by Lyn Cote
“I hope you’re right about me. I don’t know what to think about anyone, even myself.” She withdrew a bit from him. “I guess it’s time I put away childish things like bestowing perfection on those I love. I just never thought believing Troy and Uncle Lou were two of the good guys was being unrealistic.”
With his open palm, he rubbed her back, comforting her. The cotton of her blouse molded to her slender form. He felt the strength, the vitality in her. “Even good guys mess up. Perfection is very rare in this world.”
“My mind knows that, but my heart didn’t.”
He grieved for her, for her loss of innocence. It was bound to happen sometime. “Unfortunately, both of us chose professions that often bring us into contact with many less than perfect situations and people.”
“I guess.” She stepped backward, breaking their contact. “What time is it?”
He felt bereft. His arms wanted to reclaim her. He covered this by looking at his watch. “It’s only ten to noon.” He shoved his hands into his pockets so he wouldn’t reach for her again.
Her face dropped. “I better go back to work then.”
He smothered an offer to take her to lunch. He had a desk piled high with reports and interdepartmental paperwork to deal with.
And I am treading on dangerous territory with her. I have to be sensible. This case will end and we’ll go our separate ways. After a while, we’ll just wave at each other when our paths cross. “I’ll drive you to your car.”
“Thanks. Maybe we can call and check to see how your sister is doing. Maybe you have another niece or nephew already.” She smiled at him.
Her smile held such tenderness that all he could do was nod and let her out his door. He watched her walk away from him. Why had he driven her here? What was I thinking bringing her to my place? He refused to answer his own question.
Later that afternoon on the south side of Chicago, Troy huddled at the mouth of the alley and waited. The smell of hot asphalt and his own sweat filled his nostrils. Another sweltering July day. His attention was focused across the street on a phone booth. This phone must be working. Some guy was using it.
In this age of cell phones, Troy hadn’t realized that the ordinary sidewalk phone booth had become an endangered species. Either he couldn’t find one or all the ones he found had been trashed by vandals. The guy in the booth hung up.
Troy sprinted across the shabby street and slid inside the folding door. He slipped the coins into the slot and dialed the number. His eyes scanned the street watching for anyone taking notice of him.
“Hello?”
It was Annie. The sound of her voice brought moisture to his eyes.
“Annie,” he said. The receiver shook in his hand.
“Troy?” Disbelief tightened her voice. “Troy, where are you?”
“Annie, I’m so sorry.” A sob tried to come up from deep inside him.
“Troy, what happened to you? I’ve been so worried. Are you all right?”
He heard the tears in her throat. Oh, Annie, I love you so. I miss you so. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to put you through this.”
“Then come home,” she pleaded.
“I can’t. I can’t.”
“Why? I need to know what’s happened. Are you running from someone, something?”
“I can’t explain now, sweetheart. I can’t come home now.”
“Why not? If you’re in trouble, the police can help you—”
“They can’t. I just wanted to hear your voice. I had to. How are the twins?”
“How do you think they are?” Annie’s voice suddenly sharpened. “How could you run off and leave us like this? I know about the bank accounts. I know about the unpaid bills. How could you, Troy?”
The accusation in her voice shredded what was left of his self-respect. I am scum. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“Well, you have,” she snapped. “Are you coming home?”
“I can’t, Annie. You don’t know—”
“I’ve hired a lawyer.” His wife’s warm voice had cooled to frigid.
“A lawyer?” His temples pounded. He gagged. “No, Annie—”
“I have grounds for divorce—desertion. And I have to protect myself and our sons. You left a terrible financial mess behind you and my lawyer says we don’t know if you’ve run up debt in other names—”
“Annie, no. I didn’t.” Tears clogged his throat. “Don’t divorce me. Give me a chance.”
“Come home and face me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t tell you, honey. Just hang in there a little longer,” he begged. “I’ll get all this straightened out.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about—”
A computerized voice came on the line, asking for more change.
“Annie, I’m out of change—”
The line went dead in his hands. He hung it up and leaned his head against the cool metal of the phone. Tears washed down his cheeks. Divorce. She’s going to divorce me. Lord, I want to die. I’m so sorry. How can I get out of this mess? I want to die.
After dropping Connie at her car, Rand had returned to his desk and tunneled deep into his paperwork. Then Annie had phoned to tell him about Troy’s call. It had seemed natural for Rand to call and offer to drive Connie to Annie’s that night. Again, he wanted to observe Annie’s reaction to this development. Perhaps another unrevealed bit of information would be exposed.
And, of course, he wanted to be with Connie again. Had to be near her again. Telling himself he was playing with fire had been futile.
When he’d pulled up in front of Connie’s condo, he’d wondered if they would feel awkward after what had happened between them earlier that day. But Connie had appeared preoccupied, which he could understand. Troy’s calling had confirmed his ideas about what had happened to the man. She couldn’t be happy about that.
The ride into Chicago had been a silent one, which had only made him more aware of how much the special woman beside him attracted him. But uncertainty gripped him. Connie was giving him no idea what effect the call had had on her. Now with the heat of the July day still in force, the two of them walked from the alley where they’d left Rand’s car up the familiar backyard path past the twins’ swing set.
Connie paused and touched his arm. “At least we know he’s alive. That’s good, isn’t it?”
What was she expecting him to say? Would Annie and the boys be better off knowing that Troy was alive but refused to come home? He only nodded. Silence was better than empty phrases.
Connie started walking again. Her mind swirled with thoughts and impressions as she walked beside Rand. Troy had called. What had he said? What did it mean? She walked up the back steps with Rand, not knowing what to say to him. Did he feel the same constraint she did after what had passed between them this morning? She shivered in spite of the heat. Did I really let him kiss me, hold me? I can’t let that happen again. We look at life too differently.
Downstairs, Gracie must have heard them arrive because she came out to them on the porch before Connie had a chance to knock. “We’ve got the boys down here,” Gracie said in a low voice. “Annie wanted to talk to Rand and you without them hearing. Patience and Gil arrived today. They’re upstairs with her.”
Connie hugged Gracie. Why did it feel like there had been a death in the family and they were planning the wake?
Gracie smiled at Rand and then she crept back into her apartment and quietly closed the door. They mounted the steps. At the top of the stairs, Patience—a pretty blonde—was waiting for them. She stepped back to allow them onto the landing and then embraced Connie.
Connie hugged her back, breathing in her familiar lily of the valley cologne. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me, too.” Patience looked past Connie at Rand. “Gil had a case to finish prosecuting and then we waited until Gil’s ex took their son, Darby, for her vacation. They’re camping in n
orthern Minnesota near her boyfriend’s family. We can stay a week. I can stay longer if I’m needed.”
Feeling inexplicably ill at ease, Connie introduced Patience, Annie and Gracie’s cousin, to Rand, the man she’d kissed this morning, the man who had accused her of being in love with Annie’s husband. Lord, I don’t love Troy, not the way Rand meant. But yes, I still care about Troy. He’s still special to me. That’s not wrong.
“Patience and Gil married in early June. Gil’s a district attorney downstate,” Connie explained to Rand as they filed into Annie’s living room. Annie sat in an armchair across from Gil, Patience’s husband, a lean compact man with glasses and chestnut hair. Connie smiled at him as they sat down on the nearby love seat. Patience sat down beside Gil on the sofa.
“Gil,” Connie said, “this is Rand O’Neill—he’s been working Troy’s case.”
“Rand, did you find out anything from the phone company?” Annie asked immediately.
Covertly, Connie scrutinized her. Annie didn’t look upset. Her hair was neat and she was wearing the neutral business casual slacks and blouse she must have worn to work at Jack’s office today.
“A tracer had been put on your line from day one of the investigation. Troy’s call was traced to an outside phone booth on the south side of the city.”
“So it took you exactly nowhere,” Gil commented.
“Afraid so,” Rand admitted. “But I alerted the patrol cops at that precinct so they will be on the lookout for him. I alerted the adjoining precincts also. Troy may be living in that immediate area or somewhere within easy walking distance.”
Connie tried to imagine Troy living away from the neighborhood they’d grown up in. She couldn’t. She rested her hand on the love seat between Rand and her.
“But didn’t you think that Troy might have stolen his truck? Why do you think he’s on foot?” Annie asked, leaning forward with her elbows on her thighs.
Rand said, “If Troy has been gambling over his head, he may have stolen his truck and sold it illegally.”
“It’s so hard to believe we’re talking about Troy,” Patience said. “I’ve known him for years. I just can’t imagine why he would do that. It’s out of character.”
Connie shifted on the love seat beside Rand. Maybe one person never could really know another person completely.
Rand glanced at her. “Things happen. People change.”
Connie couldn’t argue with that.
Across from them, Gil took Patience’s hand in his and kissed it. Envy sliced through Connie. Would any man look at her the way Gil was looking at Patience, his bride?
“I told Troy,” Annie spoke up, “that I’ve retained a lawyer and that I’m beginning divorce proceedings.”
Her words caught Connie by surprise. “No, Annie.” She edged forward.
“I have to protect myself, Connie.” Annie drew herself up. “Troy may have run up debt in other names.”
“I haven’t found any evidence of that as yet,” Rand cautioned.
Connie moved her hand closer to him, her fingers ached to fold around his.
“I asked him to come home and together we’d face whatever problems he’s gotten into. He wouldn’t.” Annie looked Connie, and then Patience, in the eye. “I don’t even know the man I talked to today—this man who doesn’t pay bills, steals his own truck, runs away from his family. I don’t know him and I don’t want to be married to him.”
Something inside Connie constricted, making it hard for her to breathe. Lord, this can’t be happening to my second family, the family you gave me as a gift of love. I don’t want to see this happening. Connie forced air into her tight lungs. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do. I’ve been living a lie and I didn’t even know it.” Annie stood up and began pacing. “Troy and I had problems last year. We went to counseling. I thought we’d gotten to the bottom of things and were getting along fine. We were building trust again or so I thought. How do you think it makes me feel—” Annie turned her back to them, facing out a window “—to know that I’ve been living in a fool’s paradise?”
Connie couldn’t move, could barely breathe. The bottom was dropping out of the world she knew, or thought she knew. First Troy’s disappearance, then Uncle Lou’s guilt and now Annie and divorce. She felt Rand’s hand close around hers.
“Annie, why don’t you wait until Troy comes home?” Patience suggested, going to stand beside her.
“No, because he might not be coming home.” Annie’s voice snapped. “I’m not going to tell the boys yet,” she said in a low voice. “They don’t need to know. With Troy gone, whether we’re married or not doesn’t really change anything for them. But I’ve got to get organized to face this. I’ve got to protect the boys.”
Connie couldn’t think of a thing to say. The tightness leaked out of her, taking her strength with it. She leaned against Rand’s shoulder, so broad, so strong.
Annie glanced around, looking fierce. “Troy’s recent behavior has been bizarre. What if he’s decided to kidnap them and take them away with him? I just don’t trust him anymore. And I wouldn’t have a legal leg to stand on to get the twins back unless I’d gotten sole custody. He’d have every right to take them if we’re still married. I’ve got to make sure I’ve got full custody of them.”
Connie closed her eyes.
Rand’s cell phone rang, interrupting. He took it out.
“Hey, Rand!” his brother-in-law’s voiced burst into his ear. “It’s a boy!”
“Great. My congratulations, Larry.” He kept Connie’s hand in his. “How’s my sister?”
“Fine. She came through fine. Our little guy was born about an hour ago. We’re still arguing about his name.”
Everyone was watching Rand, except for Connie. She stared at her lap. “Good.” Rand squeezed Connie’s hand. “Say, Larry, I’m sorry, but I’m working now.”
“Okay. Just wanted you to hear the good news.”
“Thanks.” Rand snapped his phone shut.
Rand made himself smile at the faces turned to him. “My sister Molly had a baby boy an hour ago.”
“I’m glad,” Connie said softly, looking into his eyes.
He wanted to kiss her, but didn’t.
Annie burst into tears, her new self-reliance collapsing from within. “Maybe this is all my fault. Maybe if I’d postponed school and gotten pregnant last year like Troy wanted me to, none of this would have happened.”
“Don’t start that pointless exercise.” Rand rose, letting go of Connie. “Annie, I’ve seen other people waste emotion on that. Don’t play the what-if game.” I did it over Cara. “It doesn’t help. None of us knows why people do the things they do. All that might have been different is that you would have been left alone to take care of three children instead of two.”
No one made a reply.
Connie looked up at him.
He offered her his hand. He wanted out of here now. “Connie, I want to go to the hospital and see my new nephew through the glass.” Come with me, he silently urged.
She surprised him. She rose without objecting. “I think I will go with you. Annie, you have Patience here.”
“Sure. You’ve been great, Connie, but I’ve got to get over this leaning on everyone.” Annie wiped her tears with her hands. “I can take care of myself, of the boys. I have to.”
Goodbyes were said and Rand and Connie left Annie in Patience and Gil’s care. After a silent ride, Rand parked the car in the hospital parkade and led Connie into the elevator and up to the maternity ward. The muffled cries of newborns greeted them. He’d been there often enough as his younger siblings had begun their families. At the brightly lit window looking into the nursery, a gaggle of his family had congregated.
Connie halted and pulled back from him. “Oh, I shouldn’t have come. I didn’t realize your whole family might be here.”
At the same moment, Chuck—his arm in a sling—caught sight of them. “Hey! It’s Rand and Connie.” A shy S
heila stood at his side.
Rand gritted his teeth. Why hadn’t he anticipated this welcoming committee, either?
“Oh, Connie, come and see our newest little one,” his mother invited. “We’re just about to go home. I’m beat after chasing this little girl all day.”
Molly’s daughter Alexa was perched high in her grandfather’s arms. “New brother,” she said, pointing to the nursery window.
The O’Neill family all beamed and “awwed” in approval.
Rand and Connie were shunted to the front of the group right in front of the glass. Chuck pointed out the correct isolette and Rand gazed at the blue-wrapped and knit-capped bundle. An odd feeling snaked through him—a happy sadness. A baby. Another innocent.
“He’s adorable,” Connie murmured.
Rand found the expression on her face irresistible. She would make a lovely mother.
“Eight pounds, seven ounces, twenty-one inches long,” the proud grandmother announced. “Now, Connie, you must come to his christening. Our family always has the newborn christened on the Sunday after the mother comes home from the hospital. I’ll be hosting the party.”
Rand clenched his jaw. His family knew nothing of subtlety.
“That’s very kind of you, but—”
“No buts about it,” Chuck put in. “You’re my rescuer and you have to come.”
“Yes, please come,” Molly said. Wearing a shapeless cotton hospital gown and robe, she stood in the doorway beside the nursery window. “I’d love to have you. Please.”
Connie looked to Rand. He shrugged. She sighed and capitulated. “All right.”
Rand’s family voiced their joy and then began talking to Molly. Rand pulled Connie out of the cluster of his siblings, their spouses and children. “I’m taking Connie home. She’s had a long day.”
Another round of family goodbyes and then once again, Connie sat beside him in his car. His keen awareness of her overwhelmed him, making it hard to draw a deep breath.
“I’m sorry if my family railroaded you into that,” he apologized.
