An old lady shuffles by and I shoot Katie a dirty look. “You don’t need to let the whole dog park know.”
She shrugs. “I’d be proud. And if anyone’s going to judge you for it they’re even more insane then you seem to be.”
Her terrier, Casper, comes up with a ratty tennis ball he found somewhere. It’s falling all apart, the seams ripped open and mud slathered all over its face but to Casper it’s a gold nugget of a find. Katie throws it for him then wipes some slobber off on her leggings.
“The sex part is great,” I say, looking out across the part. “Really great. Like… Wow.”
“So you’ve said.” She grins. “But you can always tell me again. With more details, of course.”
I groan. “It’s so good I can’t even think about it, Katie. It drives me insane.”
She murmurs in agreement. “Yikes.”
“It’s just… I think my emotions are getting the best of me.”
“You mean you’re getting attached.”
I sigh. “Yep.”
Katie hisses. “It happens to the best of us. What can I say? I think it’s just the biology of women.”
“And men,” I point out. “Men get attached to.”
“Yeah, but sex is different for men and women.”
“Okay, now you’re being sexist. Women can have sex just like men.”
“Of course they can. I’m not saying they can’t. I’m just saying women are more likely to get attached. I read there’s a hormone or something that makes a female bond to any man who puts his pecker in her. It’s because she might be pregnant. She wants to make sure there’s a dude around to chop wood and hunt woolly mammoths to feed her baby with.”
I fold my arms and look away again. I don’t remember learning anything like this in nursing school. It might be true and it might not be, but I’m not in the mood to get into an argument with her.
“And,” Katie begins. “It’s Zack. I know I’ve never met the guy, but you’ve told me everything about him. I mean, come on, how could you not fall for him. He’s a big part of your past.”
“We were never an item.”
“Close enough.”
“It’s not just him,” I say in a small voice.
Katie whips her sunglasses off, her eyes wide and staring into mine. “It’s both of them? You’re falling for both?!”
I bury my face in my hands. “Oh my God,” I groan.
“Oh my God, thank you!”
“It’s supposed to be just sex, Katie. Nothing else.” I shake my head. “I’m going to have to call it off.”
“How long has it been since you’ve seen them?”
“Over three weeks.”
“And they haven’t tried to get in touch?”
“Zack has a few times, but I’ve been busy.”
“Bullshit. You didn’t get up till two last Sunday. You mean you told him you were busy.”
“Same thing.”
Casper runs up and jumps onto the bench between us. I lift him and set him in my lap, my fingers finding the spot on his chin where he likes to be scratched the most. “At least I still have you,” I sadly tell the dog.
Katie makes a disgusted face. “Wow, even I don’t talk to him like that, and I haven’t had a boyfriend in a year.”
“I’m giving up men.”
She guffaws. “Whatever you say.”
“Or at least two men at one time. I can’t handle it.”
She nods. “I’ve heard it can be quite difficult to get double stuffed at once.”
“Can we please get serious? And we haven’t done… that.”
“Really? That’s interesting...”
“Why?”
“I would think that would be the best part of this whole deal.”
“Well I’ll never know, I guess. I’m done.”
Her eyes narrow.
“What?” I ask. “You don’t believe me?”
“I don’t get it. Have you even talked about this with Zack and Ethan yet?”
“We don’t need to talk about it. Everything was made clear before we even hooked up for the first time. And I told you about me and Zack...”
“Yeah, which is another thing I don’t get. This guy sounds like he’s really into you, Mindy. Or at least he was years ago. If he went through the trouble of making you part of his dirty fantasy he probably still harbors some kind of feelings for you.”
A little hope flares in my heart but I quickly tamp it down. “It doesn’t matter. I turned him down years ago, way before he was successful. He didn’t have two dollars to put together back then, and now that he has billions?” I exhale heavily.
“Another thing. How are you so sure about what they’re worth?”
I hesitate. I suck for being so guilty about being so sneaky. “I looked them up,” I finally admit.
“Ah.”
“What I was saying is that I’m gonna look like a golddigger if I go after Zack now.”
“So tell him the truth. You really like him and you’re not after his money. He knows you. It doesn’t sound like he’s going to believe you’re so shallow.”
“Isn’t that what all golddiggers say? That they’re not after the money?”
Her mouth twists. “Uh… Yeah, I guess so.” She sighs and reaches over to rub the top of Casper’s head. “Do whatever you think you need to do. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
I nod and swallow hard. “I don’t want to either. So that’s why I need to be smart. I need to break things off before they go any further. That’s that. I mean it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Give them my number.”
“Seriously?”
She barks out a laugh. “No. I know for a fact I wouldn’t be able to handle them.”
I bite my lip and pray to God I have the strength to go through with my new promise.
After a few more minutes of no talking we leave the dog park. I wave goodbye to Katie and hurry to my duplex to get dressed for my eleven AM shift at the hospital. Through every action, from showering to pulling on my scrubs to slipping on my shoes, Zack and Ethan are on my mind.
As if it isn’t bad enough to have feelings for Zack, now I also have them for Ethan. The situation I’ve found myself in is the exact one I was afraid of.
But I’d gone for it anyway. I’d pushed that fear down, let my hormones override rational thinking. And now I’m here, heading for pain.
I grit my teeth and grab my bag. This has to stop. Now.
Zack must be able to sense the decision I’ve made because the second I step out of the subway there’s a text from him.
Hey, haven’t heard from you for a while. How are you? Want to hang out tonight?
The phone shakes in my unsteady hand. I step over to the corner, out of the way of foot traffic, and take in a deep breath. When that doesn’t work I close my eyes and try to clear my head.
Find your happy place, I tell myself. Just find your happy place.
Unfortunately, my happy place is me sandwiched right between Ethan and Zack.
“Shit.”
I drop the cell phone in my bag and hurry over to the hospital. I have no answer for Zack. Since I’ve been ignoring him for weeks he no doubt now suspects something is up. Continuing to write him off this way is also mean, but I don’t know how to end things between us.
I also don’t want to.
I need some time to think about all of this, though the sooner I get ending things over with the better. Once I’m free of Zack and Ethan I can start dating other guys. I can get back to looking for a man who is actually a match for me.
It’s an idea that far from excites me. In fact, it depresses me. There’s no one like Zack. There’s no one like Ethan. Alone, they’re both amazing, their pros way outweighing their cons. And together?
Together they’re the perfect man. With Zack’s sensitivity and open heart and Ethan’s quick wit and strong demeanor they’re everything I want.
�
�No, no, no.”
“You okay honey?”
I jump and turn to see Yolanda smiling at me. Somehow I’ve made it all the way to the nurse’s station without even noticing where I was going.
I give her a tight smile. “Great. I’m great.”
The emergency room, the one thing I can count on in my life to always hold a constant, pulses with activity. I throw myself into my work. There’s no other way to be an emergency room nurse, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The people who walk through the doors of Bronx-Lebanon need me. They count on me to give them answers, bandage their cuts, and soothe their fears. There’s no place for my personal life on the floor.
Until things slow down for a bit and I go to take a coffee break. Headed back from the break room, I stop by my locker and pull my cell phone out… just to take a look.
Also, because I’m a masochist.
There’s a new text, but it’s not from Zack.
It’s from Ethan.
I pull the message open, my heart jumping into my throat.
Mindy, we’d really like to see you soon. Let me know when is good.
My ears buzz. Did Ethan talk to Zack? Do they suspect I’m ignoring them? Is their texting me on the same day part of some plan to corner me and get me to break?
I don’t know and I can’t ever know. I also can’t deal with this now. I put the phone back into my locker and get back to work.
By eleven PM my feet and head pound to high Heaven. The day has done a number on me, both physically and emotionally. Only two hours before a man came in suffering from a heart attack. It hit him when he was walking just around the corner with his wife. Some people picked him up and carried him here. We rushed him into care immediately and did everything we could.
But now, one hour away from midnight, he’s dead and his wife is in the lobby crying and waiting for her family to get here.
I slump down into a hard plastic chair in the break room, my soles and my heart running a real competition in the aching department.
It hasn’t been the worst shift I’ve ever had. Those few really unbearable ones I’ve tried to wipe from my mind, pretend that they never happened. I don’t like to remember things like child abuse and gun violence exist, though when they walk in through the door of the emergency room I do what I committed myself to long ago and deal with them.
And then usually I let them go.
But tonight is different.
I spread my legs and drop my head between them. I’m run ragged, absolutely stretched to my limit. If my shift weren’t ending I would maybe be on the verge of a panic attack.
It’s the whole thing with Zack and Ethan. I know it. With all this pain in the world sometimes it seems like there’s nothing to be done to really remedy it. You just have to do your best to help people and keep yourself happy.
And I’m happiest when I’m with Zack and Ethan. God, it’s true. It’s true and I hate it. I hate it so, so much.
Not for long, I remind myself. The happiness wouldn’t last for long.
Sniffling, I blink back some tears. I refuse to cry at work. Especially not over my personal life. The day I do let tears fall while in the hospital it will be over a real heartache, not over some pathetic personal loss.
I rummage in my bag and pull out my phone, though I’m not thinking about Zack and Ethan. It’s drinks with Katie that I need right now. In fact, we don’t even need to go anywhere. I’ll be just fine with passing out on her couch with a bottle of wine in one hand and a terrier snuggling on my chest.
There’s another text from Zack.
If you’re unhappy please let me know. Ethan and I want to make sure your needs are getting met.
My needs? Seriously? Since when are we talking about needs in this ‘just sex’ arrangement?
“God,” I groan, chucking the phone into my bag. I grab the strap and stomp all the way from the break room to the street.
Two familiar figures climb the steps to the hospital’s front entrance, their shapes outlined by the glow of the street lights. I suck in a sharp breath and freeze. Surely I’m seeing things.
“Mindy,” Zack says.
Nope. Definitely not seeing things.
I lick my lips and wait for them to get all the way to me. Ethan seems uncomfortable, which is a new emotion on him. He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks all around himself.
“How are you?” Zack asks.
“Um, good,” I softly say, all my bad ass mental talk disappearing in their presence.
“We were worried about you. You didn’t answer our texts.”
“We thought something might have happened to you,” Ethan quickly says, his face surly. He almost looks angry. “We thought you might have been hurt.”
“I’ve been working,” I sourly respond. “There’s not a whole lot of time to check my phone or respond to messages.”
“Yeah,” Zack answers, “But I also texted you yesterday and you didn’t answer.”
I look down at my feet. These guys aren’t my boyfriends. They don’t need to be worrying about where I am, what I’m doing, and whether I’m lying unconscious in a ditch somewhere or not.
But I’m glad they do.
“This was a bad idea,” Ethan says, contempt in his voice. I look up to see him taking a step away from me. My stomach flips. I want to beg him not to go, but I can’t do that.
“Wait,” Zack says, holding his hand up. He looks over at me. “What’s going on Mindy?”
I open my mouth, then shut it before trying again. “I… It’s been a stressful week.”
It’s partly true. The week has been pretty normal, actually, but at least the last twelve hours were stress filled. I ache to tell someone about how intense my shift has been, but don’t know if I’m in the right company. It would be a lot safer to just head over to Katie’s. Or even to go to a pub somewhere and unload on some random bartender.
Something occurs to me. “How did you know I was getting off work?”
“The eleven-to-eleven shift,” Ethan explains. “You told us you work it a lot.”
I stare at him. I never thought Ethan could manage to listen in his narcissistic state, let alone remember such a minor detail about me. He quickly looks away and clears his throat.
Zack shuffles a little closer to me. His hand comes to rest on my forearm. Butterflies fill my stomach. I’m a goner. I couldn’t even say no to them in a text message, so how on Earth can I resist them when they’re standing right in front of me?
My thought from earlier comes back, the one about grabbing hold of happiness wherever you can find it. Ethan and Zack are my little bit of happiness, even if it’s the kind I can’t depend on.
But shit, at least it’s something.
“Come home with us,” Zack softly says, his words like sticky honey. They pour all over my skin, encasing me in their sweetness.
“I...”
I gulp and look at Ethan. He only stares back, his eyes giving off that intense gaze I can never resist. It’s unfair how hot these men are, how commanding, how sensual… This whole thing is unfair.
But I’ve got to have it.
“All right,” I rasp.
This is crazy. It’s a bad, bad idea.
After all, what’s going to happen after the sex? I get dressed and leave and then not see them again for a couple more weeks? It’ll destroy me, I know it will.
Or maybe it won’t. Maybe if I try hard enough I can keep the situation under control. I’m not going to be able to stop my growing feelings for either of these men, but perhaps I can compartmentalize them. I can accept them and not let them control my life.
Maybe I’m just in a foggy, love struck state, or maybe I’m spent from the grueling shift, but my rationalizing makes sense. I really believe I can do this.
I take Zack’s hand. “All right. Let’s go.”
12
Ethan
I tap my fingers against the kitchen counter, one after the other.
“Sto
p,” Zack grumbles. “You’re making me nervous.”
I lean up from my kitchen island and shove both hands into my pockets.
On the other side of the room Zack opens the fridge and pulls out a water bottle.
“How about some whiskey?” I suggest.
He eyes me. “Why are you acting so weird?”
“It’s weird to want to enjoy a drink at the end of the day?”
“It’s weird to be pacing around and playing piano on the counter tops.”
I quickly turn away and go to the liquor cabinet. “Whatever. I’m not acting weird.”
“Uh huh.”
I ignore him and pull out the fresh bottle of whiskey then retrieve two tumblers. Zack silently watches me pour. We clink glasses and take the first sips.
I catch sight of the time on the kitchen stove. “She’ll be here any minute.”
Zack’s eyes search me. “You’re just as excited as I am.”
I guffaw. “Whatever.”
“That’s your new favorite word, huh?” He sets down his glass and crosses his arms, a smug look on his face. “Admit it. You are excited. You haven’t been happy the last two months. I was right, Ethan. We should have asked her to do something regular.”
I glare at him. He’s right and I hate it. Ever since we went and cornered Mindy at the hospital weeks ago I’ve been on edge, always waiting for the next high that only comes from tasting her body. I’d given up looking for a good time with any other woman. I already knew there could be no one better than Mindy. You’d think having such a realization would be great, but it absolutely sucked balls.
I run my tongue over my teeth, trying to come up with the right answer. “I haven’t been happy… only because the sex is so great that I haven’t been able to bang anyone else.” I take a hearty sip of whiskey to soothe my irritation. “A million hot girls in this city and they all suck in comparison to her.”
“Yeah,” he whistles. “They do.”
I jut my chin at him. “So what are we going to do about it?”
“There’s only one thing to do. Ask her to see us regularly.”
“No,” I sharply say. “She can’t be our woman.”
He rolls his eyes. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m just saying let’s do what you and I mentioned before. The idea we, for some reason, haven’t yet put into place. Let’s get a schedule or something going. Maybe we could make it work...”
Two Billionaires Next Door: A Dark Bad Boy MFM Romance Page 8
