by Claire Adams
I stared at his hand for a moment, wondering if I was ready to agree to that. Then again, what choice did I have? I thought. If I told him I wasn’t ready to be friends with him, it would mean admitting how much he had hurt me.
I shook his hand, nodding at him. “Friends,” I agreed.
“So as friends, maybe we should get lunch sometime or something like that,” Trethan said, his hand still clasping mine.
I winced at the offer. Again, there wasn’t really any way to tell him I wasn’t ready for that yet. I wasn’t sure I wanted to get lunch with him. I definitely didn’t want to be seen around town with him. I knew what everyone would think.
“Maybe we could have a picnic or something,” I finally said. That would be safe, wouldn’t it? I doubted it would happen anyway. He was here around the ranch to work, not to have picnics. Dad would keep him busy, and I would never have to follow through on that plan.
Trethan looked like he knew exactly what I was thinking, and he looked almost disappointed in me. But then, he schooled his features back to neutral again. “Yeah, sure. I have to get the rest of the horses fed,” he said, turning back to the bale of hay. “Enjoy the rest of your day, though.”
“You, too,” I echoed faintly, watching as he turned and strode away.
I felt a pang of sadness watching him go. I wondered whether I’d been avoiding the ranch because I hadn’t been able to deal with memories of my parents or if I’d been avoiding the place because I hadn’t been able to deal with the memories of Trethan and I hanging around the place in our teens.
The problem was I was still ridiculously attracted to him, more now than ever before. But I had to chalk that up to our shared history. I had to chalk that up to the high school crush I’d had on him. I couldn’t let myself still be in love with him. It would tear me apart if I allowed myself to have feelings for him now.
I turned back toward the house, no longer in the mood to go for a ride. Maybe I’d see what Julie was up to and get coffee with her. Then again, we would probably just end up talking about Trethan, and what I really wanted was to forget about him for the day. I went back inside and headed upstairs. If nothing else, I could apply for a few more jobs and start planning how I was going to get out of White Bluff.
Chapter Nine
Trethan
I let myself get guilted into meeting Brent at the Roasted Bison on Saturday night. I felt bad about how little I’d been seeing of him lately.
I went over straight after work and ordered a plate of wings before Brent arrived. John and I had been working to replace the roof on one of the barns for most of the day, and I was famished. I was just finishing the wings when Brent arrived with a couple of bombshell blondes.
“Hey, man,” he said, sliding into the booth across from me. One of the women slid in next to him; the other joined me over on my side of the table.
“Uh, hey,” I said, looking between the two women. “Didn’t realize we were going to have company.”
Brent raised his eyebrow at me. “Meet Linda and Marie,” he told me. “They’re new camp counselors at that place up the road. I ran into them at the shop today and said we’d show them around town a little. They haven’t gotten away from the kiddos much since they’ve been here.” He laughed.
Ordinarily, I would have been excited at the prospect of having two hot co-eds sitting with us. For some reason, they were always the easiest lays around town, maybe because they got so fed up with working with kids all day, every day, and needed to blow off some steam by the time the weekend rolled around. It was always great to find people who were going to be around for the whole summer, too.
But no matter how beautiful Linda was, no matter how easy it was to see through her sheer blouse as she sat next to me, no matter how warm her thigh was where it was pressed against mine, I didn’t feel the slightest attraction for her. What’s more, I kind of resented the fact that Brent had brought the two of them along without even asking me if I was okay with it.
The rational part of me said he didn’t need to ask my permission to bring a couple girls to our night at the bar, but another part of my brain thought it would just be the two of us for the night, that we might just drink and catch up. That was the whole reason I’d agreed to come out tonight.
Not that there was ever much for us to say to one another; we were still best friends, but all he ever did with his time was sell drugs or smoke weed, and all I ever did was work at the ranch or go out drinking. We didn’t have much to talk about.
That wasn’t the real issue, though. My main problem was my distinct lack of interest in Linda, Marie, or any other girl that sauntered into the Bison. It had been weeks since I’d been attracted to anyone other than Vanessa.
That surprised me. It wasn’t like I’d been celibate. And like she’d said the other day, it wasn’t as though she and I had ever slept together — nor were we ever going to sleep together in the future — but my mind kept coming back around to her.
“Dude, what’s your problem?” Brent asked in an undertone as the girls went to the bathroom together. The look on his face said that whatever my issue was, I needed to fucking get rid of it. No such luck.
I glanced over at him and shrugged before turning my attention back to the guy who was currently riding the mechanical bull. It was on its slowest speed, and the guy still did a terrible job, but his friends kept egging him on, and he kept pulling himself back up off the floor and getting back on the thing. I wondered idly when Mickey was going to decide the guy had had enough. I also wondered if maybe John was right, and the Roasted Bison was a little too willing to let people endanger themselves on the bull.
“What, you’re ignoring me now, too?” Brent asked with venom in his voice. “It’s bad enough you’ve hardly said two words to Linda. They’re getting ready to leave. Don’t you realize that? If they haven’t already left.”
“They just went to the bathroom,” I said, suppressing the urge to roll my eyes as I turned back to face him. “What’s your problem, anyhow? I thought we were just going to hang tonight, and instead, you brought these two girls with you.”
“I’m trying to get you laid,” he said, as though that were obvious. “It’s been, what, a month now? I’m surprised your balls haven’t shriveled up and fallen off yet.”
I gave him a look. “I don’t have to fuck around to take care of that.”
“I know that, but it’s just fucking weird, man,” he said. “Like, you can’t keep pining after Vanessa. You gotta move on.”
“I’m not pining for Vanessa,” I snapped. I was totally pining for Vanessa, which left me not wanting to talk to or approach anyone else. Nothing seemed quite right now that I had her back in my sights. She was perfect, the exact woman I wanted in my bed and in my life.
“Prove it,” Brent said. “You’ve been staring at that mechanical bull all night. Go give it a ride, impress the ladies, and for the love of God, take Linda home with you.”
“I don’t have to prove anything,” I said.
Just then, the ladies returned to the table. “What’s going on?” Marie asked, looking between the two of us. “You guys look super serious. Should we give you a minute?”
“No,” I offered kindly.
Brent got a wicked smile on his face, and before I could stop him, he told them, “Trethan here was just telling me that he has one of the best times on the mechanical bull of anyone in town. You’d like to see him ride, wouldn’t you?”
Marie giggled. “Oh, that would be fun!” she said. “I’ve never seen someone last more than a second or two on one of those things.”
“Oh, he’ll last more than a second,” Brent promised, winking over at Linda. “Come on, Trethan, show them what you can do.”
I scowled at him, but got out of my seat, remembering what it sounded like to have everyone in the bar cheering me on. Anyway, it was about time to put this poor guy out of his misery. He would be spectacularly bruised the next morning, but still, he climbed back on the
bull with a stubborn determination that surprised me.
“Hey, buddy, can I have a turn?” I asked after he was thrown yet again.
I didn’t miss the look of relief that spread across his face as he nodded emphatically before retreating back to where his friends all laughed. Someone buy that guy a drink. Unfortunately, I had a feeling he’d just lost a bet and was going to buy all his jerk friends drinks before the night was through.
I shook my head and turned back toward the bull. “Can you put her up on high again?” I asked Mickey as I climbed on.
Mickey looked like he wanted to say something, but he held back, glancing toward Brent and the girls before shrugging. I didn’t last nearly as long as I had when I’d ridden against Mike. Then again, the bull hadn’t started out on the most challenging setting that time. Still, my time was respectable enough to have the girls cheering for me and Brent giving me an impressed look.
But the victory, or whatever it was, didn’t excite me. Instead, it just soured my mood further.
“Let me buy you a beer,” Linda said, putting her hands on my arm as though she belonged there at my side. She leaned in close, making sure that I got a clear view of her cleavage in her low-cut black top. “You must be really thirsty after a ride like that.”
I shook her hands off me. “Actually, I think I’m going to go home for the night,” I told her, trying to sound apologetic when I really didn’t care either way. “I have to be at the ranch early tomorrow morning, so I don’t want to be out too late.” I started to slip away.
Brent caught me when I was halfway to the door, his eyes flashing with anger. “Dude, what the hell?” he snapped.
I shrugged him off. “Dude, I’m going home.”
“Why are you being such a dick lately?” he asked, his voice souring. As if he understood me at all. The bastard knew where my head was, and yet he kept pushing, kept trying to get me to shit or get off the pot.
I wasn’t ready to make a decision or a move. Period.
“I’m not trying to be a dick,” I said. “I’m just not feeling it tonight. Anyway, I’m doing you a favor, aren’t I? I’m leaving you alone with two women.”
“You know as well as I do that I’m not going to get both of them to go back home with me, especially not after the show that you just put on,” Brent growled. “Don’t try to act like that’s why you’re doing it. Can’t you just take Linda home so that I can-”
“So that you can what? Get your dick wet?” I snapped. “I’m not going to fuck some random chick just so you can get laid. Next time, maybe try to get someone who doesn’t want to come out with her friend.”
Before he could say anything else, I shot out of there, needing some air. The evening was pleasantly cool with a light breeze. It helped clear my head a little, which was exactly what I needed. I decided to take a walk instead of going straight home. My feet carried me aimlessly through town, heading in the opposite direction of home for now.
I wandered past my father’s old house, its For Sale sign still stuck in the front yard. I was going to have to come down on the price soon. No one had even come by to see the place in a couple weeks now, and I was starting to get frustrated with still having it in my possession. It wasn’t like the place had many good memories for me. It was a dead weight I was forced to drag around with me, one last reminder of everything my father had been.
Well, maybe not the last reminder, I thought as I wandered past O’Malley’s. Plenty of places around town still reminded me of my father, but O’Malley’s was probably the biggest reminder. That had been his bar, the place from which he’d stumbled home nearly every night. Nearly every night because there had been nights when he hadn’t come home at all. Nights when he’d passed out on the couch in the back room of the bar. Nights when he’d fucked around with random women.
Thinking about him, I couldn’t help thinking about my own life, about the person I’d been lately. Sure, I’d been able to hold down the job at the Lazy J, but my father had always been pretty good about holding down a job, even when he was at his most reckless and drunk. He was a high-functioning alcoholic. Everyone always agreed on that. Holding down a job was nothing special.
In every other respect, I seemed exactly the same as him. I drank away most of the money I earned, I rode the mechanical bull for thrills, I slept around with random women, and I started fights.
The fight with Mike still hung over my head. Guilt and shame churned unpleasantly inside me every time I happened to see Mike around town. I was just glad that nothing else had come of that night.
Still, I couldn’t help feeling ashamed. I wasn’t any better than my father.
I was just lucky I didn’t have a kid in the mix. I shuddered just thinking about it. Not that I would intentionally set out to be like my father, but I could only imagine the sort of bitterness and darkness that had to be there inside me. Nature versus nurture, that was the question, wasn’t it? I seemed to have gotten the worst from both of those things.
I spared a moment to wonder what John had ever seen in me, why he had ever taken it upon himself to give me a second chance. I definitely didn’t feel like I deserved one. Vanessa didn’t seem to think I did, either.
I shook my head and turned my feet back toward home, mainly because if I stayed out any longer, I was going to say “fuck it” and head into O’Malley’s where I belonged. I had enough sense of self-preservation, though, to turn away from that for the night and get drunk in the privacy of my own apartment.
Chapter Ten
Vanessa
The idea came to me in a dream, and when I woke up, I was so excited that I had to call Julie about it right away. She was less than thrilled to hear from me so early.
“It’s eight in the morning,” Julie said when she answered the phone. She was the opposite of a morning person, which left me most likely out of her good graces for the start of the day.
I winced and looked at the clock. Sure enough, it was just as early as she’d said. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”
She laughed. “Of course not,” she said. “I have a little kid, remember? I’m up before the sun, every morning. This morning’s no different. I’ve already showered and gotten dressed. I made breakfast for all of us and drove the tyke over to one of his playmate’s houses for the day. I’m just surprised that you’re up.”
“Oh. Yeah. I just woke up from the best dream. I think I know what I’m going to do with myself.” I smiled, unable to help myself.
“What?” she asked, sounding amused already.
“What if I created a gallery to showcase artwork from people in the region?” I asked. “White Bluff already has a pretty steady flow of tourists coming through; I’m sure there would be people who were interested in the local art. And, there are so many great artists from the region, both Native American and other people who have moved here specifically because the surroundings are so beautiful.”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Julie said, but I could tell there was a “but” coming.
“You don’t think it would be popular enough?” I guessed.
“It’s not that,” she said. “But opening a gallery has to take a pretty decent amount of money, I would think. You need to get the space for it, and there’s nothing perfect for a gallery in town already. That means buying land and building a new structure, or else really paying to modify some building that already exists. And then you’d have to pay all the artists so that you had things to put inside the gallery. Then there’s marketing and all of that, and you don’t know how long it could be before the place really starts to take off with tourists.” She paused. “Gosh, I’m not trying to sound so negative about it. I’m just being practical.”
“Yeah,” I said, frowning. “I mean, I thought about that stuff. But don’t you think it would be a great idea? That’s kind of my first question, before I start thinking about the logistics of it.”
“I think it could be a really great idea,” Julie said. “And, it’s totally some
thing that I could see you doing. You love this place more than you admit.”
I snorted. “I’ve never said that I didn’t love this place,” I said. “I just don’t want to work on the Lazy J for the rest of my life. You know that’s not the kind of thing that I’m interested in.”
“I know,” Julie said. “It did always seem like you were trying really hard to get out of here.”
“I just wanted a little space,” I said, shrugging. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad, but he definitely wanted me to take over the ranch, and he was starting to give me more and more responsibilities. You know that.”
“I know.” Julie paused. “Have you told him about your idea for the gallery?”
“I just woke up,” I told her. “Literally the first thing that I did was call you.”
“Hmm.” I could tell she was frowning. “You probably want to think about where you’re going to get the money from before you talk to him about it. Otherwise he’s going to think you’re asking him to sell the ranch or something like that.”
“I would never do that!” I protested.
“I know that, and you know that,” she said. “I’m sure that your dad knows that as well, if he really sat down and thought about it. But I also know your dad, and I know how much he wants you to be happy. I wouldn’t put it past him to sell the place without asking you, just because he was so sure that it was the only path toward realizing your dreams.”
I laughed and shook my head. “You’re right.” I bit my lower lip. “I’m not sure where I’d get the money from. Dad makes some decent money with the ranch, but most of it goes back into operational costs and updates and everything else. Even if he sold the place, it probably wouldn’t be enough to support him comfortably and allow him to invest in my gallery.”
