by Krissy V
A female police officer comes over to me. “Are you ok? It’s Cassie isn’t it?”
“Yes it is and yes I’m ok. I’m just a little shaken up that’s all.”
“We need to bring you down to the station to tell us what happened and then we can take this from there.”
“Will ... will he see me talking to you?”
“He won’t. He knows we are taking you in though. Are you worried about something?”
“No. It’s just he said that he would come back and finish what he started and I’m worried that this might make him worse. That’s why I didn’t do anything at the time. I don’t want to make things worse.” I start to sob and Mum pulls me into her. Jordan doesn’t let go of my hand.
“It’s ok Cassie, the police will look after you.” Mum says.
“We will, so let’s go to the station and we can interview you there. Are you going to take her Mrs. Taylor?” the very kind officer asks Mum.
“Yes I will, I want to be with her when you interview her as well.” She says.
“Me too,” Jordan says so that everyone can hear him.
“And who are you, sir?” the officer asks.
“I’m her boyfriend and I promised her I wouldn’t leave her while you are talking to her. I never break any promises to her. She doesn’t need that on top of everything else that has been going on.” Wow Jordan can be very authoritative.
The police officer looks at Jordan and says “OK we won’t be in a formal setting anyway because Cassie hasn’t done anything wrong. I don’t want you getting upset and angry when she goes through all the details with us. Is that understood? If you do then I will have to ask you to leave,” she looks at him with a furrowed brow.
He smiles, “that’s fine, I promise I won’t get angry. My priority is to protect and take care of Cassie and that’s what I intend to do.”
She smiles at him. “OK, see you down the station, my name is Officer Pettigrew, just ask for me at the desk and I will bring all three of you through to the interview room.”
We nod and walk over to Mum’s car. Jordan opens the front door for me to sit and then gets into the back. As Mum drives over to the station it is very quiet in the car. No one really knows what to say.
Jordan almost whispers, “I’m sorry you had to go through that Cassie and now you have to go through it all again. I’m really sorry.”
“Jordan, it’s not your fault. It was before I even met you. David is a very unpleasant person and I‘m glad that he is going to get what he deserves in the eyes of the law. I didn’t do anything about it last year because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. I should have known that Mum would have. I’m sorry Mum, I just thought that I had to deal with it all myself.”
She moves her hand onto my lap and takes my hand in hers. “Cassie, I am your Mum and Mum’s are supposed to protect their daughters. I let you down and you couldn’t tell me about it, that’s the hardest part for me to understand. We talk about everything. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I sob a little. “He kept telling me I was a slut and I started to believe him and I didn’t want you to think of me like that. I’m not a slut Mum, honest.”
“I know that, I just wished you could have told me and we could have dealt with it when it happened. Maybe then you wouldn’t have tried to leave us when you couldn’t bear it any longer.” She has tears running down her face, I don’t know how she can see to drive.
Jordan reaches forward and rests his hands on my shoulders; I can feel the heat radiating from them, calming me down. “We will all protect you Cassie, until our dying breath. Remember that!”
Mum pulls up outside the police station and the three of us get out of the car and walk inside to the desk.
Officer Pettigrew collects us and takes us into a room where there are seats for us all, she offers us a drink and we all take one.
“So, Cassie most of this conversation will be between me and you. I will ask your Mum and boyfriend a couple of questions, but mostly I will be talking to you. Is that ok?”
“Yes that’s fine.” I mumble.
We spend the next forty-five minutes talking about the night at the playground and the ride home in the car. Then we talk about the night I tried to kill myself and eventually we talk about what happened tonight to bring everything to a head.
I am exhausted and just want to go home.
“OK I think I have everything down, I will type up my report and give it to the arresting officer and then it will be taken further.”
“What ... what do you think will happen to David?” I ask, stumbling over my words.
“These type of cases are very difficult because it happened over a year ago, but I think we have a strong enough case for some kind of a conviction. It won’t surprise me though we get him for attempted rape and he will get a suspended sentence. This means that he will be charged but allowed to walk free. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but he will have a record against him and it is very hard to get anywhere in life with a sexual offence against you.”
“I hadn’t really thought about what would happen next. What happens if he comes to get me? What do I do then?”
“You will have a restraining order against him and if he breaks that then he could go to jail.”
“OK, well that is something I suppose.”
Mum stands and holds out her hand to Office Pettigrew. “Thank you for your help, I think Cassie needs to go home now.”
The officer stands up and shakes Mum’s hand, then she shows us out the door. When we get back into the car, we all sigh a big sigh of relief.
“Jordan, will I drop you home or do you want to stay at ours tonight? In the spare room of course?”
“I’d like to stay with you if that isn’t a problem. I just need to ring my Mum when I get to your house. Is that ok?”
“That’s fine. We can all talk a little while longer when we get home. It’s going to be difficult to tell your Dad. He heard that I was needed at the beach and I rang him to say you were ok, but that we would be a while. He is waiting for us to get home.”
“I forgot about Dad. Mum, he is going to be so angry. I hope I haven’t let him down.” I can feel myself getting a little bit panicky and upset.
Jordan squeezes one of my shoulders, “don’t be stupid Cassie, your dad loves you and will protect you as much as he can.”
“I know, I just hate the thought that I might have let him down.”
“Cassie, your dad won’t think that at all, if anything he will think that he let you down because you didn’t go and talk to him about it.”
We go quiet again as we pull into our driveway. Dad is waiting for us at the door and he hugs me tight when I get up to the door.
“Cassie, what is going on? I have been out of my mind with worry. Let’s get you inside you must be freezing. Come on Jordan, come on in.”
I step inside and I know that I have to talk about this all over again. Each time I tell the story, the burden eases and it becomes easier to talk about. It’s like therapy I suppose.
“All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You”
Life gets back to normal after that. Jordan and I are even stronger and we are madly in love. Our relationship is progressing well and I know it’s time to take the relationship to the next level. I love Jordan and he loves me, so sex is the next step right? I know I want it so bad and I'm guessing he feels the same.
We are at yet another party, but this time it’s in a friend’s house and we have both arranged to stay out for the night, so I guess we are both ready. I know Jordan is worried that I'm going to panic but I think I’ll be fine because I love him.
The party is good and there is lots of dancing and laughing and then we sneak off up to the spare room, where we are staying the night. As soon as we close the door we start kissing passionately. Jordan pins me against the door and I can feel how excited he is to be staying the night with me.
He takes my clothes off, it’s like we are both in a r
ush, and so I start pulling at his. He stops kissing me and takes my chin in his hands, then he looks me in the eye and says "Cassie, we can stop if you want to! It will be hard, but if it's not what you want, then we can stop." I can see the desire in his eyes and I know that they are only reflecting what is in mine.
"Jordan, I really want this. I want you now, don’t make me wait any longer. Take me to bed or lose me forever," I say winking at him. I love the film Top Gun and that is one of my favourite quotes from it.
He smiles and it reaches his eyes. "Get on the bed wench," he says laughing, pushing me towards the bed.
What happens over the next couple of hours is so beautiful that I find myself in tears. It was everything I wanted and more. Jordan makes sure everything is about me and he keeps reassuring me and making sure I don’t freak out.
"Cassie, why are you crying? Did I hurt you? Do you regret it?" He looks sad at the thought.
"No Jordan, it was amazing. I think I love you more. I'm so happy, that's why I’m crying."
"I'm glad you're not hurt Cassie. Now we need to get some sleep. This is what I’ve been dreaming of, holding you close while you sleep," he says pulling my naked body into his. He fits exactly around me and hugs me tight.
"Night night and thank you" I say as I start drifting off!
“How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?”
Six months Later ...
I'm sitting in Pebbles with Bonnie and Danni trying to understand why life keeps putting obstacles in my way. Why can't life be simple? I have Jordan in my life and we love each other. David has been convicted of attempted rape, but he was set free with just a record against him. I have a restraining order against him so he can’t come anywhere near me. So why now, when everything seems to be coming together perfectly does life through me a curveball?
"Come on Cassie, you know this is a great opportunity that is hard to turn down. Anyway, it's only for ten months. It’s not forever." Danni is saying. "You know Jordan won’t stop you going and if it was the other way round then you'd encourage him to go too.”
I've been offered a ten-month placement in San Francisco working as an intern in a book publishing company. This is my dream job and the first step towards my lifelong dream of being an editor. The only fly in the ointment is that I don’t want to leave Jordan and I can't ask him to give up school to come with me.
"I know girls, I really do. It just breaks my heart to have to be apart from him," I say with tears in my eyes. "I know I have to tell him tonight, before he finds out from someone else."
"Wish me luck" I say standing up and walking slowly out of Pebbles.
"I'll call you tomorrow," Bonnie says.
Danni says "yeah me too."
Jordan and I have been together for a year and today is our anniversary. As usual he has planned something special. I'm so lucky. He's so romantic and is always thinking of me and doing really nice things for me. This is going to be so hard. I don’t want him to hate me.
I walk along the beach, thinking about how far I've come over the last two years and how my life has changed. I attribute a lot of that to Jordan. I smile and make my way home to get ready for him.
He collects me, looking gorgeous as usual, and he takes me for dinner in the fabulous Upper Deck Restaurant. The food is amazing as always.
We finish dessert, pay the bill and leave the restaurant holding hands. We walk down to the beach and lay down on the grass next to it, just holding hands and looking at the stars. Just like our first date!
"Cassie, I love you and you've made me so happy this last year. I know we've been through a lot, but I've loved having you next to me. I can't believe that I fell so hard and so fast for you. You mean the world to me, but I need to tell you something," Jordan says rolling onto his side to look at me. I roll towards him and he takes my hands in his. He kisses me on the forehead and I feel dread in my stomach.
"I need to talk to you too," I say looking into his eyes.
"Can I go first, please Cassie? And we won't discuss it until you've said your bit too. How's that for a deal?" He says with a small smile.
"Ok" I say softly.
"So you know how I play football for the school. Well I've been offered a scholarship to teach young kids how to play football." He holds up his hand before I can speak. "Wait, let me finish," he says. "It's in Toronto for six months and it starts in eight months’ time. I want to go but I don't want to leave you. I don’t know if I can do it, I wanted you to know though, so that we can discuss it together. Right, it's your turn now" he says rubbing my cheek so that I nuzzle into it. I have tears in my eyes because I can see what's going to play out here. Well here goes nothing.
"Jordan, I love you so much and you've helped me through a tough time in my life and for that I will be forever grateful. I truly believe you're my soul mate and that we are meant to be together." I smile kissing him very gently on the lips.
"I've been offered a ten month placement in San Francisco working for Plume who are a Penguin Group Company. I will be going in as an Intern in the Editorial Department. It's the job of my dreams, but I don't want to fulfill my dreams if I don't have you with me," I say with a tear dripping down my face.
"When does it start Cassie?" He has a tear in his eye too, I think he knows that our lives are changing right in front of our faces.
"Next month, they've brought the placement forward and want me to go as soon as possible, but I want to talk about us Jordan, I need to know where we stand. I love you and you're my soul mate and I can't really be without you." I'm whispering this last part because it is so hard to say.
"Cassie, we are soul mates and we will be together, I won't let distance stand in my way. I'll be in Canada and you'll be in San Francisco. That's closer than Newquay, babe. Our relationship is so strong we can do this." He's pleading with me with his eyes.
"I know Jordan, but I don't want you to go to Canada and keep thinking about me and worrying about what I am doing and how I would react to things that you are doing. You have to go and live your life and if we are true soul mates then our souls will find each other again." I'm crying now but I realise that I need to let him go and follow his dream. We are both ambitious and we need to do this to really find ourselves.
If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. I'm a big believer in that.
We cry a lot, we hug and make love under the stars. We want to be together until the last minute. We love each other and know that we have to let each other go to do this or we might regret it and blame each other and I'd hate that. I love Jordan too much to hate him.
When he walks me home, we stop outside my house and he pulls me close. “I love you Cassie, I will always find you and look after you. It’s only for a year and then we will be together again. We can keep talking all the time and write letters. It will be fine, it will work.” I don’t know if he is trying to convince me or himself.
I kiss him really passionately and then when I reach my front door I turn around and wave to him and watch him walking down the street. I walk to my bedroom and climb into bed without even getting undressed. I cry myself to sleep and know that yet again my life is about to change. I’m not sure I want to embrace it.
We see as much of each other as we can before it is time for me to leave. Jordan agreed to sign up for the scholarship for teaching football in Toronto, but I will be leaving first.
The day before I have to go to London to catch my flight, we go on one of our magical dates. We cry for most of the night and he gives me a gift of a necklace, which has the infinity symbol in cubic zirconium, it’s beautiful. He places it on my neck and kisses it and continues upwards towards my earlobe. He whispers in my ear, “Cassie, wear this every day and when you think about me just touch it and I will be thinking of you. One day, I will buy you one made of real diamonds, you are my diamond.”
He spins me round and kisses me passionately, neither of us wants to be the one to walk away. “Jordan, I’ll think of you every day. We need
to say goodbye and in a year’s time we can try again.”
“No, we can still be together even though we are miles apart, we can ring and talk to each other, we can write letters. Just think of all the letters you can keep and show our grandchildren. Please don’t push me away Cassie, it will all work out. I know it will. I want it to.”
“Jordan, it’s not fair for you to wait for me, you should be enjoying your life in Toronto without thinking about me all the time. It will spoil your experience.”
“No! Not having you in my life will ruin my experience. Cassie I need you, I love you.”
“I love you too Jordan, but I know I have to let you go. As you said, if we are true soul mates then our souls will always find each other.” I can’t stop the uncontrollable sobbing which leaves my throat.
“Cassie, I will find you and I will be with you – together forever, that’s us.” We hold each other tight and then I have to walk away and go into the house, not knowing what my future holds.
San Francisco
Have you ever had to give away something that you really love? You know like an old doll or a memento? Well, that's what I had to do with Jordan. I had to give him away so that he can enjoy his dream of teaching football in Toronto.
I've been in San Francisco for four months and I love it. However, I'm so sad and home sick. I miss my Mum and Dad, Bonnie, Danni and even Jezza. But most of all, I miss Jordan. He's rung me loads of times but I try not to talk to him if I can help it. It makes us both so sad, but I know I have to push him away. It's the best thing for both of us. I need to concentrate on my job here, it's my dream job and I absolutely love it. It's hard work, but I know it's the right thing for me. Jordan needs to concentrate on his football, because he will be going to Toronto in two months and this is a once in a lifetime chance for him.
