by Bijou Hunter
I stare at my hands. “I like how it feels when you chase me. It really builds my confidence. I don’t know how it’ll feel when you catch me though.”
Ford leans closer so his lips are near my ear. “If you let me, darling, I’ll make you feel like nothing you’ve known before.”
“That’s not really saying much with my history with men.”
“Even so, I can promise you a night full of confidence.”
Even grinning, I don’t feel capable of the kind of confidence a woman needs to sleep with Ford. My old boyfriends were little boys compared to him. After a quickie in a car, they thought they were studs. Ford is a whole different beast.
Lucky struts over in his lazy way and gives us the once over. “Ford, if you’re gonna play boyfriend then get the girl something to eat and drink. Make a fucking effort, will ya?”
Ford removes his arm from around my shoulders and stands up. “Sure, pops.” He glances down at me. “Anything you can’t eat?”
I shake my head and he strolls away. Once Ford is out of earshot, Lucky looks at me.
“I can get the hose if he’s bugging you, Shay.”
I watch Ford filling two plates while Pax looks over his shoulder. The brothers share an easy bond and I understand the big brother/little brother vibe between them. A big guy like Ford, Pax is likely a scary guy when pissed. Yet the look on his face right then is like Devin wanting Donnie Junior’s approval.
Focusing on Lucky, I smile. “Ford’s being sweet so far.”
“It won’t last,” he says. “If he gives you trouble, let me know.”
I think to ask what Lucky can do to a guy like Ford, but I keep my mouth shut. The men change places and I take the plate from Ford.
“Feel free to get messy with the barbecue. I’m not impressed by dainty chicks.”
“I’m not dainty, but I don’t want to get crap stuck in my teeth or sauce over my lips,” I say, using a fork to pull off meat from the ribs.
Using his fingers to tear up his food, Ford stops eating and looks at me with a little grin. “Don’t worry, darling. Any mess you make, I’ll lick off.”
When I stare into his eyes, he holds my gaze. I don’t know how long we remain like that, but I look away first.
Ford gives an amused grunt. “After dinner, a lot of us are heading to Suede. You coming?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why?”
“I should rest.”
“That’s the stupidest fucking lie a chick has ever used on me,” he says, sighing. “Can’t you say you’re on the rag or need to get up early for a pap smear or something?”
I laugh. “Would that really be better?”
“Fuck yeah, Shay. Put some damn effort into blowing me off.”
We share a smile, but I know he’s irritated. I’d be irritated too if someone jerked me around. Of course, Ford is looking out for himself. Why shouldn’t I protect myself? Well, hell, I should, dammit! Screw Ford for thinking otherwise.
12
Shay
Fuck Me
Despite what I tell Ford, I end up going to Suede with Darby after dinner. She’s in a great mood. Though I worry she’s too drunk to drive, she only enjoyed the one margarita hours earlier. I trust her not to kill us both and she drives like a pro to the bar.
Ford left earlier with Pax and a few guys. He asked again if I wanted to come along. When I said I couldn’t, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a sideways hug. As sexy and scary as he seems sometimes, Ford can also feel familiar and comforting. I watch him leave and wish I had more experience. I’d been scared to run wild as a teenager and end up like my mom or every other fuckwad in my family. I slept with a few guys and I made mistakes, but I never let loose. Maybe if I embraced my wild side years ago, I’d have the confidence to handle someone like Ford now.
On the drive to Suede, Darby hums along with the radio. I smile at her happy mood.
“The first time I saw Joker, he was dancing all by himself in the middle of the bar. My friends all thought he was a joke. A wannabe badass and nothing more. I knew better though. Any man can play the tough guy when he’s standing with his arms crossed and a mean look on his face. Yeah, that shit can be done by any kid off the street. Joker could dance his ass off then bust an asshole’s face open. He didn’t care what people thought and that takes balls. He wanted to dance, so he did. That kind of freedom turned me on.”
“Did he change? Is that why you’re not together anymore?”
Darby’s smile softens. “We’re the same people, but I look at him and see my dead boy. He sees the same when he looks at me. We needed to start over after we lost MJ and there was no way to start over while we were together. Now he’s happy with a new family and I’m happy on my own.”
She senses my next thought. “You think he got the better deal.” When I nod, she smiles. “Let me tell you something about his wife Amanda. She’s good people. I like her a lot and consider her a friend. I’d kick ass to defend her. Their kids call me Aunt Darby. With all that said, Amanda’s not me. Joker found another woman to love, but he’ll never replace me. Since I’m smarter and stronger than him, I decided not to waste my time trying to find another man. I don’t need a man to be happy. Most people need someone, but I never did.”
Darby pulls into the Suede parking lot. “Joker was my one chance. That’s why I got the better deal. He’s recreating a life he once loved while I’m starting fresh. Don’t tell anyone I said that though. It’ll make me look like a bitch.”
“I won’t,” I say, smiling.
“A few years back when Joker had his first kid with Amanda, I considered having a kid on my own. I liked being a mom, but I don’t believe in forcing things. Finding Joker and having MJ just happened. I figured if I had another kid, fate would have to step in. It never did, so I live a carefree life.”
“Women in my family go stupid for bad men. Hell, the men in my family go stupid for bad women. It’s a sickness and I’m afraid to go stupid too.”
“I have no advice for you. The only thing I can say is if you make a stupid choice and fuck up, people around here won’t shit on you for it. This place is full of idiots, so you’ll fit in.”
My smile grows and I’m still grinning when we walk into Suede. Even happy to be at Darby’s side, I scan the bar for my object of lust. Ford isn’t at his usual spot. Disappointed, I follow Darby to a table where she speaks to people I don’t know and whose names I immediately forget.
Ordering a shot of tequila, I think about Ford’s arm around me at Lucky’s house. My mind returns to the flowers next to my bed at home. Ford treats me like I’m special, even though I’m not.
Truth is there’s nothing unique about me in any way. I’m not super beautiful or sexy. I’m not funny or tough. I’m a normal girl and I see plenty of them in the bar. Mostly I’m afraid to believe Ford thinks I’m special because that’s a stupid move my mom would make.
Joker walks over with his wife Amanda. They give me a smile then focus on Darby. I can’t really hear over the loud music and I’m even more distracted when I see Ford appear from a back hallway. He looks me over then stops at the bar and turns his back.
I don’t know what to do. While I want to talk to him, I also know where the conversation will lead. I decide to stay where I’m at and deal with Ford another day.
Darby joins Joker and Amanda on the dance floor. I watch them laugh and dance to the Violent Femmes. They’re confident in this place, surrounded by people they know and trust. I wish I might feel that way too, but I never fit in except with my little brothers. One day, they’ll grow up and move on while I’ll still be on the outside looking in.
I’m so focused on Darby dancing that I don’t notice the pretty blonde join Ford at the bar. When I do notice, my chest hurts. They’re not bullshitting about the weather or sports. I blew him off and his bed won’t stay empty long.
I don’t think. The girl is too damn pretty and Ford is checking out her cu
rves. I have no choice really. I mean I do, but I’m too stupid and impulsive to remember what those choices are until I’ve already erased the distance between me and them.
“Ford,” I say, tugging on his shirt. “Let’s go somewhere so you can fuck me.”
The girl gives me a dirty look, but I don’t care about her. She’s already made her sale and now it’s my turn.
Ford gives me a sideways glance. “Is this you teasing me again? I’m really not in the mood.”
As he takes a swig of beer, I step between him and the competition. “I’m sick of teasing. I want you to make me feel good.”
Ford narrows his eyes. Sizing me up and down first, he then checks out the other girl. He has all the power and I’m already begging. Before my brain can take over and control my impulsive heart, Ford finishes his beer.
“Later, Maggie. I’ve been waiting to hit this for too long.”
Ford takes my hand and leads me out of the bar. He says nothing until we reach his Harley. By then, I’m torn between common sense and remembering how Ford makes me feel when I don’t let common sense get in the way.
“You better not pull the frigid bitch deal when we get to my place,” he warns, staring down at me.
“I’ve never been fucked well. Your tone makes me think my bad luck will continue.”
Ford smirks then leans down and sucks at my bottom lip. I try to kiss him, but he pulls away.
“Let’s go before your on switch flips back to off,” he says, sliding onto the black Harley. “Better hold onto your trucker hat.”
I yank off the hat and stick it between my knees while I pull my hair into a ponytail. Once I tug the hair through the hole in the hat so it won’t blow off, I look at an amused Ford.
“Good girl,” he says as the Harley roars to life.
I climb on behind him and get comfortable. Wrapping my arms around his hard waist, I think about how I won. Yet as we speed away, I wonder if I am ready to enjoy my prize.
Ford races around traffic, both thrilling and terrifying me. I love speed, but I’d like to live past this evening. I sense Ford doesn’t worry about such things. He’s alive until he’s not. Once he’s dead, he won’t have the luxury of caring. I’m tempted to think the same way except the new Shay isn’t so impulsive. She wants a long productive life. Of course, she might have thought about that before telling Ford to fuck her.
His house isn’t what I expect. My hopes were low, so anything would be an improvement. I notice a Harley parked in the driveway of the tri-level house. Pax is home and I get a weird feeling I might end up in a gang bang. Impulsive behavior comes with its dangers.
Ford takes my hand once we’re off the Harley and leads me up the steps to the front door. I sense he still worries I’ll say I punked him and run for it. I guess I could, but I’m too curious to back down now.
“Pax and I bought this place when the economy went to shit. We got it cheap. The neighbors are all old farts who can’t hear anything, so we can be loud without them bitching.”
“Charming story.”
Ford glances back at me to see if I’m being bitchy. I guess my expression pleases him because he smiles then opens the door for me. The entry leads to stairs going up and another set down. I hear Pax and a girl fucking loudly. They’re grunting and laughing and the chick whoops once.
When I glance at Ford, he’s grinning. “Are you loud?”
“I was just wondering the same damn thing about you.”
Ford smirks, taking my hand again. We walk up the stairs to a living room filled with chairs and two couches. I sense they have a lot of meetings here based on the number of seats. The walls are painted a dark color.
“Blacklight paint,” Ford says, walking into the kitchen. “Pax and I used to get stoned and turn on a disco ball. We’d talk about how big our hands were and the meaning of life. Once the disco ball took a bullet during a club meeting, the fun was over.”
I watch him grab two beers then he gestures towards the back deck. Outside, the night is loud. Bugs are clicking and chirping. Someone is playing loud music in the distance. I hear noises from downstairs where Pax is having fun. Hell, I think I even hear someone mowing their lawn.
“You can take the trash out of the trailer park,” Ford says, explaining the mowing as he sits on a long bench.
I watch him lean back and get comfortable. He opens his beer then mine. I gulp down half of mine while he only takes a swig and sets his aside. Through it all, I stare at him and wonder what the fuck I’m doing at his place.
Ford pats the sliver of empty space next to him on the bench. “You were jealous, huh?”
“Yes,” I admit, sitting down even though I have to rest half on him to fit.
“You should be. Maggie is a hot chick and wild in bed.” When I give him a disgusted frown, he smiles slow and lazy. “Did you think I’d sit on my dick until you were ready to put out?”
“Of course. I’m worth it.”
Ford’s smile widens. Softens too and I see real warmth in his eyes. “You just might be.”
Unable to refuse his smile, I’m terribly curious about what he’ll feel like against me. Temptation comes in many forms and one of the most undeniable is Crawford Reed stretched out on the bench. His shirt is pulled up just enough for me to see his hard stomach. I also notice dark hair leading up to a chest I’m sure is as powerful as the rest of him.
Setting my beer on a little table, I ease in next to Ford. His fingers immediately tug my hat off and toss it next to my drink. I try not to seem affected by the feel of his fingers against my scalp as he rustles my hair loose. I’m not fooling anyone.
Ford watches me as I settle into his embrace. I both love and hate the gentle look in his eyes. In my stupid brain, I think about how Lucky found a woman worth loving. Not another quick bang, but someone he made a family with. Guys like Ford are capable of that sort of thing. Logic says he had no reason to fall for any one girl. He’s still enjoying a warm body every night without any worries of Valentines and anniversaries.
“You think too much,” Ford says when I’m quiet for too long. “Thinking only goes so far.”
“I like you, but what’s the point?”
Ford smiles. “Now you’re really thinking too much.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know how I ended up here,” I say like I’m not the person caressing his chest. “I got jealous and my brain turned off.”
“I like that about you. Smart chicks are overrated,” he murmurs, cupping my face and kissing me like a man with nowhere to go.
Lazy and soft, his lips taste mine. My fingers grip his shirt, wanting a safety net, but none is coming. There’s only me, Ford, and the bed I made and must now lie in.
The lawn mower is no longer running when Ford’s lips leave mine. I don’t know how much time passes while he tastes and teases. I do know my face is flushed and my hips press against his. Somewhere during our casual kissing, I sorta began humping him. Playfully and not at all in a slutty way.
“I’m scrawny,” I mutter when his hand slides into my jeans and cups my ass. “No sweet curves.”
“You got a pussy?” he asks, causing me to glare into his eyes. Ford only smiles. “Well, do you?”
“Well fucking duh.”
“Then don’t worry so much, Shay. I’ve been waiting a long time to get into your panties. I don’t care if you’re a scrawny broad. As long as you’re a girl, I’ll be a happy man.”
“Long time,” I scoff. “It’s been less than two weeks.”
“An eternity for my dick.”
I shouldn’t laugh. I fucking hate when he talks about dicks and pussies. I want to smack him and go independent bitch on his sorry ass. I can’t though. He’s smiling at me and his hand feels good against the bare skin of my scrawny butt. In his asshole way, he’s being charming. Hell, if it doesn’t work too.
“Are you going to fuck me out here where anyone can see?”
“No,” he says, removing his hand from my jeans and sli
ding it up my shirt. “We’ll go inside for that. Why are you in such a rush? You have somewhere to be?”
“No, just curious,” I murmur, leaning back just enough for his hand to meet my left breast. “Mmm…”
“Yeah, I agree.”
I reach up and run my fingers through his thick hair. Ford studies my face while I caress his. We’re relaxed and I imagine myself truly caring for this man. The moment I begin to feel in control, he tweaks my nipple and I turn to mush.
“You’re like a virgin,” he whispers.
“Are you making fun of me?” I mutter.
“No,” he says, removing his hand from my shirt. “I’m looking forward to making you worship me.”
I frown at him, but he only smiles and pats my butt.
“It’s getting cold,” he says. “Let’s go inside where I can stretch out and see what kind of noises you make when excited.”
Without moving, I stare at him. He doesn’t seem like the Ford I feel comfortable with, but the guy who easily replaced me five minutes after I said I wasn’t ready.
“Stop thinking,” he mutters, nudging me so I’ll stand up.
Once I’m standing, he takes my hand and guides me into the house. Pax and his gal pal are quieter now, but I hear music coming from downstairs.
Down a hallway and past a small bathroom, we arrive in his bedroom. Ford walks inside and sets the beer bottles on a side table. As he grabs a tee from the bed and tosses it on the dresser, I stare at where we’ll soon be. I imagine him on top of me which makes me happy. Then I imagine him tossing me aside in the morning. How many women want to be with him again? Maggie from the bar sure did, but he dismissed her. Soon, he’ll dismiss me and it’ll hurt. I can’t imagine feeling so close to someone then losing it.
Panicking, I step back. “I changed my mind. I need to leave.”
I turn around and start for the hallway, but Ford is behind me instantly. He doesn’t grab me. More like steadies me with a hand pressed against my stomach. I pause as he stands close behind me and leans down to my ear. I expect anger in his voice, but he’s calm and his tone soothing.
“If you want me to take you home, I will. It’s your choice, but you need to understand something. If you leave, I’m done. I know you’re young, Shay, but I’m not. I won’t play these games. It’s not in me to chase you. Maybe that shit flies with the teenage losers you’ve fucked before, but it won’t with me. So you need to decide carefully.”
