“Yes.”
“Why did I get divorced?”
“Divorced?”
“Yes, divorced.”
“Who said anything about divorce?”
“What?” As the word left his lips, another woman walked into the room. This one was about five-four with short black spiky hair.
“Karen, I don’t think Kevin is well.”
The woman called Karen walked over to him and placed the back of her hand to his forehead. “He doesn’t feel warm.”
Dana moved in closer and whispered in her ear. “I was thinking it was more like mental illness.”
“Dana, you’re so overdramatic.”
“Maybe we should go get Martha.”
“We don’t need Martha. I can handle this.”
“Who’s Martha?” Kevin asked, cringing when both women gave him the same stare.
“See—what did I tell you? How can he not remember Martha?”
“Dana, would you stop freaking out? Just go exercise or something.”
“Well excuse me for enjoying physical fitness! Why don’t you go eat some tofu with kelp leaves! Or go save the Amazon’s tsetse fly.”
Kevin watched as the two strange women bickered back and forth. One was yelling about the benefits of exercise while the other was yelling about the benefits of saving the planet. A health nut and an environmentalist? He expected a roll on the floor at any moment.
“Ladies, ladies,” came another feminine voice. “What’s going on here?”
“Oh, Candace. Something is wrong with Kevin,” said the other two ladies in unison. Gone was their disagreement. Apparently, concern for him was overtaking their animosity toward one another.
Candace tapped her foot impatiently. “Well, spit it out. What’s wrong with him?”
Before the other two ladies could answer, three more women entered the room. “What’s with all the racket? The babies are trying to sleep.”
Candace added, “Oh Leah, do be quiet. With you around there are always babies trying to sleep.”
One of the two women who entered was of average build with long, blonde hair. At the mention of babies, she began to cry.
Randi rolled her eyes, saying, “Oh Shannon, please. Must you cry every time someone mentions a baby? I’ve been trying for years, and I’ve only given Kevin one child.”
The weeping woman named Shannon replied, “Well, at least you’ve given him one, Randi. I can’t give him any.”
Kevin’s head was feeling kind of funny. It had started when the last three women entered the room and shot into overdrive at the mention of children. His pulse was racing. He was sweating profusely. Bursts of white light were appearing in front of his eyes.
Kevin fell back against the sofa as the world spun through his head. Words were flying around him, but he couldn’t decipher anything that was being said. It sounded like a gaggle of chirping hens.
His vision swam as another woman entered the room. Where were they all coming from? It was like a bad war movie. They must be coming out of the woodwork! Kevin’s closed his eyes, hoping they would all just disappear.
But when Kevin’s eyes opened they were still there. Then he remembered the lady from the park. What had she said? “Your greatest desire will be fulfilled, one wish you may build…”
A distinct feeling of understanding overwhelmed him as his eyes rolled back in his head, and he let go of this world and passed out.
Chapter Seven
When Kevin came to, the first thing he noticed was how quiet everything was. Maybe the heat had gotten to him, and he’d had a dream about all those women in his house. But it didn’t take long to figure out this was all too real.
“Martha, is he okay?”
“I don’t know, Shannon. All of you need to move back and give him some air.”
A wet washcloth lay upon his head, dampening his hair, and a cover lay draped across his legs. His eyelids fluttered open and he found himself staring at a woman with bright emerald eyes and flaming red hair. A patch of freckles dotted sunburned cheeks. The youthful face held a look of concern.
“Kevin, are you okay?”
“Who are you people?” he croaked out.
“See, I told you he was acting strange.”
“Dana, please. This is no time for theatrics.”
Dana folded her arms and stuck her nose in the air. “Who died and made her queen?” she muttered, under her breath.
The woman named Leah, who was clearly pregnant with what resembled an elephant, answered, “Dana, you know Martha is the unofficial leader because she is wife number one.”
“Well, I should get a position of authority because I’m the last wife.”
“What special position? The caboose? The rear guard?” asked Candace, causing the group of ladies to burst out in laughter.
Kevin watched Martha as she slapped her forehead in frustration. The other six women were going back and forth, arguing over who was the boss. Slowly but surely, he thought he was getting the picture.
A hush descended over the room when he spoke, “May I speak with Martha alone, please?”
The other women studied each other, their faces expressing hurt as they filed out of the room, only Martha staying behind. “Yes, Kevin.”
“I have some questions.”
“Yes, of course.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t know you or any of those other women.”
She knitted her brows into a frown. Helping him to stand, and giving him time to adjust his towl, Martha led him by the hand to the fireplace. “This is our wedding photo. I’m wife number one. Second was Randi, here in this photo. Then Candace, Karen, Shannon, Leah, and last, but definitely not accepting least, is Dana. We are your wives.”
Kevin took a deep gulp, “As in current wives?”
“Yes, of course. How else would it be?”
“Yeah, how else,” Kevin repeated distractedly. Had he just entered an episode of the Twilight Zone? He paced wildly, muttering to himself. This wasn’t good. No, this wasn’t good at all. Bigamy, or in this case, polygamy was illegal. At least, in his reality it had been illegal.
But even as the thoughts of legality entered the mind, Kevin studied his home. Look at this house! It’s spotless, in tip-top shape. Maybe this isn’t all bad. Maybe he could keep them, at least for a little while. At least until he could figure out what was happening. Yeah, that was it. Just until he could figure things out. He couldn’t wait to tell the guys!
Martha watched him in silence as he paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. Finally, she asked, “Kevin, do you remember now?”
“Oh, yeah, sure. It must have been the heat.”
“You’re probably right.” Martha stood up to leave. “I’ve got to check on supper, and you need to hmm…dress. I’ll call when it’s ready.”
“Sure, sure. That’ll be fine.”
Kevin watched Martha as she sashayed into the other room. Walking to the photos on the mantel, he stared at each one in length. Sure enough, he was the groom in each shot. He tried to recognize any flaws that might show the photos had been doctored, since he still hadn’t completely ruled out the notion this was all an elaborate trick. But they all appeared legit.
“Okay, so I have seven wives! Now what?”
Chapter Eight
A small dinging sound could be heard before someone announced, “Dinner’s ready.”
Kevin was relaxing in his recliner when the sound of thunder arced over his head. “What was that?” he asked himself.
He took his time pushing up out of his chair and heading to the kitchen. Before he reached it, he opened a doorway and stumbled into a dining room. “Where did this come from?” He hadn’t had a dining room two days ago. Although, he had to admit he’d always wanted one.
Sixteen sets of eyes peered at him in unison. Around the largest dining room table he’d ever seen sat seven women and nine little children. Kevin was stunned into a motionless silence.
One of the k
ids spoke, breaking the spell. “Hey Dad, we saved your seat.”
“Oh, yeah. Thanks.” Kevin walked to his seat, trying to act completely normal. He wondered if all these kids were his. If so, he didn’t remember his part in their production. What a crying shame.
“Everyone bow your head. Billy, say grace.”
“Mom, do I have to?” the boy half-heartedly complained.
“Now Billy, it’s your turn. Bow your head and give thanks.”
Billy prayed, and everyone held hands and listened with respect. When the prayer was finished, each item on the long table was passed around and around starting with Kevin first.
There were so many dishes the room resembled Thanksgiving dinner at his mother’s house. There was ham, mashed potatoes, rolls, green beans, creamed corn, and broccoli casserole. And for dessert: three cherry cheesecakes sat on a side table.
“What a feast!” fell from his lips.
“No more than usual,” replied Candace.
“Yep. Martha has it down to an exact science. She prepares just enough food to feed us so there’ll be no waste,” added Leah, placing a forkful of food into her mouth.
“Well, you did a great job. It looks delicious.”
Martha took the praise with her head held high. Just a slight tinge of color on her cheeks showed that she’d heard the compliment.
As Kevin cut a piece from the tender, juicy ham, he asked, “How was school today, Billy?”
Billy appeared afraid to answer. Maybe he was worried he’d performed some grievous act, which was why he’d been signaled out. Kevin had chosen him on purpose. Mainly because it was the only child’s name he knew.
Finally, the boy got over his shock and answered, “Fine.”
Hmm, now Billy was upset, and the other kids looked jealous. How was Kevin going to fix this? He had a good thing going. Surrounded by all these beautiful women who obviously didn’t mind being with him in the physical sense, nor did they mind taking care of the mundane things like cleaning house. It wouldn’t do to upset the children. Such an action could only serve to distress the women. He needed to diffuse this situation and quick.
“How about the rest of you? How was school today? Let’s start over here and just go around the table, shall we? And while we’re at it, let’s make it more fun by introducing ourselves. Name, age, and what you did at school today.”
The first kid glanced at him like he was nuts. But in a moderate tone of voice, they all complied. Going around the table, each kid told a little about themselves and their day. It sounded like an AA meeting and Kevin had to restrain his laughter.
“Hi. I’m Cathy. I’m twelve. My mom is Martha. I’m in the sixth grade and today we learned if you put pepper on the top of water and dip in a small piece of soap, the soap repels the pepper.”
“Yeah, kind of like you repel boys,” whispered Billy.
Cathy gave him an evil look, and Kevin tried to dispel the tension by saying, “Neat. You might have to show it to me later. Next please.”
“Hi. My name is Billy. I’m nine. Martha is also my mom. And this is stupid.”
Several kids snickered when Martha tapped Billy on the back of the head, but the information train kept on moving. Kevin tried to make mental notes as the children spoke.
“Hi. My name is Emma. I’m six. Martha is my mom. Today, I learned how to count to a hundred by tens. Want to listen?”
“No!” shouted the others at the table, causing Emma to cross her little arms and enact a pouty pose.
Kevin felt sorry for her and leaned over the table. “You can tell me later.” This caused the little girl to perk up. Kevin grinned broadly, adding a wink before raising his hand as an indicator for the next child to continue.
“Hi. I’m Pierre. I’m nine years old.” Before telling what he did at school, the boy smiled mischievously, crinkled his eyes at the corners, and sang, “I’m Pierre. I make poo. I make poo-poo in your stew.”
“Pierre!” gasped Randi, cheeks turning a bright red. “Where did you hear such a thing?”
“School. Why?”
“Well, I forbid you to say those words again. Do you understand?”
Kevin buried his smile behind his hand while Pierre agreed with his mother. “I’m assuming he’s yours?”
“Yes, but at the moment I wish I didn’t have to claim him.”
Next was a shy little girl who wouldn’t talk. Her mother, Karen, finally spoke for her. “This is Gina. She’s five.”
“Shy, I see.”
“Humph,” came from Candace.
Kevin ignored Candace and went to the four smallest children at the table. “And just who are you little ones?”
Leah introduced them. “This is Roxie. She’s four. The twins are Jackson and Parker. They’re both three. And lastly is Kitty. She’s two.” She patted her stomach and added, “And this one is yet to be named.”
Candace whispered under her breath to Shannon, “The child with no name would be better than anything she could come up with.”
Shannon grimaced. The girl appeared sad. No doubt from her lack of offspring.
From going around the room, he now knew Candace, Dana, and Shannon had no children by him, but the others seemed to more than have made up for it.
“Wasn’t that interesting?” Kevin said with a smile upon his lips.
The rest of the meal was completed in silence. The only noise was the scrape of silverware across the plates. Kevin was impressed. Who would have thought a meal with so many children present could be so pleasant?
When the table was emptied of food, Kevin was completely stuffed. It was his job as a father to relax after having such a wonderful meal, right? And he only knew of one way to unwind. Scooting back from the table and heading toward the computer room, he stopped halfway there. With the fulfillment of the wish not only had he gained seven wives, nine children, and an orderly home, but his house had miraculously expanded. With that thought in mind, he suddenly realized he didn’t have a clue where to go. Where was the computer anyway?
Chapter Nine
As the oldest girl walked out of the dining room, Kevin yelled to her. “Roxie!”
She twirled around, looked behind herself, arched her eyebrow, shook her head, and started walking away.
“No, don’t go. Emma, Kitty, Gina…”
“I’m Cathy.”
“Yeah, Cathy. Where’s the computer?”
“What computer?”
Kevin stuttered, “What do you mean, ‘What computer?’ My computer! Where’s my computer?”
“Sorry. I don’t know what you’re talking about. See you later.”
Cathy left him in his lengthened hallway, staring at her retreating form. He was going to get to the bottom of this. Kevin stomped back to the dining room, but everyone had disappeared.
Lifting two fingers to his mouth, he let out a shrill whistle. The women came running into the room.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Nothing happened, but something is definitely wrong,” Kevin answered.
Martha asked, “Well, what is it?”
“My computer. Where did it go?”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m completely serious. I had a whole room dedicated to my computer, and I want to know where you put it.”
“Well, the computer is still in its own room. Right where you left it,” answered Martha.
“Okay, good. So where is it?”
Martha appeared worried but she pointed down the hallway. “Second door on the left.”
“Okay, second door on the left,” Kevin repeated as he walked away from the curious women and headed in the direction stated.
Some of the ladies were snickering as he walked down the hallway toward his destination. The first door on the left was a bedroom that he’d never seen before. As he walked a few more feet, Kevin discovered the second door on the left, and the reason for the snickers.
In front of Kevin was a door not more than f
our feet in height. When he opened it, he realized it led to a small crawl space that went under a set of stairs.
Kevin stooped over and scooted sideways into the tiny room. It felt like he was folding his six-foot three-inch frame in two. Once he was in the room, he was so hemmed in he’d have to walk outside just to turn around.
He backed out of the room. Grasping the chair, he pulled it back a few inches, landing it in the hallway. He slid into the seat, turning and giving the women who glanced at him a squinting eye.
Sitting down, he pushed himself forward with his feet until his legs rested under the miniscule desk. Above him, the corner edge of one of the stairs poked him in the head. He leaned his head a few centimeters to the left and switched the computer on. He tried to read his email, but with his head tilted sideways, it was impossible. Kevin thought maybe he could search for some things, like old videos. But every time he went to press the enter key, his elbow would hit the wall and knock out the computer’s plug, causing him to have to reboot the computer. Finally he gave up, shut off the machine, and carefully removed himself from the size-challenged cubicle.
Coming out into the hallway, he took a deep breath. Kevin noticed the women staring at him. He walked in the opposite direction toward the backyard.
When he stepped out onto the patio, he investigated what he’d seen earlier. One of his projects for this week off was to replace some of the broken pavers on the patio, but now there was no need. He’d noticed the pavers had been fixed, but now he took time to look more thoroughly. The pavers had been completely replaced with marble slabs. The lawn was mowed, manicured, and landscaped. The place looked better than it ever had before.
Kevin sat on one of the new lounge chairs and stretched out cramped legs. Inquisitive thoughts ran through his mind. It must have been the old lady in the park. She’d given him a wish as a reward. He remembered when he left the woman what he’d been thinking about. It had been the conversation with the guys at work. About the man on the talk show with all those wives. That had to be it. Then bang! Seven wives. And not only the women, but it seemed the house had expanded to meet his family’s needs. It now held a dining room and an upstairs. This was wild.
Love Octagon Page 4
