by Cari Quinn
“Yeah, right.”
“Girls like you are very rare.” He placed soft kisses on the palm of my hand. The warmth of his lips fueled my deepest, inner desires, making it difficult for me to tell him to stop. Because I didn’t want him to stop. Even though I knew it was wrong, I couldn’t stop. He continued pressing his lips against my skin as he made a path up my arm. “You must be treated with dignity and respect.”
“Are you even capable of that?” My breathing was erratic and I felt like I would pass out from lack of oxygen at any moment.
Turning my hand over, he kissed the top. “What do you think?”
“I… I don’t know.”
He released my hand and then cupped my face with both hands. “I guess I’ll have to prove it to you.”
“If you say so.”
His lips lingered on the edge of mine and my alter ego begged silently for him to kiss me. “But know this, Lexi, I won’t do anything, unless you ask me to do it.”
A moan escaped my throat and as much as I wanted him to take me, I couldn’t do it. Guilt ran through me, twisting and gnawing at my insides. I refused to cheat on Collin. He didn’t deserve that.
“Raven.”
He held his mouth steadily in front of mine. “Yes?”
“Take me back to my dorm, please.”
Σ
Chapter Eleven
Raven dropped me off at my dorm without pressing me to take any further action as he promised. I thanked him for the afternoon, because it was absolutely the best time I had ever had. How many guys would take the chance to sneak you into a private owner’s box in a state of the art football stadium just so you could drink your first beer? Not many. Despite how small I felt, I honestly had no regrets.
When I opened the door to our dorm, my brother’s stuff was gone, leaving me to wonder if I had imagined everything.
“Delaney?” I checked around the suite, but she wasn’t there. I stuck my head into her room and noticed the bedding in shambles. That was proof that what I saw two and a half hours ago, was indeed true. I shook my head, contemplating how I’d approach her and Luke about their relationship as I shut her bedroom door.
After eating a few slices of cold pizza, I took a hot shower, and sprawled on my bed with my textbooks. The words blurred on the page as I drifted off, thinking about what had happened in the stadium suite with Raven. I rolled to my back and grabbed my pillow, giggling behind it like a childish girl.
Raven confessed that he liked me.
How the hell did I end up in this situation?
Closing my eyes, I tried to come to terms with what I needed to do. The right thing was to sever the relationship with Raven and marry Collin. That’s what my mom and dad would advise. But I was tired of pleasing them. I desperately needed to do what was best for me. Regardless of my decision to live my life as I wanted, I wasn’t completely ready to give up on Collin. I didn’t ask Raven to kiss me for a reason. I had to find out if there was any hope for my relationship with Collin.
I grabbed my phone and sent Collin a message.
Me: Thinking of you.
Holding the phone like it was my lifeline to my future, I waited patiently. Five minutes passed and there was still no response. I closed my eyes and prayed that he would answer me. After twenty minutes, I finally dropped the phone and collapsed against the mattress. If only Collin would say something, anything, to convince me and give me the attention and love that I deserved. He confirmed what I knew would happen.
I was giving up on him, for good.
A few hours later, my phone chimed. I rose from the bed and squinted, trying to focus on the time. I swiped the screen when I saw it was a text message from Collin.
Collin: Back from my parent’s house. I’m going to take a shower and then hit the sack.
My forehead hit the pillow. Would it have killed him to come and see me?
Me: It’s only 9:15.
Collin: I’m tired, Lexi.
Me: Sorry. I thought I could come over and we could watch a movie, you know like we used to. I promise, I’ll be good.
It took several minutes for him to respond.
Collin: Not tonight. I really need to get some sleep. Coach scheduled a practice tomorrow afternoon since next Wednesday is the World Series game.
Of course. If I had a dollar for every excuse he made, I would’ve been rich.
Me: That’s fine.
Collin: I already told Luke that we could go bowling tomorrow night.
I heaved a big sigh. Why didn’t he tell me before Luke? Even though he lived with my brother, I deserved to be notified first. After all, I was still his fiancée.
Me: Great. I look forward to it.
Collin: I’ll call you after practice so we can figure out logistics.
I considered telling him I’d like to go watch him practice, but decided against it. He tended to complain that I distracted him.
Me: Okay. Hey, have you noticed Delaney and Luke acting funny around each other?
Collin: Sort of, why?
Me: I think they hooked up earlier today.
Collin: Seriously? What makes you think that?
Me: Because I saw my brother’s backpack on the floor and his keys on the coffee table.
Collin: At your dorm?
Me: Yes. Delaney’s bedroom door was shut, too. I’m positive they were in there together.
Collin: He’s home now.
Me: Really. Delaney was gone…
My fingers hesitated because I was entering into another lie, but I couldn’t tell Collin where I had been while they were screwing.
Me: when I returned home from a tutoring session.
And some session that was!
Collin: Are you going to ask her?
Me: I did the other day but she denied it. Has Luke said anything to you about her?
Collin: No and if he did, I know he wouldn’t want me to say anything to you. I’d have to keep it between him and me.
What? Was he serious? Collin really wouldn’t tell me if he knew something was up between my brother and Delaney? Fiancée status must’ve held no clout when it came to his discretion of privacy. I didn’t respond, unsure of how to reply.
Collin: I’m tired. I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight.
I stared at the screen, waiting to see if he would send me a sentiment of some sort. My finger drifted to the smiley face blowing a kiss and then pushed it. I hit the send button and waited patiently with a hopeful heart. I honestly cared for Collin. He was a good guy without any baggage or past issues. A complete contrast from Raven. Aside from placing his baseball and college studies before me, and holding on to the promise of abstinence, he really was a great catch—if he could only learn how to express his feelings toward me.
The dots on the screen faded away and it stayed fixed with my smiley face. A single tear escaped my eye and I wiped it away. Would it have killed him to tell me that he was still head over heels for me or that I had his heart? Asking for my hand in marriage didn’t prove anything. Why was it so hard for Collin to show me he loved me? Then, it dawned on me.
He didn’t love me.
He only liked me.
* * *
The next morning, I woke up surrounded by a few textbooks and crumbled tissues. My head throbbed and I couldn’t decipher if it was from the beer or crying myself to sleep. I walked to the bathroom and did a double take when I saw how swollen my eyes were. I looked like shit and that was putting it nicely. I also felt like it.
I ran the hot water, submersing a washcloth under the faucet. I wrung the excess water and placed the steamy fabric over my face. The heat soothed my inflamed eyes and throbbing head. I opened the cabinet and took two aspirins.
My phone chimed and I walked back to my room. I searched the covers, finally locating the phone near the foot of my bed. The time flashed, five after twelve.
“Crap!” I had missed all my classes. I dropped to the bed, wondering how the heck I slept through my alarm. I check
ed my phone and realized that I hadn’t turned it on.
Oh well.
I switched to my text messages and saw that I had a few from Delaney and one from Raven. My heart immediately went into overdrive.
Pressing on Raven’s message, the date stamp showed ten forty-four last night.
Raven: Had a great time today. Can’t wait to have more fun with you. *wink.
I smiled and within seconds, the pain in my head ebbed but the one in my heart increased. Resting the phone to my chin, I wondered if I should respond. Without further thought, I typed a message.
Me: Me too.
Not waiting for a response, I scrolled to Delaney’s text.
Delaney: Hey, I’m staying with Jordan tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow after class.
Yeah, right. She was with my brother. I just knew it.
That message was followed with another one.
Delaney: Hey, we’re planning to leave at six tonight to go eat Sushi on 7th Street and then to the bowling alley after that. What did Collin say?
What? As if she didn’t already know. I shook my head.
Me: He said we could go.
A few seconds later, she replied:
Delaney: Finally! Did you just wake from the dead?
Me: Yeah, basically. Missed class, too.
Delaney: Shame on you. Anyhow, I’ll be there within the hour. Want anything to eat? I’m at the deli.
I wanted to be mad at her, but she seemed so happy. I couldn’t stay angry, so I shoved it off.
Me: Sure. I’ll take a grilled chicken salad with Italian dressing, please.
Delaney: You got it.
I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, not feeling up to getting dressed or studying. Flipping through the channels, I landed on some reality cooking show and watched the contestants go crazy as they tried to finish their dish within the allotted time.
Thirty minutes later, the front door to our suite opened and Delaney walked in.
“Hey, got your salad.” She held up a plastic sack as she fumbled to pull the key from the lock.
“Thanks.” I rose from the couch to help her.
She tossed her overnight bag and backpack in the doorway to her room. “You look like crap. What happened to you?”
I shrugged. “Nothing… just Collin issues.” I wanted to tell her what happened at the stadium yesterday with Raven but decided against it.
She winced. “I thought you said he wanted to hang out tonight.”
Opening the sack, I pulled out my salad and drizzled the dressing over it. “He does.”
“Then, what’s the problem?”
“Same crap as last week.” I stabbed the lettuce with a fork and took a bite.
Delaney sighed. “I’m sorry.” She plopped down next to me on the sofa and pressed against me. “Everything will be all right.” The smell of my brother’s cologne wafted from her hair and I debated over asking her about yesterday afternoon. Instead, I blew it off and forced myself to eat.
“We’re going to have a great time tonight,” she said, in a sing-song voice.
“You might, I doubt I will.” I picked at the vegetables in my salad, becoming fuller by the second.
“Come on.” She shook me. “Don’t think that way. Just relax, be yourself, and have a good time with Collin.”
I leaned to the side so I could get a better look at her. “Are you drunk?”
She burst into laughter. “No!” Darting up from the couch and over to her bag, she pulled out a big white bottle and showed it to me. “But I will be by tonight.”
I swallowed and then took a sip of water from the bottle left on the coffee table. “What’s that? Looks tropical.”
“This, my dear, is Malibu’s finest.” She held the bottle as if she were a sales model on an infomercial. “The original Caribbean Coconut Rum with a refreshing blend of white rum with coconut. It’s a taste of paradise you can enjoy anytime!” Her voice lilted as she read the back label.
Laughing, I got up and took the bottle from her. I unscrewed the cap and took a whiff. “Smells good. How does it taste?”
“Like someone just came in your mouth,” she smiled.
“Gross.” I screwed the cap back on, trying to displace the thought of my brother’s semen in her mouth.
She giggled. “Sorry, but it does taste really good mixed with Coke.”
My eyes swept over the bottle before handing it back to her. “Maybe I’ll try it.”
“That’s my girl.” She held her hand up in the air and I gave her a high five. “Okay, but before we get our party started, I desperately need to take a nap.” She trailed off toward her room, shaking her butt.
“Why? Didn’t get any sleep last night?” I pried, waiting to see how she’d respond.
“No, we stayed up late watching movies and then I got up early to go to class,” she yelled from the bathroom. The shower turned on and the door shut. How long would she keep up this charade? I huffed out a breath, trying to blow the strands of hair hanging in my face. Then, I got up and tossed my salad in the trash. I’d confront them tonight.
Σ
Chapter Twelve
A few hours later, we were dressed and waiting downstairs for Collin and Luke to pick us up. Since Jordan lived off campus in an apartment with two other girls, Delaney told them we’d meet them at the restaurant.
“How do I look?” Delaney adjusted her top, making her boobs bounce, and then pulled up on her skinny jeans.
“Like you’re ready to go hoeing around,” I said, matter-of-fact.
Delaney gasped and then covered her chest. “Do I really?”
“I’m just messing with you,” I snickered. “Honestly, you look fine. Pretty, actually.”
She sighed. “You scared me for a minute.” Her face brightened. “Which reminds me…” she darted toward the elevators.
“Where are you going?”
“Forgot something!” She dashed through the elevator doors.
I turned and saw Collin walking into the front foyer.
A smile formed across both our faces and I waved.
“Hi.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my cheek. “You look pretty.”
“Thank you and you look handsome.” I took in his pressed, plaid button-down shirt and starched jeans. His sandy-blond hair swept to the side and his green eyes sparkled. Collin had the picture perfect face of an all-American boy.
But did I belong with him in that picture?
“Thank you.” He inclined his head and I saw a faint flash of pink across his clean-shaven face. “Are you ready?”
“Yes.” I looked over my shoulder. “Delaney can meet us in the car.”
He held out his elbow and I wrapped my hand around his arm. It was nice to be close to him but I knew that was the closest our bodies would ever be, at least while we were unwed. I tried to focus on the positives and give Collin the chance that he deserved. That we deserved. Despite what my gut told me, I knew that if I didn’t at least try, I’d hate myself for it. We walked to Luke’s Camaro and as usual, he opened the door for me. I slid in the back.
“Hey, Brother.”
“Sis.” Luke barely glanced at me and I sensed he wasn’t in a good mood.
Instead of Collin sitting in the front with Luke as he normally did, he sat in the back with me. My heart fluttered and I couldn’t help but smile when he took my hand and laced his fingers through my mine. It seemed like ages since we last held hands or sat that close together.
A few minutes later, the car door opened and Delaney got in. “Sorry,” she huffed as she struggle to pull the door shut, “had to get something.”
“Do you have everything?” Luke kept his hand steady on the gearshift.
“Um, let me check.” She dug around in her purse.
Luke sighed and Collin and I traded glances with one another but didn’t say anything.
“Yep. I’m good.”
He shifted the car into drive. “I hope so because I’m not coming b
ack.” He gave her a quick once over and then turned his head to face forward.
I swore they sounded like two old married people. Raking my mind, I tried to recall the first time I saw them interacting on a more than friendly manner. I gave up when Luke cranked up his stereo. I started humming to the beat of the music.
Thoughts of rubbing Collin’s leg crossed my mind, but after recalling what happened last time, I decided to keep my hands to myself. Regardless of keeping my actions under control, my body had a mind of its own, begging for him to touch me. I knew it would never happen unless I married him, and even then, I wasn’t sure he would indulge.
We parked in the parking garage and walked toward the restaurant. Strings of white lights hung between the buildings, energizing the swanky hangout as people darted in and out of restaurants, bars, and shops. Everywhere I looked, I saw happy couples, holding hands, kissing, and cuddling.
I wanted that.
I needed that.
I didn’t have that.
The cool evening air swept through the trees and I stretched my sweater over me. Providing myself with that comfort that I wished he would give me.
“Are you cold?” Collin asked, sliding an arm around me.
I flinched, not prepared to feel his warm embrace. Did he finally recognize my need for affection? Had that talk resonated within him? “Yeah, a little.”
He wrapped his arm around me and I snuggled closer to him, wedging myself under his chin. We entered the Sushi café and squeezed our way through the crowd.
“Luke, Collin…” Forbes raised a finger, calling our attention as we entered.
“Glad you guys got us a table.” Luke gave Forbes a pat on the back.
Forbes placed an arm behind his girlfriend, Jordan. “Us, too. As soon as we were seated, the place filled up.”
Collin shook hands with Forbes. “Where’s Matt?”
“He and Ali decided to do something else,” Forbes replied.
“Oh, too bad.” Displaying his perfect manners, Collin pulled out a chair for me before sitting down. I sat next to Jordan. Luke and Delaney sat across from us and a little too close for two people who were supposedly only friends.
“Hey, Lexi, love your hair.” Jordan latched on to a lock of my waves.
