“Go back to your room,” Ash instructed. “Get some sleep. You deserve it.”
Liam nodded at Ash gratefully, before pulling himself off the bench and making his way back out of the cafeteria.
Ash turned back to me, and it took no time at all for me to throw my arms around his waist. His hands came up to my shoulders, pulling me against him.
“God, that was so scary. I didn’t know what to do and I…thank you, Ash,” I managed to say, my face pressed against his chest.
“He had a panic attack. It’s not unusual considering what he’s gone through. You’ve had them. Maybe you didn’t realize but you had a couple when we got here. I kept waiting for you to fall apart but you just bottle everything inside,” he said. I raised my eyes to him, and he gave me a small smile.
“How did you know how to handle that?” I asked him, ignoring his comments about me.
“Heather used to get panic attacks.”
“Heather…Carr?” I asked, disbelieving, referring to his ex-girlfriend from New York. Heather Carr was every mean girl multiplied by ten. Over the past few months, I’d learned more and more about her, though I’d gone to school with her since kindergarten, and it was still hard learning that she was a normal human being when she had been so cruel to me.
“Do we know another Heather?” he asked, wryly.
I made a face. “I guess not. I didn’t realize perfect Heather wasn’t so perfect after all.”
Ash sighed. “Come on, Zoey. Heather is dead; do you really want to be jealous of her now?”
A flush of shame rushed through me and I looked away. “You’re right. That was wrong of me. Just because she was a bitch doesn’t give me the right to be a bitch about her now that she’s dead.” Ash raised an eyebrow at me but didn’t say anything. I looked in the direction that Liam had left. “Do you think he’s going to be okay?”
Ash sighed again, running a hand through his hair. He shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. He’s got a lot to work through. But I think he’ll be okay.” He turned away from the door and faced me. “I’m more worried about you.”
“About me?” I asked, confused.
“Yes, you. You’re having nightmares, even though you told me you weren’t,” Ash said.
I frowned at him. “You were listening to our conversation.” It was not a question.
“I was not eavesdropping,” he said, firmly. “I came to see where you went and I heard you talking about it. Why would you tell me that you were okay when you’re obviously not?”
I opened my mouth and closed it. “Because I am fine.”
Ash’s lips were a thin line on his face and he stared at the ground before finally raising his eyes to me again. “I don’t believe that.” His voice dipped lower, almost pleading. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
“I talk to you all the time,” I insisted.
“Not the way you just talked to Liam…” I barely caught the words; they were barely a whisper. Our eyes met and no more words were said.
I didn’t know what else to say.
“ZOEY, CAN YOU please stay after class?”
My eyes closed briefly in irritation. I hadn’t argued with Caspar that badly about The Great Gatsby, not nearly as badly as I had argued with him in class before, though I wasn’t surprised. He was probably getting really tired of my attitude.
Ash paused at my desk before leaving, giving me a look. Do you want me to stay? I shook my head and waved him away, more than a little thrilled that we had reached the level of communication without having to say a single word. Things had been strained between the two of us over the past few days since we had talked, so I was glad that he had stopped to check.
The classroom cleared out quickly and I remained at my desk until the room was empty. Caspar walked over to me, leaning his hip on the desk. I studied him. I had never been a big fan of Caspar and it wasn’t just because he had helped in the breakup of my parents’ marriage. He had always seemed pretentious to me. Yes, he was an author, and a good one at that, landing not one but two books on the New York Times bestsellers list. He was obviously smart. But did he always have to talk using big words? Did he always have to dress like he was expecting to run into F. Scott Fitzgerald himself at a salon somewhere? Did he have to act like anything mainstream or commercial was so below him?
The answer? Yes. Always yes.
So seeing him in the plain black uniform of Sanctuary gave me a sort of thrill. He can’t have been that comfortable, and it certainly was beneath him to teach English to a bunch of ragtag teenagers with attitude, because I was definitely not the only one in that room that had an attitude.
I was just probably the worst one.
“What is it, Caspar?” I asked, propping my chin up with my hands, looking up at him bored. “Care to dissect Gatsby and Daisy’s relationship further?”
His eyebrows rose so high, they nearly disappeared under his hair. “I’m just checking in with you, Zoey. I want to make sure you’re okay?”
The surprise flashed across my face before I had a chance to hide it. “You’re asking me if I’m okay?” I questioned slowly.
“Of course,” Caspar responded. “Zoey, you are my daughter.”
“Step-daughter,” I corrected, hissing through my teeth.
He nodded his head. “Even so. I’ve known you for the past seven years. I care about you and we are all each other has left.”
I glared up at him, my lips pursed. “We are not. I may have had to put up with you when you were my mom’s husband but we don’t owe each other anything anymore. You are not my father. My father died, protecting me. Saving my life. You are not the only person I have left.”
Caspar’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he finally replied. “I don’t think your mother would agree.”
Tears sprung at the corner of my eyes. “I have no idea if she would agree, Caspar. She is dead. She died. I appreciate your concern; I do. But you owe me nothing. And I’m an adult now. I’ve spent months taking care of myself and that’s not going to change any time soon.”
We stared at each other for a few moments. It was still hard to see my stepfather here in Sanctuary. I’d had no love for him and it hurt to think that he really was all I had left of my mother.
Finally, he spoke again. His was low and his eyes dropped to the ground. “You’re right. We don’t know and I hate it. But I’m pretty sure she’d want us to take care of each other.”
When I didn’t answer, he sighed. “You can go now, Zoey.”
I hurried out of my chair, nearly tripping over my own feet in the process. I was nearly out the door when his words reached me again.
“You can always come to me, Zoey. Anytime.”
My hand gripped the doorway before I let go and disappeared down the hallway.
***
“WHY IS EVERYONE whispering?” Ash asked, squeezing into a seat next to me at breakfast a few days later.
“No one is whispering,” I said, rolling my eyes. “No one has been whispering since Liam arrived and he’s old news now.” Liam’s eyes met mine and I nearly laughed. “No offense.”
“None taken,” he replied, easily.
“Um, Zoey?” Kaya said, looking around. “People are whispering.”
My head shot up and my eyes darted around the large cafeteria. Now that Kaya had pointed it out, I noticed all the whispering. There was a low hum throughout the room and more than one worried face.
“What do you think is going on?” Kaya asked, nervously, chewing on her thumbnail.
“I have no idea,” I admitted, turning back to my food. I could feel the whispers behind me, like invisible spiders crawling up my spine. I resisted the urge to turn around.
“There’s probably a shortage of turnips in the kitchens,” Ash answered, wryly. “It’s probably no big deal. Nothing exciting ever happens here, remember?”
I didn’t necessarily agree. Liam’s arrival just a few weeks ago was definitely something exciting. I said noth
ing though. I just nodded, tossing one more look over my shoulder before dropping the subject entirely. Ash was probably right.
The whispers, however, continued for the rest of the day. Everywhere we went people were huddled together, talking hurriedly under their breaths. I started to notice they were all adults, and they almost always fell immediately silent when we drew near.
Of course. We were considered children in Sanctuary.
“I can’t handle this anymore,” I burst out, as we left the laundry room.
“Zoey…” Ash started to say but I spotted Octavia walking through the spiral and I took off after her. She looked up at me as I approached and sighed.
Me too, Octavia. Me too.
“I’m not sharing classified information with you, Miss Valentine, so I wouldn’t bother asking,” Octavia said tiredly when I reached her.
“And that’s why everyone in Sanctuary has been whispering all day? Because the information is so classified.”
“You really don’t give up, don’t you?” Patrick spoke up, looking at me appraisingly.
“She really doesn’t,” Ash cut in, cheerfully. His hand reached for mine and squeezed it tight in warning. “She’s nosy, my Zoey.”
Octavia’s eyes closed briefly for a moment. Some days, I was sure she regretted letting the two of us in this place. “Come.”
We didn’t end up going far. Octavia lead us into an empty supply room and shut the door behind us. I had to admit; she looked a lot less impressive under the dim glow of what was basically a closet.
“One of our patrols is dead,” Octavia announced, bluntly.
I froze. Whatever I had thought was going to come out of her mouth, this was not it. Deaths didn’t happen in Sanctuary; not as far as I had seen. “What…who…how…?”
Octavia’s mouth barely opened as she replied. “He was separated from the rest of his group last night but there was no cause for worry. It happens and Captain Bruin has been here for decades. We were going to send out a patrol this morning when he didn’t return.” She paused, unable to continue.
Patrick picked up where she left off. “His body was found dumped at the main entrance, completely ripped apart. It was almost too hard to identify him…there was blood everywhere.” He swallowed hard. “Luckily we have data on every citizen in Sanctuary so we were able to confirm that it was him.”
I didn’t want to think what sort of state Captain Bruin had been in for them to need DNA or fingerprints to be entirely sure of his identity. There was a bitter taste in my mouth and I had to control the urge to vomit.
“What happened?” Ash asked.
“We are pretty sure it was an Awakened,” Octavia answered him. Her face was very pale, even more so in the lack of light, but her tone was even. “No one else could have done this.” She reached for something in her pocket and held it out to us. “This was pinned to his chest with a knife.”
I took the paper with a shaking hand. It was dirty and stained with dark blood but you could still see the symbol printed there. It was a woman with a lion’s head. Sekhmet. The bile role further in my throat and I shoved the paper back into her hands.
“What happens now?” I asked, grateful for Ash’s hand in mine. The room was spinning and I wasn’t sure how I remained upright.
Patrick opened his mouth to reply but Octavia quickly cut him off. “That is information that you are not privy to, Miss Valentine. IT will be taken care of.”
I rolled my eyes. “And why don’t I believe that? She already gave us Liam without any explanation. Now she’s left a dead man on our doorstep. How long will you allow her to do as she pleases?”
“Enough!” Octavia said, sharply. She opened the door, her hand indicating that we should leave. “I have indulged you long enough. You need to go.”
The two of us exited, though I did so begrudgingly. I barely registered where we were going. I only felt the comforting pressure of Ash’s hand against mine as he guided me through the crowd. It wasn’t until I was in his room and sitting on his bed that I woke up out of my stupor.
“I’m not supposed to be in here.” I pointed out. “Especially if Corbin isn’t here.”
“What? You think I can’t keep my hands off of you?” he asked, innocently.
“I know you can’t.”
He laughed but almost immediately sobered up. He sat on the bed next to me. My head rested on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I shrugged and then nodded. “I’m fine.” I paused. “She’s not going to stop, Ash. I’m not safe here. No one is. And I don’t think anyone here is going to do anything about it.”
Ash sighed. “I don’t think so either. They are comfortable, Zoey. They think they’re completely safe underground.”
“They’re not,” I interjected angrily. “Someone died. And someone at Sekhmet drove a knife through his chest just to pin a note. And it was because of her. It was on her orders and you know it. She did it just because she could, just to let us know that she’s still in control.”
“I’m starting to think that it’s going to take more than just one dead patrol for Octavia to take action.”
“Oh god,” I shuddered. “I hope it doesn’t come to that.”
We sat like that for a while, enjoying the silence of each other’s company. It had been so long since we’d been able to do that. I knew both of us were thinking of what else we could do in the room but neither of us made a move and I was relieved. I just needed him there, to keep me grounded and connected to reality. After a bit, he pulled me closer and we laid next to each other, our hands intertwined and my head listening to the easy rhythm of his heart in his chest.
The dinner bell rang out eventually, bringing us out of the spell we had put ourselves under. I lifted my hands sleepily and allowed myself a small smile. We rearranged our rumpled clothes before setting out to dinner.
We wasted no time at all telling Liam and Kaya about what we had heard from Octavia. Presumably Corbin heard too but it was always hard to tell with him. Kaya’s face went very pale and Liam gripped his fork tightly. His eyes met mine in understanding.
“Did she say what she was going to do about this?” Liam asked, through clenched teeth.
“Well, if she’s going to do anything, she certainly isn’t going to tell me,” I replied.
Liam’s lips pursed but he didn’t say anything.
Ash was studying Liam intently. “What happened there after we left, Liam?”
Liam shook his head, shoving food in his mouth. Ash stared at him a bit longer and Liam sighed, frustrated. “I’d rather not talk about it, Ash.”
Ash scowled. “Look, I don’t know why you’re here. I don’t know how the hell Razi is alive considering that she was shot in the goddamn throat. And now the bitch is dropping bodies on our doorstep. So forgive me for being a little curious about what the hell is going on.”
It was Liam’s turn to make a face. “I’m just as in the dark as you, Matthews. All I know is that I was there…with…” He swallowed hard and continued. “With Astrid. I went to sleep, like normal, and then I woke up here. I don’t know what she’s planning, and if I did, I wouldn’t be sitting here, eating turnips. I’d be doing something.”
Liam’s words were met with silence after his rant. I looked down at my own sad little cup of turnips and frowned. I looked back up at Liam. “But Liam…”
He wiped his mouth with a napkin and stood up abruptly. “I’m done.” He made his way out of the cafeteria, weaving his way through the tables and out the swinging doors.
I stood up, dropping my fork with a clatter on the table.
“Come on, Zoey,” Ash started to say, but I shook my head in response. He ducked his head, looking miserable. Whatever progress we had made in the last few hours seemed to disappear. I ran my fingers through his soft hair and his eyes closed briefly. By the time he opened them, I was gone.
I’d taken too long to go after Liam. He was nowhere to be found. I searched everywhere for him but finally g
ave up. It was clear that he wanted to be alone. If he needed me, he would come and find me.
Kaya was in our room by the time I returned. She was sitting stock still, staring at her folded hands in her lap. She didn’t move when I came in and I wondered if she’d even noticed my return. I approached her cautiously. “Kaya?”
She jumped, startled, her eyes wide. “Oh. Zoey. Hi.” Her voice squeaked even higher than normal.
“Are you okay?” I asked, sitting on the bed next to her.
“Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” she waved me off, her voice still unusually high. “Totally. Completely. Absolutely.”
My eyebrows raised and her shoulders slumped. “You’re a terrible liar, Kaya.”
She didn’t respond right away and when she did, she spoke so softly that I barely heard her.
“What if they get in here?”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “Who?” I asked.
“The Awakened,” she whispered, sounding terrified. Rightfully so. I had seen them, had my face cut into pieces by them and escaped them several times, and I was still seeing them in my nightmares nearly every night. Kaya had only ever heard stories, and stories were the scariest thing.
A shiver went through me. “They won’t,” I heard myself answer.
“But how do you know that?” she asked, desperately. “How can you possibly know that, Zoey?”
“You’re right. I don’t,” I answered, honestly. “But this place is supposed to be a sanctuary, right? I mean, it’s in the name. You’re safe here, Kaya.”
The words didn’t feel sincere. Once I’d believed this place to be a stronghold, where nothing bad could happen. I’d since learned differently. This place was nothing more than a place to hide. But I had to say this. I had to believe it for Kaya. She hadn’t known any different. To her, this place would always be safe because it always had been.
Kaya nodded at my words and reached into her drawers for some pajamas. It was not until we had showered, brushed our teeth and tucked ourselves into bed that she spoke again.
The Sanctuary Page 6
