by Silla Webb
“When I came into work the next morning, he called me into his office and gave me an ultimatum. I was to break up with you, and be out of your life for good, or he was gonna piss me for drugs, then fire me. I couldn’t afford to lose my job, not with Heidi Jo on the way. So I decided to break up with you, until I could find the right way to tell you everything, hopin’ you would understand. We broke up a few days later. I’m sure you remember the gut wrenchin’ details, so we can skip that shit.” I begin to clinch the sheet of the bed, tryin’ to suppress the anger that is building within me. I’ve relived this story over and over like a broken record, and finally, friggin’ finally the endin’ just might be changin’. I rub my hand across my forehead roughly, wipin’ away the beads of sweat that are formin’ there from my distress, before goin’ on.
“The next evening, when I came out of the mines at the end of my shift, the Superintendent told me Big John wanted to see me. I just assumed he wanted to see if his dirty deed was done, but when I walked into his office, I was met with a crazed son of a bitch, and a right hook to the jaw. He told me you were gone, no explanation, just gone. He fired my ass and told me to stay the hell away from his family. I left the mines and raced over here, hopin’ that he was lyin’. I was gonna tell you everything if I caught up with you in time, because even if I would have lost you, at least you would have known the truth, and you deserved the truth. But I was too late.
“There wasn’t much more to life for a while, other than stayin’ drunk and high. The paternity test came back that Heidi Jo was my baby. Kari tried so hard to make us work. I went along with the motions of bein’ an expectin’ father, attendin’ all of her OB/GYN appointments with her, shoppin’ for baby clothes and nursery furniture. It was useless. There was only one woman made for me, and you were gone.
“Pops gave me a job, drivin’ a coal truck for Dalton Truckin’, so I could provide for Heidi Jo once she came into the world. But I was hell bent on stayin’ shit faced. Momma told me to settle down, but I refused. I had no reason to live, I simply didn’t care. Even Kari dyin’, givin’ birth to Heidi Jo wasn’t enough to open up my eyes.
“Left alone with a newborn baby, at the age of twenty, I was scared shitless. I tried to take care of her, with Momma’s help of course, but it was impossible. Hell, Momma has basically raised my sweet girl.” I grit my teeth to stow the buildin’ anger. Damn, I’ve made some stupid ass mistakes in my life.
“Too much stress in such a short amount of time. The oxy just wasn’t curin’ my cravins’ any longer. I needed more. So, I started snortin’ coke. I hid it well. I’d only get my fix on my last haul of the night. But one night, I nearly killed myself, ridin’ high. I hit black ice and slammed in to the hillside going fifty-five miles per hour. I was a lucky son of a bitch, just a few cracked ribs.
“After I was released from the hospital, I was arrested and charged with DUI. Pops couldn’t even look at me, he was so disgusted. When I walked into the court room at the arraignment, I searched the faces of every individual in there, looking for Pops, but he wasn’t there. But Big John was. Sittin’ in the back by the doors. He paid my bail, but before takin’ me home, he made me make a promise to him. Your daddy told me that it was all his fault that you had left, that he shouldn’t have stuck his nose in our relationship. He was merely protectin’ his princess. He
wanted me to get my life straightened out, so when you did come home, you would come home to your Colton, the man you had fallen in love with when we were just kids. Not the shell of a man I had become.”
I look down at Carly Jo, and she’s expressionless. I trail my finger slowly up her arm, but she doesn’t move, she is froze solid, by my side. “So, the story of the tattoo is my broken heart. With you in my arms, my heart beats strongly, pumpin’ blood through to my other organs, keepin’ me alive. But when you left, it felt like you ripped my heart straight from my chest, leavin’ my heart to die in your hands.
“These lines represent my heartbeat, and the blood that flows through my heart. But when you ripped my heart in half, the blood stopped pumpin’, and I died inside. I was literally lifeless. That’s why half of the heart, the half with your name through it, is still red and vibrant. Because I can only live with you.” I grasp her hand and place it on my heart, so she can feel the beating against my chest. “But without you, baby,” I close my eyes, shakin’ my head at the thought, “without you, my heart is hardened, black and dead.”
I tug her tighter to my side, and wipe away the tears that are free fallin’ from her gorgeous hazel eyes. Carly Jo cradles her arms tight around her waist, embracin’ herself, as she pulls away from me. Her silent tears turn to wrack sobbin’ cries. I just let her cry. It crushes my heart, but she has to let the pain out. Smoothin’ the dark waves down her back, I try to comfort her, while she releases her heartache.
“I-I’m s-s-s-soooo s-ss-sorrry, Colton. S-ssoo ss-sssorrry.”
“Shhhhh, please, darlin’. Please don’t cry anymore.” Pressing her cheek to my chest, I whisper softly in her ear, “Listen, do you hear that? My heart is beatin’, but only because I have you. I love you, Carly Jo. Please, no more tears. When you cry, my heart wants to break. I need you, sweetheart. Please, just listen to the beat of my heart, and know that you’re the reason it beats.”
Carly
I lay, curled next to Colton’s warm body, and listen to him tell me the story of his tattoo. The deeper he gets into the story, the louder my heart screams. The tattoo, a simple heartbeat line that flows into a vibrant red heart. Reaching the shatter in the center of the heart, the heartbeat flat lines, as blood drips in the middle. The other half of the heart is black, and dead. Through the heartbeat, my name is scrolled in script.
Seeing this tattoo, hearing the story behind it, as Colton describes the last seven years of his own personal hell, makes me realize, I did this to him. I caused him gut wrenching anguish. All because I left. I…broke…him.
Wrapping my arms tight around my waist, I pull away from Colton, hugging myself tight. I don’t deserve his touch. I don’t deserve him. All this time, I have blamed Colton for leaving me. But that isn’t true. I left him. I was unreasonable. I could have saved us both from seven years of gut ripping heart ache, but I was young and stupid. If I hadn’t ran, we could have faced our struggles together. We would have had our child, we would have our happily ever-after. It would have been an uphill battle, but our love would have pulled us through. But there is no turning back now. What’s done, is done. In the past. Although I don’t think I can ever forget. I can never forgive myself for destroying our family.
Colton wraps his strong arm around my waist, and tugs me tight to his side. Running his nose up the side of my jaw, he wipes away my tears. “Don’t you dare pull away from me like that, baby. Don’t reject me now. No more tears. My heart breaks a little more each time a tear escapes your gorgeous hazel eyes. Please, baby, no more cryin’.”
Colton holds me tight, until I cry my last tear. He caresses my back and whispers sweet words of love into my ear, until my breathing calms. When I have finally settled down, Colton places a sweet soft kiss on my lips.
Glancing over at the clock on the night stand, he releases a deep sigh, then stands to dress. One look at his tightly sculpted ass, my core clinches and all pain is erased momentarily from my thoughts. As he pulls his shirt down his chest, he smirks, “like what’cha see, darlin’?”
My cheeks redden, but I can’t help but to reply, “Hell yes!” His eyes grow passionate and he pulls me up from the bed, tight to his chest, as he grips my hair tight in his fist.
“Baby, I’d enjoy nothing more than to make love to you again, but you have worked up my appetite. It’s dinner time.”
I sigh deeply, then reach up on my toes and kiss his cheek. Colton smiles, then stares deep into my eyes, and says, “Stay with me tonight, baby.” He doesn’t ask…he demands. Nerves twist into knots in my stomach, as I feel anxiety creep into my chest.
“Colton, I’
d love to. I-I just don’t know. I don’t think I could stay in your parent’s home. I think it would be disrespectful.” Colton laughs. Yep, he just laughs at me.
“Baby, get your things. You’re stayin’ with me tonight, end of discussion. Now get movin’.”
Colton breaks our embrace and turns to leave the room, just as I begin to protest. Throwing his hand up, he stops me, “Ah, don’t even. Get your things, and be downstairs in five minutes, or we’ll be late for supper. Scoot, woman.”
I toss the necessities in a gym bag quickly, then pad down the stairs in search of Colton. He is standing in the kitchen, with his hand on the refrigerator door, just staring.
“Hey, I’m ready.” He doesn’t reply. I move closer to him, and see that he is staring at the picture that Heidi Jo drew for me. Laying my hand on his arm, I ask him if he is ok. He gives me a blank stare, then pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Yeah, I’m good. Let’s get goin’. I’m sure Heidi Jo’s in fits wantin’ to see her daddy.”
Chapter 18
Carly
In the truck, Colton keeps a firm grip on my thigh, as he navigates the winding back country roads. He smiles down at me and winks every so often, in classic Colton fashion.
As we pull into the driveway of his parent’s house, we are greeted by the sassy little Heidi Jo. Heidi Jo is sporting black leggings, printed with silver, sparkly skulls, a silver top, hot pink chucks, and her signature hot pink tutu. She is the sassiest little six-year-old I’ve ever met. Her personality is so bubbly and bright. She comes bouncing down the side walk, bursting with excitement, squealing at the sight of her Daddy.
“Daddy, Daddy! I’m so glad you’re home!”
She shrills, as Colton lifts her up, and spins her around. She hugs his neck tight, but once her eyes lock onto mine, she jumps from his arms, and races to me.
“Carly Jo, you came to see me, just like you promised!”
“Well of course I did sweets! Made a promise to ya!”
“Come on, let’s get my girls inside. I’m starvin’, and it’s too damn cold out here.” Colton says. Heidi Jo stops dead in her tracks, crossing her chunky arms across her chest, while she shoots daggers at Colton.
“Daddy, don’t make me tell Mamaw that you’re talkin’ yucky again?”
“My apologies, princess. But don’t go gettin’ your old man in trouble now, ‘kay?” Colton says, holding up his pinky for her to promise on.
“Deal, but remember, Princesses don’t like yucky talk, Daddy. ‘Kay?” Heidi Jo says, hooking her tiny pinkie around Colton’s, binding their promise.
Stepping inside the Weston home, my senses are filled with southern goodness. Fried chicken, one of Emily Weston’s special recipes. I follow Colton into the kitchen, where he kisses his Momma on top of the head, before taking the plates from her hand, and setting the table. I give her a warm hug then help her set the food on the table. The back door slams open and Bill, Colton’s dad, comes storming through the house, spittin’ and sputterin’ obscenities to nobody in specific. He disappears into a room at the end of the hall, slamming the door shut behind him.
“Uh oh, Mamaw. Poppy ain’t a happy camper.” Heidi Jo says.
“Oh, just over-look the old coot, sugar. Poppy has probably had a bad day at work again. Come on, get washed up for supper.”
We all sit, and prepare our plates. It’s been so long since I’ve had a true home cooked meal, my taste buds are watering, in excitement. Heidi Jo reminds us all to say grace, then we dig in. Oh my god the first bite is sheer heaven. I could get fat eating like this every day.
Bill pulls a chair out at the head of the table and sits down, as Emily prepares his plate.
“Rough day, honey?”
“Not now Emily, don’t get me riled up again.” Bill says, shaking his head, as tension envelops the room.
“Fine dear, but please don’t be rude. We have company, or did you not notice Carly?” Looking up, Bill’s eyes meet mine, and he laughs a hearty chuckle.
“Well hell no, I didn’t notice. You’ll have to forgive me, sweetheart, it’s been a long ass day.” I smile and nod politely. Bill always intimidated me. He has a very blunt demeanor, and you can never tell whether he is being serious or if he is joking.
“Where the hell you been all these years, girl?” Choking back on the bite of food I just took in my mouth, I swallow quickly, so I can answer him.
“South Carolina.” Quick, short and to the point. Shoving another bite into my mouth, I look away from him, silently praying that he doesn’t ask any more questions.
“South Carolina, yeah? Nice beaches.”
“Old Man, what’s goin’ on at work that had ya all worked up when ya came in?” Colton asks, as he senses my tension. Bill clinks the silverware down on the plate, and leans back, letting out a huff of air.
“That damn jackass of a partner. Ah hell, I don’t know what I was thinkin’ getting mixed up with him. Damn son of a bitch, ain’t nothin’ but a cocky ass little prick.”
“Bill, language already! For Pete’s sake, mind your manners.” Emily cuts in.
“Sorry dear. I just get so worked up thinkin’ ‘bout it. Wish to God I’d never laid eyes on the bastard.” Emily raises her eye brow, warning him to keep his tongue in check.
“So what’s he doin’ to piss in your cheerios?”
“He wants to run Dalton Trucking his own way. Thinks because he has that Master’s Degree he knows more ‘bout the truckin’ business than I do. Prick don’t know shit. He may own a coal company, but that don’t mean he knows a damn thing ‘bout haulin’ the shit they mine, or the trucks that haul it,” Bill replies.
“Which coal company?” Colton asks?
“Huh?”
“You said he owns a coal company. Which one does he own?” Bill thinks for a second before answering.
“American Heritage Coal Company, I think is the name of it.” My eyes flick up at the mention of American Heritage Coal Company. Where do I know that name from? I chew on the inside of my lip, pressing my memory for American Heritage Coal Company. Bill and Colton continue to talk, and I continue to think. It isn’t until I hear the son of a bitch’s name do I put two and two together.
“Drew wants to buy five new trucks, instead of repairin’ the trucks we already own. Dumbass don’t realize them Peterbilts cost a shit load of money. Money the company just ain’t got.”
“Damn, just fix your trucks, and don’t worry about what he wants. Put your foot down. As long as your haulin’ coal, and the company ain’t sufferin’ financially, I don’t see what the problem is.” Colton says.
“Hell, I wish it was as simple as that. Bastard owns half of Dalton Trucking. Neither of us are gonna budge on our decisions, so I don’t know what the hell’s gonna go down.”
“I’m sorry. Who’s Drew?” I ask, trying to appear innocent to the conversation.
“Drew Varney. When Big John died, Drew bought his partnership in Dalton Truckin’. He’s a first class prick, thorn right in my damn side.”
“The name seems familiar. But I just can’t place a face.”
“Well sweetheart, the name should sound familiar. He’s workin’ his way into the coal business. Hell, he’s only twenty-nine, and already owns two mines, and now half of my damn truckin’ company. Hell don’t tell me you don’t know who your competitors are!” Bill says with a scowl.
“Bill, do you know how he came to purchase Daddy’s partnership in Dalton Trucking?”
“That son of a bitch, James McCoy handled all of the legal shit. Never did like that snake. I had the option to buy Big John’s partnership, but damn that was a hell of a lot of money.”
That son of a bitch! I knew that James McCoy had some knowledge of Drew Varney. He has to know more about the connection between Daddy and Drew. I ask Bill a few more questions over dinner, about his partnership with Drew, and American Heritage Coal Company. Colton begins to sense my interest, so I change the subject before he gets suspicious.
I don’t really gain much insight, but I have a gut feeling that there’s more to the story than what I already know. It’s best that I keep everything to myself, until I know exactly what I am dealing with.
Damn, I hate keeping secrets. It seems as if that’s all my life has ever been built on, frickin’ buried secrets, that eventually rise to the surface and evoke ten kinds of hell.
Colton and I spend the remainder of the evening with Heidi Jo, playing the Wii. After she has had a bubble bath, and is snug tight in her Beauty and the Beast jammies, she picks out a book for Colton to read to her before bedtime. Climbing in the bed beside of her, he snugs her tight to his side, and begins to read Goodnight Moon. As the words slide from his tongue, Heidi Jo’s eyes fall heavy, as she drifts off to sleep. Colton closes the book, then slides off the bed, kissing Heidi Jo goodnight. “Love you, princess. Always and forever,” I hear him whisper in her ear. My heart melts each time I see these two together. Colton is exactly the kind of Daddy I always expected him to be.
He pulls me through the house, and tells his parents good night and that he will be by in the morning before work. I scrunch my forehead in confusion as I say goodbye to Emily and Bill before Colton wraps his hand around my wrist and pulls me outside. “Uhm, where we goin’?”
Colton laughs, “I told you, you’re stayin’ with me tonight.”
I follow behind him as he walks across the driveway, to the stepping stones that conjoin two houses. His house? He pulls me up the steps, and I wait while he unlocks the door, and steps aside letting me enter first. I pull my shoes off, and begin to look around. I didn’t know he had his own house, I thought he still lived with his parents, because Heidi Jo stays there. I am relieved, however.
