“Me too,” I said. “We’re good, then.”
His hands caressed my thighs, his movements slow and deliberate. He licked his lips as his eyes swept over me, taking me in.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he said.
The emotion in his voice cut through me. I didn’t want to dredge up old feelings. I just wanted him to fuck me senseless. Maybe the second time would be enough.
I curled my finger, beckoning him closer. “Come here.”
His mouth hooked in a half-smile. “Not yet.”
“What are you waiting for?”
“I need something from you first,” he said.
“What?” I asked. “Because if this is how you ask for oral sex now, you don’t have to be so dramatic about it. Just tell me you want to see your cock in my mouth and let’s do this.”
He shook his head. “That does sound amazing, but that’s not what I mean. I want you to agree to go out with me.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I want you to go out with me,” he said. “On a date.”
“A date?” I asked, and a tremor of fear tickled my spine, settling in the pit of my stomach. This was exactly what I didn’t want. I couldn’t date my ex-husband. Sleep with him a couple of times? Sure. Date him? That was crazy. “No.”
He narrowed his eyes. “No sex, then.”
“You’re serious?” I lifted onto my elbows. “You have me naked with my legs spread open in front of you. You’re telling me you’ll walk away from this?”
“It’s gonna hurt like a son of a bitch, but yes,” he said. “Or tell me you’ll go out with me, and I’ll fuck you any way you want me to.”
Hearing those words come out of his mouth made my pussy contract. God, I was wet and practically throbbing for him. “You are such an asshole.”
“I’m an asshole for wanting to take you out?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. “We can’t date each other.”
“Why not?”
I flopped back down, my head hitting the pillow. His pillow. I was surrounded by his scent, staring at the hard lines of his gorgeous body. He moved his hands up and down my thighs again, his eyes intent on me. He wasn’t going to let this go.
“Do you really want to have this conversation, or do you want to get laid?”
“I told you what I want,” he said.
Fine. That’s how he wanted it to be? I’d play his game, but I’d play dirty.
I slid my fingers lightly over my right nipple, indulging in a little smirk as Roland’s eyes snapped to my chest. “No sex? Maybe I’ll just have to do this myself, then.”
“That’s not going to work, Zo.”
“Are you sure?” I traced my fingers down my stomach, reaching the soft skin between my legs. Roland watched as I rubbed along my slit and dipped my fingertips inside. “Mm, so wet. This would feel good.”
The challenge in his eyes was such a turn-on. He grabbed his dick at the base and held it.
“You know you want this,” I said, slipping my fingers inside again.
“I do,” he said, his voice rough. “But I’ll be fine without it.”
“No you won’t.” I bit my lip as I swirled my fingers around my clit a few times. “But I will. I’ll make myself come while you watch.”
“You’d rather do that than let me buy you dinner?” he asked, his eyes glued to my stroking fingers.
“Maybe,” I said.
He gave his cock a tug, but I knew him. He wasn’t serious yet. I rubbed myself harder to show him I meant business.
“Come on, Zo.” He squeezed his shaft and tugged again. I had to bite the inside of my lip. Damn it, that was his warm-up. He wasn’t bluffing.
His hand slid up his thick length, and he had me mesmerized. My fingers went still as I watched him begin with rough jerks. He twisted his wrist with each stroke. God, I loved watching him touch himself. And the asshole fucking knew it.
“There’s no way that’s as good as this would be.” I slid my fingers inside again.
He grunted and stroked faster. “It’s not. But I’m watching you and it’s pretty fucking good.”
I needed pressure and I needed it now. I rubbed myself harder, but I wanted his cock. I wanted him inside me, stretching me open. Filling me.
“Dinner?” I asked.
He jerked his hand over his cock a few more times. “Dinner.”
“Oh my god, fine,” I said, pulling my fingers out. “Get over here and fuck me.”
He grinned, the smug bastard, and settled on top of me. Wasting no time, he captured my mouth in a deep kiss and thrust his cock inside.
I moaned with relief as his thickness filled me. Yes, this was what I needed. Just once more. The kissing was pushing it, but he was really fucking good at that too, so I didn’t stop him. I moved with his thrusts and held his muscular back, enjoying the way his body felt, melded with mine.
Hooking an arm around my waist, he flipped us over. I settled on top of him and shook my hair so it fell down my back. This was perfect. Being on top put me in control. I was going to ride his dick until he lost his fucking mind.
But he grabbed my hips, holding them tight, and kept me from moving too fast. His eyes held mine, deep and spellbinding. I squeezed my thighs to lift up, and slid down his cock, the friction pulsating through me. His brow furrowed and he groaned, but he wouldn’t break eye contact.
Placing my hands on his chest, I rode him as hard and fast as he’d let me—which wasn’t as hard and fast as I wanted. His eyes bored through me, penetrating my defenses.
My heart raced, and I felt a flush pass over my cheeks. He moved me faster, his control slipping. The groove between his eyebrows deepened and his grunts were low and primal. But still his eyes stayed locked with mine, refusing to let go.
His cock throbbed, and his jaw tightened. “You ready for this?”
I knew what he meant. He wasn’t just talking about his impending release. This was more than sex, and every bit of me knew it.
And I was fucking terrified.
His grip on my hips softened, and before I could answer, he pressed his thumb against my clit. Rubbed me with quick strokes.
The orgasm swept through me like a rogue wave breaking over the sand—sudden and powerful. I leaned my head back and rode his dick hard while he thrust up into me, his hands back on my hips. He slammed upward, shoving his cock deep inside. The feel of his cock pulsing with the walls of my pussy clenching around him was insane. I dug my fingernails into his chest and he groaned, his voice deep. We came together, our timing perfect, both losing ourselves in the hot rush of passion.
Oh my god, there was nothing like a simultaneous orgasm. A lover who made sure you came was one thing. But one who could set you off at their whim was a fucking treasure.
My heart slowed down, and I started to come back to myself. Roland caressed my thighs, his large hands moving slowly across my hot skin. He had red marks on his chest where I’d clawed him. But those eyes were still fixed on my face, full of feeling and depth.
He used to look at me like that, before everything had gone to shit.
I felt intensely raw and vulnerable, and I didn’t like it. Brushing my hair back, I moved off him and over to the edge of the bed.
He rolled to his side and reached out to touch my back. His voice was quiet and soothing. “Will you stay?”
I answered without looking at him. “I can’t.”
“Okay,” he said, still caressing me with a light touch. “I understand.”
A surge of emotion stormed inside me. This was not what I’d come here to do. Face the fact that we’d slept together and get things out in the open, yes. And deep down, I knew I’d planned to fuck him again. Once had not been enough.
But this? This was more than I could bear.
“I should go,” I said.
“Okay,” he said again, still in that soft voice. “Dinner tomorrow?”
“Sure.” I stood and gathered my clothes,
keeping my back to him. If I saw his face, I’d break. I’d melt into a puddle of stupid feelings and climb in bed with him. Curl myself around him and drift in his warmth.
This was crazy. This man had hurt me. Deeply. I couldn’t risk letting him in again.
I dressed as quickly as I could and murmured something that sounded like goodbye, then got my ass out of there before I lost my mind.
But it wasn’t my mind I was at risk of losing. Not really. It was my heart. And I was afraid he already had it in his hands again.
Twenty-Two
Roland
It was funny to get a hit of nervousness as I walked up to Zoe’s door. After all, it was Zo. I’d taken her out hundreds of times. We’d been to high school dances, out on dinner dates or out for drinks. Parties and bar crawls. Midnight picnics. Road trips.
But tonight was different.
Tonight was more important than any of those nights had been. I had to show her I was serious, but I needed to tread carefully. She didn’t trust me, and I certainly didn’t blame her. I had a long way to go before I could ask for her trust, let alone anything deeper. Like love.
I hadn’t been surprised when she’d left last night. Disappointed, sure. But when I’d asked her to stay, I’d known she wouldn’t. I’d seen the confusion and hurt in her eyes. I hated that I was responsible for that, and I was realizing that Zoe carried a lot more hurt than I’d ever known. Pain that I’d caused. It made me feel fucking awful, but I had no one to blame but myself.
I would have loved it if she’d have climbed back into bed with me. It might have given me a chance to heal some of the wounds we shared. But I needed to do this on Zoe’s terms. Let her be in control. It meant risking a lot—risking everything, really. I had to open myself up to being hurt again so I could show her it was safe for her to do the same.
This wasn’t natural for me. I was used to being in the position of strength. Dominance. It was why I was good at my job.
But Zoe wasn’t a business deal.
I understood her. Sometimes I thought I knew her better than I knew myself. And I recognized that right now, she needed me to take it slow. As much as I wanted to tell her everything—how I couldn’t stop thinking about her, how much I loved her and wanted her back in my life—I couldn’t yet. I had to show her, first.
She answered after I knocked, dressed in a black wrap shirt, tight dark jeans, and knee-high black boots. Her hair was down in waves, and I noticed the color was darker at the top, fading to almost blond at the tips.
“Hey, you look beautiful,” I said, resisting the urge to step in and kiss her. I couldn’t get away with that yet. “Did you change your hair?”
“Oh, yeah, today,” she said, fingering a lock of hair. “I made the appointment a while ago.”
“It looks great.”
She touched her hair again, almost like she was self-conscious about it. “Thanks.”
I led her to my car and we drove out to the Rockhouse Grill. It was newer, and I’d chosen it specifically because it wasn’t a place we’d used to frequent. I didn’t want old memories interfering.
The host seated us, and we sat in silence, perusing the menus. I could tell Zoe was jittery. Truthfully, I was, too. Whatever was happening between us was on the edge of a blade. If we tipped too far to either side, we’d fall.
“How’s your mom?” she asked.
“She’s okay. I told her she could stay at the Lodge as long as she wants. I think she’s worried about coming back to the house.” I was more than happy to pay for her room. She could stay there for the next year for all I cared. I knew all too well what it was like to come home to an empty house, the echoes of your spouse still there long after they’d left.
“Yeah, I’m sure she is,” she said. “So many memories. There must be good ones, too. Especially of all her kids. But still. Do you know where your dad went?”
“To his mistress,” I said, spitting out the word. I was so fucking angry with my father, I could barely talk about him without feeling my blood run hot with rage.
“Well, she’s an idiot,” Zoe said. “Especially if she knew he was married.”
“I think she did.”
“I’m so pissed for your mom,” she said. “She doesn’t deserve any of this shit.”
“Me too.” And I was. I was livid over what my dad had done to her.
The waitress came to take our orders. When she left, our conversation turned to Salishan. I told her about the things I’d been working on. I had a new ten-year financial plan that would reduce our debt faster and keep cash flow positive, even if we had a down year. Leo had ideas for expanding distribution to a wider area, as well as partnering with more local restaurants. Cooper and my mom were working closely together to plan for future crops and grape varieties, which would allow Mom to expand the wine selection.
Zoe talked about her ideas for recruiting events in the off-season. Winter-themed weddings, special deals for corporate retreats and other events that weren’t weather-dependent. Marketing campaigns that targeted the post-holiday slump in January and February, emphasizing the cozy atmosphere of the winery.
She visibly relaxed as we talked and ate. I loved hearing the passion in her voice when she talked about her work, and I found myself feeling grateful she’d come back here. I didn’t know what my family would have done without her.
“It sounds like you’re getting things turned around,” she said.
“We’re not on the brink of foreclosure, so that’s good,” I said. “But there’s a lot of capital investment that needs to happen, and I’m still not sure how to handle that. I’m thinking of bringing in an investor. I know a guy who might be interested. It could take Salishan to the next level. But I’m not sure how everyone else is going to feel about it.”
“That would be different,” she said. “But if it would be good in the long run, it might be the right thing. It would just have to be someone you trust.”
“Exactly.”
We finished our meals and sipped our wine—a Salishan Cellars chardonnay. Zoe put down her glass and her hand strayed to her hair. She did that when she was nervous, or not sure what to say.
“When do you have to go back to San Francisco?” she asked.
And there it was. My life in San Francisco was an enormous barrier between us. I wasn’t such an idiot that I thought I could ask her to come back with me. We’d been down that road, and it hadn’t ended well.
“I’ll have to take a trip down there soon,” I said. “But there’s too much to do here. I won’t stay long.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“I’ve been thinking about how to make things work long-term,” I said. “I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what the solution is yet. Maybe I’ll split my time between San Francisco and here, I don’t know.”
“So you’re not going to just leave,” she said.
“No.”
She met my eyes and her subtle smile lit me up inside. “That’s good to know.”
After dinner, I took her home. She looked at me with curiosity when I pulled up at her place. I knew this wasn’t what she’d expected. She was waiting for me to suggest she come home with me. But that wasn’t going to happen tonight.
I walked her up to her door, and she turned toward me.
“Thanks for dinner,” she said. “It was nice.”
“Thanks for coming,” I said.
“Well, you did coerce me,” she said. “But I’m glad.”
I moved closer and slid my hand around her waist, pulling her against me. Her mouth parted, and she started to say something, but I ran my thumb along her lower lip. It was soft, pliant against the pad of my thumb.
“What are you doing?” she whispered.
“Getting ready to kiss you.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to,” I said. “And because we’re not having sex tonight.”
She tried to step back, but I held fast, keeping her pressed against me while my thumb t
raced her lip again.
“If you don’t want sex, why did you take me out?” she asked.
I loved the way her voice sounded breathy and halting, like she was having trouble concentrating on her words.
“I want more than sex.” I kissed the tip of her nose. “Don’t get me wrong, fucking you is amazing. But I need you to know that isn’t all I want.”
“Then what do you want?”
“You,” I said.
“Roland…”
I leaned in and pressed my mouth to hers. Slid my tongue along her lips. All softness. No teeth. No aggression. Just silky-smooth lips and sensitive skin. Tongues that tasted of wine. I kissed her deeply, drawing her close, letting my tongue caress hers. Her body relented, softening against me. I kissed her with everything I had, because I knew from now on, every time I kissed her could be the last.
Her eyes were hooded when I pulled away. I touched her cheek and brushed my lips against hers again.
“It’s okay,” I said. “You don’t have to decide anything right now. All I want is another date. Will you go out with me again?”
“That’s all?” she asked. “Just another date?”
“For now, yeah,” I said.
She took a deep breath and I touched her lips with my thumb again. I wanted to keep kissing those lips, but I couldn’t overwhelm her. I had to be careful.
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll go out with you again.”
“I lied, I need one more thing.”
“Roland.”
I smiled and kissed her again, just a soft kiss on her lips. I couldn’t help it. “Just one more thing, I promise. I need to know there won’t be anyone else.”
“Are you tricking me into dating you?” she asked.
“I’m not tricking you,” I said. “I made you a compelling offer, which you accepted. Now I’m extending the offer further.”
“Always the businessman,” she said, her mouth twitching in a smile. “That goes for you too? No one else?”
“Never,” I said. There would never again be anyone but her.
She slid her hand around the back of my neck and drew me to her lips. Kissed me, soft and sweet. “Of course not. I would never do that to you.”
Broken Miles Page 16
