by Cari Quinn
Kaleb gives a quiet “hey” and I’m not sure she speaks. They both just stare. My work here is done. I pull out my phone and pretend I got a text. Holding it up I say, “Lori I’m going to bail on you. See you tomorrow.” I don’t think she heard me. I chuckle as I walk out.
Walking back to my car, I do get a text—from Jason.
“Sure, where did you go?”
“I’ll be in my car in 2, back lot. Meet me there?”
He texts back almost immediately. “OK.”
It’s starting to get dark and I smell a storm brewing. Moisture is in the air and pushes against the wind. I’m cold. Lori and Kaleb together make my heart sing. Heck, the way I feel right now, I want everyone to be in love. I jog to my car. Turning the key, I crank the heat. Jason has spotted me and is on his way over. I jiggle my leg in excitement. He opens the door and slides in. “What’s up?”
Oh boy, here it goes. “Here’s the thing. I’m in love you. I mean really love you, as in I don’t want to be without you. I’ve been an idiot, and I’m so sorry. I don’t need you to want to have a family.” I take a breath. “I just need you.” Once it’s come out of my mouth, I’m not sure this was such a good idea. Especially because of the look on his face.
“So you think we should get back together?” His arms are crossed.
“Yes.” This isn’t going well.
“And if we do that, you’ll be happy?”
“Yes.” Crap, I thought he would, well—I don’t know what I thought, but this wasn’t it.
He shakes his head. Running his hands through his hair he says, “You’re a piece of work. You think you can just change your mind, and we can do what? Go back to where we were before? Sorry, but I don’t believe it. I think you’re lonely.”
“Jason, I’ve never stopped loving you. I never will. I’ve realized my stupid need to have a family doesn’t make me happy. You do.” I reach out and touch his arm.
He shakes it off and reaches for the door handle. “It doesn’t work that way. It just doesn’t.” He gets out of the car. I watch him walk back to the bar with his head down and hands shoved in his pockets.
Crap. What the hell? I put my car in reverse and back up. He doesn’t believe me? Shifting into first, I drive out of the parking lot. The engine whines before I shift to second. I don’t get it. I know he loves me. The memory of kissing in his loft floods my mind. I don’t understand. Tears of disappointment sting my eyes.
By the time I’m home, dismay is tinged with a touch of anger. I turn on the teapot and grab my phone to call Gretchen.
“Dr. Gretchen, I need you. Jason turned me down.”
“What do you mean he turned you down?”
“I told him I can’t live without him, that I want to be with him forever. He said he doesn’t believe me.” The light of the fridge streams out. Nothing looks good and I shut the door.
“Well, you’ve been dicking him around for more than a year now. What did you expect? Romance novel shit?”
“But it doesn’t make sense. I know he loves me.” I pull the kettle off the stove before it boils and pour it over my tea bag. “What do I do?” I hear desperation in my voice.
“Casey, his pride’s been hurt. Think about it. He held you when you cried after the Marc crap. You moved away, looking for something better. He comes out there and sees you with a new guy. And now that Blaine is gone, you finally want him back? You need to prove it to him. He needs more than your words. Woo him a little and give him time.”
“Woo him?” I start to pace.
“Like a guy does when he wants a girl who doesn’t trust what he says. Flowers, champagne, public professions of love, things like that. Only make them what a guy would want.”
“I can do that. But what should I do?”
“A lap dance comes to mind.” She laughs.
“Cute. But he knows he can have sex. That isn’t the problem, is it?”
“Nope, he needs to know you really mean it. He doesn’t know what’s been going through your head this last year.”
“Got it. You’re the best.” I change the subject. “Still in lust?”
“No, we broke up. You know the drill. He said he loved me.” Gretchen sighs. “I do have news for you. What would you say to me crashing on your couch for a while?”
“What? Of course you can. Heck, you can be my roommate. I have two extra bedrooms.”
“Sweet. I’m following John. He’s the best coach I’ve ever had, and I miss him. I think this might be my year.” Gretchen is a competitive snowboarder and has Olympic dreams.
“When are you coming?” I’m already planning on how to adapt Jenny’s room. “Just after Christmas. I’ll go home to my family with my stuff and get out there with just a car full. Thanks.”
“No worries. I can’t wait to see you. I’m doing a little happy dance right now.”
Gretchen chuckles. “Awesome. Talk to you soon. Love ya.”
“I love you too, Gretch.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
Sunbeams wake me, but I’m not annoyed by the intrusion. It’s a powder day, and I intend to make fresh tracks. Because lineup is at nine, we can get a good hour of skiing in before work. I have no doubt Jason will be there too.
Nervous excitement has me jittery. I peer out the kitchen window and see a world of snow. We got at least three feet, if not more. I’m not hungry this morning, but I know I need the protein. Cracking eggs into a bowl, an idea comes to me. I get more eggs, cheese, bacon and a bagel to make a breakfast sandwich for Jason. I wrap the savory sandwich in tinfoil and put it in an inside fleece pocket next to my heart. It won’t stay hot, but it will be warm when he finally gets it.
Outside the sun sparkles against the snow. Light and fluffy, one quick swipe of my arm clears it from my car door. I coax the engine to a roar and crank the defrosters on high. I brush dry, light flakes off the car. This sure isn’t Vermont snow.
The locker room buzzes with voices. Lori’s locker is open, but she isn’t here. I don’t have to guess where she might be. I turn the dial of my lock and listen to the banter around me. Nick and Megan’s voices drift over from the next row. They’re having a discussion about what to wear. She’s tells him what to put on, and I picture him ignoring it.
I hear Bill say, “Dude.” I look up and see Jason coming down the aisle. “Fun night, huh?” Jason gives him a fist bump. Bill’s eyes are puffy from a late night. A quick look at Jason’s face tells me he’s not well rested either. I’m not sure he’s hungover, but I’ll bet he was out late. I take the sandwich out of my pocket and walk toward him. He’s facing his locker as my hand slips in to set it on the bottom. I don’t wait for his reaction; I keep walking down the aisle and go to the bathroom.
When I exit the bathroom, Nick and Megan make their way toward the back door. “Casey, you’ve got three minutes if you want to ski with us.”
“I’m on it.” I sprint as best as I can in my ski boots to my locker. Jason is just about ready. He watches me rush, but doesn’t say anything. He follows when I leave. “Ready!” I yell to Nick as Megan appears. I catch up and we head out the door.
Nick looks back at Jason. “C’mon, rookie, I’ll show you how it’s done.” He has a big grin. Megan gives me a wink. I love these two.
We manage to get in line just as the chairs start loading. Lori and Kaleb are a few people behind us. I give Lori a wave, and she waves back. I guess Kaleb broke the powder-day rule. She couldn’t be in better hands.
We pull the bar down, and Nick turns toward us. “Ever ski powder, Jason?”
“Yeah, last year I was here for a week and got a couple of days in. I kind of suck.”
I see recognition pass over Nick’s face and wonder if he is thinking about the night with Blaine and Tim after the trailside kissing fiasco. “Not for long. I’m taking you to the best place to go on a powder day. Like cliffs?”
“Definitely.” Jason’s face is one big smile.
Megan bounces a bit in her seat. “Case
y, you’re going to love this.” She lets out a little sigh. “This chair is moving way to slow. I want to ski.”
I chuckle. “I feel the same way.”
As we approach the unloading ramp of the chairlift, Nick and Megan adjust the buckles on their boots. Taking their cue, Jason and I do the same. Clearly we’re not wasting time at the top. The moment we push off the chair we head over to Nick’s trail. Cutting through a few hidden paths, I’m amazed at the snow. It’s so light I’m in up to my waist in places. We end up on a narrow, steep trail. Megan says, “Let’s do it!” And takes off. Nick jumps in right beside her. I go to Megan’s right and Jason is on mine. Each of us cuts new tracks. I focus on moving up and down through the planes of snow. The sensation of pressure is all around my legs, and a mist of snow wets my face. Every muscle is engaged as my body reacts without thought. The feeling is a mix of power and freedom.
Jason has gotten ahead of me, but Megan is by my side. I see Jason hit something and fly through the air before he falls. His ski sticks up a bit in the snow, and he’s below it. I slow down and retrieve the ski. Climbing to get something in this snow is like digging a hole in dry sand. I bring it to him as he brushes himself off and cleans out his goggles. He bends over when I reach him. Handing over the ski I say, “Hey, the ass? It’s looking good.” I chuckle and hear him do the same as I take off again.
After three runs it’s time for lineup. Both Jason and I get pulled to teach. Powder day is over, but it doesn’t matter. I have a glow that can’t be contained as I share the passion with beginners.
* * *
I had hoped to ski lunch, maybe with Jason, but I get a private instead. A timid woman afraid of skiing, it’s an exercise in patience. Yet I don’t mind. I teach her ways to get down trail sections she’s afraid of, and we both feel accomplished when we’re done. I don’t see Jason again until the end of the day.
My feet ache and I can’t wait to get these boots off. I clomp down to my locker. Jason is already at his and in just his long underwear. Damn, he looks hot. I smell his sweat infused with the scent of woodlands and my insides twinge. Uh-huh. I strip off my outerwear and am down to a tight turtleneck and exercise leggings.
Knowing my stomach will show if I reach my hands up, I look over at Jason and raise my arms up in a stretch. He watches. I close my eyes and tilt my head back a bit. I part my lips and scrape my teeth over the bottom one. When I open my eyes I see that look. His desire sends shivers down my spine. I stand and turn to my locker. Arching my back, I place one hand on the bench and bend down, straight-legged, to grab my sweats. I hear an “ahem.” It’s not from Jason. Crap. I snap back up and see Bill watches too. Eww, is that lust in his eyes too? I hear Jason snort. Blood rushes to my face. He is so laughing at me. Damn it. I grab my fleece and retreat to the bathroom.
Still mortified, I return to my locker and avoid eye contact with Jason and Bill. I rush to get out the door. I had wanted to wait for Lori to see how her day was, but that’s not happening now. Cold mountain air soothes my burning cheeks, and I relax. I think about my beginners and how excited they were when things began to click. Lost in my thoughts, I jump a little when Jason’s breathes in my ear. “Nice show. Bill appreciated it.”
I hit his arm. “Stop. I already want to die. Don’t rub it in.”
Jason’s smile turns serious. “Hey, about yesterday—”
I interrupt him before I have to die a little more. “Don’t. I know I’ve been a jerk. It’s okay. You were right.” I walk a little faster. In a small voice I add, “I don’t deserve you.”
He takes my arm and stops me. Grabbing my other arm he looks down at me. “The sandwich was good, thanks.” He pauses for a moment. He looks like he’s deciding if he should say something or not. He shakes his head. “See you tomorrow.”
Yes, you will. I don’t know what I will do next, but Jason Garrison, you’ll know I’m helplessly in love, that’s for sure.
Chapter Fifty
Driving to work this morning, it came to me. I’ll ask Jason out on a date. Then I can spend alone time with him. I came in early to see if I can catch up with Lori. I really want to know how things with Kaleb are going. Seeing her car in the parking lot, I power walk so we can chat.
A light dusting of snow last night and the mountain is looking good. It won’t be long before the bowl is open. When I open the door, the musky smell of the locker room warms me. This is the best job I’ve ever had.
I turn down our aisle, and Lori is by her locker. “Dish! I can’t wait to hear what’s happening with Kaleb.”
She hunches up her shoulders as a smile creeps onto her face. “He’s so dreamy, the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I keep pinching myself to make sure it’s real.”
I grab her hands and let loose a little squeal “I’m so happy for you. So what happened at The Bike Shop the other night?”
“Oh, my gosh. We talked for hours. I stayed until they closed, and he walked me back to my truck. He promised to help me ski powder yesterday. And he did.” She gushes. “I know enough to know that’s a big deal.”
“It most certainly is. He’s a great guy and hasn’t had a girlfriend for a while. As far as I know, you’ve got no crazy women to get in the way. Heck, even if there were, I don’t think he’d let them.” I pause and smile. “How’s his bruise?”
She blushes. Kaleb is headed our way with two coffees in his hands. “Here comes dark and dreamy now.” I give her a wink and leave for the bathroom to give them privacy.
On my way back, Jason saunters down the hall carrying his freshly tuned skis. I walk up and reach out for them. “I’ll go put these in the rack for you.” His head tilts in question, but he hands them over.
“Okay. Thanks.”
I return to our row and sidle up next to him. “So, I was wondering. Would you like to go out with me sometime? Like on a date?” Oh, my God, is this scary. What if he says no?
He ponders the proposal. Crap, he’s going to turn me down. A sly smile creeps on his face. “You could cook for me.”
Relief floods my body. “Would you like to come to dinner tomorrow night? I’ll pick you up so you can drink wine, and I’ll drive you home.” Then, making sure I seal the deal, I add. “Steak?”
“With the mustard sauce I taught you to make?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Yes.”
I scream on the inside. “I’ll pick you up at six.” A little flustered, I manage to get my combination right on the third try and open my locker. Bill has just arrived, and I’m still horrified thinking about yesterday. I sense him next to me. Damn. I have to talk to him.
Bill says, “Hey, so you got a private yesterday, right?”
“I did. Why?” He’s a little closer than I like, so I step back and face him.
“Oh, just that it’s cool. You want to work those if you can. I can give you a few tips on how, if you want. What are you doing after work?” Oh, crap, is he asking me out? I look over at Jason, I’m not sure if he’s listening.
“I’ve got to get some things done today. Thanks for the offer.”
He nods at me. “Tomorrow?”
Oh, boy. I speak up a bit so Jason will hear. “I’m sorry. I’m making dinner for Jason tomorrow night.”
“Oh.” He says. “Okay.”
Whew. Hopefully he’ll get it, and we can avoid any awkwardness. Well, until I manage to make a fool of myself again. Something tells me I’ll find a way.
Chapter Fifty-One
I’m thanking Clara right now for having everything I could need. The table looks wonderful. The scent of cinnamon and apple fills the house as the pie cools on the stovetop. Potatoes are in the oven, and broccoli is in a pan for steaming. I sniff the bottle of Zinfandel that I’d popped open to breathe and smell a heady mixture of tannin and berry. Salty truffle cheese is sliced and ready on a plate in the fridge. I think I’m ready.
I tread soft carpet to the bedroom and take a last-minute look in the full mirror. Deciding what to wear w
as tough. My first thought was to go all out and wear a tight dress and heels. Then it occurred to me, sex is something we do well. As much as I would like to take Jason to bed tonight, that isn’t what this is about. Jason needs me to show him I love him for who he is and not what he does to my body. I opted for jeans and a scoop-neck tee. Just a hint of cleavage shows, making me look feminine, but doesn’t offer an eyeful if I lean forward. I give my hair a bit of fluffing and grab my ballet flats.
Walking down the hall, I look at Clara’s framed photographs. Touching one of her and Tim on a hike, I’m struck by the thought of memories. That’s what I want. I want years of history with Jason. At the door I kick off my flats and slip my feet into L.L. Bean boots, wrapping myself in the warmth of my coat. I’m off to get my date.
Snow crunches as I walk toward Jason’s house. Flurries float down as the porch light reaches out to the beginning of a promising storm. Jason opens the door before I have a chance. “You could have stayed in the car, I saw you pull up.”
“That’s not how a date is supposed to work.” I take his arm and walk him toward the car. “You smell good.” His woodsy scent is fresh, and his hair is still damp. I see a green plaid flannel shirt inside his ski jacket. I know it makes his eyes take on a mossy hue. This is my Jason. My heart does a little flip-flop.
He leans down and sniffs my hair. “You smell pretty good, too.”
I open the passenger door and wait for him to get in. “Buckle up.” I close him in safely and go to my side. He fiddles with the heat when I get in the car. “Isn’t this snow great?” I back out of the driveway.
“Awesome. Is it true it’ll snow almost every night in January and February?” he asks.
Shifting into first, I speed up. The flakes of snow fly at us like tiny stars. “I think so. I know it snowed almost every night when I first moved here last year. It’s amazing. I’m excited to enjoy all the powder days this season. Think we’ll ever get tired of it?”
