by Apryl Baker
But I didn’t.
Mattie Louise Hathaway. The girl turned my world upside down in more ways than one. I want to hate her, to be able to walk away and not look back. I want my old life back, my family intact. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. I wish I could walk away from her, but I can’t. God knows I’ve tried, but something keeps drawing me back to her. Some force of nature won’t let me say goodbye.
I sigh and roll over, feeling a little numb. I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Sometimes I think it is because I grew up a lot. I’ve made some hard choices over the last few months as well. As hard as my life is, I can’t say I’d change it. Even though my mom ended up in jail, I found my biological family. I can’t regret that. My dad taught my brother and me that family is everything, so I can’t regret the Malones, even if it means my mother being arrested for kidnapping and murder.
I agreed to help Mattie find her father, and in doing so, I uncovered the truth about my own mother. Ann Richards had kidnapped my birth mother and killed her after I was born. She staged an accident with the help of her sister, who we found out kidnapped Mattie from her parents. Ann raised me and loved me. I don’t doubt that. She’s my mom. If the Malones can’t deal with that, so be it. I’m not turning my back on her.
That’s just one instance of Mattie causing my life to be turned upside down. She doesn’t mean to. All she wanted was to find her family. It’s not her fault my mother did what she did. Secrets have a way of coming out, and if not Mattie, eventually the truth would have come out another way.
Mattie blames herself for everything bad that’s happened to me, but she shouldn’t. None of it was her fault. Not really. I don’t blame her. I wish she would see herself like I do. She’s this beautiful, loving person who is loyal to a fault. She’s also the strongest person I’ve ever met. Growing up in foster care, surviving being kidnapped and tortured, and then surviving a psychopath who was obsessed with her—she’s tough as nails. I don’t know if I could have come out the other side stronger for it.
I went from a guy who only believed in what he could see, what he could touch, to a guy who can’t deny the existence of the supernatural. I’ve seen ghosts, demons, and even an angel. I also discovered how selfish I am.
It’s my fault Meg is dead. When I was dying, the reaper warned me coming back meant innocent people would die. It was my time to go, and staying would disrupt the balance of life and death. Leaving meant abandoning Mattie, never seeing her smile again or hearing that horrible laugh of hers. I couldn’t do it. She meant more to me than anyone or anything. Still does. If I had died, though, Meg would be alive. Her death is on me. It was my choice to be selfish.
What really bothers me is if the choice had been about Meg and not Mattie, I may have gone on. If I’d never met my Squirt, I would have done the right thing and died. I wouldn’t have stayed for Meg.
The pain of losing Meg is there. It cuts deep, makes my entire body ache, but relief that Mattie is safe outweighs even my grief.
So what does that say about me?
I can admit, at least to myself, that I have feelings for Mattie. Feelings that go beyond friendship or family. Because of her age, I ignored them. I don’t know what to do about them, though. I don’t really even understand them. I only know that I need to keep her safe and happy, that simply being near her makes me happy. Caleb told me our blood is designed to keep Mattie safe, to want her happy. We were made to protect people like her, that it’s hardwired into our DNA. Maybe it’s as simple as that.
God, I hope it’s as simple as that.
A scream breaks the silence of the night. I’m up and running, tearing the door open. The first thing I notice is how dark the hallway is. None of the lights are on, and I shiver, feeling the cold creep up along my spine. I’ve never felt anything like this before. It seeps into my bones, chilling them. When I let out the breath I’ve been holding, fog appears in front of me. The darkness creeps closer, wrapping around me. Fear splinters through my mind, but I force it back. Mattie needs me.
My gaze sweeps the hallway, looking for her. I hear a whimper and look down. She’s on her knees on the floor, hands covering her ears.
“Mattie?” I whisper, searching the dark hall. I don’t see anything, but it’s so cold. Freezing. I take a step forward and flinch at the frigid air that hits me in the face.
“Don’t.” The word is whispered, but I hear it. She’s looking not at me, but at something in front of her. All I see is empty space.
“What is it?”
“Mattie!”
Zeke runs up the stairs and he stops, his eyes wide. “Dear God.”
“What?” I demand, unable to see what they see. I step forward and put my hand on her shoulder, intending to haul her up, but I fall to my knees, my hand gripping her shoulder so hard, it’s going to leave a bruise.
The thing in front of us is horrific. Bent and bloody, the stringy brown hair is matted with blood. It might have been a little girl at some point, but what is holding onto Mattie is no longer a little girl. It’s full of pain and rage. Black eyes settle on me, and I cringe. The stench is terrible. Her hands are purple, two fingers missing. Yellow pus drips from her nostrils and onto the floor between her and Mattie. Her white t-shirt with little purple flowers on it is covered in black stains. What in God’s name happened to her?
It screams something, and Mattie cries out in pain. Whatever it’s doing, it’s hurting her. “How do I help her?”
“Help me pull her away from it.” Zeke is on her other side, and I stand, keeping one hand on her shoulder so I can see the thing. We jerk her up and back, breaking the hold the thing has on her. It screams wordlessly, and Zeke reaches into his pocket, throwing something at it. Whatever it was it works. The little nasty disappears. Salt, maybe?
“Mattie?” Zeke’s worried expression mirrors my own. Her eyes are glazed and she’s shaking.
“We need to get her warm.” I swing her up in my arms, following Zeke downstairs to his study. A fire blazes in the hearth, and I head straight for it. Her father gives me a throw from the couch, and I wrap her in it as best I can. “Why isn’t she saying anything?”
“I don’t know. Let me call a friend. He may know how to help her.”
Mattie makes a strangled sound, and I pull her closer. She’s shaking, but I don’t think it’s from cold. Shock, maybe? Zeke is on the phone, but he’s pouring salt across windowsills and the doorway as he talks. I dig my own phone out and call Dr. Olivet. If anyone knows how to help, he might.
“Dan?” The relief in the doctor’s voice is palpable. “Is she okay?”
“Well, no, that’s why I’m calling.” I quickly explain the situation, but I have a niggling feeling in the back of my mind all isn’t right. Something is going on with the doc.
“It sounds like shock,” Dr. Olivet says. “I’m not surprised, given everything she’s been through. Get her to the hospital if she’s not any better in about thirty minutes. Where are you, by the way?”
“We’re at her father’s.”
“What?” Dr. Olivet explodes, and I pull the phone away from my ear. “Why are you there? Don’t you know how dangerous he is?”
“Mattie wanted to come here, so we’re here.” What is going on? He’s gone from calm to super excited in less than two seconds. “I’m with her, Doctor. She’s safe with me.”
He lets out a strangled sigh. “Dan, just don’t leave her alone with him. No matter what happens, don’t leave her alone. Ever. Promise me.”
“I promise, Dr. Olivet.” I need to do some more investigating on Zeke if the doc is this upset. “I’ll call you if she gets worse.”
“Please do, Dan. If you need anything, call me. Doesn’t matter what time.”
“I will,” I murmur and disconnect the call. Something is going on there. Maybe when Mattie wakes up she can tell me more.
Mattie’s fingers claw into my side, and I rub her back, try
ing to comfort her, while I attempt to remember how to treat shock. “Dr. Olivet says it sounds like shock. Can the doctor who was here before come back?”
“Yes.” Zeke lays a hand on her head. “She’s so cold.”
“Mattie’s always cold.” I should call Eli, but the thought of it has me pulling her closer. I don’t want my brother near her, even if he can warm her up. Never did. I only did what I had to in order to keep the peace. “Bring me two of those throw pillows. We need to get her feet up.” Zeke hurries to do as I ask. There is real worry in his eyes. I think Doc is wrong about him, at least in regard to Mattie.
He sits beside us and arranges her feet. “The physician is on his way back.” He pulls her shoes off and starts to rub her feet. “Did you see what attacked her?”
“Not until I touched her.”
“You saw it only after you touched her?” He looks up sharply. “Has that ever happened before?”
“No,” I say slowly. “Why?”
“Daniel, your people see only the souls that have gone dark. What was here was a child, a very terrified child. Its soul was on the verge of turning from all the torment it has gone through. Someone mutilated that child, put it through horrors that defy reality. I thought maybe you had seen it in the moment its soul went dark.”
“Maybe.” I don’t think so, though.
“It was trying to tell us something, but it didn’t know how to communicate.” He pauses, thinking. “Have you been watching the news at all?”
“I haven’t turned on a television in days.” I’d been in the hospital, unconscious.
“Are you aware of the children who have been murdered in the city over the last month or so?”
My mouth falls open into a silent “oh.” Was that thing one of the children who had gone missing, only to turn up dead? Had it searched out Mattie to try to tell her what happened to it? “Yeah,” I say after a minute. “It’s an ongoing investigation at the precinct.”
“I have a feeling my daughter is going to get dragged into that mess.” Zeke lets out a frustrated sigh. “She isn’t ready for any of this. She doesn’t know how to defend herself against their attacks, how to sort out the information, how to help them without hurting herself. I need to train her, but I don’t think we are going to have time. This situation is more than it seems.”
“What do you mean?”
“Have you ever heard the name Deleriel?”
“No.”
“He’s a fallen angel, one of the first demons. His specialty was feeding off the tormented souls of children. He hasn’t roamed this Earth for centuries, but he does come up to feed every so often. I think that is who we are dealing with.”
“What makes you think it’s a demon instead of a sick pedophile?”
Zeke let out a harsh laugh. “The stench coming from the child. It smelled of sulphur. Only a demon or a victim of a demon smells of that. We may need help.”
“Help?”
“You fight a demon with a demon.” Zeke stands and faces the room, his back to us. “Silas!”
What the…he’s calling Silas here?
Minutes go by and I can see Zeke’s anger spiking. The demon is ignoring him. “Silas!”
“Maybe he’s busy?” I suggest. I do not want Silas anywhere near Mattie, not to mention I might not be able to keep from attacking him myself after what he’d done to me. It was his fault I almost died.
Zeke starts to pace, muttering. “He never fails to come when I summon him.”
The butler interrupts whatever he was going to say by announcing the arrival of the doctor. He has me bring Squirt to the couch where he can examine her. Zeke and I stand impatiently and wait. She’s so cold. If she doesn’t warm up soon, I’ll call Eli, despite my feelings about it. She’s more important to me than my own petty jealousy.
“It’s shock,” the doctor announces. “She needs rest, to stay warm, and keep her feet elevated. Watch her for a while to make sure she’s breathing regularly. If she starts to have trouble, get her to the emergency room immediately.”
Zeke sees the doctor out and I pick her back up. Lying on the couch won’t keep her warm. I tell Zeke we need pillows and blankets. The best place for her is directly in front of the fire. Within minutes he’s back and lays a heavy quilt on the floor. I sit down long enough to pull her directly against me and then lay us both down on our sides. Zeke surprises me by putting both our feet up.
“You were being treated for shock too.” He sits back down and watches her. He’s not going anywhere. It’s in his eyes. He loves his daughter, and I know in that instant Doc is completely wrong about him. Mattie is the one person Zeke would die to protect.
“Daniel, I must express my gratitude to you.” The French Creole accent is heavy when he speaks. “My daughter would have died tonight if not for you, and just not tonight. Nancy tells me you were the one who found her when she was kidnapped. I owe you a debt that cannot be repaid.”
“You don’t owe me anything.” I let my lips graze her hair. She always smells like fresh squeezed orange juice, but she drinks enough of the stuff to sweat it out.
“You love her.”
“Yes.”
We stare each other down, neither willing to concede. Finally, Zeke nods. “There is a problem in that. You realize this, yes?”
“My brother.”
He shifts, letting his back rest against the chair he’d pushed out of the way earlier. “The boy has feelings for her, but I’m not sure how much of it is the bond they share. They could both be confusing those feelings.”
“She has trust issues.” I settle back down, letting her head rest on my arm. “She grew up never really knowing what it meant to be loved. Even her mom didn’t love her like a parent is supposed to. Claire was a heroin addict. The drugs came first. Mattie didn’t start learning what love meant until recently.”
“Until she met you.”
“Yes. She was used to screwing up and everyone leaving her. I didn’t. She’s learned to trust, that she can depend on other people, and that it’s okay to care about someone else. Mary Cross is a huge part of that. She has helped Mattie learn to let people love her and to not be afraid of loving others. Mary’s her sister. Maybe not by blood, but for all intents and purposes, they’re sisters. I hope you’re smart enough to know the kind of damage separating them would cause, especially now.”
“The Cross family gave my daughter a home, a real home where she was accepted and loved. They’re her family as much as I am.”
I let out a grunt. One less worry off my mind.
“Do you think she has feelings for your brother?”
“She barely knows him. I think the Guardian Angel bond muddies up the waters. She has doubts about Eli’s feelings for her. She thinks it’s the bond, but she is willing to see what happens.”
“And you?”
A sigh rumbles out. “I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I just watched my girlfriend die. Everything is too raw right now to make sense of it all.”
“I am sorry about Megan.”
“Thank you.”
“Go to sleep, Daniel. Your eyes are drooping. I’ll watch over you both. You’re safe here with me.”
He’s right about one thing. I am tired. My body has had all it can take for the night, and I drift off to the smell of oranges, knowing Mattie is safe in my arms.
Chapter Four
Mattie
The sound of my own teeth chattering drags me out of a deep sleep. I sit up, shaking from the cold. Darkness greets me, only a faint glow of light teasing me from under what I assume is a door. A musty smell tickles my nose, like old clothes left too long in a trunk. It’s not damp, and I’m pretty sure I’m standing barefoot on wood floors. Not new floors, but the clapboard style you see in a lot of attics in old houses. One of my foster homes had floors like that.
Maybe I’m dreaming.
A scuffling noise splinters the silence. Please don’t be rats, please don’t be rats, please don’t b
e rats. One of the few fears I have is rats. I search the darkness, but find nothing. I hear it again toward my left, and I swing in that direction, but it’s hard to see anything. The little fraction of light under the door doesn’t penetrate more than a few inches.
The louder the sound becomes, the more I realize it’s not scuffling, but scratching. It sounds more like something scratching against the walls. Which inspires a whole new set of concerns. I’d let Mary talk me into watching that stupid movie, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. The one with all those little creatures that only came out in the dark. I hadn’t been able to go into a dark room for weeks afterward. Now, thoughts of those little monsters begin to invade my subconscious, and without hesitation, I make a beeline for the door.
Something slithers across my feet, tangling around them, and I trip. Instinctively, I put my hands out in front of me to break my fall. All I manage to do is to land with all my weight on my sprained wrist, pulling a strangled cry of pain out of me.
Laughter, soft and low, echoes in the inky black depths around me. Shivers race up my arms at the hollowness of that laugh. Soulless. Empty and dark.
I sit up slowly. My eyes are finally starting to adjust, and I can make out faint shapes of what could be anything from boxes to small, scary monsters. My entire arm is throbbing in pain, and I clutch it to my chest, using my other hand to rub it.
Footsteps approach, and I snake my head in their direction. Running footsteps surround me, a little boy’s laughter trailing in their wake. Only it’s not a happy laugh. It’s cruel, hurtful. Not a sound a child should know.
“Hello?” I whisper, getting to my knees. “Who’s here?”
Fingers graze my cheek, and I flinch. His touch feels like he just stuck a hot poker to my face. Not a ghost. A ghost’s energy is cold. This? This is something worse. Something I’ve never felt before.
