I needed to just admit it. I was attracted to her. Insanely attracted to her. Obviously acting on that wasn’t an option. My relationship status had nothing to do with that being a bad idea. Zoe and I had been there, done that, and it didn’t matter what my cock wanted. She wasn’t mine anymore, and she never would be again.
And there was the shitty post-breakup knot in the pit of my stomach. But it wasn’t for Farrah. It wasn’t for the woman I’d spent the last year dating, nor the handful of women I’d had flings with before her. It was for the woman who should have been nothing but a memory by now. It had been four years. That should have been enough time to get over her.
But I wasn’t sure if forever would be enough time to get over Zoe.
Nine
Zoe
Sometimes I think moving back here was a mistake. You’re a thousand miles away, but you’re everywhere.
~Text from Zoe, unsent
Friday evening, I finished work late. There was a small party at the Big House tomorrow, but Jamie was handling it. I was off for the next couple of days and looking forward to the break.
Downstairs, I found Brynn standing in the lobby. She was the youngest of the Miles kids, although she wasn’t a kid anymore. She was a gorgeous twenty-year-old woman, with long brown hair and a banging body. It still surprised me to see her looking so grown up—probably because I’d known her since she was seven. She was ten years younger than me, so she’d been a little girl when I’d started dating Roland.
“Hey, Brynn,” I said. “How’s school?”
She shrugged. “It’s okay.”
“Are you home for the weekend?” I asked.
“Yeah, or maybe a little longer,” she said. “I’m not sure.”
Shannon came down the hall, adjusting her purse strap over her shoulder. “Ready, kiddo?”
“Yep,” Brynn said.
Something was going on, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. Shannon looked tense, although that was normal for her these days. But Brynn wasn’t usually so subdued.
“We’re going to dinner if you want to come,” Shannon said.
“Oh, I don’t want to interfere with mother-daughter time,” I said.
“It’s fine,” Brynn said. “Come with us.”
“All right,” I said. “If you’re sure.”
We went next door to the Echo Creek Lodge. Salishan had a great relationship with the large hotel. A lot of our guests stayed here if they came for more than a day. They also had a nice restaurant, with good food and a cozy ambiance.
The host seated us, and after looking over the menus, we ordered dinner. While we waited for our food, Shannon asked Brynn about school. Her grades were good, and she liked her classes. I still got the feeling something was wrong, but I didn’t ask. It might be something Brynn didn’t want to talk about in front of her mom. I resolved to get Brynn alone later, so I could ask her what was going on.
Our food came out and we started eating.
“Your brother is home,” Shannon said after the waitress had left.
“Yeah, Cooper texted me,” Brynn said. “He’s still here?”
Shannon nodded. “He’s been helping us with some financial issues.”
Brynn glanced at me. “Is that weird?”
“Of course not,” I said.
“Liar,” Brynn said.
“I’m not lying.” I was totally lying. “I barely see him. And when I do, we get along fine.”
Shannon eyed me, and I wondered what she was thinking. She knew me well enough; she could probably tell I was struggling with Roland being here.
“I don’t know how you do it,” Brynn said. “I see my ex on campus once in a while and it makes me throw up in my mouth a little.”
“It makes me sad,” Shannon said.
I paused with my fork halfway to my mouth.
“What makes you sad?” Brynn asked.
“Roland,” Shannon said.
I put my fork down. Shannon and I had talked about Roland, more than once. I’d told her why I’d left, and she’d been supportive and sympathetic. I hadn’t burdened her with every detail, but I’d been honest, and she’d been receptive. But she’d also never really told me how she felt about it. Or him. And I’d never asked.
She took a deep breath. “Parenting when you have young children is tough. Babies don’t sleep a lot, they poop out their diapers, make messes. Toddlers get into everything. Don’t even get me started on what Cooper was like as a two-year-old. I’m surprised I didn’t lose my mind. There are challenges at every stage. But nothing prepared me for being a parent of adults.”
“Yeah, well, one of your adult children is Cooper,” Brynn said. “Although I don’t know if adult is the right term for him.”
Shannon smiled. “I worry about all of you for different reasons. But Roland is… he’s so much like your dad.”
I bit the inside of my lip to keep from replying. I wanted to argue with her—to defend Roland. I’d never liked Lawrence very much and hearing her compare Roland to him raised my hackles. Although it wasn’t my job to stick up for Roland anymore.
“Lawrence always worked too much,” Shannon continued. “I think at first he felt like he had a lot to prove to my parents. He wanted to show he could take over the winery operations. But he always prioritized work over everything else. Even me.”
Her comment hit way too close to home, and I swallowed hard.
“Roland has always felt like he had things to prove,” Shannon said. “I’d hoped that the people he chose to have in his life would keep him on track. But unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case.”
“He’s a dumbass,” Brynn said.
“Brynn,” Shannon said.
“He is,” Brynn said. “It’s not like we don’t all know it. Just because he’s my brother doesn’t mean I have to like him, or think he isn’t an idiot when he is.”
“You’re going to be nice to him,” Shannon said, pointing her finger at Brynn. “He hasn’t been home in eighteen months, and now he’s here, despite the fact that it’s interfering with his work.”
“That’s the point,” Brynn said. “He hasn’t been here.”
I fiddled with my hair, uncomfortable. It felt like this was a conversation I shouldn’t be hearing.
I’d never wanted to make Roland’s family take sides. I’d almost declined the job offer because I didn’t want to come between them. But I’d realized later that Roland’s family felt a bit like I did—like he’d chosen his career over them.
“I know, mothers are always willing to overlook things in their children,” Shannon said. “That makes it easier for me to look past the last few years. But we need him right now, and he’s here. I’m grateful for that.” She met my eyes. “Even though I know it hasn’t been easy on everyone.”
I tucked my hair behind my ear. “It’s really fine.”
“How long is he going to be around?” Brynn asked.
“I don’t know,” Shannon said. “The winery’s financial problems are apparently bigger than any of us thought.”
“Mom, if you need me to move home, I can,” Brynn said.
“Sweetie, no.” Shannon covered Brynn’s hand with her own. “College is important.”
“I know, but I can commute,” she said. “It’s not that far. And I was thinking about it anyway because I need to find a new place to live.”
“Why?” Shannon asked. “Did something happen with Carrie?”
Brynn’s eyes shone with sudden tears, and she touched her fingers to her lips. She took a shaky breath. “I, um… I came home the other night and found Carrie with Austin.”
“Oh, no,” I said. Brynn had been dating Austin for about six months, and Carrie was her roommate. “Please tell me you mean you found them flirting in the kitchen or something.”
Brynn shook her head. “Nope. On the couch. And they were…”
“Banging?” I asked.
Brynn nodded, and Shannon raised her eyebrow at me.
; “What?” I asked. “We’re all adults here.”
“Honey, I am so sorry.” Shannon reached over and rubbed her back. “You know you can stay at home as long as you need.”
“Thanks,” Brynn said. She sniffed and swiped away the lone tear that had managed to break free from the corner of her eye. “I should have seen it coming. I knew they got along really well, but I figured I was just lucky that my boyfriend and my roommate didn’t fight. I guess it’s been going on for months and they never told me.”
“Oh my god, I will cut a bitch,” I said. “You need me to deal with this, Brynn, you just say the word. I’ll make them both regret being born.”
“Thanks, Zoe,” Brynn said. “I just don’t get it. How can people be so awful to someone they supposedly care about?”
“Unfortunately, the world is full of people like that,” Shannon said. “The trick is to find the good ones and keep them close.”
“Right now, I think I just want a dog,” Brynn said. “Dogs don’t cheat with supposed friends.”
“I can’t believe that asshole,” I said. “And Carrie? Girls who cheat with their friends’ boyfriends are the worst. You know, I should get you drunk tonight. Do this right.”
Shannon leveled me with her best mom expression. “She’s underage.”
“She’s twenty,” I said. “And she grew up in a winery. Somehow I don’t think she has virgin lips.”
“Nope,” Brynn said.
I raised my fist and she bumped it with hers.
“Adult children,” Shannon said with a roll of her eyes. “Someday you’ll both know.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not really going to get her drunk,” I said. As soon as Shannon glanced away, I mouthed yes I am at Brynn. Her little smile sealed the deal. I was definitely getting Brynn drunk tonight. Poor girl needed it.
The conversation turned to more mundane topics as we finished our dinner. Brynn talked about her plans to find a new apartment. She already had a lead on a cute studio close to campus. Shannon talked about a new red blend she was planning. I loved listening to Shannon talk about her work. It was fascinating, and she was so animated and passionate about it.
I tried to keep the conversation away from topics like Roland, or boyfriends, or workaholic husbands. When we finished, we walked back to Salishan. Shannon asked Brynn if she wanted to stay in the other guest cottage, and Brynn said she’d love to.
I said I was going to head home, but gave Brynn a quick wink, hoping Shannon didn’t see. We all said goodnight and went our separate ways, but I texted Brynn and told her to meet me at the kitchen entrance of the Big House in an hour.
Brynn was already waiting for me when I got to the Big House. The bottles in my grocery bag clinked against each other.
“Shh,” Brynn said, holding a finger to her lips. “I could hear you coming a mile away.”
“We’re fine,” I said. “No one’s around this late.”
“Are you sure we shouldn’t hang out in the Blackberry Cottage?” Brynn asked.
“With Roland right next door?” I asked. “Nope. Trespassing at work is preferable.”
Brynn laughed. “Okay, I get it.”
I found the right key and unlocked the kitchen door. We went inside, and I led her to the small tasting room. It had a long rectangular table with a leather upholstered bench seat along one side—a comfy place to sit and have a few drinks. I set down the grocery bags and pulled out my supplies.
“Normally I’m a whiskey girl, but a boyfriend cheating with your roommate calls for tequila,” I said, putting the bottle down. “But pace yourself with this stuff.”
“Yeah, I know,” Brynn said. “I’m twenty, not five.”
“I wouldn’t be feeding you tequila if you were five.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Brynn said. “I’m just so used to being treated like a baby when I’m home.”
“Believe me, I know what that’s like.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” I poured us each a shot. “My brother is fifteen years older than I am. I’ll forever be a little kid to him.”
“I forgot about your brother,” she said. “Do you see him very often?”
“No,” I said. “He lives in Ohio, so there’s that. But he was so much older than me, I didn’t know him very well when I was growing up. He was off to college when I was three. He’d visit, and he was always nice to me. But we were never close.”
“Where are your parents these days?” she asked.
“They’ve been visiting him, actually,” I said. Several years ago, my parents had sold their house and bought an RV. Now they were spending their retirement traveling around the country. “I’m not sure where they’re headed next.”
“That’s pretty cool,” she said.
I handed Brynn her shot. “Yeah, it is. I’m happy for them.”
She held up her glass. “Thanks for this. It’s been one of the worst weeks of my life.”
I clinked my glass against hers and we swallowed. It burned going down. Brynn winced.
“Wow, that’s strong,” she said.
“You seem like you’re handling this whole thing really well,” I said. “I don’t know if I’d be as calm as you are if I found out my boyfriend was fucking my roommate.”
“I got the worst of it out of my system already,” she said. “I freaked out when I saw them. God, I barely remember it. I was crying and screaming at them. I think I threw things. Then I sobbed in bed for the next twenty-four hours or so. Finally, I decided they could both go fuck themselves. But I needed to get out of there for a while.”
I poured another shot. “Having your heart broken sucks.”
“Yeah it does,” she said, and we both drank. She winced again. “Holy shit.”
I got out the waters I’d brought. “Alternate with water. Serious drinking requires hydration.”
Brynn laughed. “Thanks. Speaking of broken hearts, are you okay, really?”
I slid my fingertip along the rim of my shot glass. “Yeah, I guess so. I want to be okay with him being around, but it’s complicated.”
“Why are men such idiots?” she asked.
“That’s a very good question.”
The more Brynn drank, the more she opened up about her breakup. He was only the second guy she’d ever dated. Her brothers had made it almost impossible for her to date in high school, so her first experiences in the—often shitty—world of dating had been in college. So far, her first boyfriend had seemed nice, but he’d broken up with her because he didn’t want to be tied down to one girl. And now she’d had a guy cheat on her.
I wanted to rip Austin’s dick off and feed it to him. And I wouldn’t have minded doing something equally terrible to her roommate. Some fucking friend she turned out to be.
We snacked on the stuff I’d brought—drinking made me crave salt, so I devoured a bag of potato chips—and drank more. It wasn’t long before we were both cry-laughing at something, but neither of us could remember what. Which made us laugh harder.
“Zoe, what the hell are you doing?”
I looked over to the doorway and saw Ben, Salishan’s groundskeeper and handyman. “Hey, Ben!”
His mouth turned up in a smile, and he shook his head. Ben was in his mid-fifties. A nice-looking guy—rugged and outdoorsy with smile lines around his eyes. Thick beard. Strong hands. For all I knew, he’d always worked here. He was just as much a fixture as any of the Miles family.
“I’m sure you’re not here after hours providing alcohol to your boss’s underage daughter,” he said.
I giggled and tried to stand up. Oh shit, I was really drunk. “No, course not.”
Brynn was sprawled out on the bench with one leg dangling over the side. “Ben. Hi, Ben. Benjamin. Ben. Benny. Benaroo.”
“Don’t listen to her,” I said. “She’s just bad a day. I mean had a day. A bad one.”
He came over to the table and started cleaning up our mess. “Come on, girls. I think it’s time to call it a n
ight.”
Brynn mumbled something incoherent. Ben just shook his head again.
I put my head down on the table while he put the bottle and food wrappers back in the grocery bags. I must have fallen asleep for a second, because his hand on my shoulder startled me awake.
“What? Shit.”
“Come on, Zoe,” Ben said. I glanced up and he had Brynn in his arms, cradled like a baby. “Let’s get her to bed, then I’ll take you home.”
“Yeah.” I got up and steadied myself against the table. “Didn’t mean to so drunk. Get so drunk. Ben, you’re a superhero.”
He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Just glad I was here late.”
I stumbled after Ben while he carried the half-conscious Brynn to the Blackberry Cottage. I’d probably had about two shots too many, but I wasn’t too worried about it. I’d regret it in the morning, but for now, I was happily numb.
“You know, Brynn is fun,” I said. “Brynn, this is more often. No. We should do this more often.”
“I don’t think Brynn will want to do this again for a while,” Ben said.
“What?” I asked, laughing. “She will. I’m super drink to fun with. Wait. Super fun to drink with.”
“I’m sure you are,” Ben said.
We stopped outside the cottage and Ben struggled to get his keys out while holding Brynn. I moved in to help, but the ground seemed to roll beneath my feet. I had the fleeting thought that I was about to land on my face when a pair of strong hands caught me.
“Whoa there, Zo.”
An arm slipped around my waist and I felt the warmth of a body next to mine. I looked up and blinked, my eyes feeling heavy. “Roland?”
“What the fuck, Zo?” he asked, but there was amusement in his tone. Or maybe I was so drunk, everything sounded funny.
I laughed. “Hey, Miles. Wanna have a drink with me?”
“It looks like you’ve had more than enough,” he said. “Thanks, Ben.”
Broken Miles Page 7
