by Jill Shalvis
She smacked him. “I’m serious!”
“So am I.” He let his smile fade, let his own intent ring clear in his voice. “So now you listen. Mia, I think of you from the moment I open my eyes to when I close them at night. You make me smile, you make me ache. You make me think, you make me strong. You make me frustrated as shit, and I honestly can’t see myself without you. I know you don’t quite believe that right now, and that’s okay. I can wait for you to catch up.”
She shook her head. “I’m so confused. I really thought that this whole thing was your fault, but now I’m confused because you’ve changed your mind about commitment. I’m going to be a counselor, Nick. How can I be a counselor when I’m so confused? God, I was such a smug idiot.”
“No, you’re the smartest woman I know. And if anyone’s the idiot, it’s me. A slow idiot.”
She didn’t disagree with him, which might have made him smile if this hadn’t been so serious. “I didn’t change my mind, Mia. I always knew.”
She stared at him, and he touched her, running a finger along her temple. He couldn’t help himself. “I just didn’t know how to make this work,” he said.
“And you know now?”
“No, but I want to figure it out. Together. Mia, I heard back about the job.”
Her breath hitched, and she stared into his eyes. “You got it.”
He nodded, taking in her expression. She was happy for him. He could see that clear as day. Past any sadness for her own heart, her relief for him was tangible. Tugging her close, he buried his face in her hair. Carlos was right. Neither of them deserved her, himself especially. But hell if he’d walk away. “I was going to tell you about it at dinner the other night, but then I couldn’t.”
She pulled back and stared into his eyes. “Because you thought I would hold you back?”
“No.” He tightened his grip on her. “I knew you wouldn’t. But you were talking about us going skiing next month, and then on a Valentine’s Day trip. I want to do those things, but I probably won’t be able to. And I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“So you told me nothing?”
“Not my finest moment,” he admitted. “Look, this is going to be a challenge for us, but it can work. Tell me you know that, that you still feel something for me.”
“I feel lots of things for you, Nick. Probably too much. But that doesn’t change anything.” She turned away from him to the controls and adjusted their course. “It’s just too complicated,” she whispered. “You shouldn’t have come.”
“I’ll always come for you.”
Chapter 7
Mia kept her eyes on the horizon, but she didn’t have to turn around to know that Nick was there, right at her back, so close that a sheet of paper wouldn’t have fit between them.
“Anchor us,” he said.
Her heart sped up, in reaction to both his low, sexy voice and his proximity. Her body always reacted to his like this. Zero to sixty. This condition wasn’t improved when he brushed a kiss to her jaw, and lingered. “Nick—”
His mouth slid over her throat, his warm palm settling on the nape of her neck to hold her steady. “It’s my turn to be the boss, Mia.”
She had no idea what it said about her that this made her quiver in anticipation, but she hurriedly steered them into a quiet, deserted bay and dropped anchor.
Turning her to face him, Nick took her hands in his and directed them to his chest. Unable to help herself, she let them wander. She loved his body. Lifting her head, she found his eyes on hers.
“Do you want this?” he asked quietly. “Do you still want me?”
“Yes,” her mouth said without her brain’s permission.
With a groan, he pressed her against the controls, pinning her there with his deliciously warm body. His mouth skimmed over her jaw to her lips as his big, warm hand palmed her breast. With a sound that said it wasn’t enough for him, he slid his hands beneath her sweatshirt and thin tee. Another sound escaped him at finding her braless, this one of rough, male appreciation while his thumb strummed over her nipple. “God. God, I missed this,” he said, his lips hovering over the pulse beating frantically at the base of her neck. “I missed you.”
She didn’t want words. She wanted him to banish the hurt, just for a little while. Rocking into him, she reached for the zipper on his jeans. “We have to be quick.”
Catching her hands, he pinned them on either side of her.
“Nick—”
“My turn,” he said firmly, and dropped to his knees in front of her.
Pushing up her sweatshirt, he cupped her breasts, leaning in to take a nibble of her quivering abs. “Mine,” he said, untying the sweats.
She had no idea if he meant the sweats, or herself. Had no idea how she felt about that either.
Okay, so that was a total fib. She knew exactly how she felt about it. She’d just gotten a rush that was a millimeter short of an orgasm.
When he tugged the sweats down, she gasped.
“Commando,” he said huskily. “My favorite.”
“I was sleeping, and I don’t like wearing underwear when I sleep.” A little panicked, she searched their immediate surroundings. How had she gone from so hurt to so nearly naked? “Uh…”
“No one’s around,” he assured her. “Not for miles. Relax, Mia. This is for you.”
Relax? She had no idea how she was supposed to do that with her emotions seesawing, not to mention the fact that her pants were at her thighs and Nick’s hands were cupping her ass, pulling her to his mouth, and—“Ohmigod.” She slid her hands into his hair, holding him to her because his mouth—good Lord, his mouth. It took her an embarrassingly short amount of time to come, which she decided to attribute to adrenaline and not to his considerable skills or the fact that she was still helplessly in love with him.
When her knees buckled, he caught her. Feeling incredibly emotional, and far too vulnerable, she tried to push him away. He simply and devastatingly pressed a sweet kiss to her hipbone. Then just beside her belly button.
She stared down at him, nearly choking on her heart. “Nick.”
He tugged off her sneakers and then her clothes, and surged to his feet. “I need you, Mia.”
He did. She could feel his erection pressing against her through his jeans. She let her hand glide down his chest, his abs, and then she palmed him.
He groaned but took her hand. “Not there.” He slid their entwined fingers back up to his chest against his heart. “Here.”
Undone, and unable to resist, she went up on tiptoes and kissed him, long and deep. They’d do this, and she’d hold the memories warm and safe inside her forever.
Nick pulled a condom from his wallet and Mia freed his essentials—and oh how she loved his essentials—and then he lifted her up. “Wrap your legs around me,” he said, and when she did, he slid home.
And in that moment at least, her world was complete.
He was going too fast with her, Nick knew it. But the pent-up lust and longing had drawn them into this explosion of deep, wet kisses and slick, needy bodies, and he couldn’t slow himself down. When she came, shuddering in pleasure, his name on her lips, she took him right over the edge with her.
They ended up on the floor of the houseboat flat on their backs, staring up at the sky through the skylight, panting for breath, trying to recover. He wasn’t even sure he could move, but somehow he managed to pull her into him, holding her to his side, gliding a hand up and down her satiny, still-damp skin. She shivered at his touch and arched into him as if needing more, and he discovered he could move plenty. Catching her hands in his, he rolled, tucking her beneath him.
She stared up at him, her eyes two fathomless pools, and he felt his heart give a hard kick to his ribs.
She was it for him.
“Mia,” he said quietly, brushing her hair from her face, breathing deeply of her scent—part shampoo, part satisfied woman. “I love you.” He kissed her before she could respond because he wanted her
to absorb the words and believe. He kissed her as if he could breathe the truth into her lungs.
But she eventually pulled back. “I don’t need promises, Nick. I never did. I just wanted you here with me. For now.”
For now. A guy’s dream, those two words. But he’d come to realize that he wanted more, so much more. He wanted her heart.
Chapter 8
By the time they got back to the B&B, Mia had received no less than ten calls from her mom and aunts, and Nick could feel her pulling away.
On the porch of the B&B, she turned to him, face solemn. “Today was wonderful, Nick.”
There was an unsettling finality to her words, like she was saying good-bye. Did she think he would just go home now that he’d gotten laid?
“I’ll never forget it,” she said.
Yeah, she did. She expected him to go. “I want to stay, Mia.” He ran his hands up her arms and felt her tremble at his touch. She closed her eyes and he cupped her face, running the pads of his thumbs over her cheekbones. “I know you don’t quite believe in us right now,” he said, “but I believe enough for the both of us.”
“Nick—”
Maddie burst out of the B&B. “Thank God,” she said at the sight of Mia. “Someone I can boss around.”
“What do you need?” Mia asked.
“Everything. A builder, a gopher, an errand runner… No offense, honey, but your mama’s gone off the deep end. Her elevator isn’t hitting the top floor, she’s a few fries short of a Big Mac Meal, she—”
“I can hear you!” Tara yelled from the open window.
Maddie winced, then leaned in and lowered her voice. “Help me. Chloe’s this close to killing her, and if she goes to prison, I’ll be the only one left to deal with her.”
“Sure,” Mia said. “Whatever you need.”
“Me too,” Nick said.
Both women stared at him in surprise.
“But you’re leaving,” Mia said.
Nick shook his head.
“Either way, you’re a guest,” Maddie told him. “And guests don’t help.”
He’d spent much of his life telling himself he didn’t need a family, but right then, for the first time ever, he’d have loved to have been included as a family member and not a guest. “I want to help.”
Maddie stared at him for a long beat, but apparently she decided to take him at his word because she put him to work. Hours later, he and Jax had assembled a big white tent and outside heaters to keep the guests warm, set up all the tables, including hanging mistletoe at each one, assisted Tara in the kitchen, and run around town picking up more Christmas trees and decorations by demand of Chloe herself. He even set up the trees with Carlos. They didn’t speak much, but they didn’t brawl either, so that was a bonus. Halfway through, Carlos’s girlfriend, Theresa, showed up with a basket of cookies, which Carlos reluctantly offered to share with Nick.
Not a martyr, Nick dug in. “If you have a girlfriend,” he asked, mouth full of delicious chocolate chip cookie, “what the hell was earlier about?”
Carlos shrugged. “Still care about her.”
“You have a girlfriend,” Nick repeated.
“Yeah, but you never really get over your first love.”
Nick chewed on that statement along with the cookie. His first love was Mia, too. And since he couldn’t imagine moving on or forgetting her, he finally nodded his understanding.
The rehearsal dinner was a blur, and afterward Mia vanished with her mom and aunts doing… whatever girls did the night before a wedding. Nick was politely shown to his room at the B&B.
He got up early the next morning, made himself useful some more, and knew he’d won over at least half the clan when Tara made him a big breakfast and Maddie hugged him for all he’d done to help out.
By the time the guests showed up and the ceremony began, he was hungry for a peek at Mia.
And then she was walking down the aisle in a beautiful forest-green dress, flowers in her hands, hair flowing behind her in the slight breeze, a warm smile on her face. Just looking at her, Nick ached. She was a part of him. The very best part.
Halfway down the aisle, their gazes caught and held. He wasn’t sure he recognized the look on her face, but he couldn’t tear his eyes off of her.
Tara was next, and then Maddie, holding her son. Her three-year-old daughter was walking at her side, carefully and precisely dumping a fistful of flowers out of her basket with each step. When she ran out of flowers, she stopped short, refusing to go another step. “I need more flowers!”
Maddie shot her husband a desperate look where he stood with Ford and Sawyer. Jax jogged down the aisle and gave Maddie a quick kiss, and then picked up his daughter.
“Daddy, I need more flowers!”
“I know, baby.” Jax adjusted her in one arm and slid the other around Maddie, and they walked the rest of the aisle together.
Then the crowd hushed and it was Chloe’s turn to walk toward Sawyer. Nick was struck by her expression as she smiled at her soon-to-be husband from brilliantly shiny eyes. And then it hit him like a one-two punch—it was the same expression Mia had worn only a moment before when she’d locked gazes with Nick.
Love.
Stunned, Nick sat there and missed nearly every word of the ceremony, which apparently had been incredibly touching because there wasn’t a dry eye in sight when it was over.
Then the music started and the bride and groom had their first dance. Nick caught sight of Mia dancing with Ford, and then Sawyer. And then Carlos.
Nick stood. Pocketing the swig of mistletoe from the table, he made his way toward the dance floor. He knew this wasn’t going to be on the top ten list of the smartest things he’d ever done, but he didn’t care. “Can I cut in?”
Carlos looked at Mia, who nodded. Nick took her hand and brought it up around his neck, pulling her in close, drinking in her familiar scent and the warm, soft feel of her curves. He molded his body to hers and felt her react by melting into him.
It was almost as good as being inside her. Unable to help himself, he ran his hands down the length of her back, closing his eyes to savor the feel of her.
“Nick?”
He opened his eyes and met hers, surprised to see a glimmer of uncertainty.
“What are we doing?” she asked.
“Dancing.”
“It feels like a lot more.”
“Good.” He held the mistletoe over her head.
She let out a low laugh. “You want a kiss?”
“To start,” he said, and leaned in and touched his lips to hers. “You are so beautiful, Mia.”
“You really do have some pretty fancy words lately.”
“Yeah.” He put the mistletoe in his pocket and pulled her in closer. “And here’s three more… I love you.”
“I’ve waited a long time to hear you say that.” She stared up at him. “I love you, too, Nick. So much. But—”
“No. No buts,” he said, dropping his forehead to hers. “Not tonight.”
She relaxed slightly in his arms, and as the beat of the music flowed over them, he wished the song wouldn’t end. As if she felt the same, her hands tightened around his neck. Again she pressed her face into the curve of his throat, but this time his heart dropped in his chest when he felt the wetness of her tears against his skin.
“Mia,” he said, devastated. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry.” He wasn’t exactly sure what he was sorry for, but he’d be sorry for breathing if that was the problem.
“No, they’re happy tears,” she said, and sniffed. “It’s Christmas Eve, it’s Chloe’s wedding, and it’s all been wonderful.” She lifted her head and met his gaze, her own drenched. “And you’re still here.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Her mom and aunts cut in then, and the women all danced together for a while, laughing and sharing a few happy tears. Afterward, Mia went looking for Nick, and had a moment’s panic when she couldn’t find him. She didn’t think he and Ca
rlos would fight again. Earlier she’d actually seen them hauling in cases of beer and wine together. They’d even been laughing at Jax’s brown Lab, Izzy, who was napping in the center of the aisle all sprawled out, forcing everyone to literally take a flying leap to get past her.
Watching Nick interact here with her family, with the people who mattered so deeply to her, had been a jump start to her aching heart.
“I know that smile,” Chloe said, coming up beside Mia, slinging an arm around her shoulder and nearly drowning Mia in white silk. “It’s the smile of a woman in love.”
“How do you tell the difference between lust and love?” Mia asked.
“If you can wear your laundry panties on a date with him, you know it’s true love.”
Mia put her hands to her butt and tried to remember what panties she was wearing.
Chloe laughed softly and hugged her. “Baby, you’re so lovable you don’t have to worry about it. Your heart will talk to you.”
Her heart was talking to her plenty. “How do I know it’s not just heartburn?” she asked. “Is there a magic handshake?”
Chloe smiled. “Yes. You don’t marry the first guy you can see yourself living with.”
“I don’t?”
“No. You marry the first guy you can’t live without.”
Mia smiled. “Says the woman who strung along the town sheriff for five years before caving and marrying him.”
“Hey, some things take time,” Chloe said unapologetically. “The best things take time.”
And one thing Mia did have was time. “Have you seen Nick?”
Her aunt turned and pointed across the dance floor to the bar—where she could see her dad and her uncles talking to a tall, handsome Nick.
He looked relaxed enough, even perfectly at ease. “He’s handling it,” she said, relieved.
“Handling what?” Chloe asked. “Looking fine? You got that right.”
Mia smiled. He did look especially fine. If fine was hot as hell. “He doesn’t have family, you know. He doesn’t come from roots and ties. He never had anyone teach him loyalty and unconditional love.”
