by Alisa Adams
The Hanging
Hector Sutherland approached the day of his hanging philosophically. He knew he was getting the punishment he deserved, and that it would be quick and relatively painless. He also knew that many people would be glad to see him dead, not the least of them his own daughter.
That was strange – since he had always thought that Mairi would stand by him – but it seemed that she blamed him for her mother's death, and she was right, of course.
He knew that he deserved to burn in hell and was prepared for it, his only regret being the desertion by his oldest daughter. He had sent a request asking her to come and see him one more time, but so far there had been no reply.
His ankle still hurt, but it was healing, ironically, now that he had only a few hours to live. He had no weapons with which to hurt himself, so he used his nails to pinch and scratch himself, and it gave him some of the relief he always felt.
He never knew why he did it. He had always done it whenever the bad memories of his own childhood came back. But if he had such a hurtful, awful childhood, why had he done the same to his own children?
It seemed as if there was a black ball of rage inside him which could only find escape by hurting someone else, and sometimes that person was him. More often, though, it was just the easiest target, which was usually one of his children, but the main target had been Donella. He was glad that she was dead, glad that she was in heaven now, which was where she deserved to be.
He knew that unlike some married couples who loved each other and were united in eternity, he and Donella would never see each other again. They would be estranged forever, and he could not blame her for being ecstatic about that.
He watched as a long scratch began to ooze droplets of blood all the way down the back of his hands, and felt the exquisite pain once more. It was like a drug that made him feel quite euphoric in both a physical and emotional way, and he leaned back on his pallet to enjoy it.
Suddenly a deep, scornful voice broke into his thoughts.
"Sutherland!" it shouted. "Get yer lazy arse up here! Young wummin tae see ye! Says she's yer daughter!"
Hector struggled to his feet and found that, for once, he felt happy. He had not felt joyous since the day Mairi was born.
He waited by the bars, and suddenly there she was, dressed in a simple pale gray dress with a brown hood over it. Her face was absolutely emotionless, blank and dead as a piece of empty parchment.
"It's so good tae see ye, lass." He smiled and looked at her, trying to see some expression on her face.
There was none – no love, anger, happiness or sorrow. It was quite clear he was nothing to her now.
"Will ye no’ speak tae me, daughter?" he asked quietly.
"Whit aboot?" she replied acidly. "I have naethin' tae say to ye! I only came tae see ye on yer last day because I want tae see ye swingin' from the end o' a rope."
"I wanted tae say I'm sorry, an' if I could undae all the bad I did, I wid dae it happily."
"'Tis too late for that!" Mairi spat at him. "Mammy is deid, Sam is terrified o' everybody an’ all the others hae scars from yer belt. Will I tell ye how they feel, Pa? They hate ye an' that's the truth. An' so dae I. So, if there's naethin' else?"
"I had a childhood like yer own," Hector murmured, "an' I didnae knaw any better. I'm sorry, Mairi. Please tell me ye forgive me."
"I am only an ordinary lassie, Pa," Mairi said scathingly, "An' sich miracles are beyond my power."
Then she swept out.
The next time she saw him was on the gallows. As the executioner fitted the noose around his neck and the priest said prayers next to him, Hector caught her eye and looked at her steadily till the trapdoor opened and he disappeared.
After him went her three brothers, Hector, Alec, and Bearnaird, but she had already turned away by then, and all she heard were thuds.
Mairi felt nothing.
Alexa met Mairi at the front door of the castle and noticed the fixed expression on her face. She tried to say something to her, but Mairi gave her a look that said: 'Stay away and say nothing,' so plainly that Alexa backed away immediately.
Lachlan came in after seeing to the horse, and Shona joined them. Mairi went into the parlor. Iain was out working, and Moira was sleeping. Mairi had ridden with Lachlan all the way back from the prison without saying a word.
"She was silent all the way," he said sadly. "I tried to ask her how she felt, but she would not answer. She didn't even shake her head."
"Let us have some wine," Alexa suggested. "And send for Annag."
They went into the parlor and chatted as if nothing was amiss, talking aimlessly about this and that. Everyone was pretending to be relaxed and lighthearted, but every single one of them knew it was a sham.
Presently, Annag was shown in, and Alexa rushed out to her, overcome with relief.
"Annag," she breathed out, "thank God you're here!"
"Mistress!" Annag was alarmed. "Whit's amiss? Why are ye so upset?"
"It's not me – it's Mairi."
Annag took her by the shoulders and steadied her.
"Now, take a deep breath," she ordered, "an' tell me all aboot it."
Alexa called Lachlan, and between them, they told her the whole story. Lachlan did not omit a single detail of the hanging, even though it had upset him too. It was a terrible thing to witness, he thought, but he could always talk to Shona. Mairi had no one.
Annag listened to everything, taking it all in.
"She actually saw her father hanged," Alexa said grimly, "right in front of her eyes. I know she is glad that he is dead, but something like that – it must surely have an effect."
"Onythin' else?" Annag asked.
"I was with her, but she said not a word all the way home." Lachlan looked troubled. "It seemed… unnatural."
Annag thought for a moment, then nodded.
"Aye, I knaw whit it is," she said firmly. "She's in shock. She is holdin' in all the bad things she has seen this day an’ cannae let go o’ them."
She pulled a pouch from her basket and gave it to Alexa.
"Valerian tea," she said determinedly. "She must sleep. Sooner or later she will begin tae let go o' whitever she is haudin' inside, but ye must watch her. I suggest somebody stays wi' her at all times because she might be a wee bit muddled when she wakes up."
"We can manage that," Alexa said. "I will sit with her. She knows me well, and won't be frightened."
"Get word tae me if ye need onythin', mistress." Annag smiled. "An' dinnae worry. That poor girl's been through mair than ye an’ me can dream o' an' she is still in the land o' the livin'. She is very tough."
Alexa nodded slowly.
"Thank you, Annag." She smiled. "I will send a message if I need you. You have greatly relieved my mind."
She dropped a pouch into Annag's hand. As usual, it was considerably overweight.
"Bless ye, Mistress Alexa," Annag said gratefully. "My granddaughter needs some new shoes an' claes. Thank ye kindly."
"No, Annag. Thank you."
* * *
Alexa led Mairi up to her own bedroom and laid her down on the bed. Mairi obediently changed into her nightgown and drank her tea, moving as if in a trance.
Alexa watched her as she slept. Even in her slumber, Mairi was frowning, and Alexa wondered what she was dreaming about. She hoped, for her sake, that she was not dreaming at all.
With nothing else to do, Alexa picked up her cross-stitch, smiling.
Oh God, she thought wryly, I must be getting desperate.
She tried once more to conjure up a mental picture of the sensually attractive Frenchman, but it was no good. He just would not appear. He had deserted Alexa in her hour of need.
She worked on the cross-stitch for a couple of hours before she felt her eyelids begin to droop, then she laid her head on the bed and drifted off to sleep.
24
The Departure
Mairi slept for more than six hours, and consequently so did
Alexa.
Mairi woke up and looked around herself, and after a moment's panic, realized where she was. She was in a strange bedroom, one that was far more luxurious and well-appointed than any she had ever seen before. A lantern had been lit, since it was almost dark outside, the last glimmerings of twilight fading from the sky.
She was lying in a huge four-poster bed, the sheets of which were of the finest linen. The canopy above it was made of an almost transparent pink silk and was the most gorgeous piece of cloth she had ever seen.
She marveled at a jewel-colored Persian rug on the floor on which there were patterns of squares, circles and other shapes for which she had no name, intertwined with roses and other flowers. The walls were covered in embroidered tapestries of boar hunts and scenes of ladies and gentlemen in courtly attire.
The thing that impressed Mairi most was the glass in the windows, tiny diamond-shaped pieces of it held together with a black metal of some kind.
She had only ever seen glass in the castle before and knew that it was fearsomely expensive, even though Alexa had told her that it was not much more than melted sand!
That had made her laugh. Her oakwood bed had an intricately carved headboard and the mattress, instead of the straw which she was used to, was stuffed with feathers. The blankets were of the softest wool, smelled of lavender, and had absolutely no creases anywhere.
Her gaze traveled around the room to the carvings on the ceiling, the polished metal mirror on its stand and the garderobe which held all of Alexa's rarely-worn silk dresses and furs.
Mairi wished that she and Alexa were the same size so that she could wear one of her lovely silk dresses. What an entrance she would make down the big staircase with all eyes on her, thinking how beautiful she looked. She had never wanted to be a real lady, but she had often aspired to be somewhere in the middle between a peasant and a noblewoman, like a lady’s maid, companion or housekeeper – anything but an outlaw's daughter!
She looked down at Alexa, still slumbering with her head on the coverlet, and thought how lucky she had been to be found by such a wonderful person. Indeed, the day that Gregor had found Mairi had been the end of an old life and the beginning of a new one.
Alexa was not like other ladies. She did not stand on her dignity and look down at the peasant class with disdain. She treated everyone equally, and Mairi wondered from where she got such ideas. Mairi had never heard of a laird's daughter doing any such thing before.
She touched Alexa's fair curls gently so as not to wake her then bent down to kiss her forehead.
Alexa moaned, stirred, and woke up, then blinked and looked around herself before knuckling the sleep out of her eyes and yawning.
"Mairi, how long have I been asleep?" Alexa frowned, trying to remember what had happened. Then the memory of the day came back, and with it the worry she had for Mairi. "Are you all right? How do you feel? Can you remember what happened today?"
"Alexa, one question at a time, if ye please!" Mairi laughed, which Alexa took as a good sign. "We have baith been asleep the whole efternoon, an' I remember everything." She sighed. "How dae I feel?" she mused aloud. "All mixed up, tae be truthful."
She looked up into Alexa's eyes.
"He wis my faither, yet I hated him, but he wis still my pa." She frowned in consternation and Alexa's heart went out to her. "I feel guilty because I knew I should hae felt sorry, but when I saw him disappearin' doon yon hole, I felt happy – as if a weight had been lifted aff my shoulders. Does that make me bad?"
"No." Alexa laughed softly and took Mairi into her arms. "No, darling girl, it makes you normal."
Mairi began to weep.
"I am so glad tae hear that," she said, relieved. "I was afraid that I wis goin' tae hell."
Alexa shook her head vehemently and took Mairi by the shoulders.
"If there is one person I know who is going straight to heaven, it is you!"
"Whit dae we tell the bairns?" Mairi asked, anxious.
"Dougall and Donald know the truth. Nanny Joan said they were old enough to understand." Alexa paused. "And they are just as happy as you are, Mairi. The younger ones will be told if they ask; otherwise, his name will not be mentioned again. Let him be nothing but a bad and fading memory."
"Aye." Mairi nodded. "Ye are so wise, Alexa."
"That was not my idea." Alexa laughed. "Shona advised me to do that. Now there is a wise woman!"
"An' a very lovely one. I am sorry they are goin' away." Mairi smiled wistfully. "I never wanted tae be a laird's wife because I thought they were all arranged – two strangers shoved together in a loveless marriage. But those two are different."
"Because they had to fight to be together," Alexa informed her. "You know that she is of humble origins, but she is one of the bravest, kindest people I know, and she would fight like a tiger for Lachlan and their children if she had to."
They paused for a while, lost in their own thoughts, then Alexa sighed.
"Time for dinner," she said with some reluctance. "And to put the fancy dress on."
"I like dinin' wi' the bairns an' Nanny Joan," Mairi said comfortably. "Nae need for airs an' graces. Nae guests. Loads o' laughter. I widnae knaw whit tae talk aboot in polite company."
"We are just people, Mairi. No different to you."
Mairi sighed. "Ye're the only one who thinks that way, Alexa. An' that is why ye're so wonderful."
Alexa smiled widely.
"Thank you, Sister," she replied warmly. "So are you."
When they went downstairs, a special bottle of wine had been opened.
"This is just for us," Iain explained, looking at Mairi. "And I will understand if you do not want to participate, Mairi, but today the world is rid of a menace to society, and we are rejoicing that our area is once more safe for decent people. I am sorry if you find it distasteful."
"Naw, 'tis no' distasteful." Mairi smiled. "An' I will join in wi' all my heart, my Laird. He was a dirty thievin' murderin' monster, an’ I am glad he got a fittin' end. It was no' pretty tae watch, tae be sure, but 'twas quicker than he deserved. Slàinte Mhath! Tae the end of Hector Sutherland!"
They all drank the toast and went into the dining room.
"Will ye dine with us tonight?" Shona asked Mairi.
"Naw, Lady Shona." Mairi shook her head. "On an evening like this, I want tae be wi' the bairns. It still feels strange that we willnae see Paw again, although I dinnae think any o' them except the big boys have really understood."
Shona patted her arm.
"I am here if ye need me, Mairi." Shona smiled.
Mairi felt a warm glow inside as she went into the kitchen to join her brothers and sisters. She was surrounded by love.
The next day was the day of Shona and Lachlan's departure. Everyone was sad to see them go, from Iain Drummond right down to little Sam Sutherland, who had spent a lot of his time sitting on Shona's lap. Now he was being held and comforted by Nanny Joan as Shona promised to come and see him again.
"Or ye can come an' see me," Shona said brightly, trying to keep tears out of her eyes.
Lachlan lifted her onto the horse, and she cast her eyes heavenward as he fussed over her, making sure the girth was secure and that she was well-protected from the wind.
"It's nae use tellin' him I'm no’ a bairn," Shona complained. "It disnae make a blind bit o' difference!"
"Shut up, woman." Lachlan growled, but his voice was affectionate.
Mairi watched Lachlan's face as he attended to Shona. It was just like everyone else's, although more handsome than most, but his solicitude and tenderness toward her was heartwarming.
I want a man who treats me like that, she thought. As though I meant everything to him.
At last, they were ready, and it was with a heavy heart that the Drummonds, Alexa, and Mairi bade goodbye to their guests.
"I will never forget them," Mairi murmured. "They are everythin' marriage should be aboot, Alexa. Or am I no' right?"
"In truth, I am the
wrong person to ask," Alexa replied. "But I think you're right, Mairi. They are completely devoted to each other, and their children."
"I want a man like that," Mairi said suddenly, then she turned to Alexa. "An' I am goin' tae find him. An' if I dinnae, there will be nane."
"You deserve him, whoever he is," Alexa answered.
Mairi said nothing more, for she knew who he was already.
25
Another Betrothal
In the short time that had passed since Alexa and Lorraine had both made up their minds to set their suitors free, both of them had been besieged by offers of marriage from rich and eligible young men. It was understood that young single women had little or no choice about accepting a prospective husband.
Alexa, however, had a more forceful personality than most young maids. She had made it known far and wide, and in no uncertain terms, that marriage was not on her list of future plans. It did not deter many of the hopeful bridegrooms, though, who regarded it as a challenge.
Nevertheless, one encounter with Alexa was usually enough. They were not accustomed to dealing with a mere girl who could out-shoot, out-ride, out-fight and out-think them. None of them could beat her at chess, though many tried.
They all came to the conclusion that she was a man in a woman's body and decided that she must be one of those unnatural types who preferred her own sex. Why else would she dress in boys' clothes most of the time? There was absolutely no evidence of this, however, so nothing could be done about it.
This state of affairs gave Alexa no end of amusement. She wore dresses to formal occasions because she did occasionally enjoy them, but there was always a collective gasp when she walked into a room looking demure and feminine. She was a constant enigma.
Lorraine was also on the marriage market, but she did not have the forcefulness of character which Alexa possessed. She found herself constantly in the company of the kind of vapid, hollow young dandy that she despised.
