by Mj Fields
“No, don’t be, let’s go for a ride,” Tessa said and got up. “Anyone want Pizza?” she asked as she took his hand and walked through the kitchen to the door.
“Sure?” Jade and Tommy said confused.
“Okay we will be back in thirty minutes,” Tessa said as she grabbed his keys off the counter. “I’m driving,” she said to him.
~
She drove to the place that he and Tommy had first dropped her and Jade off after practice. The first time he had touched her leg that sent shivers down her spine. She turned off the SUV and got out. He watched her as she dropped to her knees and cried, he got out and went down on his and held her. “You should have left me here and never looked back,” she said as she threw her arms around his neck. He held her there until she couldn’t cry anymore.
“I am so sorry Tessa,” he said softly as he picked her up and set her in the passenger seat and buckled her in.
He drove down town and held her hand the whole time.
~
He went in and grabbed the pizza and came out. Sadi pulled up beside him. “Did you tell the farm girl the good news?” she asked smiling.
Tessa unbuckled and jumped out of the car and ran towards Sadi. She tried to open the door and Sadi locked it. Lucas grabbed her and pulled her away, “Tessa don’t, please,” he said as he carried her and put her in the car.
“I fucking hate her,” Tessa screamed. “I hate her,” she said and began to cry.
He kissed her head and walked to the driver side. “Does that answer your question Sadi?” he asked.
She smiled, “You better figure that out, my child won’t be around trash like that,” she said. “Hey farm girl you may have got the crown but I get the boy…forever,” she yelled as she pulled away.
He shut the door and buckled his seat belt. He pulled away and grabbed her hand, she pulled it away from him and folded her body into a tiny little ball and sobbed. He drove home as tears rolled down his face.
~
They pulled in and he got out. He opened the door for her and she shook her head no and turned away from him, “Okay I will give you a minute,” he took the pizza in and set it on the table. Everyone looked at him. He shook his head and walked out the door. Luke unbuckled her and picked her up, she clung tightly to him and he kissed her head and carried her in and walked past them and sat on the couch with her wrapped around his neck.
He held her and she fell asleep. Jade walked in the room and saw her sleeping in his arms as he kissed her head over and over. “How are you?” Jade whispered.
“I don’t know,” Luke said.
“What can I do Lucas?” Jade asked.
“Get her through this,” he said and tears started flowing down his cheek.
“What about you?” Jade asked.
“I will do what she wants,” he said kissing her head, “And I think we both know what she is going to expect, no matter what the cost to her, so Jade you are going to need to get her through this.”
“I will Luke, I promise,” Jade said.
“Thank you,” he said.
Tessa slept on his lap for two hours and he didn’t move. She woke and looked up at him, “I’m sorry,” she said.
“Please don’t be baby,” he whispered.
“I wanted to kick her ass,” she said.
He laughed, “Trust me I know that feeling.”
She started to cry again, “I love you Lucas,” she said through her tears.
“I will always love you Tessa,” he said and his eyes filled, “Do you understand that? Always!”
Her heart sank and she knew she was losing him. She looked at him and felt pain, intense pain, she couldn’t breathe. He kissed her, she hugged him and she finally let out a breath. She let go of his neck and stood up to go to the bathroom, he watched her walk away and his heart fell. He grabbed his hair and clenched his teeth. Jade walked over and hugged him, he sobbed. Jade started to cry. Tommy walked in and saw them. He knelt down and put a hand on each of their heads and pulled them into his. After a few minutes he let go. Jade hugged him and then walked into the bathroom.
Tessa sat curled in a ball on the floor rocking herself. Jade had never seen her like this. She sat beside her and pulled her into her.
“I have lost him Jade,” she cried.
“Oh Tessa I don’t think so, he loves you,” she said hugging her.
“We’ve done stuff Jade,” Tessa said smiling.
“Did you, have you know?” Jade gasped.
“No but other things,” she smiled.
“Oh really, and how was that?” Jade asked.
“Fucking amazing,” she yelled and Jade covered her mouth and they both laughed.
Luke shook his head smiling. Tommy looked at him, “Dude did you?” he asked.
“No Tommy,” Luke said smiling.
“Well then what is she talking about, what did you do?” Tommy asked.
“Not very much,” Luke smiled.
“When?” he asked.
“Over the past few days,” he said.
“Today?” he gasped.
“This morning,” Luke said and sat back and closed his eyes.
They heard the shower and they sat. It turned off and the girls came out. Tessa was in his sweatshirt and he assumed shorts under it.
She looked at him and he patted his lap, “Come here baby,” and she sat on his lap and he covered her with a blanket and held her for a few minutes. He kissed her lips, “I need a shower.”
He got out and walked up stairs with just shorts on. He is so damn beautiful she thought. He dressed and walked downstairs. She sat on the couch with a cup of tea. She had made him one too.
“Dad and Alex went grocery shopping,” she said, “Tommy and Jade left when you were in the shower,” she told him.
“Oh,” he said.
“So what do you want to do?” she asked looking down.
Take that sweatshirt off of you and show you every move I have so you’ll never forget me he thought. “We don’t have to do anything we can just talk,” Luke said.
“Oh,” Tessa said wishing he could touch her.
“Can I ask you some questions?” he asked her, she shook her head yes. “Do you think we can keep doing this Tessa, do you think you’re going to be okay with me telling her to do this alone,” Luke asked.
She looked at him for a long time, “I suppose not,” she admitted.
“Because why Tessa?” Luke asked.
“Because I know who you are,” she said touching his chest, “In here and I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.”
“I know Tessa, and that’s why this is killing me. You love who you know I can be. And if I don’t live up to that you won’t. So either way Tessa I am going to lose you eventually,” his eyes filled.
She looked down and knew he was right, all these feelings she has experienced lately were mostly physical. She truly loved him because of who she knew he was underneath the blackness that only half covered his heart.
She took his hand, “I don’t want to lose you Lucas, and I am so afraid. The whole thing today, I wanted to kill her,” Tessa started.
“I know, I’m sorry,” he said looking down. “I want to be a good man Tessa, I want to grow into the man you know is in here, but now I am so confused, what do I do, tell me please.”
“The right thing,” Tessa whispered.
“I don’t love her, I never could. I love you and that will never change,” he grabbed her face, “Do you understand that Tessa,” he yelled.
“Yes” she said and tears formed again. He hugged her, “I love you Lucas.”
After a long hug she pulled away from him, “Luke will you be my friend still?” she asked.
“Will you want that?” he asked.
“I don’t know but I want to try,” she said and her voice cracked.
“I will too,” he said.
They fell asleep in each other’s arms on the couch. John and Alex came home and unloaded the truck and
put away groceries.
“Want me to wake them up so they can go up to sleep?” Alex asked.
“No let them be,” John said.
~
Tessa woke and walked outside on the deck; she sat and looked at the stars. She folded her hands and closed her eyes as she talked to God. “I am so sorry for the way I have been acting,” she began to cry, “I know I have made major mistakes and I have to pay for them. I will Lord I think I already am. I ask that you please take care of Lucas, he is a good guy, and I would have behaved much worse if it were not for him seeing in me something I seemed to have forgotten. Please forgive my sins and please God he has to be okay please help him through this,” she sat hugging her knees and crying.
Luke had watched her out the window and heard everything she had said. She prayed for him to be alright. He stood there until she seemed to be falling asleep; he went out and asked her to come back in. They walked to the couch and lay down and held each other as they fell asleep.
“Tessa, Luke, time to get up and get ready for church,” John said softly.
Tessa sat up and looked at Luke as he opened his sleepy eyes. She touched his face and smiled at him.
“Good morning Lucas,” Tessa said softly.
“Good Morning Tessa” he whispered.
Chapter 21
Tessa stood up and went into the bathroom to shower and get dressed. When she was finished he did the same. She ate a banana and oatmeal while he was getting ready. And he ate eggs and toast as she watched him. He looked different today, like he was waiting for something bad to happen, scared.
Tessa sang at church today. A song called blessings. At the end of the song a single tear fell from her eyes. Her stomach hurt but more a burning than a pain. She sat next to Jade and wiped her tear. Jade smiled at her, “You did great” she said. Tessa smiled. Today’s sermon was on lust, Tessa looked up and smiled. Luke watched her as she seemed to accept every blow gracefully. She was a gift to him, and he knew it. He would make her proud. He closed his eyes and quietly thanked God for Tessa.
After church she went home and cleaned. Luke helped her father and brother move some hay. She made lunch and waited for them to come in. She stood at the window hugging herself when they walked in, “Lunch ready Tessa?” John asked.
“Yep, sure is,” Tessa said, “I already ate I am going for a walk,” she said as she walked out the door with Chewy.
“Want company?” Luke called after her.
“No thanks, I have him,” she said as she patted Chewy and grabbed his leash.
Tessa switched his collar and headed out back. She walked down to the falls and threw some stones as Chewy tried to pounce on tadpoles. She loved the quiet down here, the place she went when she needed to think. She sat against a tree and thought about life without his kiss and she started to cry. Then she thought about what his child’s life would be without him and at that moment she decided she would cry no more.
She stood up and wiped the dirt and pine needles from her butt and walked back up the hill to the field. Luke was standing there. She smiled at him. He smiled back.
“Your Dad and Alex warned me not to go down there; they said it’s your personal heaven. So I waited here,” Luke smiled softly.
“Good move on your part I may have kicked your butt Links,” she smiled.
“Something is different with you today; I mean I know all the stuff that went on fucked you up but you seem okay. Tessa are you okay?” Luke asked.
She smiled, “Yes I suppose, and you will be too”.
“How are you so sure?” Luke asked.
“Because I decided I would be, you have to do the same thing,” Tessa said, “Will you please?” she asked.
“I will, if that’s what you want,” Luke answered.
“More than you know,” she smiled.
He took her hand and she froze and he said, “Tessa are you okay?”
“I will be fine,” she looked down at their hands, “But please Lucas,” she said swallowing down tears she felt coming up, “I can’t, I can’t touch you.”
“Oh, okay, I’m sorry,” he said as he was processing what she had just said, “But we are friends right Tessa?”
“Always,” she said and started to walk.
“So friends hug right,” he asked.
“Sure,” she said.
“Can I hug you, I mean sometime?” he asked.
“Someday just not right now,” she said.
“I need you now Tessa.” he said.
“I need you too Luke, just please let this heal a bit first,” she said swallowing again.
“Okay baby,” he said as he saw her trying to do everything in her power to hold back tears.
She turned to him, “Thank You.”
~
The boys were there to shoot and he joined them. When they were done she had already gone to bed.
“John, I am sorry but I can’t do this to her, I can’t be here and see her hurting,” Luke said.
“Son you don’t have a choice,” he said.
“Alright then. I need to run home and grab some stuff ok?” Luke asked.
“Sure just hurry back and drive careful,” John said.
Luke walked in his house and went and grabbed his trusty bowl and smoked until he passed out.
Sadi saw his car at home and pulled in, she walked through the door and upstairs, she undressed and lay next to him. She woke him up and kissed him. “Sadi get out,” he said.
“What are you afraid you’ll get me pregnant,” she asked. He glared at her, “It’s been almost three months since I have had sex. I have needs Luke, you put out or I will go find someone else to poke this baby of yours in the head.”
He stood up to walk away and she followed and pulled his pants down. He turned around and pushed her on the bed, she stood up and grabbed him, she went down and then bent over his bed, he took her hard and fast, she screamed out and he kept on going until he was finished. She lay on his bed and smiled.
“I have missed you,” Sadi smiled.
He walked in and showered, when he came out he looked at her, “Don’t fucking come here again Sadi.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen, me, you and a baby Luke,” she said rubbing her belly. She got up and dressed. See you at school tomorrow,” she said as she walked out.
Luke dressed and felt like shit, what had he just done? Guess it doesn’t matter it was sex not love. He called his Dad and told him what had happened, he was calmer than expected.
“You’re still staying with the Ross’?” Landon asked.
“Yes,” Luke said sadly.
“Do they know?” Landon asked.
“Yes and John insisted,” Luke told him.
“How’s Tessa taking it?” Landon asked.
Luke felt a lump forming and cleared his throat. “She is amazing Dad, strongest person I have ever met, we are going to try to be friends. And I certainly don’t deserve that.”
“Don’t sell yourself short son, you’re pretty damn strong,” Landon said with conviction.
Luke heard a woman’s voice calling him, “Who’s that Dad?” he asked.
“Audrianna, she and the girls are here for the day,” Landon said with a smile in his voice.
“Taking it slow Dad?” Luke asked with a laugh.
“Yes very, she is pretty insistent on it, we actually are going to counseling tomorrow,” Landon said laughing.
“Good, well I have to get back before John wonders what happened to me, I will see you Friday night at the State Championship right?” Luke asked.
“Yes hopefully all four of us will be there,” Landon said.
“Good, I want to see the girls. Goodnight Dad,” Luke said,
“Goodnight Lucas, I love you,” he said and hung up wishing there was something he could do.
Wow Luke thought, he loves me, interesting.
~
He pulled into the farm and Alex was getting out of his truck. “Where did you go?�
� Alex asked.
“Home to grab some things,” Luke said holding up his bag.
“Cool, I just dropped Phoebe off, we went to dinner,” Alex said as they walked in.
John was asleep on the couch. “Alex, thanks for everything, I am sorry man,” Luke said as he headed up to bed.
They woke up for school the next day and like usual Tessa was up and had breakfast on the table and the clothes ironed. Luke watched her as she tried to avoid his stare. “Good morning Tessa,” he said quietly.
“Good morning Luke,” she said and smiled.
“Did you sleep well,” he asked.
“I did and you?” she asked. He looked at her and saw her eyes sadden.
“Yep,” Luke said. She smelled his cologne and turned away from him as she breathed it in deeply. “State finals tomorrow right?”
“Yes,” Tessa answered trying to keep it together.
“You nervous?” Luke asked. She shook her head no, “Is it alright if I come?” he asked.
Her heart sank, “Sure,” Tessa said, “that would be great.”
“Good, are you going to Alex’s game?” Luke asked.
“Yes Lucas, and yours,” she said and turned around and smiled.
“Can I hug you yet?” he asked. She looked down and walked towards him.
“Yes,” she said.
He stood and grabbed her; she gasped, and wrapped her arms around his neck as he kissed her head. She didn’t want to let go. She took deep breathes and smelled him. He always smelled so good. She looked up at him and his eyes were closed, he looked so amazing. He opened his eyes and bent down and kissed her lips lightly, tears started falling down her cheeks. “Tessa don’t cry, baby please I’m sorry,” Luke said wiping her tear away.
She let go of his neck and took one last deep breath and walked into the bathroom. She sat on the floor and quietly cried, he walked in. “Tessa please,” he said and his eyes filled, “God I am so fucking stupid,” he said.
She took a deep breath as he wiped her tears away, “You can’t kiss me Lucas, okay?’ she asked.
“I won’t,” he said, “I won’t do it again, I’m sorry,” he said and hugged her.
Alex yelled in, “Time to go”.
