by Cari Quinn
You’re nothing but a coward, and now you’re willing to lie to Ben to keep him.
She leaned her face against the door of the walk-in fridge in the kitchen and let the cold metal soothe her burning cheeks. She couldn’t keep putting off telling him the truth, but she could never find the right moment to tell him, either.
“You okay, sugar?” Cindy asked as she balanced several plates on her arms.
“Fine—just need a breath of fresh air.”
“You go ahead and do that.” She winked as she headed out the door to the bar. “Say hi to Ben for me.”
A laugh broke through her guilty fog. As Ben’s hair had started growing out, the town had started whispering about the NHL star in their midst, but they found more enjoyment gossiping about his connection with her. By now, everyone knew they were a couple, even though she’d tried to be discreet about her nightly sleepovers at his place. But this was the first she’d heard about it from her family.
Her stomach knotted. What if her dad knew she was sleeping with Ben?
Maybe moving to Vancouver would be safer than staying here.
She pushed off the fridge door and stepped out back. A pair of well-muscled arms grabbed her and pulled her against a familiar, hard chest. A second later, Ben’s lips covered hers in a searing kiss that made her wish it was already last call.
“Miss me?” he asked with a cocky grin.
“Do I need to show you?” She lowered his head and controlled the next kiss, swirling her tongue around his in time with the sway of her hips against the hardening ridge in his pants. He sucked in a sharp breath and moved his hands down to her bottom, pressing her firmly against him.
His voice was low with desire when she finished. “You keep kissing me like that, and I won’t be responsible for my actions.”
“You started it.” She placed one more kiss on his cheek for good measure and took a step back just in case he decided she’d teased him too much. With the way news traveled through this town, any hanky-panky behind the Sin Bin would make the front page of the newspaper, even if the dumpster somewhat shielded them from view. “So, are you here because it’s meatloaf night?”
He wrinkled his nose. “Ugh, I can’t believe you’re still offering that as a special.” But he rocked her from side to side in his arms with a playful grin. “No, I just came by to give you a bit of news.”
Her heart jumped. “What?”
“I had a little talk with Mac today.”
And just like that, her heart sank into the pit of her stomach. A conversation with his coach only meant one thing—he’d be leaving Cascade soon. “And?”
“Did you know he’s friends with the head coach of the Women’s National Team?”
Forget her heart—her chest squeezed so tightly, she doubted it could beat. “He is?”
Ben nodded, his grin widening. “I showed him your footage, and he thinks you have the goods. He forwarded it to Dan this afternoon.”
Her head swam, and she tightened her hold on Ben to keep from passing out. “He thought I was good enough to make the team?”
“Mac did, but it’s not his call.” He pressed the tip of his nose against hers. “But I do think his endorsement might be enough to get you that tryout.”
“Oh, my God!” She threw her arms around his neck and squeezed him in a bear hug of ecstatic joy. “Thank you. Thank you so much!”
He held her like he knew the exact level of joy that raced through her. “You’re welcome.”
“This is—I mean…” When she couldn’t find the words to express her gratitude, she turned to the one thing she knew he’d understand. She kissed him, hard and fast at first, but then it turned into something slow and seductive before she could catch herself. Ben had done this for her, had given her the means to achieve her dream and keep her promise to Zach, and she had no idea how to thank him.
A growl rose from his chest, and he pushed her up against the wall. His hands reached under her shirt and stroked her bare skin, sending little shivers of pleasure through her. He made no attempt to hide how hard she made him, to downplay how much he wanted her. With each flick of his tongue, he grew bolder. He tugged at the low neckline of her shirt, then at her bra until one breast popped free. He cradled it in his hand, his kiss growing even hungrier while his fingers teased the aching peak.
She didn’t try to stop him. The hell with this town and their wagging tongues. By this time tomorrow, the whole town would know she was sleeping with Ben, but there was more to it than that. She’d fallen in love with him, and she no longer wanted to keep any facet of their relationship a secret.
And judging by his actions, he no longer cared if they got caught, either. His lips devoured hers, and once he was finished, started on a downward trail along her cheek, chin and neck, coming closer and closer to the exposed nipple in his hand. He murmured her name like a man dying of thirst just before his lips drew in the taut peak.
A shiver of delight coursed through her, shaking the breath from her lungs. If he didn’t stop soon, she’d be dragging him into the back of his Land Rover and fogging up the windows while they rocked it off its suspension.
Ben gave her breast one final nip before straightening up. “Are you sure you don’t want to come back to my place tonight?”
“It’s tempting,” she said, especially when his lips were gliding up her neck toward the sensitive spot behind her ear, “but I think Pop is on to us. He made a comment this morning about how I never seem to be home lately.”
“Did you tell him you were a grown woman who could do what she wanted?”
“Do you want to tell him what we’ve been doing?”
Ben gave a low chuckle that made her wonder if he wouldn’t mind at all, so long as he got what he wanted.
But when the door banged open beside them, he bolted from her and shielded her from whomever was coming their way.
Hailey managed to tuck her sensitive breast back into her bra before her dad saw, but she doubted she could erase the flush in her cheeks.
Her dad’s icy-blue gaze traveled back and forth between them and narrowed. “Cindy said you’d come out for a breath of fresh air.”
Was that all she’d told him? Hailey ran her fingers through her hair as though she could hide the evidence of their foreplay. “I did, and Ben just happened to be here.”
Pop’s glare settled on Ben and darkened. “Well, break time’s over. The Stanley Cup finals are on, and we’ve got a full house.”
“Be there in a minute, Pop. Just let me say good-bye to Ben.”
Thankfully, her dad got the hint and went back inside.
Hailey bit her bottom lip and gave him a sheepish grin. “I’d better go before Pop returns with a shotgun.”
“Good idea.” He placed a peck on her cheek. “Are you sure about tonight?”
“Yeah, especially after that.” She pointed to the door, where she wouldn’t be surprised if her dad was listening to every word of their conversation from the other side. “But I have tomorrow off.”
“Then we’ll make it a date. I’ll even cook dinner.”
“Sounds good.” That is, if they crawled out of bed long enough to eat. “I’ll be there at seven.”
He pulled her back into his arms for one more breath-stealing kiss. “Make it six.”
“Done.”
Her heart flopped as she watched him get back into his SUV and drive away. He didn’t have to woo her with a chance at a tryout, but it only made her love him more.
Hailey opened the back door and ran smack into her dad’s chest. The anger still simmered in his eyes, but this time, it was directed toward her. When she tried to squeeze past him, he blocked her path through the kitchen to the main bar. “Yes, Pop?”
“He’s Zach’s father, isn’t he?”
All the warmth fled from her body, and her gut wrenched so hard she feared she might throw up. She opened her mouth to speak, but her dry tongue refused to come up with an answer. She nodded and looked away.
/>
“Does he know?”
This time, she found enough words to reply honestly. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know? Either you’ve told him or you haven’t.”
She rubbed her arms and stared at the floor.
A curse exploded from her dad as he threw his hands up in disgust. “I raised you better than that, Hailey. If he’s Zach’s father, he deserves to know about him.”
Her spine stiffened. She might have been in the wrong now, but that didn’t mean she was entirely to blame. “I tried to reach him before Zach died—several times, in fact. And the only response I got was a letter from the Whales’ PR guy stating that Ben had denied ever knowing me.”
“And if he did, then why are you acting like none of that happened?”
“Because I don’t think that guy ever asked Ben.” She pressed her palm against her pounding forehead. “Ben recognized me the first night he came in here, even after nine years. I don’t think he’d ever deny knowing me if he’d been asked.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell him about his son right off.”
“It’s complicated.”
“There’s nothing complicated at all about it. You’re just too chickenshit to tell him.”
Her eyes burned from her dad’s accusation, mostly because he was spot on.
And he didn’t let up from there. “Give me one good reason why you’re pretending your son didn’t exist.”
His words stung more than a slap to the face, but nothing compared to the ache brewing inside her chest. “Because I saw what the loss of a child did to you and mom, and I’m so scared he’ll want nothing to do with me if I tell him his son died before he even had a chance to know him.”
The anger drained from his voice, leaving only disappointment in its wake. “Sweetie, if you really think he’ll act that way, then maybe you’d be better off without him.”
Hailey blinked back her tears. Crying wouldn’t solve anything. “I know that’s easy for you to say, Pop, but—”
“No buts about it, Hailey. If you won’t tell him, I will. A man needs to know these things, and if he leaves you because of it, then good riddance.” His face hardened into the same mask he’d worn for years following his divorce. “Now pull yourself together and get back out there. I need to make sure the guys aren’t tearing down the bar.”
She wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged herself, hoping in vain that it would ease the dry heaves rolling through her stomach. Time was running out. She’d carried this secret with her for too long, and she dreaded sharing it with Ben.
Cindy came into the kitchen and wrapped her arm around Hailey’s shoulders. “It’ll be okay, sugar.”
“You know about this?”
She nodded. “Your father and I have always suspected it. I mean, when I first laid eyes on Ben, I saw Zach in him.”
“And will it be okay?”
“Of course. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. The boy’s head over heels.”
Hailey sniffed and rubbed her nose. “And if this shatters everything?”
“Aw, sugar,” Cindy cooed as she hugged her, “don’t you worry about that. If it’s meant to be, you two can overcome this.”
“I don’t even know how to bring this up to him.”
“Just start with telling him you had a son, and then let it go from there. And if you need any help from me, I’ll be glad to give it. Now put a smile on your face and think about how nice it will be to finally be free of your secret.”
She did as her stepmother suggested, and some of the weight of the burden she’d been carrying lifted. She’d tell Ben tomorrow night at dinner. She’d even bring the scrapbook she’d made so Ben could at least know something about his son. And then, once she had fully opened up about her past, she’d wait and see if there was any chance of a future with him.
Chapter Fourteen
Ben scanned the small selection of wines at the local grocery store and frowned. He doubted Lia would recommend any of them. He pushed his cart down the aisle to the beer fridge and instead opted for a six-pack of a local IPA that Hailey seemed to prefer.
He checked the last item off his grocery list for dinner and headed toward one of the two registers, ending up right behind Cindy in line.
“Howdy, sugar,” she said with a bright smile. “Looks like someone’s planning a fancy dinner.”
Hailey might have wanted to keep the details of their relationship hidden from her father, but that didn’t mean he had to keep them from her stepmother. “Hailey’s coming up to my place for dinner.”
“Lucky girl. I might have to beg her for leftovers.” She placed a produce bag full of habaneros on the conveyer belt, followed by a large package of ground beef.
Ben’s mouth burned from the memory of Cindy’s special. “Making meatloaf again?”
She laughed and shook her head. “It’s chili tonight.”
He wondered if the Sin Bin had a secret dispenser for Tums in the bathroom next to the condom dispenser.
While her groceries were being rung up, Cindy kissed her fingers and pressed them against a photo of a young boy wearing a peewee hockey uniform. “Aw, sweet boy. I miss him so much.”
His curiosity raised, Ben craned his neck and glanced at the boy in the picture taped to a donation bin. A chill snaked down his spine, standing his hair on end. There was something vaguely familiar about him. “Who was he?”
“Hailey’s son, Zach.”
His hands grew numb as he studied the boy in the picture more carefully. There was no denying that he was Hailey’s son, what with the pair of matching dimples that framed his grin, but that wasn’t what troubled him. If it wasn’t for that, he would’ve sworn he was looking a picture of himself when he was six. The boy had his eyes, his chin.
Cindy ignored his silence and went on, “We all miss the little devil.”
“That we do,” the woman behind the register added. “It’s been what—a little over a year now, hasn’t it?”
“Last May.”
Ben’s throat constricted from a mix of grief and anger. “What happened to him?”
“He died of a brain tumor.” Cindy pointed to the letters that had blurred into an incomprehensible mess beside that picture. “That’s why we’re still collecting donations for the children’s hospital in Vancouver. They did as much as they could for him, and it’s our way of thanking them.”
Her words sounded like a drunk man’s whispers to his ears. How many times had he passed this picture and never really looked at it? Hell, he’d even thrown some of his spare change into the donation bin. And yet, the longer he stared at Zach, the more convinced he became that the boy was his son.
His hands curled around the cart, squeezing the metal handlebar with the same tightness as the invisible fist that choked his insides. Suddenly, it all made sense. The guilt, the grief, the secret she’d been keeping from him.
But if Zach was his son, why hadn’t Hailey told him?
Suddenly, dinner didn’t seem too appetizing. He backed out of the line.
“Where are you going, sugar?” Cindy asked.
“I’m going to put all this back. I don’t think I’ll be staying in Cascade much longer.”
Ben retraced his footsteps in a half-conscious fog, placing everything from the steaks to the beer back where it belonged. His heart thudded in time with his slow steps, each throb shooting little waves of agony through him. Just when he thought things were damn near perfect with Hailey, he’d learned the ugly truth. He’d had a son he’d known nothing about. His son was gone before he’d even had a chance to know him. And Hailey continued to hide it all from him.
What kind of heartless mother would do that?
He’d stay in town long enough to confront Hailey, and then he was gone. There was no way he could be with a woman who’d deceived him like this.
* * *
Hailey pulled into Ben’s driveway, her nerves completely frazzled. She�
�d stayed up so late last night making sure everything was perfect in the scrapbook that she’d slept through her alarm. It was the first time she’d missed hockey practice since the day they’d scattered Zach’s ashes. For the last year, she’d been so focused on keeping her promise to her son that she hoped he wouldn’t mind her absence on the ice this morning.
She turned off the engine and glanced down at the scrapbook. She still wasn’t ready to break the news to Ben, but she hoped this would help ease the shock. Pop was right—Ben deserved to know about his son, and this was the only thing she could offer him. Maybe in time, she’d be able to show him their home movies, but she couldn’t even bring herself to watch them yet.
She took a deep breath and drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she blew it out. Ben had asked her for a second chance, and she’d given it to him. Surely, he wouldn’t deny her a second chance after this. Bit by bit, her courage mounted, and she grabbed the scrapbook. Her heart quivered, but not with dread anymore. It was time to tell him about Zach.
She crawled out of her Jeep and knocked on the front door, hugging the scrapbook to her chest while she waited for Ben to answer. A shadowy figure moved back and forth inside, but no one came to greet her. After a minute, she tested the handle and opened the door. “Hello? Ben?”
The slam of hockey gear against the wooden floor answered her.
She ventured deeper into the cabin. A stack of boxes and a couple of suitcases stood in the entryway, and her palms grew sweaty. It looked like Ben was packing up to leave. “Ben?” she called, her voice shaking.
She found him coming down the stairs from the bedroom, his face harder than the steely color of his eyes. He glared at her for a moment before placing the suitcase he carried in his hand beside the others.
A chill surrounded her, making her cling to the scrapbook even harder. “I thought you were going to make dinner.”
He froze, the muscles in his neck straining like overstretched rubber bands that were ready to snap. He curled his hands into his palms and continued to look at her like she was the vilest person on earth. “I know about Zach,” he said in a low, sharp voice.
