He’d fallen in love with someone else. A normal woman who wouldn’t be able to pinpoint the day he was to die. She was divorced, had two boys and was a barmaid. She was nothing like me.
He hadn’t wanted to hurt me, he swore, as he’d packed his bags on the last night. It was raining and I felt as if the whole world was crying for me. A week before Halloween, Jeremy stood, paralyzed, in the doorway to our room dressed in his new costume. He’d wanted to show his dad what a pumpkin looked like.
Instead, he was watching his dad pack. His dad was leaving.
“I’m sorry, Sarah.” Jonathan’s eyes, bloodshot and tired, shifted between the wife he was leaving and the son. “Sorry…I never wanted to hurt you. But I have to think of myself, you see…I love her and she’s so special…please, forgive me!”
The words were a whisper as he opened his suitcase and cleared out his dresser. He packed his guns, the hand-carved jewelry box I’d given him for his last birthday, and he rummaged through the closets looking for a favorite shirt or sweater. I’d slumped, sick and heartbroken, on the edge of our bed, my eyes not seeing anything but the items he was stuffing into bags and suitcases. How could he be doing what he was doing? He was cutting out my heart and didn’t even know it.
“Are you going to her?” Had that been my voice? So weak, so sad? My heart skipped a beat and clunked on as he looked at me with those piercing blue eyes of his. This wasn’t happening to me, to us, I’d thought. It happened to other people, even our friends, not to us. Never to us. Our love was supposed to have lasted forever. Ten years wasn’t nowhere near forever.
“I suppose so.” Guiltily his dark curly head bent so I couldn’t see his face or his expression.
“Will you call me?” I had a hundred things I could have said, a hundred pleas, a million tears were falling, silently, inside. Yet I couldn’t utter a word in my own defense. I had nothing to say. He might as well have taken a gun and shot me.
“I don’t know.” He gathered his suitcases and started to leave. He couldn’t get away fast enough.
“Can I have a number where I can get hold of you if I need you?” I trailed behind him like someone being left alone to die without water in the desert. He was practically running by then. I reached out to touch his face one last time, memorizing it, my eyes unable to leave it.
“What if I need you? If Jeremy needs you?” I was growing desperate. I hadn’t taken his leaving seriously and suddenly realized I couldn’t stop him. Not with words, not with the love I’d always taken for granted. I was powerless to change what was happening and it was devastating.
“I’ll call you.” He was staring at his son with haunted eyes. He wouldn’t look at me, I couldn’t make him.
“Please?” But he slipped out of my hands and strode out the door, shaking his head. He might as well have taken a gun and shot me, it would have been kinder.
I watched him stride to the car and get in. He didn’t look at us as he drove away, he was in such a hurry. Jeremy put his arms around me and cried. My tears came later. It took me days to accept my husband was really gone. I remember as I hugged my son and stood there listening to the rain, the phone rang. It rang for a long time and when I went to answer it, whoever it’d been had hung up.
I’d never been a bad wife or a nag as so many of his fellow policemen’s wives had been. I’d worked hard to make him proud of me. I’d helped him with some of his cases, and loved him enough to let him go when he wanted his freedom, no questions asked. But in the end, he wasn’t even grateful for any of it.
Jonathan had a friend who was a judge. Our divorce was unbelievably quick. He married the other woman days later.
After a few months with his new wife and stepsons he changed into someone I didn’t know. Yes, it would have been better for us if he’d died in his squad car, at least Jeremy and I wouldn’t have felt like losers. Unwanted flotsam.
Jeremy asked constantly why his father didn’t want to see or call him anymore. Was he mad at him? Didn’t he love him anymore? What did I do wrong, Mother? It broke my heart and then made me angry. I wasn’t allowed to talk to Jonathan anymore, the doors were closed. He was too busy with his job, his second job, two stepsons and new wife to have time for Jeremy. She was jealous.
We were on our own, Jeremy and I.
I relived all this while talking with Jimmy on the phone. There was so much I needed to tell him, but it’d have to wait until I could do it in person. I wasn’t ready yet.
“I can’t believe you’re really serious about going back to Suncrest.” Jim had been appalled at the idea. “Isn’t there any other way?”
“No.” I’d thought he’d understood. “I haven’t got any place else to go, Jimmy, and no money to do it with.”
“Christ.” I could see him rubbing his eyes and sighing.
“The place must be a wreck and ruin by now. It’s as ancient as the hills and hasn’t been lived in for years, girl.”
“I know.”
“All right, so we’ve got our work cut out for us.” His tone had changed from intense misgiving to begrudging acceptance. “What happens if the place isn’t standing anymore, then what do you do?”
It was something I hadn’t thought of.
“I don’t know, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. As far as I know, I think it’s still standing, but as to the exact condition it’s in, who knows? Grandmother’s lawyer wrote me last year and said it was still livable. Sort of.”
“That old fart’s still alive?” Jim had laughed, interrupting me.
“Yes, he’s still alive. Mister Largo wrote me last year, saying the house was still unsold and reminding me, if I came to live in it I could make it into a nice home. It needs work, but all four walls are still standing. He’d also mentioned some kind of letter or something my grandmother had left me when she died; to be delivered in person when I actually took possession of the house. I’d been curious enough about that alone to take the trip down there.”
“He could have sent the thing to you.” His voice had been critical. “I wonder what’s in it?”
“You too, huh? Curiosity killed the cat, you know.” Then I’d laughed. My brother couldn’t stand secrets.
We’d talked about other unrelated things. I gave him instructions on how to get to my apartment and where I was going to hide the key; what he should bring and what he shouldn’t. I didn’t need to tell him how to get to Suncrest. He knew the way. The last thing he said to me before he hung up was: “You sure of this, now?” I knew to what he was referring. I wondered how much he remembered. How much he knew about what had happened.
“Yes, I’m sure. I have no other option, really. Jim?”
“Uh huh?”
“We won’t stay there long, I promise. Just until I get back on my feet or until the house is fixed up enough to be sold. I need the money. I don’t know what else I can do. The property is worth something and I can’t forget I have it, even if I could afford to, which I can’t.” Maybe he could see right through me. Maybe he already knew why we were going back.
I think I did.
I couldn’t run away any longer. I had to find out if it was still there.
“Fine. I’ll meet you two there sometime next week.” The phone had clicked off. It’d been a long time since I’d seen my brother. It would be good to talk to and be with him again.
After all, we were all that was left of our family. Us two, and now Jeremy, of course.
* * * *
“Mom, you didn’t forget to pack the sleeping bags, did you?” Jeremy asked as we stopped at the third light on the edge of town. It turned green. The shiny Firebird behind us honked when I didn’t hit the gas pedal fast enough. We surged ahead and I made a right onto the main highway.
“I’m pretty sure I packed them, son.”
We passed the Quic
k-Mart where I did a lot of my shopping. It was open twenty-four hours a day and when Jonathan worked the night shift and got home at odd hours, he’d have a craving for things I never had so he’d stop there for a snack.
“You better have, I don’t want to have to sleep on the hard floor,” my son grumbled, playing with the miniature furry bear I had hanging from the mirror. I tossed him a warning look. Sometimes he got a little big for his britches and lately he’d become unusually obstinate. He carried a chip on his shoulders as big as a bowling ball. I guess he had the right.
“You won’t. I didn’t forget.” As little as I felt like doing it, I smiled. We were passing the restaurant Jonathan usually took me to on our anniversary. There was the park we went to with Jeremy, the market I bought our groceries at, the drugstore where I got our medicine…and the memories tugged on my heavy heart.
I made a turn and we were on the edge of town, leaving it forever; leaving Jonathan and my past behind like a finished book. We passed his parents’ house and I thought about how much I loved them. They were good people and would miss Jeremy terribly. Memories. Places. I hadn’t thought it would affect me this way. My lips drew tight and I found I was gripping the steering wheel like it was a life preserver.
We pulled past another Pinto and there was nothing but highway in front of us and fields on either side. We were on our way. I turned the radio on and Jeremy and I fought, good-naturedly, over what station we were going to listen to. He liked rock music and I liked country. We sang along to the songs we knew.
It would be about an eight hour drive, I’d calculated, if we stopped for two meals and took our time. The roads were slick from the light rain drifting down from the darkening skies and I wanted to be sure we got to the house in one piece. I had mapped out the route the night before and Jeremy held the map possessively in his lap and voice-fed me the directions as we drove. “Make a right here on Forty-four, yes, now we want to watch out for the turn-off down the road ahead here somewhere.”
The wheels rolled under us. Taking us further away.
It’d ceased raining and the sun was playing hide and go seek with the blue-gray clouds. I couldn’t help but shift into a better mood. Doing something to change my life, even if I wasn’t sure it was the best move in the world for us, invigorated me after those months of indecision and self-inflicted lassitude. It felt good to be on the move.
“Hungry?” I asked Jeremy a short while later when I noticed a Denny’s sign to our right. We’d been too busy packing earlier to eat much of a breakfast and suddenly I was hungry. Coffee and something to eat sounded like a fantastic idea.
“Sure,” he answered with a huge smile. “I could eat a horse.” Jeremy had a man’s appetite already and sometimes ate more than I did. I looked at him. He was small for his years, but in so many ways he reminded me of the way Jimmy had been when he’d been the same age. Yet my brother was six foot two now. There was hope for the runt, I thought fondly.
“Where we going, Mom?”
“We’re going right here.” I pulled the car off the highway and applied the brakes. “And you can have three horses to eat, if they have them on the menu,” I joked back as I lined the car between parking spaces and turned the motor off.
The Pinto was nine years old and it ran like a top. It was dependable and good on gas and it’d never given me any trouble. I knew it’d easily make the trip and as we got out, I reminded myself it was due its annual tune-up. I’d have to find a place in my budget for that. Soon.
I didn’t have a lot of money. I’d drained my savings account before we left and was glad I’d been building it up the last three years saving for a new car. Now I was going to use it for something else, living. I’d had over two thousand and wondered how long it would last me. The house wouldn’t cost much, simply upkeep and utilities. I’d always been good at redecorating on a shoestring and the trunk was full of cans of paint, wallpaper, cleaning products, brooms and mops. I figured the old house would perk up inside with a fresh coat of paint and other decorating touches. I also figured we could live a long time on two thousand and the child-support money I got every two weeks like clockwork from Jonathan.
We’d make it if we were careful, for as long as we needed to until I found employment. I wasn’t sure if there were any graphic art jobs nearby. It’d been so long since I was there I had no idea what the area’s job market would be like. Suncrest was a world unto itself. It wasn’t near to a large city, but located in a small town out in the middle of nowhere. How I’d find work was in doubt. I had to wait until I got there and started looking.
I’d had a secret desire for years to be my own boss, doing freelance artwork and writing. Before Jonathan had put his foot down I’d worked freelance for a newspaper, writing articles on local topics of interest and illustrations to go along with the copy. I’d done small art shows and I’d scrounged up enough work to bring in some good money. Sporadic, though. The unpredictability of it was what Jonathan had disliked.
He wanted me to have a weekly paycheck so we could budget better and I’d taken a steady nine to five job in the ad agency. The brief beautiful days of my earlier freedom were gone. The job was boring and tedious. Creating brochures and ads. Busy work with little or no real creativity. In the beginning the pay had been ridiculously low but I made more later. I’d hated putting my son in a nursery school and detested clocking in half my life for a measly paycheck. But it was what Jonathan had demanded and I’d tried to please him.
As I followed Jeremy into the restaurant I had hopes something could be arranged where I wouldn’t have to work a regular job again. Possibly I could find enough freelance work to keep us in food and pay the bills. We had everything we needed otherwise, furniture, clothes, and the house was a hundred percent mine. No monthly mortgage. When we sold it it’d give us a windfall.
It seemed funny the very thing which had broken my heart, my divorce, had also given me my freedom. No one now could tell me what to do or what not to do. I felt like someone recently released from prison and realized I could do anything I wanted, anytime I wanted. I was free and it was a heady feeling.
We found a booth and, smiling at each other because our adventure had begun, ate breakfast. We planned the trip, how we were going to find the house, and him a new school.
Like me, Jeremy was anxious to get there and begin fixing it up. He was an ambitious child and very much like his father. I didn’t have to worry about my son, I knew he’d go far someday. He was smart, loved to read and was wise for his age, as I’d been as a child.
Jeremy was a gift. I’d never be alone again. As long as I had him, I’d have a part of Jonathan forever. But Jeremy was a person, first, and I wanted him to know that I wouldn’t be clingy or controlling. I was determined never to smother him. He was all I had.
I thought of my own childhood and knew it wouldn’t be easy.
What would Suncrest and our new life be like? Was I doing the right thing in taking my son back there and most importantly…was it safe?
I shook the ghosts from my mind and made myself return to the present. “You ready to go? Had enough to eat?” I asked him as I got money out to pay the bill. I’d splurged on the meal, but the next time we’d have to be thriftier. For the first time in years I was worried about money and had to be sure we didn’t spend too much, too soon.
As I left a meager tip, glancing around to see if our waitress had seen me, I felt like the poor country mouse in the big city. Only this time it was reversed. I was the impoverished city rodent scampering home to the country. I fretted as I paid the bill, because I wasn’t used to being poor anymore. When I was a child, yeah, but I’d left it behind me years ago, or so I’d believed. Yet life is a circle inside a circle and I supposed we always come back to where we’ve started sooner or later. I’d still have to get used to it, though it wouldn’t be easy.
We drove the rest of the d
ay and only wandered off the route a few times. I wasn’t good with directions and the maps never seemed to go exactly the same direction as the roads. Jeremy had no patience with my driving.
“Mom, you’re a scream. I can’t wait until I can drive.” He shook his head in mock disgust. “You need help.”
A memory stirred somewhere deep inside me and I felt a faraway shiver touch my heart as I listened to his words. Somewhere, sometime someone had spoken almost those same exact words to me…who had it been? I couldn’t recall. Strange. My mind had blocked it as it’d blocked other things. Sad, aching things I simply didn’t want to be reminded of. Then I remembered. Charlie. I dismissed his aching memory, careful to side-step the others threatening to cave in on me.
“Mother!” Jeremy reclaimed my attention. “Wake up, will you?”
“I am awake,” I replied, annoyed at the fleeting memory I couldn’t totally recapture.
“No, you’re not,” he whined. “You’re daydreaming again.”
“No, I’m thinking.”
“With you, it’s the same thing. You had better keep your eyes on the road or we’ll be wrapped around a tree before you know it.”
I knew Jeremy was right. I did daydream too much and I lived in fear of the day I’d have a vision while I was doing something needing all my attention, like driving. So far I’d been exceptionally fortunate; I almost always experienced them when I was asleep, in dreams. I lived an odd life, in fear of and hating my visions but proud of myself when I managed to help someone. I tried to live as normal a life as I could for Jeremy’s sake and tended to forget my psychic abilities most of the time, when they let me.
I’d learned to hide my fears of what the visions sometimes showed me. I didn’t want to scare my son.
It was bad enough the dreams scared me.
The cranks and letters, the telephone calls in the middle of the night, were harder to hide. Jonathan and I had lived in Benchley, a middle-sized town located outside of St. Louis, where Jonathan worked on the police force. By leaving the place where my psychic reputation had become common knowledge, I had also left behind my notoriety. I liked the idea. Blessed anonymity. I was sick of the circus my gifts had sometimes unleashed. Though I’d always felt safe and protected because I lived with a cop, now Jeremy and I were alone and vulnerable.
Evil Stalks the Night Page 6
