by Amy Brent
I wished that he was anybody else as my personal and professional life blurred together in a torturous blur. Knowing that I was going into military PTSD as a specialty, I had avoided the men that represented that. I never dated military men, in part due to my career and also due to the loss of my family in their call of duty. I hated the idea of risking my own heart that way and every time I saw my mother, the sadness of her eyes reminded me of that. I swore to avoid the life, and the pain and I had been lucky until now.
Blake hadn’t left my mind since that night at the bar. The few one-night-stands that I’d had were nothing like him. I was sure that it didn’t help that I was seeing him once a week now. If I had never run into him again, he could have just remained one of the hottest memories I would ever have. I would have moved on and met a nice non-military man and settled down. Nothing would possibly match that night with Blake, but life wasn’t always like that. I could have forgotten all about him.
I could still see him across my desk that day, making every attempt to pull me away from the subject of his pain. He was seductive and drew me in with every word and those eyes…they Had a power over me. He was relentless with his words and I dreaded seeing him again and facing that. I needed to dig a little deeper with him but like many men, Blake was stubborn about acknowledging his emotions. I Knew going into this field that I would face that but with him, it just seemed that much harder.
Blake was hurting inside. I had sensed that on my bike that night when he took me so roughly, but it didn’t matter then. I was just a girl behind a bar, but now I was his therapist and his future rested in my hands.
It was an awful feeling.
I needed to figure out a way to get through to him and force him, to be honest with me next session together. Maybe if I dressed in a potato sack, Blake would leave me alone. I laughed bitterly, knowing that wasn’t the case. He was a determined man, and he had already won me over once and was close to doing it all over again.
I didn’t know what to do, and I placed his file on the coffee table and took the last slow sip of my wine as I closed my eyes. I was in so much trouble, and I worried that I might give in to him and throw away all of my hard work to become a therapist to troubled military members, my dream since I had lost my father.
I needed to find my self-control and reset my priorities and sex was not one of them.
CHAPTER 7
Blake
I pulled into the garage and parked my bike as I prepared for another session with Aspen. I couldn’t think of her as Dr. Thomas. I didn’t know how today would go, but I still didn’t want to talk about anything that had happened. I had nothing to say. I just needed to get my mind off of her body and just convince her to release me so I could work again. That was all I had ever wanted before I met her but I couldn’t let that stop me.
I carried my helmet in my hand as I tightened my shoulders for the walk through the cold breeze to Aspen’s office. I wasn’t looking forward to the therapy part but seeing her made something inside of me heat up. I made my way easily to the office and greeted the receptionist only slightly warmer than I had on my last visit. She wasn’t the woman that I wanted to see even if she did give me that eyelash flutter that I had seen girls do. I took the clipboard from her this time, finding a small sheet of paper that asked the same mundane questions.
No, no and no. I still wasn’t crazy.
I dropped it onto the chair and lifted my eyes as the door opened and she looked out over the waiting room at me. Today, Aspen was dressed in a flowing red dress that hugged her curves with some black heels. It was professional but sexy enough to drive me crazy. Her hair looked good pulled into a low ponytail, and the red tint of her lips made me want to shove her against the wall and kiss her with abandon. “Good morning, Blake. Come on back.”
The dress didn’t hug her ass like the skirt had last week, but it swished around her thighs as she walked with my paper in her hand. I remembered how they had felt wrapped around my body as my body reacted to the sight in front of me and I knew that it would be all about sex today. I needed to see her be uncomfortable and weaken her defenses because I couldn’t stop thinking about her. “Come on in.” I followed her and took a seat in the chair as I leaned forward and watched her every movement.
“Hi, Aspen.” I greeted her as I watched irritation cross her forehead.
“Dr. Thomas,” she reminded me as I grinned at her and watched her shift in her seat. “How are you today?”
“I am thrilled to be here for my magical healing. Do think that you’ll release me after today?” I looked her over. “You look lovely in red. Your lips make me hard.”
“You’ll never get released until you open up to me.” She told me with a pleading look in her sensuous eyes
“There is nothing to open up about,” I leaned back in my seat and watched as she took a drink from her coffee cup. “You look tired, Aspen. Have you been thinking about me as much as I have been thinking of you?”
“Mr. Landon, please. We need to get somewhere today.” Aspen looked at me sternly, but I could still sense that I was getting to her. “I want to talk about that night.”
“I am a Seal. Those nights happen all of the time.” I told her as she rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her ponytail. “There’s nothing to say.”
“I read the file. I read what Mr. Jackson claims happened, but he is dead. You are the only one that can tell me what really happened, Blake.” She stared at me. “You’re one of the best, and everything I read tells me that about you. Tell me what happened that night.”
“It was a blur. I don’t remember.” I shot back, and she narrowed her eyes.
“I know all about your training and how brilliant you have to be to be a Seal. I know all about what you guys go through and the pain, but this needs to be cleared up, Blake. You will not get back out there until I clear you.” Aspen reminded me as I felt my hopes fade away.
“Do you know a lot of Seals, Aspen?” I lowered my voice, and she flushed. “Do you have a lot of experience with other men?”
“Blake…I…not too much. I focused on school and not dating.” She replied as I smiled and reached out for her hand. “I trained to help men like you, so let me do that. Please.”
“There is nothing to help. The only therapy I need is you on this desk spread open for me so I can finally taste you.” She yanked her hand back, and her eyes widened as she pressed her lips together.
“Damn it, Blake. You need to tell me something…anything. What happened that night?” She demanded as I raised one eyebrow at her. “Who is telling the truth in that report?”
“I don’t care about that report. It’s all bullshit.” I shot back as she sat up with interest.
“Which part?”
“I just want to work again, Aspen. That’s all I ever lived for before…fuck. The only thing I want is to be inside if you again.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice as he stared at me. “Spend the night with me.”
“I am your doctor, and that is so…wrong.” Her face twisted, but I could see how much she wanted to say yes. Like last time, she was flushed and sweating as she shifted in her chair. I knew that I was close to having her, and I stared into her eyes. “I can’t sleep with a patient. It would ruin things for both of us.”
“It would make everything better. It would make me feel alive again.” I told her as she stared at me with wide eyes.
“How do you not feel alive otherwise?” She pressed further, and I drew in a deep breath. “Tell me what is wearing you down, Blake.”
“I want to fuck you, Aspen. I need to be inside of you again, in my bed, on this desk…anywhere. I need you.” I meant every word as I spoke and locked gazes with her, smiling when I saw a moment of weakness in her beautiful face. “I have never felt that way with someone before, and it is all that I think about.”
“You can’t, Blake. You can’t think about any of that. I am only here to serve one purpose now.” She gave me a broken look and took a
deep breath. “Just tell me something about that night, about Roger or about how you’re feeling.”
“Come to my place with me. I’ll make dinner, and we can spend the night in my bed.” I was hard, and I slipped a hand over my cock as she stared at me and finally rested her head in her hands. “I’ll go crazy until you’re mine again.”
Aspen threw her hands up in the air and then rested them on her desk. “This is going nowhere. Get the hell out of my office until you’re ready to get somewhere with this, Blake.” She gave me a defeated look that told me she felt done for now. “Just go. Come back next week and try to be serious about your life.”
I stood and stared down at her as I realized how serious she was. I had really fucked up today, and I walked out of the door with my shoulders dropped. I stopped to make an appointment when reminded and then walked out to my bike feeling dejected.
I had just pushed the button of the person that I needed most in the world right now. I had never felt this way about anyone before, and it scared me deep inside. I looked back at the building and saw someone standing in a window, and I stared back for a long moment.
I needed to get my shit together and figure out how to work this situation out before things got any worse.
CHAPTER 8
Aspen
I went home after a horribly long day and went straight to the fridge for the bottle of wine that was waiting for me. I had several patients after Blake and had managed to hold myself together, but now I was done. I kicked my shoes across the kitchen and found my biggest wine glass that I could find before I opened the bottle and filled it to the brim.
Blake had thrown me for a loop today. I wanted to get to the bottom of things so badly with him, but he wouldn’t be serious about any of it. He just kept taunting me over and over, and I had to throw him out before I took him up on his offer. That would throw all of my work into the trash but damn it if I didn’t want him.
I headed to the bathroom located in my bedroom, which was spacious and luxurious. I had a small television on the far wall that I could watch while soaking in the bath when I really needed it, like today. I filled the round tub with hot water and lavender and vanilla bubble bath before I lit a few candles. I stripped off my dress and black lace bra and underwear, that matched just because I was seeing Blake. I was pathetic. I slipped into the water slowly and looked at the television that was playing whatever random show was on HBO.
Generally, this would soothe me but tonight, I still felt pent up. I took a long sip of my wine and let it slide down my throat as I breathed in the sweet scent of the water. This man was getting to me more than he should, more than anyone should when, they were a patient of mine. I glanced back at the television to see a rerun of True Blood and my eyes rested on the scene with Eric and Sickie where they were fucking in a bed hard and fast, one of their many scenes together. I imagined my bigger body and Blake in my king size bed in the other room as I watched the action on the screen with growing interest. I closed my eyes and pictured him between my legs as he kissed me hungrily and groped my body while he drove himself into me the way he did that night at the bar. His hands left heat everywhere they touched me, and I let my imagination wander more as I imagined that he was crouched on his knees and licking my center firmly and slow as I gripped his head in my hands. It felt so good in my mind, and I dropped my head back as my hand slipped under the water. I wanted to come every way possible for Blake, and I found my hard little nub ready as I slid my hand between my legs. The heat of the water and my own desire made my fingers slide over my folds and roughly on my clit as I sucked in my breath. I was so turned on, both by what was on TV and my naughty thoughts about Blake.
I wondered how many doctors had fantasized about a patient this way as I slipped two fingers into my pussy and continued to thumb my clit. I was rocking against my hand, and the water moved with me as I let out a soft cry.
I wondered how many doctors had crossed the line like I was ready to do.
I felt his teeth tugging on my nipple all over again as my free hand found it under the water, only to twist and pull good and hard. God, it felt good, and I never knew before that I wanted this kind of sex. Everything had been so vanilla before but my fingers digging into my inner walls and my nipple being tormented so pleasantly was a welcome surprise. I moved my hand faster and added another finger as I moaned with every thrust and pictured his cock inside of me. The sounds from the show blended with the sounds in my head, and I spread my legs wider and fucked myself with my fingers hard and deep. I started moaning his name as I heard his voice in my head and his lips on my nipple and then my waiting clit and found the spot that I needed, the one that he had been the first to find.
My orgasm was strong, and I cried out sharply in the room, hearing it echo around me as the pleasure came in long waves. “Blake…Blake…Blake,” I panted as I kept the sensation going with my finger against myself, moving slow and hard as my body started to pulse with the extended release. “I need you. I want you. I need to find a way to fix this.”
I dropped my hands to my sides in the water and took a haggard breath as my entire body went weak. I felt spent yet needy, and I knew that Blake was the only man that would satisfy me at my level of feelings for him. I could make myself cum all I wanted but it wasn’t like him being inside of me, and I let out a small whimper.
I couldn’t get involved with a Seal.
I ached in places that I could not reach.
I finished the wine and did a lot of thinking the rest of the night.
In the morning, after a restless sleep, I rose and took a long shower. My muscles ached, and my body was tired, but I washed and conditioned my hair thoroughly under the hot water before I climbed out to dry off. I had a big morning ahead of me, and it was with a heavy heart that I dried my hair and styled it into a soft lower bun before applying the amount of make-up that made me look professional like I know what I am doing. I almost don’t feel that way, in all honesty. I felt like a hot mess.
I dressed in my black combo of a pencil skirt and blazer with a spotless white shirt underneath and looked myself over before I added some black thigh high hose. That just looked better, as well as looking a bit like I was going to a funeral. I added a dash of dark red lipstick and black heels before I grabbed my purse and headed out to my SUV in the garage. It was my purchase when I knew I was getting this job, though the flawless black interior seemed dull to me at this moment. My perspective was so convoluted due to the way that I was beginning to feel for Blake, and I started the engine with a smooth turn of my key.
I didn’t drive right to my office and in fact, I had left earlier than normal to make a stop before that. I was going to see Blake’s commanding officers to discuss the situation with them as well as just to keep them up to date on his progress, or lack thereof. I felt like the worst psychologist in the world as I parked and got out with a quick press of my hands to my clothes. I entered the base easily with my ID, so I just had to walk into the office and act professional.
Memories of the night before flooded my mind, and I closed my eyes tightly for a few seconds.
I entered the building and made my way to the office of the man I had the most dealings with, being so new. He had given me the files to read and assigned Blake to me, though I’m confident he would be disgusted with my actions as of late. I greeted his receptionist, and she called to let him know that I was there, and I took several deep breaths as I waited.
As the petite raven haired woman told me to go on in, I smiled and stood up as I clutched my briefcase in my hand. Barry Johns was a very nice man, but I also knew that he was an important person in the whole scheme of things. “Good morning, sir.” I greeted him with a polite smile as he ushered me to sit down across from him.
“It’s good to see you, Dr. Thomas.” He replied with a warm smile that reminded me of my father. “I assume that you’re here regarding my favorite Navy Seal, Mr. Landon.”
“Yes, I am. I have met with him a fe
w times so far and unfortunately I haven’t gotten too far at all.” I admitted as he frowned and leaned back in his chair. “He won’t talk about the incident at all. I sense a deflection in his tone with every question and with that being the case, I read the file further to get an idea of things.” I paused and took a small breath. “Mr. Landon has a tremendous record as a Navy Seal. I could not find one thing in my reading that suggested he would attempt to kill any of his own men for any reason. He was a seasoned professional.”
“I have to agree with you, Doctor. I have worked above him for years, and he is my go to man. I see how much he hates being on this break, but it had to be done.” Barry looked at me for a long moment. “I fear that he needs a friend right now, someone to confide in, but he lost his closest one that night. Perhaps he is scared to get close to anybody or just to talk about it at all. I had to send him to you due to protocol, but I knew that he might not open up right away.” Barry shook his head. “Keep trying, Miss Thomas. I am sorry that hasn't gone well for him…and you. I will try and talk with him as well, but that hasn’t been successful so far. Mr. Landon is stubborn and keeps saying that he doesn’t need a shrink.” He gave me an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Dr. Thomas. I don’t feel that was, as you know. You are valuable to all of our staff, but I almost want to believe that he doesn’t need it.”
“None was taken,” I assured him since Blake had told me the same thing a few times now. I knew what I was walking into when I chose my major, and the words didn’t hurt too bad unless it was Blake saying them.
“How is your family doing?” Barry changed the subject, and I smiled slowly at the mention of them.
“They’re good. Mom is volunteering as much as she possibly can, and the boys are all set to finish up school this year. They are all talking about enlisting.” I told him as his face fell for a moment. My younger brothers were in high school now, two graduating and the other two sophomores.
