, moving up and down my side. I can't wait to go back in the house with him, to let him inside of me again. "I could never forget your grand plan. And Marco fell for it, just as you said."
Sebastian kisses me, but he seems almost reluctant. "You shouldn't have done that, angel. But at least we're safe again." And as he holds me there, I know that I need him. I need him to put me back together. And I need to do the same for him, like always.
My parents are staring at us, horrified. "What is going on?" my mom asks, speechless. She's still shaking, but her crying has stopped, and disbelief has replaced it.
Sebastian just shakes his head, continuing to smile at me, and then he turns to them. "I told her one night, that if anything ever went wrong, to befriend Marco and give me up in exchange for her freedom. But this stubborn brat decided to finish the job and kill him, all by herself. When she learned that I was hiding you two here, I think she knew this was the moment I meant."
I feel myself smiling. All of the betrayal was real, of course. I hated Sebastian, for a little while. But I also know I love him too much to stay away. I know I'll do anything for us to be together--and that's exactly what I did.
Even though he didn
't want it.
It saved us both.
He holds me close now, his lips pressing against mine, and the hurt in my heart that has been there since I started living with Marco fades away, heals, just from his kiss.
Sebastian would never hurt me.
Sebastian would never disobey my trust.
I would never have left him after I learned that he was hiding my parents, if it hadn't been for that plan.
I would never leave Sebastian.
I kiss him harder and harder, loving the feel of his body against mine, his erection pressing against my inner thigh. But even in the victory, even in the silence of the night, I freeze. I look past Sebastian, at my parents, at them, at all they did to me, and I realize then that there is still a hurt in my heart. There is still that same pain that has been bothering me since childhood.
And I am done with pain. I just want happiness. I just want Sebastian.
"What's wrong?" Sebastian whispers suddenly, feeling my body stiffen up, but I'm not looking at him anymore.
My gaze has shifted to my parents, who are still standing at the top of the staircase, free after all they did. Free and happy and not caring about the pain they caused me, the years of abandonment and neglect, the almost killing me.
And suddenly, I know there is one thing left to do for me to be truly happy.
"Kill them," I say quietly to Sebastian. The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them, but they feel more right than anything I've ever said before.
Sebastian stiffens up, lets me go. "What?" he asks. "Angel, what are you--"
"Kill them," I repeat, louder this time. I keep my gaze trained on my parents, who have started backing up against the wall.
Sebastian's fiery blue eyes burn into mine, and he grips me, searching my eyes to see whether or not I'm serious about this. "Angel, what are you talking about?" he whispers. "Kill them? They're your pare--"
"I said fucking kill them!" I say, choking out a sob, letting all of the pain out that has been festering over the years. "They ruined my life, Sebastian! They abandoned me when I needed them most! They gave me life, and then they took everything for me. I almost died because of them! I sure as hell lost everything I cared about! Kill them, Sebastian. Just fucking kill them. Kill them so I can be happy again." I shove my gun into his hand. Tears pour out of my eyes and I just want to scream at the memories of my neglect, of the thought of being on that roof again, wanting to die, all because my parents abandoned me.
