by Claire Adams
“I don’t want to take Daphne’s place, Jake,” I said softly. “But I do hope that there’s room in your life and Noah’s life for me.”
“I think it’s safe to say there is,” he replied.
I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. I was about to pull away, but Jake grabbed me and pushed me back onto the sofa. He climbed on top of me, and I could tell where this was leading.
“No,” I said firmly, trying to push his hands away.
“I want you,” Jake growled, and I felt myself moisten instantly at his words.
“And, I want you,” I said. “But not here.”
“Noah’s asleep,” Jake pointed out.
“What if he wakes up and walks in here?” I asked. “He doesn’t even really know about us…”
Jake kept kissing my neck, so I pushed him back, grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hallway towards his bedroom. Once the door was firmly shut behind us, I led him to his bed and started to undress him. His cock was rock hard, and I had to maneuver his pants around his erection.
The sight of his beautiful hard penis inspired me, and I found myself slipping to my knees in front of him. Without titillation, I slipped his cock into my mouth. I had the satisfaction of hearing a moan escape Jake and that alone gave me the confidence to take him deeper into my mouth. I sucked him hard and could feel his body respond to what I was doing. He seemed to be shaking, and his hands stroked the top of my head as I sucked his dick.
“Fuck,” he moaned.
I pulled out just in time to watch him cum violently. Smiling, I sat down on the edge of his bed as his breathing calmed a little. He wiped himself off and sat down beside me.
“Sorry,” he said. “That probably wasn’t very fun for you.”
“On the contrary, that was extremely fun for me,” I said.
“Are you sure you were a virgin before me?” he checked.
I laughed. “Pretty sure.”
“Well, it’s your turn,” he said, pushing me back onto his bed and positioning my legs apart.
First, he used his fingers and then he used his tongue until I was moaning and writhing and trying to squash my screams by gritting my teeth together. After I had cum, we lay naked in Jake’s bed listening to each other’s breathing. It was bliss to feel so complete with a man. I had never experienced anything like this before.
For a second, I wondered if this was what Mom felt when she was with Ted. Was that why she was so completely blind where he was concerned? Because if I was feeling what she had felt all these years, I realized that I would find it extremely hard to blame her.
“What are you thinking about?” Jake asked me.
“I’m thinking of sex and love and everything in between,” I replied.
He smiled. “You want to know what I’m thinking?”
“Do tell?”
“I’m thinking that I want to fuck you in the shower,” Jake said, pulling me closer into the circle of his arms. “And afterward, I want to bring you back to this bed and fuck you again.”
I smiled. “That’s ambitious of you.”
“Oh trust me, you haven’t seen nothing yet.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Prove it,” I challenged.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Jake
Noah was asleep in his room, and Kristen had left a few minutes ago. Usually, she spent the night and left early morning before Noah woke, but she claimed she had been neglecting her apartment and her friend Melody, and she needed to make amends where both were concerned.
It was surprising and even a little annoying how dependent I had become on Kristen. The moment she had left, I had felt a little pang of loneliness, and now I was sitting on my couch in the living room feeling dejected and slightly sorry for myself. I looked towards the picture of Daphne and smiled at her for what felt like the first time in years.
“Hi, hon,” I said softly. “It’s been a while since we spoke, huh?”
I hadn’t been able to think of her in a long time, and now that my heart had been healed slightly, I realized that my memories of Daphne had changed. At least the lens through which I viewed those memories had changed. They were no longer pierced with pain and sadness. Now I could remember her and see the beauty and the love and the happiness in the time we had spent together. Obviously, each memory was tinged with bittersweet notes, but at least I could appreciate certain things now.
“You were my first real best friend, Daphne,” I said to her image. “After Henry, I didn’t have anyone to talk to. And then I met you, and I found my partner in life. I never thought I’d find myself searching again, but here we are. And to be honest… I think it’s happened again. I found a new best friend.”
Daphne looked at me calmly. She was a beautiful woman, just like Kristen, and I wondered for a moment if they would have liked each other had they ever met. Obviously, the circumstances would have been totally different, but somehow it made me feel better to imagine that they might have gotten along had Daphne been alive.
“She’s an amazing woman, Daphne,” I continued. “I think you would have liked her. And she’s great with Noah. You will always be his mother, but maybe Kristen could possibly hold down the fort for you? You would want that, wouldn’t you? You would want Noah to have someone to love him…like you would have.”
I felt my eyes start to water a little, but I kept going. “I know you weren’t yourself before you deployed. I know that if you’d given it time, you would have wanted to be a mother; you would have been excited. I should have educated myself about what you were going through. I should have been there for you. Instead, I made you feel guilty for not feeling what I thought you should have been feeling. It was my mistake, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am.
“We both made mistakes, Daphne… We were both young and unprepared for everything that happened. And there’s no point trying to sort through all of it now. What’s done is done. What’s happened has happened. All I want to say to you now is…I’m sorry, and I forgive you. I hope that wherever you are, you can find it in your heart to forgive me, too.”
Wiping away the stray tear that had fallen, I got out my phone and scrolled through the pictures of the Halloween that had just passed. It was the first time we had really made an event out of it. Noah was too young the first time around, and the next few years, I had just been trying to stay afloat. So when Kristen had brought it up this year, I had decided to get into the spirit of the holiday for Noah.
He had decided he wanted to be a dinosaur, so Kristen had made him a fantastic costume that Noah had gone nuts over. Kristen had shown up as Cher in one of her more modest outfits, and I had put on my old uniform for the first time in years and gone as the ghost of my past life. I had meant to be ironic, but wearing the uniform had filled me with vigor, and I had enjoyed myself the whole night.
I scrolled through the pictures, and I couldn’t help noticing that we looked like any other ordinary happy family. A few people had actually mistaken us for just that. Noah was over the moon the whole night. He brought home a bag of candy, and the three of us had sat around the coffee table in the living room counting chocolates and sampling all our favorites.
Noah had stayed up past twelve that night, and it had taken five bedtime stories and a dozen nursery rhymes to coax him to sleep. Then Kristen and I had stayed in the living room and continued eating the candy that Noah had spent all night collecting. I was still looking through pictures when a call came in on my phone. When I saw who was calling, I felt a little pang and thought how life was sometimes full of signs.
“Isabelle,” I said, answering the call. “How are you?”
“Hi, Jake,” Isabelle replied. “I’m doing well. How is Noah?”
“Noah’s doing good,” I nodded. “He fell asleep a little while ago.”
“Oh that’s too bad, I would have liked to speak to him,” she said. “It’s been too long since I’ve seen him.”
“I’m sorry, I
should have called you before now.”
“I understand, Jake…”
“No, but I never fully apologized to you for freaking out the last time we spoke.”
“You didn’t freak out,” she said gently. “You just got…emotional. Which is completely understandable.”
“I just…it was hard for me to talk about her,” I admitted. “It hurt too much.”
“I suppose for me it helps to talk about her,” Isabelle said. “Which is why I kept pushing the topic. I should have realized it might be different for you. Which was why I decided to stay away for a little while and give you some space.”
“And, I appreciate that,” I said gratefully. “But I’ve had enough space now, and I don’t want to keep you away from Noah. He should know his grandmother.”
Isabelle’s voice got soft and tender. “How’s my little boy?” she asked. “He’s four-and-a-half now, isn’t he?”
“He’s going to be five soon,” I said. “I can’t quite believe it.”
“Neither can I,” Isabelle said. “It feels like just yesterday I was at the hospital with Daphne.”
We fell silent for a moment. “If you’re worried about upsetting me by talking about Daphne, you don’t have to worry. I’m okay to talk about her.”
“Really?”
“Well…the last few months have been sort of transformative for me,” I said. “I think I’ve done a lot of healing in that time.”
“That’s wonderful to hear,” she said. “In fact, I can hear the change in your voice. You sound like the old Jake.”
“The old Jake,” I repeated, with a smile. “I suppose he’s come back a little bit.”
“Oh, Jake, I’m so glad… I knew how hard the last few years have been for you.”
“I’ve come to terms with what happened,” I said. “Daphne’s death and everything that followed was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to live through. But I did it, and I’d like to think I’m stronger for it.”
“Have you forgiven her, Jake?” Isabelle asked.
Again I thought about the timing of certain things as I mused on life’s strangeness. “I have,” I nodded honestly. “She’s not the only one who needs forgiving, though. I did my fair share of damage.”
“You didn’t expect her to re-enlist,” Isabelle said comfortingly.
“She enlisted because she couldn’t talk to me,” I said. “I’m not unaware that I drove her to Afghanistan.”
“She loved it there too much,” Isabelle said. “And being here with Noah… She didn’t think she knew herself anymore.”
“This conversation would have had me spiraling a year ago,” I admitted. “But now, I can handle it. It’s even therapeutic to talk about it.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” she said. “Because I like talking about Daphne; it makes me feel like I haven’t totally lost my daughter.”
“How have you been, Isabelle?” I asked. “How are your travels going?”
“I’ve been in France for the last six months,” she said.
“Wow.”
Isabelle laughed. “It was a wonderful experience. I think I might actually retire there one day. But it’s still nice to be back home… I think I’m going to stick around for a while. I don’t want to miss out on seeing Noah grow up.”
“Wait, does that mean you’re in town right now?”
“I am,” she replied. “And I’m hoping you’re going to be free to meet me?”
“Even if I wasn’t free, I’d make time,” I said. “Noah is going to be thrilled to see you.”
“I’d like to spend a day with him.”
“How does tomorrow sound?” I asked willingly.
“Really?”
“Really.”
Isabelle laughed. “I’d love that,” she said. “I can’t wait. It’s been too long since I’ve spent time with him… Has he changed much?”
“He’s a little more talkative now,” I said. “He’s come out of his shell. Kristen’s really helped him—”
The moment I said her name I faltered a little, realizing that I hadn’t mentioned Kristen to Isabelle at this point. Isabelle noticed the change immediately.
“Kristen?” she asked, and her tone shifted slightly.
“Um…yes. She’s my secretary,” I said awkwardly.
“Your secretary?” Isabelle asked, and her tone was dubious.
“Well, she’s more like a friend now.”
“Just a friend?” she asked pointedly.
I smiled. “Well…”
“If you’re seeing someone, Jake, you don’t have to feel guilty to tell me,” Isabelle said. “I’m happy that you’re past your pain and can think about getting on with your life. You’re still a young man, and you deserve to be happy.”
“Thank you, Isabelle,” I said appreciatively. “You’ve always been a good mother-in-law.”
“And, I hope to continue to be,” she said. “You know, I would like to meet her, Jake.”
I paused for a moment, wondering what Kristen would say to that. But then I realized that Kristen had no problem meeting my friends and family. She was just nervous about introducing me to her parents.
“I would like you to meet her, too,” I said. “It’s important to me that you like her.”
“I’m sure I will,” Isabelle said. “What is she like?”
I smiled. “She’s great with Noah,” I said immediately. “She cooks for him all the time. She reads to him and helps him with his homework. She was the one who took him out for Halloween this year.”
“Do you have pictures?” Isabelle asked longingly.
“I’ll show you a couple tomorrow,” I said. “You know what? Why don’t you come over tomorrow morning and have breakfast with the two of us? We can give Noah a little surprise?”
“Sounds perfect,” she agreed. “And what about your new girlfriend?”
“I’m not sure if she’ll be able to join us tomorrow,” I said. “I’ll ask her if she’s up to an early dinner, but even if she can’t make it, we’ll make plans to meet another time before you head off to your next country.”
Isabelle laughed. “I’m not in a hurry to go anywhere else for the time being,” she said. “I think I’d just like to stay put and enjoy my grandson for a while.”
After we had hung up, I turned to the picture of Daphne. I remembered how destroyed her mother had been during the funeral. It had taken a year before Isabelle looked normal again. After that, she had started traveling to bury the heat of her pain, and just like me, she was starting to regain her footing once more. She was starting to enjoy her life again.
“We’re okay, Daphne,” I whispered softly to her image. “We’re all going to be okay.”
And I hoped that wherever Daphne was, she could hear me.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Kristen
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain outside my window. I had left Jake’s place earlier than usual yesterday. I’d spent an hour cleaning up after I’d gotten home, and then I’d headed out for a late dinner with Melody. The whole time, however, I had thought about Jake. Melody had probably noticed, but she was a lot more forgiving with me because she was convinced I was madly in love with Jake.
Not that she was far off the mark with that one.
I was in love with Jake, and it was getting harder and harder to justify the secret I was keeping from him. He deserved the truth, and I desperately needed his trust. But how on earth was I supposed to secure it now? That was what was making me hesitate. I didn’t know how to tell him the truth without completely destroying his trust and faith in me. I kept hoping some magical solution would present itself, but so far, I was just going around in circles in my head.
I rolled out of bed, brushed my teeth, had a quick shower, and then walked to my kitchen. I had plans to meet Melody again today, but I was seriously thinking of canceling. I missed Jake and Noah, and as I looked out towards the gentle pitter-patter of the rain, I knew that Noah would enjoy baking cookie
s on a day like this. I noticed that there was a message on my answering machine that I hadn’t checked, so I walked over and pressed the playback button.
“Hi, Kristen,” Jake’s voice was clear and crisp, but he was talking a little fast like he was distracted with something. “I’m just calling to…to… Noah, don’t pull that, kid… The whole thing’s going to… Noah, seriously?”
I stifled a laugh as I listened to Jake trying to juggle the phone call with his son.
“Sorry… Noah’s trying to get to… Anyway, I just called to ask about your plans for today. There’s someone I’d like you to meet. She’s… For God’s sake, kid… Kristen, I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. Try and drop in today if you have the time.”
I walked to my fridge and opened the door. There were only a few fruits and a loaf of bread on the verge of going stale. I spent so much time at Jake’s that keeping a fully stocked pantry and fridge just seemed wasteful. I realized that I really wanted to see Jake and Noah today, and I wasn’t prepared to wait until the evening. Quickly, I called up Melody, praying that she would understand.
“Hi,” I said brightly, the moment she picked up.
“Hi, what’s up?”
“Um… I was just calling to ask whether you were still in the mood to go shopping?”
“I’m always in the mood to go shopping,” Melody said immediately. “And today’s the last day to find the right outfit because my date is tomorrow.”
“Ah, right… Seems to me that I’d just slow you down though,” I said, trying to be as diplomatic as possible.
“Kristen?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re trying to get out of shopping with me today, aren’t you?”
“Whatever gave you that idea?”
“Your high-pitched tone for one,” she replied bluntly.
I smiled guiltily. “Sorry… It’s just that… I think Jake’s aunt is in town, and he wants me to meet her. She’s the closest thing to a mother he’s had since his own mom died and so this is kind of a big deal for me.”
