“I appreciate the offer, but I have no interest in getting spoiled.”
“Sure, sure. Maybe we’re not the biggest draw. There are some good folks who come through, though. Looks like you and Miss Atwood got to know each other a bit.”
“I took her in from the storm. What did you expect me to do?”
Luke’s words bite through me. I can’t listen a second longer. I open the door and both men stare at me, each with a different brand of knowing in their eyes.
They can both go to hell. I’m not a victim. I find my sneakers by the door and tug them on. I’m almost out the door when Luke catches my arm and pulls a heavy jacket around me. I struggle, but I’m no match for him. Lou is out the door before I can say anything. He knows. He knows exactly what’s gone on between us, and he’s wisely given us space.
“Fuck you.” I spit out at Luke as he zips up the front of the coat.
“Fuck me?” His strong jaw appears even stronger, his eyes cooler and harder.
“The first sign of life and you kick me out?”
“You didn’t come here to be with me.”
“But I’m here, aren’t I?” I can’t help how my voice wavers, how desperate I sound. Can he just throw me away so easily?
“I can’t go down there.” His voice is hard but tinged with regret.
“Why? Because you don’t want to, or—”
“Because I can’t!”
He shouts the last sentence and the tears that have been burning inside me break free. I swallow helplessly but they leak out of the corners of my eyes. I hate you.
I repeat the mantra that I’ve come to know so well. Except it’s not directed at my ex-husband this time. It’s all for this man who took me into his bed and discarded me just as easily.
I hate you, Luke Dawson.
LUKE
Madison marches out of the cabin, feet buried in snow up to her ankles, a few paces ahead of Lou. She goes in the wrong direction until he calls to her and she redirects to the path down. God, she’s hopeless and I love her.
I can hardly breathe when I let those words roll through me again. What the fuck…
I shake my head and shut the door, cloistering myself back in the cabin. What I really want is some fresh air. It’s warm outside, relatively. I’ve been holed up with Madison for days, feeding the fire, fanning the flames of my desire for her. I growl and shove a hand through my hair. Goddamn.
I scoop up the cards and tidy up the kitchen. Amazing how messy it gets with a woman around… A woman I can’t keep my hands off of. It’s not practical. Not what I came up here to do. I was falling too deep.
I don’t bother pulling on a coat before I go outside. I shovel a path all around the house. Shovel to the places where work needs to be done. Heavy thick snow. It’ll be water and mud in another day. I don’t know why I bother. But I need to burn. I have to get my mind off her. Because I can’t go down there.
I hate going to town. I walk into the general store, and they all stare. It’s like they know. They know I don’t belong in society. Not that the people of Avalon wear any airs, but I’m not fit for a small town or any town. I’m not fit for a city girl like Madison. Sure, fucking her was one of the best experiences of my existence, but that’s the man in me talking. The man who hasn’t been with a woman in years. Doesn’t matter how soft she is when she moves against me, the sounds she makes when I’m deep inside her, or the easy way we are when it’s quiet. Soon enough she’d want more. My life in the cabin isn’t a life anyone else wants. Best to send her off before I get even more attached.
Even as I rationalize this, I can’t stop thinking about her. I’d made love to her first thing in the morning. Only hours ago I’d tasted her pussy as she sighed and groaned into consciousness. I’d taken my time exploring her with my tongue and fingers, ignoring my erection. I remember thinking, I could wake up every morning this way, worshipping her gorgeous body in my bed. When I couldn’t hold out any longer, I’d spread her wide and fucked her slowly and thoroughly until she was begging me to take her hard to the finish, which I did. Her tight little body could always take all of me. And the look on her face when she came…
I throw the shovel against the side of the cabin and march inside, cursing along the way. Despite being alone so long, I’d accepted and welcomed her into my life without hesitation. What a fucking idiotic thing for me to do.
I’ve been lonely before. Plenty lonely. But it’s always been a manageable discomfort. Doesn’t hurt like the past. Doesn’t hurt like judgement and reliving memories of war. And fuck me, it’s never hurt as much as watching her walk away from me. But I can’t let it get to me.
My time with Madison was a fleeting gift. Like a dip in the springs. A warm little haven. But only for a while. My home is here…and her home is in the city.
Chapter Eight
MADISON
Pushing the paella around my plate, I try not to think of him. Just when I thought I was finding my footing again, he ripped the rug out from under me and gouged open the wound that Jeremy had given me—a wound that was just starting to heal.
I hate him. I was a fool for believing that I meant anything to him. I was just his plaything, something to pass his time in a freak spring storm.
“What’s wrong, Ms. Atwood? Do you not like paella?” With my head down, all I can see are Indigo’s ankles.
I stab a chunk of chicken and plaster a fake Hollywood smile on my face before looking up. “No, it’s actually delicious.” I close my lips around the fork and pray she doesn’t have anything else to say. Indigo’s sweet, but I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now. “Mmm.” I smile, chewing quickly.
“Oh, good.” She pulls out a chair and it takes everything in me not to groan. “I heard you got lost in the storm. I’m so happy you made it back safely.” She’s rattling on and barely takes a breath before she continues. “You could’ve really been hurt.”
“I made it back safe.”
“Yep.” She leans forward, placing her hands on the table, and lowers her face. “There’s a rumor I want to ask you about,” she whispers, her eyes peering around the room.
I brace myself, expecting a question about Jeremy to come sliding off her tongue. “Sure.”
“Well,” she whispers, licking her lips as she does a second sweep around the room. “I heard that you were rescued by the man who lives on top of the mountain. Is that true?”
“Yep.” My tone is clipped. Dredging up what happened the last few days is like rubbing salt in an already aching cut.
Her eyes widen. “What’s he like?”
“He’s…” I pause and wonder just how much I want to share about him. If I say too much, especially the nice parts about how handsome he is or what a generous lover he can be, every woman in a fifty-mile radius will try and get lost on that mountain. If I say what I’m really feeling, that’ll spread just as quickly but also probably get back to Lou, which will eventually bleed back to the asshole. “He was nice,” I say simply, and leave it at that.
She dips her chin and cocks her head. “Just nice? Huh.”
“Yep. He’s nice.” My teeth are clenched and my jaw aches as I continue to fake the biggest smile I can muster.
“Is he hot?”
“He’s all right, I suppose,” I lie with a straight face. “If you go for the long hair, overgrown facial hair, caveman look.”
“Thanks!” She pops up from the chair and tucks it back underneath the table. “Just wanted to check on you. I hope you have a good night, Ms. Atwood.”
“Bye.” I give her a quick wave.
My words were meant to not make him sound sexy, but as I sit there and replay them in my mind, I know I screwed that up. Her face lit up when I said it, and I couldn’t take it back. Indigo and probably every other single woman around here would find him sexy.
This isn’t LA after all.
Hell, who am I kidding?
Even the women in LA would find that description intriguing at the v
ery least.
Instead of singing camp songs by the fire after dinner with the rest of the retreat guests, I return to my room and lock myself away with my thoughts. It’s the first time I let myself really process what happened.
After I made my way down the mountain, with Lou close on my heels but giving me enough space to be alone, I felt almost too much anger to see straight. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I’d drifted to sleep and dreamt of him. But the call to dinner came too quickly for me to have a chance to rehash all of the events of the last few days.
Alone in my room now, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring out at the mountain—his mountain—all I can do is think of him. He lured me in with his gentle strokes and soft kisses. I believed that I meant more to him than I did.
Maybe the part of me that was broken and ripped apart by Jeremy made me need to believe, but that same part betrayed me in the end. Luke was the strong, silent type my body and soul craved after spending years with a needy, ungrateful husband. Somehow, over those few days with Luke, the sting of Jeremy’s affair and our divorce no longer made my heart seize inside my chest.
Luke had held me, thrusting into me with purpose and care. He never made me feel cheap. The very thought of his mouth on my skin makes desire pool between my legs and the flames of arousal lick up my spine. I want to go fight with him and tell him he’s wrong—he doesn’t have to be alone. But I stay where I am and try to forget everything about him. It’s better for both of us to chalk it up to a great lay brought about by circumstances out of our control. Right?
Unable to sleep and still not interested in the Kumbaya shit happening down in the clearing, I walk casually to my suitcase and grab my laptop, which I swore I wouldn’t open during the entire trip. I press the on button and plop down on my bed.
Stretching out on my stomach, I log in. I tuck a pillow underneath my chest while I wait for all the programs to load. First, I open my email. I quickly realize my mistake. My inbox is flooded with messages that all have a subject line that includes the word Jeremy. Dozens of reporters are asking for interviews and some of them are offering big money just to talk to me about my ex. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before closing my email and forging on.
Jeremy will not affect me. He’s no longer part of my life. Even though he did me wrong, the last thing I want to do is open up about our past and see it replayed on television and in newspapers for years. I’m done with that part of my life and refuse to let anyone interested in gossip or profit reopen that closed chapter.
Next, I check my social media threads, preferring the dramas of others to my own. When the first photo of him and her lands in my newsfeed, I drop my head down and curse into the comforter. “Motherfucker,” I mumble. “I hate them both.”
After quickly unfriending the person that posted the “newly engaged and happy couple” photo, I decide it’s time to start over, right down to my clothes. The old me is gone. The victim of a husband who didn’t love me the way I deserved. I’m ready to throw away the old and became a better version of my former self. I spend an hour shopping online, purchasing an entire new wardrobe. It’s the first step in my plan to change my life.
My thoughts float back to Luke, the man who has me so angry that I can barely see straight. Who is he? What made him want to remove himself from society? I have nothing to go on besides what I know from the amount of time I’ve spent with him. Like how his cock feels against my lips, how his hands caress my skin, how many times I can orgasm against his tongue, and how he sounds when he comes and moans my name.
So I do what any slightly obsessed and angry person would do… I Google him.
LUKE
Silence. It used to comfort me.
That was before Madison turned my world upside down.
Pacing around the cabin, I drag my hands through my hair and clench my teeth so tightly my jaw starts to ache. There’s no other sound. No sexy laughs from Madison. No moans in the throes of passion. There’s nothing except my boots scraping against the wooden floorboards and the maddening drip of the snow melting into puddles outside the front door. The peacefulness of the cabin that used to soothe me now taunts me.
I couldn’t just leave her out there to freeze to death. When I found her, I thought I could have her here, invading my world, without any lasting effects. Dumbass me thought I could handle a few days alone with a beautiful woman and come out unscathed, right? What a fucking idiot I’ve been. I tasted the woman. I fucked her. I knew what it was like to be nine inches deep, thrusting into her with everything I had and hearing my name come out of her mouth in screams as I fuck her like she’s never been fucked.
I slept like shit last night without her in my bed. I tossed and turned for hours, pleasuring myself more than once as I tried to force myself to sleep. When I finally drifted off, she haunted my dreams. The feel of her skin. The taste of her mouth. The smell of her hair. The way she smiled at me. Every memory tormented me and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
Walking outside, I pull in a deep breath of cool spring air and shield my eyes from the sun with my hand. I scan my surroundings. There’s barely any movement besides the rustling of leaves and birds singing in the background. The stillness of this place is amplified without her presence. Instead of calming me, the silence sets me on edge.
“Fuck.” I groan, dragging my hand down my face.
Madison did nothing wrong. She confided in me about her ex-husband, so I knew she was fragile. But like the asshole I am, I threw her out without even thinking.
Only one thing can remedy my fuck up. I have to trudge my ass down the mountain and find her. I avoid Avalon at all costs except when Lou and Vi need to speak with me or when I have a concern over the use of my land. I’ve only gone there on slower days, when new guests were checking in.
But today isn’t that day. I push the thought from my mind as I start down the trail that Madison walked yesterday. My heart beats a little faster with each step. My body craves her, coming alive as if it senses her nearness. Voices coming from the hot springs draw my attention, and for a moment I wonder if Madison is there. I almost turn around to see if the laughter is hers, but my instincts pull me the other way.
When I finally make it to the clearing, it’s worse than I imagine. People are everywhere. Yoga classes are taking place on the expansive wraparound back deck. Five people are sitting near the simmering fire sipping coffees. Others are strapping on hiking gear.
A few ladies smile in my direction, their gazes slowly moving up my body before finally landing on my face. I give them a quick, awkward nod, but move forward.
“Luke!” Lou’s voice breaks through the chatter of the resort guests. “Over here,” he says.
I turn in a circle to get my bearings. He’s waving me over with an axe in one hand and a lopsided smile on his face.
Lou is harmless. He’s one of the only people I like and respect around here. Yesterday I was an asshole to him too. Not because I don’t like him, but because he interrupted the best few days I’d had in a long time. I knew I couldn’t send him away and keep Madison by my side.
“Lou.” I greet him with a firm handshake.
“What brings you down the mountain?”
“Well, I…” Suddenly uncomfortable, I tuck my hand in my pocket and pause.
Hoisting the axe over his shoulder, he tilts his head and studies me. “Coming to see Ms. Atwood?”
My palms start to sweat and a knot forms in my stomach. I hadn’t thought about how Lou and Vi would feel about me coming to see one of their guests. “I just wanted to make sure she’s okay.”
He grabs a log from his pile, rests it on the chopping block, and swings the axe down, splitting the log in two. Without missing a beat, he says, “You two looked mighty cozy.”
“It’s not what you think.”
He chuckles softly.
“I fucked up, Lou.”
“Probably,” he says quickly. “Women aren’t like us, Luke.”
> I grab a log, placing it on the block for him. “I’m learning that. I have to make it right with her.”
“Groveling will help.”
I laugh this time. I haven’t groveled my entire life and don’t know if it’s something I can start doing now. “Sounds easy,” I lie.
The tiny crinkles near the edges of Lou’s eyes deepen when he smiles. “It can be, but it’s hell on your ego.”
I quirk an eyebrow, amused with the old man. “You grovel a lot?”
His lips flatten as he slowly nods. “Couldn’t stay married this long without eating a few slices of humble pie.”
“Good to know.” I pause for a moment, but I can’t chit chat anymore. I need to find Madison and make things right.
But Lou keeps on. “Remember you’re wrong, she’s right, and it’ll always turn out in your favor.”
“Got it.”
He wipes the sweat from his brow. “I don’t usually give out guest information, but I think Ms. Atwood would like to see you. She’s in the Olive Annex in room 121. You know where that is, right?”
“I think so.”
“Stop at the front desk and ask Indigo to guide you. She has dreads. You can’t miss her.”
I take two steps back, growing impatient knowing she’s so near. “Thanks, Lou.”
“Good luck.”
When I pull open the door of the main building, I brace myself for whatever weird stares and comments I may hear. Although they’re in the wilderness, most of the people here are well dressed and not used to someone as country as me. To my surprise, only a few people are sitting on the oversized leather couches in the middle of the three-story lobby.
When I approach the desk, a woman, who I assume is Indigo by the long dreads Lou described, is typing furiously on the keyboard. She doesn’t look up. “One moment. Let me just finish this.” Her tongue darts out, and she narrows her eyes on the screen.
“No problem.” I take that moment to take in the majesty of the Avalon. Lined with wood beams and tribal art, the Avalon’s beauty is almost breathtaking. I’m so caught up in taking in my surroundings that I don’t hear the desk girl stop typing. “Oh,” she says. “Um.”
Misadventures of a City Girl Page 7
