by Beth Andrews
“Yes, ma’am,” they said in unison, so seriously she was sure they’d done it on purpose.
Inside, she poured herself a glass of sweet iced tea and, after a brief internal debate, pulled out the wrapped sandwich. She and Britney had spent three hours down at the renovated church that now housed Kingsville’s local children’s performing arts group. They were putting on Alice in Wonderland this weekend, and since Britney had volunteered to help with the stage makeup, she’d dragged Faith along. It was a good way to get to know more people in town.
She unwrapped the sandwich, marked the halfway point and cut off a quarter of it. Not that she didn’t deserve the entire thing. She did. Especially after getting stuck with a snotty little twelve-year-old who’d insisted her character—the Queen of Hearts—look prettier than Alice, and so made Faith redo her makeup four times. But she wouldn’t let the little prima donna irritate her so much that she turned to food for solace.
Besides, what Faith really wanted was chocolate. Preferably fudge. Poured over a vat of mint chocolate-chip ice cream.
Placing her square of sandwich on a small plate, she rewrapped the rest and put it back in the fridge. She’d just removed all traces of olives and taken her first bite when Nick and Austin came inside. A pickle slice slid out and landed with a soft plop on the plate, while oil dripped down her hand.
“You didn’t eat it all, did you?” Austin cried, as if she habitually snatched food out of her baby’s mouth.
Swallowing, she set the sandwich down and wiped her hand, then her mouth with a paper towel. “Didn’t you already eat? Twice?”
“That was, like, five hours ago!”
“I’m sure it seems that way,” Faith said. “And since there’s plenty left, you may have more. After you’ve taken a shower.”
“Aw, Mom. I want to show Nick my new baseball bat.”
“Shower first.”
When he looked ready to argue, Nick tapped the brim of Austin’s hat, pushing it down so it covered half his face. “I’m not in a hurry. I can stick around long enough for you to wash some of that stink off.”
Austin pulled his cap off, his eyes lit up with humor. “At least I don’t smell like a girl.”
“Who you calling a girl? This is the manliest aftershave they make.”
“Sure,” her son said between giggles. “If a guy wants to smell like a bunch of flowers.”
Nick fake lunged for Austin, who took off shrieking. His laughter faded as he pounded up the stairs.
“What was that all about?” Faith said, nudging the sandwich aside. She wouldn’t eat the messy concoction in front of Nick.
Washing his hands at the sink, he glanced at her. “The kids were hassling me at practice because Tracy commented on my aftershave.”
Faith’s vision took on a red haze. “Oh?”
He dried his hands before hanging her towel back on the rack. “Yep. Seems she wants to buy some for her brother for his birthday.”
“I bet she did,” Faith mumbled, willing to bet her last paycheck Tracy had used her brother as an excuse so she could sniff at Nick.
“No need to be jealous,” he said, with such obvious delight she narrowed her eyes. He laughed. “No need to get pissed at me, either.” He bent his head to speak into her ear, his breath sending a shiver up her spine. “I didn’t spend the past two days thinking about Tracy, wishing I could be with her. Didn’t dream of touching her. Didn’t spend hours reliving making love with her.”
Faith dropped her gaze and picked an imaginary piece of lint off her skirt. “I may have thought about you, too. Once or twice.”
More like once or twice an hour. And she couldn’t even look at her kitchen table and chairs without remembering how they’d used the one chair for a dry run of his salon chair fantasy.
The sound of water running through the ancient pipes was quickly followed by her new water heater kicking on. “Thank God,” Nick said.
Before she could figure out what he was thankful for, he grabbed her hips and crushed his mouth to hers. The kiss was somehow both sweet and hot, and only served to remind her of how far she was falling for Nick.
She’d tried to convince herself she’d told him about her marriage and Austin’s abuse out of fear and guilt. It was bound to happen, right? All these years she hadn’t been able to count on anyone, to trust anyone. But now…now she had Nick in her life. In her corner.
Tears filled her eyes. She and Austin could stay in Kingsville. They could finally have everything they wanted.
Nick lifted his head, his breath coming out heavy. “I missed you,” he said in that simple, honest way of his.
She cleared her throat. “We spoke on the phone every day.”
“It’s not the same.”
“No, I guess not.” Although she did enjoy hearing about his day. Hearing his voice. “I missed you, too.”
He stepped forward so that his hips pressed her against the counter. “How long a shower does Austin take?”
“I’m lucky if he’s in there long enough to get wet. Usually he’s in and out within five minutes.”
Nick’s clear disappointment was almost comical. “That’s not quite enough time for what I had in mind,” he said, settling his hands on her waist.
Patting his chest, she laughed. “I should hope not. Although you were on the quick side that third time Saturday night…”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ll wait until a better time to prove my endurance. Until then…the annual boat show’s this weekend down in Rockland and I thought maybe we could go when you’re done working Saturday. There are crafts and stuff, and I think Austin would get a kick out of seeing the boats.”
“You…you want Austin to go with us?”
“Yeah. And they have these zucchini boat races. Hey, do you think Austin would want to enter that? I bet we could come up with something—”
She threw her arms around him, squeezing tight as she pressed her face into the warmth of his neck.
Nick patted her back. “If I’d known you’d react this way to the mere mention of zucchini boat races I would’ve brought it up earlier.”
She looked up into his wonderful, handsome face. “You don’t want to have sex with me—”
“Hey, now, I never said that.”
She waved a hand. “You don’t just want to have sex with me. You want to spend time with me and my son.”
“Yes,” he said slowly, as if she’d lost her mind.
Using the back of her hand, she brushed her bangs to the side. “I’m just… I can’t believe I got this lucky.”
He moved his hands up her ribs, his thumbs brushing the undersides of her breasts. “Does any of this mean you want to go to the boat show?”
She pressed against him. Feminine power surged through her when he tensed, his eyes darkening. “That’s definitely what it means.”
Then she kissed him, hoping to show him how happy he made her feel. How safe.
“You get away from my mom!”
AT AUSTIN’S SHOUT, Faith jumped. Nick stepped back and turned to find the boy standing in the doorway wearing nothing but a pair of knee-length basketball shorts. His hair was damp, his face red, and he held a metal baseball bat over one bare shoulder as if he was about to take a swing. At Nick’s head.
Austin stepped into the room, lifting the bat higher. “I said get away from her!”Faith gasped. “Austin! Put that down right now.”
“No. Not until he leaves.”
“Honey, Nick wasn’t hurting me—”
“He can’t touch you like that!” Austin yelled, his voice thick with tears. “It’s not right. You shouldn’t let him touch you like that.”
“How about I just move over here?” Nick asked calmly, keeping his hands in his pockets as he crossed to the table. “Now will you put the bat down?” When Austin continued to glare at him, his grip on the bat so tight his knuckles were white, Nick added quietly, “You’re scaring your mom.”
“I want to scare you,”
Austin said. “I want you to leave and never come back.”
“That’s enough,” Faith said, her voice shaking. “Austin, apologize to Nick right now and then go to your room. I’ll be up shortly.”
The boy’s expression turned mutinous. “I won’t. He should say he’s sorry. Not me.”
Then he dropped the bat and ran out of the room, the sound of his pounding footsteps up the stairs echoing in the silent house.
“I…I’m so sorry,” Faith said, jumping as Austin slammed his bedroom door with a resounding bang. She hugged her arms around herself.
“He’s obviously pissed at us, but he’s also confused and hurt. Not a good combination in anyone, let alone a kid.” Especially a kid with Austin’s background. Some victims of sexual abuse suffered mixed-up feelings about sex. And plenty of anger issues to work out, as well. “Give him some time and he’ll calm down enough to discuss what happened.”
She twisted her fingers together. “I’m not sure what to say to him.”
“Do you mind if I talk to him first?” Nick held out a hand when her mouth flattened. “Before you lay into me, rest assured I’m not trying to undermine your authority or take over here.”
“No?”
“Listen, it’s my fault this happened. I shouldn’t have touched you—not when Austin was home. And I think it’s important for him to hear that from me. Just as he should hear it from me that I’m not out to hurt either one of you.”
Finally, she nodded. “I’ll wait down here.”
And that simple statement told him in no uncertain terms that she trusted him.
Outside Austin’s bedroom, Nick inhaled deeply, then knocked on the door twice before opening it. Austin was lying on his back crosswise on his bed. Tear tracks stained his cheeks. When he lifted his head to see who’d come in, Nick’s chest tightened. He’d seen that same expression on so many of the victims he’d worked with over the years. Anger. Guilt. And way too much pain for a kid to handle alone.
Austin flopped onto his stomach and buried his face in his folded arms.
“I know you’re mad at me,” Nick said from the doorway, “but I was hoping we could talk. Guy to guy. Can I come in?”
“What if I said no?” Austin asked, his voice muffled.
“Well, since this is your room, I’d have to respect that and walk away. But I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to apologize.”
Austin lifted his head. “You’re gonna apologize to me?”
“Yeah. I am. If you let me in.”
Nick’s lungs burned, and it wasn’t until Austin gave one of his shrugs that Nick realized he’d been holding his breath, waiting for the answer.
He sat on the bed by Austin’s bare feet. “Listen, what you saw, what your mom and I were doing—”
“You were gonna have sex,” Austin said flatly.
Nick’s head jerked back as if the kid had hit him with his bat. “No. We kissed, that’s all. Sometimes, when a man and woman…like each other…they kiss.” He tugged at the collar of his T-shirt, which seemed to have grown increasingly tight. “You have my word that I’m never going to hurt you or your mom and I’ll never do anything to come between you two.”
“If you like each other, she should’ve told me.” He laid his cheek on the bedspread, facing away from Nick. “That’s why you took me home tonight. That’s why you’re so nice to me.”
Pressing his lips together, Nick tipped his head back. He’d been such an idiot. “Austin, can you look at me?” He waited until the boy grudgingly met his eyes. “Now, I want you to listen carefully. Whatever I feel for your mother has nothing to do with how I feel about you. And the reason I’m nice to you, the reason I spend time with you, is because I think you’re one hell of a kid, you got that?”
Austin rolled his eyes and went back to staring at the headboard.
So much for being able to talk his way out of this one. “I’m sorry you found out about your mom and me that way, but I’m not sorry I kissed her. And just because you were upset with us didn’t give you the right to talk to your mother how you did downstairs.” When Austin remained silent, Nick got to his feet. “I just hope that once you’re through being mad, you and I can go back to being friends again.”
He walked to the door.
“She shouldn’t have let you put your hand there,” Austin said faintly.
“What?”
“She shouldn’t have let you touch her like that. She should’ve told you to stop,” he said woodenly, as if the words were coming from someone else. “I never told him to stop.”
Nick’s stomach churned, and cold prickled his skin. “You never told who to stop?”
“My dad,” Austin whispered.
Feeling as though his legs were encased in cement, Nick forced himself to go back into the room. To sit once again on the bed. He knew the drill when interviewing a possible victim of sexual abuse. What kind of questions to ask. How to keep his body language unthreatening, his tone calm. How to remain in control no matter what.
But damn, none of those things were easy to do with a child who’d had his innocence brutally taken away.
Though he didn’t know if he could handle hearing it, Nick sensed Austin needed someone to talk to. “Do you want to tell me what your dad did to you?”
Tears dripped down the boy’s cheeks and onto the bedspread. “He…he touched me. Down there,” Austin said, his voice so faint Nick had to strain to hear him. “Made me touch him back.” Austin rubbed at his tears, but they still flowed. “He’d come into my room at night after Mommy was sleeping. He said it was our special time. Our special thing.”
Nick had never felt so helpless as he did that very moment. Laying his hand on the boy’s head, he brushed back his hair. “Whatever your dad did, it wasn’t your fault.”
Austin rolled to his side and curled his knees into his chest. “But I didn’t want to…do those things. I should’ve told him no. I should’ve stopped him. Now we have to move all the time and it’s all my fault.”
“Bullshit,” Nick said vehemently. “You were a little kid and he was the grown-up. Even if you’d tried to stop him, you might not have been able to.”
Austin pushed himself to a sitting position, but kept his head down, his hair covering his eyes. “Do you think I’m bad for letting him do those things to me?”
“Absolutely not,” Nick said, his hands clenching with impotent rage. He wanted to find Austin’s bastard of a father and beat the hell out of him. “Sometimes, when someone is hurt by someone else, they may feel guilty or angry. Or scared. Or all three.” He squeezed Austin’s shoulder, shocked when the boy rested his head against Nick’s side. “Have you ever talked to anyone about what happened?”
He shook his head. “It makes Mom sad.”
“That’s only because she loves you so much. What about back in New York? Did your mom or maybe a lawyer or police officer take you to talk to someone?”
“I don’t remember.”
“If you want, I can ask your mom about taking you to see someone who helps kids who have gone through what you’ve gone through.”
“Like you?”
“Sort of. But this wouldn’t be a police officer.” Austin seemed unsure, so Nick decided to back off. “Tell you what, you think about it and let me know. Now, how about I get your mom? I’m sure she’s wondering if we’re okay up here.”
Before he could get up, though, Austin threw his skinny arms around Nick’s waist. “I’m sorry I said those mean things downstairs. I don’t want you to go away.”
A lump formed in Nick’s throat. “We all make mistakes,” he said, rubbing Austin’s back like his own father used to do to him when he’d been a child and was upset. “And don’t you worry. I’m not going anywhere.”
Austin looked up at him. “Promise?”
At that moment, Nick would’ve promised the kid the world. “You have my word. And if you ever need me, if you’re in trouble or someone hurts you, or even if you just need someone to ta
lk to, you can come to me. No matter what time, day or night.”
Austin snuggled deeper against Nick’s side. Kissing the top of his head, Nick wrapped his arm around the boy’s slim shoulders. He never wanted to let go.
BY THE TIME FAITH CAME downstairs after tucking a remorseful Austin into bed, she was exhausted. Her baby had felt horrible about how he’d acted.
“He okay?” Nick asked quietly from where he stood at the counter as she came into the kitchen.She hadn’t expected him to stay, but couldn’t deny she was glad he had. “He will be. A good night’s rest should help.” She frowned. “Do I smell coffee?”
Nick moved aside so she could see the half-full pot. “I thought we both could use some.”
What she could use was a couple shots of whiskey, but since the only thing in the house containing alcohol was a bottle of mouthwash, coffee would have to do. She took two cups down from the cabinet. After filling them, she handed one to him and then went to the fridge and added milk to hers before sitting at the table.
She took a long sip and sighed. “Thank you,” she said, not caring that she sounded pathetically grateful, “for this and for whatever it was you said to Austin to help him calm down.”
Leaning back against the counter, Nick crossed his feet at the ankles. “He did most of the talking.” He sipped his coffee thoughtfully. “I hope I’m not overstepping here but…have you thought about taking Austin to see a therapist about what his father did to him?”
She jerked, spilling coffee onto her hand and the tabletop. “And have him relive it? No. I…I couldn’t do that to him. Besides, I’m not even sure he remembers.”
“He remembers.”
Her vision swam and she carefully set her cup down. “Did he tell you that?”
Nick nodded shortly, his jaw tight, and her worst fears were confirmed. For so long she’d prayed Austin would be spared those horrible memories…. “Why didn’t he ever tell me?” she asked hoarsely.
“I think he’s worried it’ll upset you.”
With her stomach twisting in knots, she snapped, “Of course it upsets me. But that doesn’t mean he can’t come to me if he needs me.”
