by Sherie Keys
He grabbed her and started to kiss her passionately. “I should shower,” she told him, feeling self-conscious about her scent. She had worked harder other days, but still, she didn’t want to smell like a shoe while kissing such a handsome and powerful man.
“I don’t care, I like it,” Angelo said jokingly.
“Yeah right! Just let me hop into the shower quick,” she told him, breaking away from his embrace. “I’ll be right back. Get comfortable,” she told him, pecking his cheek softly.
She snuck into the bathroom across the hallway and started to run the shower. The hot water didn’t last very long in her grandmother’s house, but she enjoyed just hearing the stream flow for a few minutes before getting in. She looked at herself in the mirror and realized she had never felt so confident. She was growing out of her teenage years and quickly becoming a grown woman. She wasn’t trying to grow up too fast, but she was still ready to break away from her high school life. Being with a man like Angelo also allowed her to feel more like a woman than she ever had.
She slipped into the shower and let the warm water run all over her body. She was careful not to get her hair wet, as it wasn’t time to wash it. Still, she let the hot water pound into her back, relaxing her muscles still sore from practice. She was happy open gym was over but was still hoping she would get to dance more next week after getting cast in the play. She washed her face and just as she opened her eyes, thought she heard someone in the bathroom. When she pulled back the curtain, Angelo was standing there naked.
He climbed into the shower and started to kiss her.
“What are you doing in here?” she asked, terrified but thrilled.
“I got bored waiting in the bedroom,” he told her.
“I wasn’t that long!” she said. “What if my grandma comes in here?”
“Does your grandma always come into the bathroom while you’re showering?” he asked.
She smiled and kissed him back. No one had ever joined her in the shower before.
“You know, I’m glad you joined me, because I thought you smelled bad too,” she said, squirting soap right at him.
“Hey! That’s not very nice,” he teased, tickling her side. They kissed under the water for a moment, but just as the soap washed off their bodies, Charlotte felt the water start to turn cold on her back.
“Oh no, it’s getting cold. We should probably get out,” she said, ending things before they got heated.
“That’s fine. I don’t mind it. I’ll be back over in a minute,” he said, still rinsing off. She pecked his cheek and carefully climbed out.
Charlotte headed back across the hall to her room. Her grandmother’s light was still off, and she felt relieved knowing she likely hadn’t heard anything. She was also relieved things had ended. She worried she’d feel too guilty about making love in her grandmother’s shower. It was an exciting place and something she hadn’t experienced before, but it still wouldn’t have felt right.
The window was still open in her room and she got a cold breeze on her skin when she walked through the door. It was still warm outside but not has much as the hot shower. She decided to keep the window open to let the buzz of the city seep in. She liked the muffled sounds of the cars and dogs barking. It reminded her she wasn’t alone.
She started to clean up the clothes on the floor. Charlotte definitely had an obsessive need to keep a clean area at all times. Something about a freshly organized room made her feel safe and secure. Angelo had taken off his jeans right in the middle of her room. She didn’t see his underwear and hoped he wouldn’t forget them in the bathroom, if he was wearing underwear at all.
She picked up his pants to set them neatly on the chair in the corner of her bedroom. When she lifted them off the floor, she felt something heavy in the back pocket. It was a gun. She had known he brought one in her house the first night, but that was only because he had taken it from the man that tried to attack her. This one was different than the one she had pointed into her back. Why would he feel it necessary to bring that gun into her house?
He walked into the room while she still held it in her hand. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and his underwear in his hand.
“What the hell is this?” she said angrily.
“You know how to use that thing? Don’t be pointin’ it at me,” he told her.
“Yes, I know how to use this, but I’m asking why it’s in here? In my grandmother’s house?” she asked firmly.
“It’s not that big of a deal; everybody has a gun,” he said loudly. Charlotte wanted to scream at him but knew she would risk waking up her grandmother. “Put it down, Charlie.”
Charlotte normally hated when people called her Charlie, but it was cute when Angelo did it in his thick New Jersey accent. “What else do you have on you?” she asked rudely. She was referring to drugs or anything else as offensive as a gun in the middle of her bedroom floor. Did he have his own pack of white powder? Some might think she was overreacting, but after reading that article that day and knowing about his father’s past, she worried what that gun might have done or will do in the future.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, walking over to her. “I always have to carry one. It’s just better that way, Charlotte; you wouldn’t understand.”
She handed it to him and asked, “What did you plan on doing here that you would need the gun anyways?”
“It’s just so I can protect myself, just so I can protect you!” he explained, taking the gun from her hands. He started to put his underwear back on. She sat down on the bed, wrapped only in a towel herself.
“Have you ever killed anyone?” she asked, afraid to find out the truth. It might not have been the best time to ask, but she wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about what the answer might be.
“You know, you’re starting to sound like a cop,” he told her.
“Is that so bad?” she asked back, thinking of her grandfather.
Her grandma started coughing in the other room. Were they being quiet enough?
“I don’t know how to handle all of this,” she told him honestly. “I know the truth. About your family. That’s just not a kind of life I want to be a part of.”
“Does this mean I should go?” he asked.
“We’re both young. Summer’s getting started, and I have a lot going on,” she told him, not making eye contact. She thought about how hard she was falling for him. It wasn’t a smart decision for them to be together. She was blocking her heart for her benefit, health, and sanity.
She didn’t give him an obvious answer, but that was enough for him to know that it was time to go. He slid on his pants and quickly half-buttoned his shirt.
“You can go out the front door,” she told him. He ignored her and walked towards the window. She watched him climb out the window, wondering if that would be the last time she saw him.
She wanted to be with Angelo, but her brain couldn’t stop thinking about other boys who wouldn’t bring guns over to her grandmother’s house. Boys who wouldn’t have to hide from her grandma either. It was nice that he was so well-known and successful, but that brought on a lot of baggage as well. Still, she wondered if this was just a defense mechanism to protect her heart from being broken? Had she made a huge mistake letting him walk away? She ran towards the window, but he was already gone.
What was causing her to have such conflicting emotions? She didn’t want to have to choose between having him or not. She just wanted him, but that would bring along so much more. Why did falling in love have to be so scary? She was too far in her head, over-analyzing everything about the two.
They had such amazing chemistry, but was that enough to fight through all the other challenges? She knew so little about her future that it was hard to let herself fall all in with Angelo. That’s what her body felt like it wanted to do. Her heart felt connected to Angelo’s with a string. If he was too far, it hurt. He wasn’t the type of guy she thought she would end up with. He was wealthy, but potenti
ally for immoral reasons. She pictured herself ending up with a doctor or a lawyer. Not a mobster.
Her mother had such an influence on her thoughts. It was hard to know which to trust. What were her own words and what were the ideas of other people that raced through her brain? Did the status of someone matter at the end of the day? Was she just too heavily influenced by what other people thought? She had to listen to what her heart was telling her, but even that was hard to understand. She was so filled with passion that she didn’t know what to direct it towards.
He hadn’t done anything wrong, but it still didn’t feel right that night between them. Something was off, and Charlotte wondered if the blissful phase was ending. They had an instant connection, but could it just be dissolving away? Then she remembered how easy it was for them to talk and have a conversation. They played like kids and teased each other like elementary school crushes.
She felt so comfortable around him like she could say anything, and they hadn’t even been together that long. She knew when she talked that he was listening and that he understood what she was trying to say. He made her feel appreciated and only lifted her spirits up, never purposefully contradicting her for the sake of arguing. They would still argue, but only about who was cuter or a better kisser. Things felt so easy with him, but why was there still something that felt wrong?
She wondered if her passion for him was clouding her morals. Had he done bad things in the past to get him where he was now? He hadn’t chosen to be born to his father in that particular family, but he still was nonetheless, and there wasn’t anything to change that. He made Charlotte feel so amazing, however, that she felt willing to forgive any of that just to get another kiss. This made her test her own morals, wondering what defined a good person and made someone have a strong character. He treated her well and was always respectful. He still knew how to be tough and stand his ground. How could she know she wasn’t just looking at him so highly because she felt so passionately for him?
She had a lot at stake and knew she shouldn’t risk it all for a summer fling. He seemed like he really cared for his city and didn’t have plans of moving out. Still, she wondered if they would last past the summer and what she might do for him. Moving to New York City was her dream but was he enough to make her stay. Part of her wished she had never met him so she didn’t have to feel so conflicted. The rest of her hurt imagining a life without him.
It would be hard, but she felt that it was likely best if she cut things off with him for now. She needed to focus on her audition and not let anything get in the way of the production. She wanted to just send him a text and apologize for the fight more than anything, but she knew that wouldn’t be the best option. She had to put herself first and do what was best for her future, no matter how hard that might be.
Chapter7
“Girl, you will never believe what happened to me,” Tina said excitedly. It was Sunday. Charlotte had gone her first full day without even seeing Angelo in almost a week. It felt like she had known him much longer. She wondered if he was thinking about her as much as she was thinking about him. She still couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed thinking about her audition the next day. Between worrying about her lover and stressing about her career, she felt like she wasn’t going to make it.
The last thing she wanted to do was work a long opening shift on Sunday, but it was getting close to her clock out time, and she was looking forward to cooking a nice Sunday dinner for her and her grandmother. She had only wished that he would be there to join them.
“What happened to you?” Charlotte asked, almost forgetting that Tina was standing next to her talking.
“So, you know how my car was a total piece of crap that makes me late all the time?” Tina asked. Charlotte did know what she was talking about. Every shift she had worked that week, she had been late because her car wouldn’t start, or she’d have to get it towed. Angelo had given her a ride home at one point. “Well, I go to leave for work this morning, and I couldn’t find my keys.
I was looking everywhere and thought maybe I had left them in the car. When I go out to my garage, the car is gone, and in its place is the one your boyfriend drove up here the other day, keys in the ignition and everything. I look in the glove compartment and the all the papers were there, all in my name. It’s like I woke up in a dream, Char! Can you believe it?”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Charlotte responded right away, not catching at first what she had just said. “Wait, Angelo’s car was there?”
“Yeah! He must’ve felt bad after he heard me complaining about all my problems. I mean, I’m sure it’s no big deal or anything for him. Pocket change, really. Anyway, if you see him, tell him I said thanks,” Tina finished.
“Wait, you’re going to keep the car?” Charlotte asked.
“Honey, when Angelo Luciano gives you a present, you don’t go given it back or refusin’ anything. Are you crazy? Of course, I’m keepin’ it!” she said. Charlotte thought about how he had given her his heart, and she turned it away.
A few moments passed as she edged closer to the end of her shift. Just as she was finishing up with a table, she looked out of the window to see Angelo’s car pull up. He looked around as he got out, shutting the door behind him. He looked good, really good. Charlotte could have cried out right there, thinking about what it would be like to run into his arms and have him catch her. She wanted that more than anything.
He walked into the diner and looked right at Charlotte. She walked up to him instantly, wanting to forget everything they fought about the other night. She was skeptical about his past and worried where his money came from. Still, she couldn’t help but feel her heart start to beat faster when she looked into his eyes.
“Can we talk?” he asked softly.
Charlotte shook her head and pointed to an empty booth in the corner. They sat down, and no one said anything at first. Charlotte didn’t know where to start. Tina brought over a cup of coffee just to give them a reason to be sitting in the diner. Angelo picked it up and took a big gulp, despite it being steaming hot.
“You could have just texted me,” she told him, finally breaking the silence.
“I wanted to see you,” he responded.
“What’s the deal with Tina’s car?” Charlotte asked.
“She’s a good person. She deserves to drive something nice,” he told her. So, it was him. It seemed like a sweet gesture, but Charlotte couldn’t help but think it was a gross display of wealth from a man using an underprivileged woman as a prop in a cheap attempt to win her back. She couldn’t just switch off her attraction for him, no matter how hard she picked apart his every move.
“Look, Charlotte. I’m willing to put things on hold for you. To change, for you,” he told her. It’s exactly what she wanted to hear, but she didn’t know if she could believe him. “I can’t just change everything overnight. That’s not how things work. But I don’t want to be connected to my past anymore. I want to be the best person I can for you, Charlotte. You make me want to be a good man. The things I’ve done, they don’t matter. I’m just the person I am today, and I want you to see me that way.”
“How can I trust you?” she asked. “How do I know you’re in this for real? I really like you, Angelo. You’re so much fun but I feel more than just that for you. I have to know that I can really trust you and know that you won’t hurt me if we keep seeing each other. I’m not interested in the life that some of the people you know live. I can’t get involved in anything too dangerous. I have so much at stake.”
“I know you do. I would never ask you to put yourself in a situation that didn’t make you feel comfortable. I want to be a different person. It’s not easy, but I want to do it for you, Charlie. Part of me always felt different. Like I didn’t belong,” he told her. “I just did what my parents expected of me. What other life was I supposed to live? Was I supposed to be some guy’s accountant? The manager at a restaurant? Who else am I supposed to be other than a mobster’s son
?”
She realized how similar they both were in the way they were brought up. She just did what her parents expected of her as well. They would have never thought they would raise a girl who would end up getting expelled from her high school right before she graduated. They would be shocked to find out that she was dating a mobster. It seemed crazy to Charlotte to have such a serious conversation so early on, but she knew it had to happen. This felt like the real thing, like she was really falling in love with him. How could she go on without him in her life?
She felt connected to him, like they understood something not everyone did. They both had so much pressure and expectations on them. The only thing either of them wanted was to hold each other, tickle each other in bed, and sleep on each other’s chests. Charlotte reached her hand across the table and grabbed his. She looked out the window and didn’t say anything. She remembered how good it felt to be in his arms, wrapped up in bed and listening to him breathe. She didn’t want to do anything else with her life. It was the only thing that felt right and didn’t hurt. It was the only thing that was exact, for sure, that she could count on.
“I’m really starting to care about you, and it’s scaring me,” she said.
“Me too,” he told her. He grabbed both of her hands and looked directly into her eyes. She knew at that moment that she could trust him. She felt like she saw a part of herself when she looked at him, like one was no longer complete without the other. Maybe she had overreacted that night, or maybe some people would have never talked to Angelo again after knowing everything that she did. She decided to stop thinking about what other people would do and instead wanted to throw it all in with Angelo.
