by Krissy V
My One Regret
By
Krissy V
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Copyright 2015 by Krissy V
Table of Content
Prologue
If I Could Turn Back Time 1
If I Could 2
Another Day In Paradise 3
Girls Just Wanna To Have Fun! 4
With Every Beat Of My Heart 5
Here and Now 6
I’ll Be Your Everything 7
Why? 8
All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You 9
How Am I Supposed To Live Without You? 10
If Wishes Came True 11
Release Me 12
White Wedding 13
It’s A Nice Day For A White Wedding! 14
My Heart Will Go On 15
I Don’t Wanna 16
Viva Las Vegas 17
Photograph 18
Collide 19
Going Crazy 20
A Million Love Songs 21
Scars 22
Let Me Go 23
She Will Be Loved 24
You Raise me Up 25
Truth Is 26
I Believe In You 27
The One I Love 28
I Just Wanna Make Love To You 29
You Raise Me Up 30
Thank God I Found You 31
With Arms Wide Open 32
Dedication
Always have faith, hope and love! Soul mates exist and yours is waiting for you somewhere!
Prologue
1990
I’m sitting in class wondering what the hell made me take Economics. Working hard isn’t really something that I do at school. I spend too much time planning what I'm going to do in my next break or organising what’s happening after school and who I’m going to be walking home with! So my mind regularly drifts and I have a tendency to stare out of the window a lot of the time just daydreaming.
Today things are no different except that when I’m lost in thought and looking out of the window I see HIM! I have to emphasise the word because he makes me lose my breath.
Oh my god! He is gorgeous! All I can hear is my heart beating, fast. I slowly pull my eyes away from him and look back in the classroom, looking around to see if anyone else has seen him. Thankfully, everyone is listening to Mr. Marsden drone on about economies of scale. I turn back to look out of the window just in case I imagined him. No, he’s still there and I watch him walk past the window very slowly.
Suddenly he stops and looks into the classroom. He catches my eye and he smiles at me. He continues to look directly at me. I can’t tear my eyes away from him. I’m transfixed. I have never seen a guy look so good, so intense. I feel my breath catch; he has literally taken my breath away.
He nods his head at me and winks. Wow! I now know what they mean when they talk about having butterflies in your stomach. I have never experienced anything like it. I am holding my breath until he turns around and walks ever so slowly away. I let my breath out and at the same time I’m wondering who he is? I wonder why I haven’t seen him before at school? I know that I need to know who he is, I can’t wait to get out of this class and speak to the one guy who will know who he is – Jezza.
Jezza has been a really good friend to Bonnie and me, are best friend for the last six years. He is the captain of the school football team and he knows all the guys in the school.
Luckily for me the class is just finishing and Mr. Marsden is handing out the homework sheet for us to do tonight! My mind is on other things – I need to find out who ‘HE’ is and to be honest that is far more important than finding out how many boxes of cornflakes to order in a corner shop using the supply and demand model.
When the bell goes, I walk out of the classroom and straight into Bonnie. We are like chalk and cheese; she is an “goth” girl who wears doc martins and dresses in black and I like designer clothes and bright colours. However, we always have loads of fun when we’re together and I can talk to her about anything.
"So, did you have a good French lesson? Economics was so boring I spent most of the class looking out the window.”
"Oui it was c'est magnifique," she says laughing. She knows how much I hate French - I just don't get it! I dropped it as a subject as soon as I could.
"Where are we going to have lunch today? Canteen or outside?" I ask, enjoying the feeling of the sun beating down on me.
"I think we should eat outside today and watch the guys playing football," she says smiling at me. She knows my favourite pastime is watching the guys doing anything.
We sit down and start eating lunch when I see ‘HIM’ staring at me. I hold my breath, blush and turn around to face Bonnie.
"Erm ... do you know who that guy is? The one over there staring?" I ask Bonnie, blushing and trying not to look in his direction.
She turns to look at him, he doesn’t notice because he is still staring at me. "No," she says. "I don't know who he is, but I know that he is in the year below us! Why is he staring at you like that? Do you want me to say something to him?" She goes to stand up, I reach across and pull her back down to the grass to join me.
"No, no, don't say anything? I’m just curious that's all," I answer getting all embarrassed.
"The last thing you need right now is someone looking at you like that. Doesn't he know it's rude to stare!" She almost spits the words out. "You've been through enough this last year and you need to stay away from guys."
"Yeah I know but ..."
STOP!!
I just realised you don't know who I am or what I've been through.
Let's rewind to last summer!
“If I could Turn Back Time”
1989
It's summertime and the weather is amazing as usual! During the summer months we spend all day on the beach and most nights down the amusement arcades playing on the slot machines! I live in Newquay on the Cornwall coast and it's beautiful. I don't ever want to live anywhere else!
My name is Cassie and I'm sixteen, well nearly seventeen. I enjoy hanging out on the beach and relaxing with my friends. I'm an only child; some say I'm pretty with my platinum hair falling down to the middle of my back. I don't see it myself ! I do, however, get called the “Ice Queen” because I don't really let the guys into my world so they think I'm frigid. At least it keeps them out of my way, they just say it's not worth trying. This means that I'm actually good friends with a lot of the guys and hang out with them with no awkwardness.
Tonight we’re going to a beach party and I’m so excited because there will be a big gang of my friends there. It’s nearly time to go back to school and thi
s will be our last one. Some of my friends are going to college this year so I won't get to see them as often, but I'm off to sixth form to continue with my A'levels, but I will be joining them in two years when I go to University.
We have made arrangements to meet at seven thirty this evening on the recreation ground, where the fair is – it comes to town every August and it is a great place to meet. We can all go to the beach together and we all like to bring something along with us like food, BBQ, drink etc. I’m taking my boom box with me so that we can have some tunes blaring to get the party in full swing - everyone expects me to be there with my cheesy music.
Tonight I’m going with my friend Danni., We’ve been friends with for the last five years at school. We enjoy hanging out together after school as we have our own set of friends in school. I know she’d look out for me if I needed her. Bonnie isn’t going as she has to go and visit her grandma in Torquay. Danni is excited about tonight as Tony is going to be there and she has a big crush on him. He doesn’t go to our school, but he has played football with Jezza and some of the other guys at school.
The night my life changed!
Danni and I are first to arrive at the fair and we wait for everyone else to get here. I love the sound and feel of the fair. It’s loud, colourful and the air is always thick with the smell of candy floss and burgers.
When everyone has arrived we all walk to the beach together except for a couple of guys who have their driving licence and have borrowed a car. They drive and leave their cars on the road at the entrance to the park which leads to the beach. When we arrive there are already a few people here and they have started setting up the party. I notice there are some new faces who don’t go to our school. We always love meeting new people and letting them join us at whatever we do, the more the merrier that's my motto!
Once the BBQ is set up, I organise the music and we get all the drinks together. Now, I should just say that none of us drink a lot, but we do like to have fun! Danni sees Tony and starts blushing when he walks towards her, obviously intent on talking to her. She has avoided him for the summer since she realised she liked him as more than a friend.
Us girls are a bit strange like that, we might be able to talk to a guy all the time but the minute we decide we fancy him – we just can’t talk to him anymore. We get embarrassed, tongue tied and blush all the time.
"Hey Danni, how's things?" he says staring at her.
"Good Tony. What have you been up to lately? We haven't seen you around much over the summer," Danni says.
"I've been working in a hotel in Bristol for my Uncle. I'm back now though. I'm really glad I came tonight," he says winking at her.
Danni doesn't know where to look but she pulls herself together and smiles a really big smile at him. Then she looks at me with a look that says "do you mind if I go talk to him?"
I smile and look back at her saying "go for it." It’s amazing how we can read a look, a nod or a smile and know what it means.
They wander off together and I move to the middle of the group that has now multiplied since I last looked over. I chat to everyone. I'm one of those people who gets on with everyone, a social butterfly and I have a really good night. There is a lot of dancing, drinking and laughing, it has been a great night and I can't wait to go back to school to spend time with my friends again.
Now, we have an unwritten rule between us girls - you always leave with the same person you came with. Never let someone find their way home alone. Newquay is quite safe but in the summer there are a lot of strangers around. So when everyone is getting ready to leave I go off to look for Danni to make sure we can share the same taxi home. She is with Tony, of course, and they seem to be getting on really well, kissing and hugging.
"Hey Danni are you ready to go? We need to get out of here and we’ll have to walk quite a way to get a cab home," I shout as I'm walking up to the two of them.
"Yeah Cassie I'm ready to go, just give me one minute to say goodbye properly," she laughs.
I start walking back to the group, which has now thinned out. Danni shouts behind me that she is ready to go!
"I'll give you a lift home," Tony says when they've caught up with me. "I have to drop David home anyway."
"Who's David?" Me and Danni say at the same time.
"He's my cousin who I have been working with in Bristol. He's only here until Sunday, he was enjoying the party too. Let’s go find him." Tony says looking around for David.
Everyone who is still at the party is ready to leave, so we gather up all of our stuff. I collect my boom box and tidy the rubbish up. Tony comes over to me and Danni and introduces us to his cousin, David. I hadn't really noticed him at the party, but he is quite good looking and I’d say he’s hooked up with one of the girls because he has lipstick on his cheek and he certainly looks like he has enjoyed the party.
"Hi David, I'm Cassie" I say putting my hand out for him to shake.
"Hi" he says taking my hand and shaking it firmly. He holds it for a long time and just stares at me, it makes me a little uncomfortable so I pull it back off him quickly. He grins at me.
"I'm going to give the girls a lift home if that's ok with you David?" Tony says putting his arm around Danni.
David takes his time looking me up and down, it’s like he can see under my clothes. "Yeah that’s fine by me," he says. He then reaches over and takes my boom box and offers to carry it. What a gentleman, none of the other guys would have done that! Maybe I was too quick to judge him.
We are the last ones to leave the beach and all the streetlights are off so it is pretty dark. When we walk back to the road to get to the car, we have to go through the kiddies playground. Tony and David start running towards the slides and swings shouting "come on girls this will be fun". Danni looks at me, I nod and then we both run towards them, laughing as we go.
It’s fun climbing on the fort and sliding down the slide, although it's a bit uncomfortable in my shorts and I can feel that I am getting burns on my legs. Danni and Tony have disappeared so I walk over to David, who is sitting on the swings, and I sit myself down next to him on the spare swing. I might as well get to know him a little bit better, because we are probably going to be here for a while.
"So do you live in Bristol?" I ask him.
"Yeah I live in Whitchurch Park” he says smiling at me. "I love it down here though. Everyone's so friendly, especially the girls." He looks at me with a hungry look in his eyes and wipes his mouth. He continues to stare at me for about five minutes and to be honest he is making me feel really really uncomfortable.
Before I can do or say anything he's pulled me off the swing and pushed me to the floor, face up. "I know you want me," he whispers into my ear. "I felt you watching me all night, admit it, you want me."
By this time I'm scared; I wasn't watching him at all and only just met him half an hour ago! What is he talking about?
"No, no I wasn't watching you. Get off me," I growl at him trying to push him off me. He is a lot stronger than me and it doesn’t take me long to realise that he is serious and really thinks that I want him.
"Oh, I see you like it a bit rough do you? That’s OK because I like it when a girl struggles." He's now pinning me down on the ground with all his weight. He leans down so that he is closer to my face. He takes my head in his two hands and holds it tight so I can’t move. Then he looks me in the eye and kisses me, but it’s not a nice kiss. I am trying to keep my mouth closed because I don’t want his tongue to get inside, but somehow he forces it inside. I can hear him moaning, he’s enjoying it! I can’t believe he thinks I am enjoying this.
I struggle underneath him. I try to fight back but he’s too strong for me. I try to bite his tongue when it’s in my mouth, but he takes that as encouragement and I hear him groan again. I’m scared and I don’t know how to get out of this. I think that maybe if I relax and don’t fight him then he won’t hurt me. It might be just the challenge he’s after. As I stop fighting back he starts to relax
, I can feel him move slightly upwards and then he pulls back so that he’s looking at me.
I take this opportunity to look around me to see if I can see Danni but I can't. I can’t even hear her. I'm really starting to panic. "GET. OFF. ME" I shout at him, spitting in his face. "If you don't I'm going to start screaming so loud that Tony will come running."
All of a sudden he puts his hand over my mouth and says "just you try it babe! I’ll kill you before he gets here."
I’m really scared and I don’t know what to do. Lots of things are running through my mind. I know he isn’t really going to kill me because he’s here with Tony, but I don’t want to chance it. However, I am worried about what he is going to do to me next. He slowly takes his hand away from my mouth “don’t you dare scream, I trust you not to make a scene. You know what I will do if you do.”
He takes his belt off and grabs my arms and ties the belt around them. He then reaches above my head and fastens the belt around the pole of the swings, where only minutes ago I sat innocently swinging.
My heart is racing so fast that I’m amazed he can’t hear it and it feels like it is going to explode inside me. His hands start rubbing down my body, he is making my skin crawl as his hands touch my boobs on their way down. With each stroke of his finger it feels like he is unleashing thousands of ants onto my body, it’s like everywhere he touches has become dirty. I try not to show any emotion. I’m sure it will only encourage him more.
His hands move even further down my body and then they stop at my shorts. I start struggling again, trying to stop him from undoing them, but whatever I try to do he is ready for me. He has his knees on my legs pinning them down and he’s trying to undo his own shorts as well.
Now I am really frightened! The only reason he would want to undo both of our shorts is if he is going to force himself on me.
I can’t let that happen!
I’m sweating and try to think of something I can do to get him off me. Like now!
When he has my shorts undone he puts his hand inside them. I feel sick. I think I want to vomit. No one has ever touched me down there. I have kissed guys but never taken it any further. It’s such a horrible feeling, I try to move my legs so that they are clamped shut, but his knees pin me down harder every time I try to move.
