“That sounds…reasonable,” she sighed, rising to her feet at the same time Caleb did. She didn’t feel like being reasonable. She wanted to do something, figure this stuff out, like now. They walked back over to the other table and gave each other an awkwardly stiff hug before Caleb sat back down with his group.
Brynn grabbed her things and explained to Caleb, “I’m not in a place where I can focus right now. I’m going to go home and see if Mom left me any dinner.” She pulled on her backpack and leaned in, “I need a good night’s sleep for the rest of the week. I’ll see you later.”
She placed a light kiss to his temple and left.
That night, she prayed herself to sleep. Her restless dreams were filled with images of herself in funky printed scrubs, lining kids up for shots in a crowded classroom while teaching the skeletal system. Caleb was fixing the computers in her classroom, Gina was over in the corner giggling and waggling her dark eyebrows up and down, and Josh stood in the doorway waiting for her to give Brendan his immunizations. She woke the next morning wondering what in the world was going on in her subconscious to blend all of that together.
Chapter 16
A few days later, Brynn was walking on campus through the expansive quad, past the main library and found herself not far from the College of Education building. She found a nearby bench and sat for a minute, contemplating her next steps. Did she go inside and talk to someone about applying for the next semester? Was switching back truly possible? How much would her time in the nursing program really set her back in her graduation time table? So many questions, and still so much hesitation. Part of her knew it was exactly what she wanted in her heart of hearts, but that fearful part still kept creeping in and sending negative thoughts to consume her.
She closed her eyes to pray, Lord, send me a sign so I can figure out what to do. The next moment, a shadow crossed her and she sensed someone standing over her. Opening her eyes with her hand blocking the sunlight behind the figure in front of her, she recognized the familiar form of a former classmate and once close friend.
“Amani! Oh my gosh! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” Brynn rose quickly to greet her with an embrace.
Amani grinned at Brynn. “I thought I recognized you sitting over here! How are you? It’s been like, what, two years since I’ve seen you?! What have you been doing?”
“Oh, I changed majors and went into nursing. I’ve got about a year and a half or so left. But look at you! You look fantastic. And I bet you’re due to graduate soon!”
“Yea,” Amani smiled brightly, “I’ve been doing my last semester of student teaching at a school on the west side. It’s been a great experience! I’ll do my assumption after Thanksgiving and then graduate in December with my undergrad and hope to continue right on into my master’s program.”
“Wow. I’m totally jealous. If I hadn’t taken a year off and then changed majors, I’d be right there with you. I’ve actually been thinking about going back,” Brynn admitted, hesitation in her voice.
“Really? If you’re so close in nursing, does that really make sense to abandon that to go back? I mean, I’ll never understand why you dropped out to begin with. You always seemed like such a natural to me. You spoke about teaching with such passion, and aced almost all of the pre-reqs. I lost my study buddy when you left!”
Amani and Brynn had met during the orientation weekend the summer before their freshman year. They’d hit it off during one of the mixers after the uncomfortable “welcome” introduction from some of the older students. Both had known going into UNM that they’d wanted to pursue teaching, lived at home, and had wanted to get through school as fast as possible. Brynn had planned to pursue the lower grades, while Amani hadn’t decided whether to teach elementary or middle school.
They’d spent quite a lot of time together those first two years, and Amani had been there for Brynn after the whole Aiden thing. She hadn’t understood why Brynn decided to quit school, and they had drifted apart not long after. Over the years Brynn had wanted to get back in touch, but felt awkward at the way they’d just sort of stopped talking. Brynn was happy to see that Amani apparently didn’t harbor any negative feelings toward her.
Amani sat down next to Brynn on the bench and crossed her gorgeous ebony legs, her dark eyes glinting with anticipation as she waited for Brynn to respond.
“I know, I was a mess back then, you probably remember that. I was so burned out from pushing myself to be perfect for way too many years. All that overachieving and then suddenly feeling lost was too much to handle. I’m in a really great place now, though, and I’ve been putting a lot of thought into what I want to do. It’s frustrating to think that I could be graduating with you and yet here I am potentially back at square one.
“I work for an educational collaborative coordinating an elementary before and after school program, and I’m really proud of it. I enjoy what I do there. Being part of the school environment fulfills me in a way that I don’t feel when I’m here in my nursing classes. It’s really been hitting me hard how much I always wanted to be a teacher.”
Brynn shifted on the bench awkwardly. “In fact,” she paused, “I’m sitting here right now because I was thinking about making an appointment with an advisor in the College of Ed to verify what my main undergrad advisor told me a few weeks ago. I think if I go back, I could possibly graduate the same year I would if I stuck with nursing, especially if I take a heavier class load next semester and maybe summer.”
“Well, if you ask me,” Amani switched her crossed legs before continuing in her slow drawl, “I think you should at least go in there and ask. If you’ve put this much thought into it, then it’s not just some passing fancy to escape the reality of your current class work. We both know it was your life’s dream, and while people can change, most of us don’t really. We chicken out, make excuses, or get lazy. So, if one of those things is why you’re not in there already, then you just need to pull up your big girl panties and get in there. You don’t have anything to lose by making an appointment and asking questions!”
Brynn grinned at her friend. Amani had always been good for a firm reality check. She’d missed her friend.
“Hey, I’ve got a new number since we last saw each other. Let me get yours again and I’ll text you my info so we can stay in touch. I’ve missed our chats.”
Amani recited her number while Brynn typed it in and sent the text. “There. Now you have mine, too. We should plan a girls’ night to catch up soon.”
“Oh, for sure, honey! And I’m having my bridal shower in a few weeks. I’ll send you the details and you should come. A few of the other girls from our old gang will be there and you can catch up with them, too,” Amani flashed her perfectly manicured left hand and Brynn stared in surprise at the glimmering rock on her friend’s long fuchsia-tipped finger.
“How did I not see that thing when you first sat down? Holy moly, that thing could have sunk the Titanic! DeShawn?” Brynn asked. She remembered Amani had been pretty serious with her boyfriend from high school and they were the most affectionate couple ever.
“Yes, we’ve been together six years and he graduated last May. He’s been working since then and we’ve been busy making plans. DeShawn will do his MBA through a program his company is paying for while he works. He has to work for them another three years after, but while he does that I’ll be working on my master’s and then start teaching. We want to start a family in 4-5 years after we’re both done with school, but who knows. I’m so ready for my ‘real life’ to begin already.”
Brynn tried not to feel too envious of her friend’s plans. They sounded eerily similar to Brynn’s abandoned timeline, and it made Brynn want to kick herself for getting so far off track. She was so ready to be done with school and start her real life, too.
“I’m so happy for you, ‘Mani. You and DeShawn deserve it! You guys are going to have the most adorable kids! I’ll definitely be at the shower, and I can’t wait to catch up with you
more very soon. I’ve missed you, honestly.” Brynn gave her friend a hug and stooped to pick up her things.
“I’d better get in there before I lose my nerve,” she nodded her head toward the education building.
“Yes, you should,” Amani agreed. “You’ve got this, girl! I can’t wait to hear what they say, and what you decide to do. Either way, you’ll make a great nurse or a great teacher. Being a caregiver is part of who you are. I’m so glad I ran into you!”
They embraced once more and parted ways. Brynn shrugged her backpack on her shoulders to readjust the straps, tightened them, and set her steps firmly toward the doors of the education building. Amani was right. I’ve got this! No, God, You’ve got this. Thank you for sending Amani my way, Lord, at exactly the right time. You are so good!
Chapter 17
Josh
Sweat was trickling down the back of Josh’s neck, which he couldn’t do anything to help. He wiped the moisture from his brow with his forearm and rested his hands on his knees as he breathed heavily from running up and down the court. I have got to make time to work out more.
Trent ran past him, dribbling with ease while another guy from the men’s group, probably pushing forty and breathing even harder than Josh, ambled over to where Josh was. Jaydon, the pastor’s son, was already down court waiting to catch the rebound off Trent’s shot so his and Josh’s team might stand a chance. They were playing three on three with a couple more guys from the men’s group this mid-November Monday night, and Josh was glad to have something physical to do to keep his head on straight.
In the past week, Josh hadn’t been able to make any progress getting to know Brynn and it was making him a little crazy. Every time he’d gone to pick up Brendan since that Sunday ten days ago, she had either been busy, left early, or was otherwise mysteriously not around. Was she avoiding him?
He had thought they’d had a really great connection that Friday night a few weeks ago, talking about his past and hers, school and everything. Then when he’d seen her that Sunday at church it had almost felt like God himself was tossing them together for an as-yet-to-be-discovered purpose. He had gone home and immediately downloaded the song she’d sung and it was now part of his favorite driving home playlist. It wasn’t only that it reminded him of her singing it. That song had touched him in a way no other song had before, and it was like a river of peace was carrying him afloat on his back whenever he listened to the lyrics. Heaven knows in Albuquerque downtown rush hour traffic, he could use a little peace.
But trying to see Brynn recently had been so difficult that he was left wondering if he’d made the wrong move asking her about the game. He needed to find a way to back track and help her be comfortable with him again, but also get her to see him as more than just one of the dads or someone to talk to. Maybe even keep him out of the friend zone, if possible.
First, he needed a plan. Overthinking was not one of Josh’s tendencies. Planning things out to the letter wasn’t either. He usually had good success assessing a situation, feeling things out, and going with his gut. Like now, when he reached out and stole the ball from Trent and sent it sailing over to Jaydon, who sank it in the hoop in a perfect layup. He’d assessed what Trent was going to do, took his chance, and had just known instinctively that Jaydon would catch the pass and make the shot.
Why couldn’t he do the same with Brynn?
He’d have to think on it. In the meantime, focus on this game and do his best to put aside all thoughts of a girl he really had no business thinking about anyway.
Oh, but he really wanted to keep thinking about her.
The ball slammed hard into Josh’s chest, knocking the air out of him for a split second as it registered he should catch the pass and get his head back in the game. He glanced around and lobbed it over to the third guy on his team, whose name he couldn’t remember but had dubbed Shorts Dad due to the too-short, Kelly green nylon shorts he wore. Shorts Dad was definitely mid 40s with a serious patch of salt-and-peppery chest hair curling over the neck line of a shirt he’d probably worn since college. Dude was pretty good at basketball, though. Josh wished he could remember his real name. Pretty embarrassing to have the guy on his team and not be able to call out his name. Pete? Deke? Something like that.
A few minute later the guys went their separate ways after a round of fist bumps, high-fives, and back slaps. Jaydon lingered while Josh rummaged in his gym bag for his phone.
“Hey, Josh, I was going to hit the shower and maybe grab a quick bite before I head home. You in?”
“Sure. My mom’s watching Brendan tonight at the house. She loves these men’s group nights when she can have one-on-one Grammy time with him. Where are you thinking?”
Jaydon tilted his head as he thought about the options. Josh held in a chuckle at the motion. Pastor Tim often did the same thing when he was preaching.
“I’m thinking Chinese. So…?”
“Wok Palace? They’ve got good eggrolls,” Josh suggested.
Jaydon’s thickly bearded face broke out in a wide-eyed grin and he nodded. Jaydon wasn’t fat by any means, just a big guy. Like 6’4” and 280lbs that spread out along his entire frame. From what Josh could tell, the guy’s heart was proportionally sized, as well.
If Josh had to give it a guess, he’d bet money Jaydon had been a hell-raiser type of pastor’s kid when he was young, but with an ability to charm his way out of the trouble he’d caused. Josh tried to remember back to when they were younger and if they’d crossed paths, but he was pretty sure Jaydon’s family had come to the church during those teen years Josh had started pulling away into his own world.
It only took about twenty minutes for them to get cleaned up and changed and seated at a small table against one wall near the patio exit. The smell of fried foods and sweet & sour sauce filled the air in the same way bright red and gold splashed the walls, saturating the environment.
They dug into their food in silence, making a hefty dent in their plates before Jaydon spoke.
“So, tell me about Josh Davis.” Jaydon leaned his large frame back in the chair that looked more appropriately sized for an eleven-year-old than his new friend.
“What do you want to know? I’ve shared pretty much my whole testimony over the past few life groups, and other than hanging out with Brendan and work, there’s not a lot else to talk about.”
“Anyone special in your life these days? I only ask because you seemed distracted during the game, and usually you come to group in a pretty good mood. You didn’t seem yourself and that usually points to a woman.”
Josh laughed and wiped at his mouth with a napkin to give himself time to consider an answer.
“Technically, there’s no one special. I mean, I’m starting to think I’d like there to be, but at this moment, no.”
“So you’ve got your eye on someone. But there’s something more that’s distracting you, I can tell.”
“You’re pretty perceptive, there, Jay,” Josh narrowed his eyes a bit between furrowed brows, trying to understand how Jaydon could so easily see something was bothering him when they didn’t really know each other all that well.
“Yeah, hazard of growing up a pastor’s kid and learning to read people pretty well. And then becoming a pastor myself. I may not lead the church, but I’m a leader in the church, and that means I counsel plenty of people through some pretty crazy situations. I’ve learned a lot the past few years, let me tell you.” He scratched his short beard and chuckled.
Josh’s smile lifted at one side and he shook his head in chagrin. “All right, all right. I’ll talk,” he waved his hands in mock surrender.
“Yes, I’ve got my eye on someone and I’m not quite sure the best way to handle it. She’s absolutely amazing. She loves the Lord, loves kids, adores Brendan, and her voice? Incredible. She’s the whole package, man. Beautiful inside and out, with this innocence and light that just glows from within and shines out her eyes. She’s got a great head on her shoulders, and even thoug
h she’s kind of young, she’s practically running the whole child care program Brendan goes to by herself. We can just sit and talk for hours and somehow I don’t mind that she’d dragging things out of me I never talk about.”
“She sounds pretty much perfect. So, what’s the problem?” Jaydon drummed his fingers on the table, unconsciously tapping out a random beat.
“I don’t know. Sometimes she makes me so nervous I freeze up. Other times, it’s easy. But I had Brendan offer her tickets to a Lobo game the other day and I think she freaked out on me.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well, I kind of wanted to test the waters a little, so I had Brendan see if she wanted my tickets to the Lobo football game. The wording was a little vague, though, so she could have interpreted the invitation in a few different ways. She could have thought I was just inviting her along as a friend, or she could have thought it was a date, or she could have taken it as an offer to take our tickets because we couldn’t use them. Looking back, it was a chicken move. And still, she outsmarted me. She declined, saying she had a project to work on.”
“Ooh, that’s rough.”
“Eh,” he shrugged, “I guess I was hoping to have some kind of indicator of her feelings before I asked her out more obviously. Or if she has a boyfriend, it would give her the opening to let me down easy or something.”
Jaydon nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I can see that. Are you going to try again?”
“I’m thinking I should. What do you think?”
“Well, I’m no expert on women. My single status at 34 should be a warning to you on that regard. But if you’re asking anyway, I think you should. I can tell this girl is important to you. And from what I’ve learned about you the past couple months of men’s group, you’re a good man who loves the Lord. Like the Good Book says, a woman of noble character is worth more than rubies. So my advice is to suck up your nerves and ask again.”
What Could Be (Everyday Love Book 1) Page 12
