by Sara Arden
“You have to work?”
“Just one session, then I’m yours.”
“Be mine all the time, but I’ll lend you to your clients.” He murmured against her neck.
Who was she to argue with that? “Want some breakfast?”
“Always.”
Reluctantly, she climbed out of bed and headed for the shower. She couldn’t very well video chat with her client looking like she just crawled out of bed.
She’d always been careful to counsel clients against the turn her thoughts had taken. Sophie knew building castles in the clouds was a dangerous pastime, but she’d built them nice and tall when she was young and he seemed to have decided it was okay to hoist her up the ladder.
9
It happened when they were crossing Highway 5, the thing that brought Hayden crashing back to the real world. That reminded him why he didn’t have attachments.
A semi had blown a tire, causing it to jackknife and fling an unsuspecting Fiat through the guardrails and into the Kansas River.
Almost exactly like the accident that had taken Ben Dodd’s life.
As soon as he realized what had happened, Hayden pulled over. “Sophie, use the CB to radio to Ember Lake dispatch. Tell them where we are and there’s been accident on the bridge. Motorists unaccounted for.”
Without waiting for her reply and zero thought for his own well-being, he grabbed the multi-tool that could cut seatbelts and break the glass of a car window and flung himself off the bridge down into the swirling, angry waters of the Kansas River.
The water was surprisingly cold and the current pulled him down, dragging him toward the almost fully submerged vehicle.
It was heavy, a weight on his chest and he fought and clawed toward the surface. There was no light, he couldn’t see anything. He wondered if this had been what it was like for Ben.
Hayden knew he couldn’t let his brain take that turn. He had to fight. He had to get to that car or the people inside wouldn’t have a chance.
He wouldn’t fail them.
His chest hurt, his lungs burned and the surface seemed like a battle he was destined to lose. He’d hit the water hard, much harder than he’d expected.
When he finally surfaced, he fought to breathe, the current determined to keep its prize. To pull him down again, to fill his mouth with the muddy water.
Hayden kicked hard and strong, working with the water instead of against it until he reached the Fiat.
There were two people inside. Females. Young. Teenagers.
He used the end of the tool to compromise the window, causing it to crack. One of the girls inside understood what he needed her to do. As the car rapidly filled with water, she braced herself against the passenger seat and kicked with all her might.
The window popped out like a crinkled sheet, and the car finished flooding, sinking rapidly.
The river ripped and tore at him, almost like it was a sentient being angry at being denied its prizes.
The girls clung to him, pushing him down as they struggled to get air.
“I need you to stop and trust me, or we’re all going to die.” He said this in a very calm, matter of fact tone, even as he swallowed mouthful after mouthful of water.
He was able to position himself behind her, and prop her head above water, but the current yanked the other girl from his grasp. He kicked toward shore, even though she’d started to fight him. Once he got her close enough to a sandbar where she could stand, he went back.
Even though his muscles were sore, and his lungs exhausted.
Even though he heard the sirens that signaled help had arrived.
He didn’t know that they would get to her in time. Tired or not, he was her only shot.
Hayden went back into the water, diving again and again into the muddy depths until he found her submerged and unconscious.
But he didn’t stop. They’d drifted quite a way down river by the time he was able to negotiate them to shore.
He began chest compressions and rescue breaths even though he was still coughing and spluttering himself, and thankfully, Finnegan had been one of the responders. Noah had an extra sense about water rescues. He’d been pararescue in the Navy before becoming a fireman.
He took over the rescue breaths while Hayden continued compressions until water gurgled from her mouth and she rolled on her side, vomiting up the river water, but alive.
Breathing.
Hayden rolled on his back and looked up at the sky.
He didn’t want to think about how close he’d come.
Or the woman he’d left on the bridge.
“Yeah, I got them. Everyone’s accounted for and breathing,” Noah said into the radio. “Get the bus down here for the girl and Cole. They both swallowed a lot of water.”
“I’m fine,” he rasped.
“I don’t give a shit,” Noah drawled. “You’re getting checked out. Fine or not. Suck it up, buttercup.”
Hayden wouldn’t fight him. He didn’t have enough energy.
“What’s your name, honey?” Noah said to the girl.
“I thought we were going to die.”
“You didn’t. You’re safe,” Noah reassured her. “Your friend is already on the way to the ER, but she’s doing real good. Can you tell me your name?”
“Clarissa,” she reached out for Hayden’s hand. “Are you alive, too? You’re here, right?”
“Yeah.” Hayden coughed. “I didn’t die either.”
“I didn’t mean to…” she hiccupped.
“He knows. It’s fine, isn’t it, Hayden?” Noah prompted.
“We made it. That’s what matters,” he said.
It was a known fact that rescuers often drowned themselves. A drowning person was more likely to scramble to pull themselves up, using anything near them and that meant pushing their would-be rescuer down. It wasn’t malicious; it was instinct and primal fear.
“You saved my life.”
“That’s what we do, kiddo.” He wrapped a blanket around her shoulders as the blaring sound of the ambulance echoed down the access road.
“I hope you know you’re getting in the back of that bus when it gets here,” Noah informed him.
“Yeah, okay.” He knew it was useless to fight him. If he had to, Noah would pick him up and cram him in the back of the ambulance.
“Good.” He clamped a strong hand on Hayden’s shoulder and squeezed. “You saved two lives today. They wouldn’t have made it without you.”
So why was that place inside of him still so empty? Why was there still something missing?
When the paramedics were loading the girl, he asked, “Sophie?”
“Up on the bridge handling everyone and everything. She went in full crisis mode. The guy in the truck was Wayne Mitchum. You know he’s got some challenges.” Noah nodded. “Sophie stayed with him, she kept him calm. When she radioed in, she was clear and concise. She’s the one who made the call to the girls’ parents.” Noah sounded like he was in awe of her. “You’d think she did this every day.”
“Well, she is a therapist.”
“It was more than that. Your sweet girl has iron in her spine and a will to match.”
“Hey, Cole. You coming?” The paramedic nodded.
“What I don’t get the treatment?” Hayden raised a brow.
“Yeah, they know you.” Noah snorted. “Wait, do you need help?”
“No. I’m fine.” But he coughed again, bringing up more the river water. “I guess it couldn’t hurt to get checked out.”
“Good man. Sophie will meet you at the hospital. You trust her to drive your truck?”
“Of course.” He climbed in the back, his hands shaking now from the adrenaline.
“You better marry that girl. That’s all I can say.”
The paramedics checked him over on the ride to Ember Lake Memorial. His blood pressure was good. Breath sounds were good, they’d assumed he brought up most the water he’d swallowed on his own, but wanted him to have
the doc check him over just to be sure.
He wasn’t going to fight it.
He was just glad the girls were going to be okay.
They were all extremely lucky. When he thought about what he’d done now, it was kind of insane. The drop from the bridge alone could’ve killed him.
Hayden could’ve easily been a name on the wall at the stationhouse.
The thought seemed foreign. It didn’t upset him and he was bothered because he knew he should feel something. Maybe it was shock. Even first responders had to deal with that, but he thought it was something deeper. Something else.
That same emptiness he’d felt earlier. A hole inside of him that he hadn’t been aware of.
Maybe that’s really why he’d been afraid of Sophie in a way. She made him see everything that was lacking inside. Not that he’d failed her, but that he was empty.
Except he couldn’t reconcile that peace he felt with her. That empty space that was full. Only with her.
He scrubbed a hand over his face.
The curtain rustled. “Hey, Hayden.” It was Dr. Danielle Meyer.
“Dani, if I’d known it was you—”
“You’d still have avoided this place like the plague.” She arched a brow. “The girls you saved, their parents are here and they’d like to speak to you, if you’re feeling up to it.”
His stomach sank and twisted. He didn’t want to be told he was a hero because deep down, he still felt like a fraud.
“If you’re not up to it, I can tell them you need your rest. Doc’s orders.”
“No, I’ll see them. Better to get it over with now.”
“You know that you just gave them a gift they can never repay. They want to see your face. They want to shake your hand. I know it’s kind of like asking for more, but it’s what we both signed up for with this life-saving gig, you know?”
He nodded and steeled himself for the onslaught. “I know and I feel like an ass that this part of it makes me so uncomfortable. I am glad I helped them, but I don’t want to be thanked for it. I can’t stand that look in their eyes.”
Hayden remembered Sophie looking at him that way. She was the only one he wanted to be a hero for, but it still felt all kinds of false.
Like a lie.
“Might there be someone else waiting for me?”
“Your truck is in the parking lot and Sophie is in the waiting the room. I’ll send her back after the Tomlins and Parkers leave.”
A blond woman with tear-streaked smudges around her eyes came in a short while later, a myriad of emotions shining in her eyes.
“Can I hug you?” she asked.
These were the easiest. They didn’t stare at him, or make him feel like a bug with his wings pinned under a microscope.
“Sure.”
The woman grabbed him hard, her hug as fierce as any tackle he’d experienced playing skins and shirts with the guys at the firehouse. He hugged her back. “It’s okay. She’s safe.”
He knew what to say when they hugged him. He knew how to process that and how to react accordingly.
“Clarissa is all I’ve got after I lost her mom. I can’t thank you enough. I don’t know you, but I love you.”
He patted her back. “She’s strong. She’s a fighter, that girl.”
“She said she almost took you down. That she fought you without meaning to.” The woman pulled back. “And you saved her anyway. I don’t know how you do what you do, but I will thank God every day that you do.”
“I’m just glad she and her friend are okay.”
“I’ll leave you to your other visitors and then you can recuperate in peace and quiet. I had to tell you what it meant to me. I had to thank you.”
She left and just as the curtain was pulled back again, he was prepared to face the other girl’s family.
Only it wasn’t them.
It was Sophie.
He’d never been so grateful for the sight of another person before.
“You okay?” she asked.
All the anxiety, all the pressure he’d felt closing in on him dissipated. “Yeah. Swallowed a lot of that river water. I’ll probably end up on an episode of Monsters Inside Me. Other than that, I’m good.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” She grabbed his hand.
“Noah said you not only came through, but that you were managing the scene.”
She shrugged. “You did what you could do so I had to do what I could do.”
“It could’ve been a lot uglier without you. I didn’t even stop to think about the driver of the truck.”
“He was obviously in better shape than the girls who could’ve drowned. Risk assessment in a split second.” She exhaled heavily.
He noticed then that her face was pale and the way she stood was stiff and posed. “What about you? Are you okay?”
She nodded.
“Did this make you change your mind about what you want from me?” This was it. This was where he expected her to say that she couldn’t live with him doing the job.
“No.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“It doesn’t change how I feel about you, but I have to process this, too. I have the tools. This is what I’m trained to do, but it’s not very often you watch someone you care about fling themselves off a bridge and you don’t see them surface. Instead, you manage the situation where you’re at because you know that’s what he’d want you to do. I didn’t know if you were alive or dead until Noah radioed.”
“This would be our life, Soph. That’s something you gotta think about.” He hated that he had to remind of her that, hated that the fact could be what broke their idyll.
“While I have to accept that this is part of who you are, and I do, you also have to accept that I’m human. That what happened today was traumatic and you can’t expect me not to have a reaction. I don’t need you to hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay. I know it will because I’ve spent my whole life making it okay.”
“How do I fix it?”
She gave him a genuine smile. “That was something I learned early on in this field. You can’t fix it. Part of the reason you do what you do is that you’re a fixer. You can take action and see a positive reaction in the world around you. Fixed.” Sophie reached out for his hand. “It’s not the same with emotions or trauma.”
“And you can live with this?”
“I’d rather live with it than without it.”
“Come here.” He tugged her forward and she climbed up on the bed with him. He settled her over his heart. “You don’t have to make it okay anymore. Lean on me. Put down whatever you’re carrying and I’ll carry it for you. Listen to my heartbeat. It’s strong. It’s solid. And it’s yours for however long you want it.”
10
Sophie sat in the Ember Lake Police station drinking the most awful coffee she’d had ever had the misfortune to taste while she gave her statement to Dawn Foxworth, Ainsley’s sister and the town sheriff.
“Those kids were really lucky you guys were there. That bridge is a menace. After what happened to Ben Dodd, and now these people, I hope we can convince the city that something needs to be done about it.”
Ben Dodd had died doing the same thing that Hayden had done.
She’d managed to put it out of her head and she’d responded. They’d made one hell of a team.
“How is Mr. Mitchum?” she asked.
“He’s doing well. Completely grateful to you and Hayden. He thought he’d hurt those girls and you know Wayne. He’s a gentle soul and it would’ve shattered him into about a million pieces.”
“I’m glad to hear he’s okay.”
“He’s pretty lucky he didn’t end up in the river, too. The traffic cam caught the whole thing.”
“Do you have that footage, still?” she asked.
“Yeah. Why?”
“Can I see it? I already gave my statement and there’s no legal ramifications that I’m aware of.”
Dawn studied her
for a moment. “Why? I don’t think there’s anything good that can come of watching it.”
“I know, but it’s going to drive me crazy if I don’t. I need to know that I’m remembering things the way they happened. I knew it, I had it mapped out in my mind, but some things are fuzzy now and I think surely that the narrative I’ve come up with in my head can’t be the right one.”
“It’s pretty intense,” Foxworth warned.
“I already lived through it.” She gave her best smile. The one she wore when she defended her thesis. The one she wore when she reassured patients. The one that saw her through every crisis.
“You did, but seeing a thing after, it’s not always helpful. You’re a therapist. You know this.”
“I also know that if I want to have any peace in my own head that I need to see it. Please?”
“Yeah, okay.” Dawn typed and then turned the monitor on the all-in-one desktop unit around for her.
Sophie knew she wouldn’t like what she saw, but she wasn’t prepared in any way for the blaring truth on the screen. The absolute disregard Hayden had for himself.
It was one thing to be self-sacrificing, to put oneself between another person and harm.
What Hayden Cole did was something else entirely.
He didn’t pause at the edge of the bridge. He obviously didn’t consider his surroundings, or what would happen once he was in the water. The truck had barely rolled to a stop when he launched himself from the door and ran headfirst toward death.
It wasn’t simply a lack of hesitation, it was a lack of logic.
Judgment.
The knowledge was a weight on her shoulders that dragged all the way down into her gut. Her original assessment had been correct. He could never really love her because he didn’t love himself. He didn’t value himself.
She also knew that even though she thought she didn’t deserve him, she wouldn’t settle for halfway. Sophie thought she could, but it was all or nothing.
Dawn seemed to know what she was thinking. “You know, we all react differently in times of high stress. He’s trained. He knew what he was doing.”
Sophie gave him a small smile, it was all she could manage. “I’m trained as well in my chosen field and I know exactly what I’m looking at.”
