“He showed up in his black leather and chains!” said Leah. “I think he’s even gotten a few new tattoos. Your ex is a holy terror! When he got out of his truck, he growled at the kids!”
“Oh Leah, stop being such a baby,” Candace appeared to be getting more and more annoyed.
With arms crossed, Dana added, “I think he was packing.”
“Packing?” asked Shannon incredulously.
“Of course he’s packing! He lives in a rough neighborhood.”
“Candace, I don’t like it. We may have to discuss this in a family meeting.”
Candace threw her hands up in the air. “This is ridiculous. Why do we need a committee for this? He’s just dropping off the kids!”
“We know he’s just dropping off the kids, but with Rick it’s never simple,” Martha answered.
“Okay. What did he do this time?” asked Candace.
“Well, nothing,” answered Martha.
“Okay then, what’s the big deal?”
“He has the potential to cause a problem.”
“This is stupid. You’re making an issue out of his potential! You don’t have to worry about potential with Rick. My ex-husband has never accessed any of his ‘potential.’ I can’t see him starting now. Listen, I know you don’t like him. Truth to tell, I don’t like him! But we were married. We share two children. And I’m a part of this family. So are my kids. Nothing will change that. You just need to get over it!”
Kevin stepped back against the wall as Candace stormed out the front door. He was trying to blend into his surroundings. Hopefully no one would ask his opinion. If they did, again he would be showing his ignorance of his family situation. Much more of this, and they would be carting him off to the loony bin and fitting him for a new white coat. You could only forget your family dynamics so many times before your sanity was in question.
Fortunately for Kevin, he went unnoticed, and the remaining women continued to talk.
“Did you see Rhonda?” asked Leah.
“No,” replied Shannon.
“She looks terrible.”
“How so?”
“Oh, my goodness. Her hair is red, purple, and black. She has a chain hooking her earring to her nose ring. Since last week, she’s pierced her tongue, so now she talks with a lisp.”
“Well, it doesn’t surprise me. Rick lets them do anything they want, and Candace never says anything about what they’re doing. She’s afraid they won’t ‘love her’ anymore.”
Martha spoke softly. “Now Dana, we need to be more understanding of Candace. She is the only one of us to be married twice. None of us knows how she feels.”
“Martha, this isn’t Dr. Phil. I don’t care about how Candace’s feels. Rhonda and Todd are a bad influence on Gina. I would prefer if they didn’t come over at all.”
“Karen, what a thing to say!” remarked Shannon.
Kevin left the room while the women argued over the virtues and vices of Candace’s children. Surely they were exaggerating.
Kevin walked to the backyard. Now eleven children were there. Nine were his biologically, or so he’d been told, and two belonged to Candace and a man named Rick. Some of the children played in a new sandbox. Some played on a new swing set. Some played on new riding toys. Two children he’d never seen before sat under a tree with Candace in deep discussion. Rhonda and Todd, he presumed.
Kevin had to agree with Leah. Rhonda was a real piece of work. But the spiky, colored hair and the earrings were nothing compared to her brother.
His head was shaved into a buzz cut, and he was covered in camouflage. He wore black combat boots that ended at his knees. Slung over his back was what looked like an AK-47.
Kevin sat in a lawn chair and searched for the little red tip, signifying the boy carried a toy and not the real deal. By the time Kevin found the indicator, his pulse was in overdrive. Surely Todd's father, Rick, wasn’t that stupid.
Kevin watched Candace as she argued with her children. Candace was an interesting woman. She looked like a real girly type. Her hair was shoulder-length brown but was always swept up into a ponytail to keep it out of her eyes. She was around five-five in height and well proportioned. She looked like a normal, soft woman, but looks could be deceiving. She carried a domineering attitude. There seemed to be nothing she wasn’t afraid to do, except discipline her children.
The argument between mother and offspring appeared heated, and before long Rhonda and Todd were stomping his way. They both shot a quick glance at Kevin’s stationary form before disappearing inside.
Kevin noticed Candace appeared to be crying. He pushed off of his perch and headed to her side. He wasn’t sure what to say to her. He was hoping, as part of his wish, the old bag lady had made him more sensitive to women.
“Hey, Candace.”
She swiped her hand across her face, catching her tears before she looked up at him, showing her tough face. “Yeah, what do you want?”
“Just wanted to see if you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. Couldn’t be better. Now if you’ll excuse me. I’ve got work to do.”
Kevin moved aside as Candace stalked by. He should probably let it go. After all, what did he know about being married? Not as much as he should.
Kevin walked around the house, following the path Candace had taken. At least this part of the house hadn’t changed. His backyard still sported a wooden fence, and the door with the antique hinges still opened up onto the side of his home. Going through the swinging gate, he found Candace buried under the hood of an old ’57 Chevy.
“So, what are you doing under there?”
She raised her head and looked at him, a smile on her lips. “Kevin, it wouldn’t matter if I told you. We both know you’re clueless about cars.”
Kevin raised his hands in mock defense. “You got me.”
“Thanks.”
His eyebrow rose quizzically.
“You know, for trying to make me feel better.”
“Sure. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really. I mean, they’re just kids, you know? Leah doesn’t get it since she just has babies. And Shannon and Dana know nothing when it comes to children, because they don’t have any. Then Martha? She means well, but she always controls what her kids are allowed to do. She couldn’t possibly understand. Randi doesn’t care. And Karen? Well, let’s just say, she’s her own story. She has an opinion about everything. You don’t know how often I wish Rhonda and Todd belonged to you. You’re such a good father.”
Kevin gulped. He felt like he should say something like “Me, too,” but he just couldn’t. From what he could tell so far, he did nothing with the kids. The women ran everything. How could he be called a good father? Maybe because he stayed out of their way? Or was there something that he didn’t know yet? Besides, how could a man with a herd like his wish for more children?
Candace was studying him. When he didn’t respond, she placed a hand over her mouth. A sob escaped as she ran inside. Martha met her at the door, comforting her. Before closing the door, she sent a look of disgust Kevin’s way.
Kevin lowered the hood on the car and walked around back to watch the children. Strike one…
Chapter Thirteen
Wednesday…
Kevin woke before the sun. His body was sorer and stiffer than the day before, if it was possible. He didn’t know if he could make it a whole week on his couch. Going to the kitchen, he brewed a pot of coffee. He noticed the clock read 4:00 a.m. Sighing heavily to himself he couldn’t help but think, What now? He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t reach the computer. The TV was no longer in the living room. He didn’t remember if he owned books in this new universe. He couldn’t listen to music because it might wake the kids.
So he sat. He sat at the small round table in the kitchen, cradling his mug of hot coffee. Staring into space, he thought about the day before and his encounter with Angela.
At work, Angela was always quiet and reserved. No one knew too much
about her. The guys jokingly claimed she was super boring. In fact, they had given her a superhero name of Super Boring Woman. Kevin had gone out with her one time, but she had said so little that when the guys asked if he had a good time or not, he couldn’t even tell them.
With all that in the past, who would have thought she was such a decent fisherman? And what a cook! The catfish she’d cooked over an open fire had been beyond flaky. If only he was free to get to know her better. But it was too late. He was married. What would she say if she knew he’d been married seven times? And all at once! Guess it wouldn’t matter if he said he couldn’t remember a thing about those marriages.
As Kevin stared at nothing in particular, he was startled by a loud noise coming from above. He scooted back his chair and walked toward the base of the stairs. Voices floated downward as he began his ascent.
“What are you doing?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“No, it isn’t. What are you doing up at four in the morning, banging around?”
“I’m sneaking out.”
“Why would you do such a thing?”
“Because I hate it here, and no one cares what I want.”
“Rhonda, that’s not true—”
“Oh, Mom. This isn’t about my feelings! I’m just tired of you telling me what to do.”
“Well, it’s too bad. I’m the mom, and it’s my job.”
Rhonda mimicked her mother in a smart-alec tone then added, “I’m outta here.”
“Rhonda Fisher, you better not even think about leaving this house.”
“See ya. Wouldn’t want to be ya.”
Kevin moved aside as Rhonda, blew past him, a furious Candace on her tail. Rhonda moved so fast he thought the wind vortex surrounding her would rip the chain connecting her ear to her nose completely apart. But he never heard a blood-curdling scream so he guessed it stayed in place.
“Are you just going to stand there and let her get away?” asked Candace as she walked around him.
“Well…”
“Kevin! She’s fourteen! The guy is almost twenty-six!”
“What guy?”
“The one she’s running off with! The one who has a car idling in the driveway! Haven’t you been listening?”
“She’s what?”
“Kevin, pay attention! She’s trying to run away with her boyfriend.”
“At four in the morning?”
“No, at four-thirty in the morning! What does it matter? The time is not the point. She’s trying to run away!”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Go get her! Stop her!”
Under his breath, he muttered, “Of course. Go get her. Why didn’t I think of that?”
Kevin pulled a jacket over his T-shirt and shorts, placed a pair of well-used flip flops on his feet, grabbed his wallet and keys from the hall table, and headed out to his car.
The couple had already sped down the road, their taillights disappearing around a corner. Climbing behind the wheel, he realized he didn’t have a clue where to start. How was he supposed to find this guy? Sure he could set out to follow them, but now they were so far away their taillights would just blend with everyone else’s. There had to be more to go on.
Kevin reviewed what he knew about Rhonda. She was obviously goth, rebellious, and troubled. There was nothing there that he could relate to. He’d always been kind of straight arrow, never getting in any serious trouble. He liked black, but not so much. And he was clueless about girls. He’d never had much luck with them. Until now of course, and the jury was still out on whether this was a dream come true or a nightmare.
So, what about the guy? Well, maybe he would be considered a man at twenty-five. So why didn’t Candace just call the police? Where was Candace anyway? What was she doing while he was going on this wild goose chase?
Looking at the clock, Kevin noticed it had been around twenty minutes since he’d been ordered to go get Rhonda. No doubt Candace or some other woman was inside timing him. He sighed heavily and pulled out of the driveway, only to slam on the brakes when he noticed a figure out of his back window. He placed the vehicle in park and jumped outside. When he reached the back of his vehicle, he saw Rhonda hunched over, throwing up.
“What’s wrong with you?” She hadn’t been gone long enough to get drunk and hung over.
When she didn’t answer Kevin was afraid she’d taken something to make herself sick. “What did you take?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Rhonda gave him with a hate-filled stare. “Listen buddy, you’re not my father, so don’t even pretend you care. Here’s the deal. I have a stomach bug, and Charlie kicked me out of his car because I was hurling. I had to walk six blocks to get back here. So back off.”
“Nice guy,” Kevin muttered, gawking as Rhonda pushed past him. Every few steps she would lean over and dry heave before moving again. Kevin went back to his idling vehicle. He pulled it back in place, parked it, and walked back inside.
By the time he strode in the front door, Rhonda was nowhere in sight, and neither was Candace. Maybe she’d disappeared to help the little demon child.
He sat on the couch and leaned his head back against the wall. It was now five, and the natives were stirring. As Kevin listened to the racket above him, he heard another curious noise. It sounded like the cocking of a shotgun.
When Kevin opened his eyes, yellow bullets were flying everywhere. Nine-year-old Pierre held a toy gun. The shape resembled a Tommy gun. A whirring noise came from the battery-operated toy as rapid-fire action delivered shots as fast as Pierre could pull the trigger.
Todd and Billy held toy pump-action shotguns. Bullets, spongy darts with suction cups, were stuck to the wall, the door, and the floor. As Kevin watched, all three boys pointed their weapons at the seven wedding photos resting on the mantel.
“Take ’em down boys!” yelled Todd, obviously the ringleader of the group.
“Die you scum sucker!” reiterated Billy in a similar tone.
Pierre added, “Down with Castro!”
Bullets went plop, plop, plop as they hit the photos one by one, causing them to crash to floor. Kevin angled forward and peered at the frames lying in disarray, but he couldn’t tell if they were broken or not.
Before Kevin could go check, Martha rushed into the room, shouting, “Todd, Pierre, Billy! What do you think you’re doing?” She grasped Billy by the collar and hauled him to her side. “Billy James Smith, you know better.” Then she zeroed in on the other two. “Todd! Pierre! Where are your mothers? You’ve been told not to shoot the pictures. Get your tails upstairs and get ready for school!”
The three culprits hung their heads in shame and hurried to do Martha’s bidding. As they walked out of the room, Kevin saw their frowns turn into grins. He heard Billy say, “That was awesome!”
Pierre concurred. “Yeah. We so need to do it again.”
Then Todd said with a hysterical laugh, “Yes, my minions. You did an excellent job.”
Martha was frowning as their little voices drifted back to her. When the kids were out of earshot, Martha rounded on Kevin.
“Kevin! Why didn’t you stop them? Can’t you help with the children at all? I can’t do everything! I have to get the kids ready for school. Can you please pick up the frames? And after you finish, would you pick those bullets off the floor?” Throwing her hands up into the air in exasperation she stormed off, muttering to herself. She’d not given him a chance to speak, not even one word.
Chapter Fourteen
Kevin hurried and found the room with his clothes. He showered and dressed, wanting to get out of the house before anyone asked him to do something else and then yelled at him for not doing it quickly enough or for not doing it correctly.
The house was empty when he left. But he was sure it wouldn’t last. He rushed to his vehicle and backed out. Once on the road, he sped down the highway. He didn’t have a clue where he was heading. Jus
t away from his house was good enough for now.
When finally Kevin stopped and pulled over, he was at the shore. He found a large boulder on the rocky coastline and settled down upon it. He stared out at the cool water. As the wind wafted around him it sent a fine watery mist onto his clothing.
He reflected on the last couple of days. He felt like he was living in a beehive, or perhaps an ant colony. He was surrounded by worker bees or ants, all women. And of course, every hive or colony had a queen. Who was his hive’s queen?
Thinking about the women made him realize they were enigmas to him. Okay, so he did know some things. For instance, Candace liked to work on cars. She’d been married once before and had two other children. If he remembered correctly, she’d been number three in his harem. But he knew nothing else about her.
Kevin knew Dana was the most amorous of the bunch. Probably because she was number seven and hadn’t been around as long. She was always trying to get him alone. Kevin honestly didn’t mind. She was attractive. The only problem was the way she went about it. How could they be alone in plain sight of everyone else?
All Kevin knew of Leah so far was she seemed to be the most prolific of the bunch. They had four children together and another on the way, which was still hard for him to believe.
Shannon was a sad character. She had long straight blonde hair, which she allowed to hang down in her face. Kevin thought it was used as a shield to cover her emotions. The woman seemed to always be crying over her lack of children.
Randi, from all accounts, was the lazy one of the bunch. She did so little, and the other women were always taking up her slack, which caused a deep undercurrent of resentment. He felt it every time one of the wives spoke about Randi. Her son, nine-year-old Pierre, was being raised by the other women of the house. To Randi, Pierre’s needs came second to her own. It was so obvious even Kevin could see it.
Karen. She was fourth in line. She had short, spiky hair that was lightly dyed on the tips. She was five-two but tried to stretch herself to look taller. She wanted to be in charge, in control. It was clear she wanted to be the head of state, the queen. Kevin wondered what kind of woman would actually seek out such a position.
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