“It was about eight years ago. When I was 16.”
“Why?”
“It’s not really something I like to talk about. It was a difficult time and it’s taken a lot for me to move on. But I have. And you can, too.”
“Sixteen,” he said. What could be so bad in a sixteen-year-old’s life that would make her become suicidal? “Let me guess. Failed your driver license test, boyfriend broke up with you, people were bullying you.”
She narrowed her eyes slightly at him. “All those things did happen, actually, but that wasn’t what made me depressed. Those things just made it worse.”
He pulled his eyebrows together. Not the answer he was expecting. He’d figured it was some teen drama that seemed petty once you hit adulthood. Now his heart was racing. This sounded like something a lot more serious.
“Tell me,” he pleaded. He made his expression softer and held her stare intently.
She shook her head and smiled. “Like I said, it’s over now and I’ve moved on. What we need to do is make a plan for how to get you better. Maybe it’s time you think about taking an anti-depressant until you work through some of the negative emotions and get into your healing. They help a lot of people, and so does talking to someone.”
“Is that what you did? Took pills and talked to someone?”
“I did, yes.” Her right hand trailed to her left wrist and she absently traced it with her fingertips.
He reached over and grabbed her wrist, turning it so that he could see the scars. She wore a bracelet there. Always a thin rubber bracelet that covered the scars mostly. But he could see the faded pink line peaking out from under it. He moved to slide the bracelet down, but she yanked her hand back first.
“That’s not the way to move on. Trust me.” Her words were cold and hard.
“So, you tried to kill yourself.”
“And almost succeeded. If it weren’t for the nurses and hospital personnel…”
“That’s why you’re a nurse?”
“Probably.” She let out a heavy sigh. “It changed my life. Obviously. And I’m so grateful that they saved me. I wanted to give it back, I suppose. Help others. Like you.”
“Except you won’t tell me why you were so depressed.”
“It doesn’t matter why. What matters is that I was able to recover, and now it’s your turn to do the same.”
He reached over and took her hand. His fingertips traced the lines of her scar, much like she had a few moments ago. “Please tell me.”
She pressed her lips together. “It was a lot of things. It was all around a really hard time.”
“So, you know everything about me. You expect me to talk to you, but you won’t share this one thing? This thing that might help me?”
“I don’t see how it would help you to know.”
“Because if I know how hard it was for you, maybe it’ll give me hope.”
He could see her jaw muscles working, and she looked away from him to think. Finally, she took in another long breath and met his gaze. “You really want to know?”
“I do,” he said softly. “Please.”
“When I was sixteen, my dad left. It was a really hard time for me and my mom and that alone had us both sad. I was angry, too, and started drinking and doing drugs. I had this boyfriend, and we’d been together a while. He’d been wanting to have sex. All his friends had and he was the last virgin, so he kept begging me. I was vulnerable enough that I agreed. I thought maybe it would take my mind off things, and I knew it would make him happy. So we planned this special night, except when we started taking off our clothes, I panicked and changed my mind. I told him I didn’t want to. He didn’t like that answer, so he raped me.”
Kenny sucked in a sharp breath and his hand tightened into a fist.
“It gets worse,” she said. “He broke up with me after that. But when he was having sex with me, he also took a photo. Then he showed everyone at school and they all started calling me names and saying I was a slut. Guys were hitting on me all the time because they thought I was easy. I did fail my driver’s test somewhere in there because I just couldn’t focus, but that was the least of my worries. Because then I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t want to have an abortion. I thought that would just be one more awful thing on top of everything else, but my mother refused to let me keep it and still live with her. I didn’t really have a choice, so I had an abortion.”
He squeezed her hand and the ache in his heart increased. He wanted to comfort her and make everything okay again.
“If all that wasn’t enough, I got some sort of infection. They told me I won’t be able to have kids. So, after dealing with all of that for about a month, on my seventeenth birthday, I got drunk and slit my wrist. Woke up in the ICU two days later.”
He swallowed hard. So much had happened to her in one short period of time. It was worse than what he faced now. So much worse. As much as he ached for her, he also felt like a huge asshole. She’d gone through all of that and was still here, and more than that, was living a happy life. And his big problem was it might be painful for him to heal enough to play ball again?
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “That’s an awful year.”
“It was.”
“And I’m sorry, too, for the way I acted. I feel like what I’ve gone through…”
She squeezed his hand. “What you’ve gone through has been very difficult. But you can get through it.”
“Yeah. Maybe. I mean, if you made it through all of that.”
“Exactly. And look at me now.”
“You’re so strong, Audrey.” He looked intently into her eyes and wished he could lean forward enough to kiss her. But even if he could reach her, it probably wasn’t appropriate. “I really admire you.”
“Thanks.” She gave him a big smile. “Does that mean you’ll go to physical therapy tomorrow?”
“Maybe. If you’ll be the one to take me down.”
“I think that can be arranged.” She stood. “I have to see my other patients. Thanks for talking with me.”
“Thanks for telling me.”
She walked to the door.
“Audrey,” he called after her.
She stuck her head back around the wall to see him. “Yeah?”
“Thank you. Really.”
She smiled and left the room.
Chapter 7
“You ready to do this?” Audrey stood by Kenny’s bed, a smile on her face and her hands tight on the wheelchair’s handle.
“I guess,” he said.
“No, no.” She shook her head and crossed her arms. “Are you ready to do this?”
He sighed. “Yes.”
“And you’re going to work hard, even though it hurts?”
“Yes.”
“Okay then. Let’s go.” She moved the chair closer and helped him get into it.
They went down to the therapy room and when they got there, Jeff gave Kenny a dubious look.
“You’re back,” Jeff said.
“Yup.”
“You going to stay this time?”
“Yes he is,” Audrey said. “Right, Kenny? No matter how hard it is.”
“Right,” Kenny muttered. He wanted to do this for her. To show her he could. That he could take the pain. He felt that if he couldn’t, then he showed too much weakness. After all she’d been through, he should be able to do this. He was stronger than her, wasn’t he? He was about to find out.
They got Kenny on the table again and Jeff handed him the same red band. “Shall we give this another try?”
“I’ll come back for you when you’re done,” Audrey said, patting his shoulder.
“You’re leaving me?”
Audrey gestured to Jeff. “No, I’m giving you to Jeff for an hour. Then I’ll be back to take you upstairs.”
“Don’t go.” He set the band down and looked at her. If she left, he was afraid he’d wuss out when the pain was too much. But with her there, his tendency to want to show off ove
rrode his desire to give up. She made him want to do better. But if she wasn’t there to see it, there was no point.
“I have to get back to my other patients.”
“Just take me up now then.”
“We haven’t even started yet,” Jeff said.
Audrey walked over to Kenny and spoke softly so that only he could hear. “I didn’t tell you what I told you yesterday so that you could change your mind and back out now. I expect you to stay here and work hard.”
“I can’t do it without you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course you can. You barely even know me. When I come back down, I expect a full report from Jeff detailing all the hard work you’ve done.”
Kenny glanced over at Jeff. “He’ll give you a report?”
“Yup.”
“Fine.”
“Honestly, Kenny,” she said. “Don’t turn into a child. You don’t need me. You can do this on your own. You have to do this on your own. No one stood by and held my hand. I had to get up and go on under my own strength, and you will, too.”
Great. He was already coming off like a wuss. “Right. No, you’re right, I can do this.” He said it with all the forced confidence he could muster. He’d just have to convince Jeff to lie and tell her he did awesome. Make it seem like he was confident in front of her, and then when she was gone, he could take it as easy as he needed to.
“That’s more like it,” she said. Then to Jeff, “Don’t go easy on him. He can take a lot more than he’ll let you give him.”
Kenny glared after her as she walked out, and turned that glare to Jeff. “She thinks I’m a wuss.”
Jeff chuckled. “Well, let’s prove her wrong then. Band.” He pointed to the red band sitting beside him.
Kenny picked it up and positioned it behind his toes. As soon as he picked up the ends, the pain started. He immediately dropped it.
“Again,” Jeff said. “Start where you have to start.”
Kenny swallowed hard, took in several fast breaths, and picked up the ends again. He put the slightest pressure on the bands and the instant his muscle stretched a little, the pain lit his leg on fire. He cried out and dropped the band, tears springing to his eyes. His heart raced and he was already hot and sweaty.
“Okay, that was good,” Jeff said. “Don’t push it too hard. We want to hold it for ten seconds. If that means less pressure or very little pressure, then do that. But hold it for longer.”
Kenny picked up the band again and put almost no pressure on it. It still hurt though and by the time Jeff said, “Ten,” he thought he was going to pass out.
Jeff clapped him on the shoulder. “That was awesome.”
He next had him stand and practice walking holding onto railings. But he found himself using his strong arms to lift himself up so that his legs didn’t have to do as much. The pain rocketed through him with every step.
“Now do it with just one hand for support,” Jeff said.
Crap. He’d figured out his trick. This time, of course, it didn’t go half as well. He stumbled, he hopped, he dragged his leg behind him. Anything to avoid the pain that came with taking a normal step on that leg.
“You’re doing great,” Jeff said. “I can’t wait to tell Audrey.”
That was enough to make him turn around and walk the length again, this time, moving slow, but getting as close as he could to taking a real step. He bent his knee more than he had to so his thigh did most of the work, but he managed to make his return trip a little more steady.
He looked up, ready for the next exercise, and saw Audrey standing off to the side of the room, watching. She’d come back to see him.
“How’d he do?” she asked Jeff.
Kenny opened his mouth to answer, and she held up a hand. “Oh no. I don’t want your version, I want the truth.”
“Truth is,” Jeff said, handing Kenny a damp towel to wipe his sweat with, “he did fabulous. At this rate, he’ll make a fast recovery.”
Those words gave him some comfort, even if he didn’t fully believe it. Jeff was probably just trying to make him feel better about how bad he’d done so that he wouldn’t leave like he had before.
Audrey gave Kenny a brilliant smile. “I knew you could do it. You’re on your way. And when you play your first game back, I’ll be there in the stands watching and cheering you on.”
“Really?” He pictured this. He pictured running out on the field with no limp, catching the ball, running it, tackling, dodging, throwing—all the things he loved. And then looking up and seeing Audrey’s grinning face beaming down at him, calling his name and cheering him on. His chest warmed with the picture.
“Of course. Though I might have to get you to sign a jersey for me. I want proof that I helped you get back to pro ball. Gotta give credit where it’s due, right?”
He pulled his mouth into a half smile. “Fair enough.”
“Tomorrow,” Jeff said. “We’ll do this again, but I want you to shift.”
Kenny clenched his jaw, but was well aware of Audrey watching him. “Sure thing.”
She brought the wheelchair over to him and he stumbled into it. Jeff waved as she pushed him out of the room and into the elevator.
“Thanks,” Kenny said.
“Anytime.”
“You’ve really been a big help to me. Even if I’ve been a jerk.”
“Ah.” She shrugged. “You’re not too bad.”
His heart was still racing from therapy, and his pulse kept up as he considered his next words. “You really don’t have a husband or boyfriend or child somewhere that you haven’t told me about?”
“Not a living child, and no. I haven’t had a serious boyfriend since… Well, since my last one proved to be a bit a untrustworthy.”
“You haven’t dated anyone since you were sixteen?”
The elevator dinged and she wheeled him down the hall to his room. “I’ve dated plenty. Just nothing serious. It’s hard for me to let anyone get close.”
She stopped by his bed and helped him back into it.
“Sure, I get that. But it seems like you opened up to me a little.”
“I did.” She let out a breath. “And it was very scary. But you’ve helped me, too. See, we make a good team.”
He reached over a took her hand. “We do. Do you think maybe we’d make a great team long term?”
“Maybe. You plan on being here long?”
“No. I mean after I leave. Go out with me. On a date. I bet we could make a great team for the rest of our lives.”
He smiled hopefully, but she withdrew her hand from his and her face seemed to go paler.
“I… can’t. I’m sorry.”
Kenny (Shifter Football League Book 2) Page 7
