Nathan looked from Seth to Rick. “So, what’s happening here?”
Rick hadn’t focused on his death grip on the chair until he unclenched his fists and saw the scratches in the leather. Still, he was impressed Seth was even willing to say he’d back off. “Just a surge of maturity.”
“I think we should—”
Seth talked right over Nathan without ever breaking eye contact with Rick. “Go away.” Seth glanced at his friend then but only for a second. “I’m taking Rick to bed. If you want to watch, you can follow us. Otherwise, we’ll see you in two hours.”
Nathan frowned. “You can’t be more clear than that.”
“No, he can’t.” And Rick liked it.
Chapter 21
Seth pressed his palm against the cool tile and let the water run over the back of his neck and through his hair. He’d skipped his usual scalding shower and went for lukewarm. That was the only way he could calm his body enough not to lose it before he even touched Rick.
They’d been back in the room for five minutes when Rick got another call. This one about some issue with a U.S. college kid who had gone missing. Before Rick could mobilize resources and talk about help, the kid had been found by his friends.
Seth used the short break as Rick helped everyone to settle down with his usual smooth voice to shower and clear his mind. He’d lathered up and now the cleansing water rinsed him off. Slid over him as he tried to block out the memory of Rick’s gasp when that gun pressed against the back of his head. The look on his face after he shot that guy.
Yeah, Rick could shoot but he shouldn’t have to. Seth knew that was his job. The sexy nerd should stick to analysis and let him be the muscle. He would have flipped that attacker around on his own eventually. He’d just been waiting for the right moment and leverage.
But thinking about what could have happened nearly sent him crashing to his knees. His brain went fuzzy. For a guy who prided himself on staying clear and focused, when Rick was involved, everything clouded. Seth felt his priorities shift the minute after he started guarding Rick.
“Want some company?” Rick slipped into the stall and wrapped his arms around Seth’s waist from behind. “Damn, that’s cold.”
Rick reached for the knob and turned. The water heated almost immediately.
The warmth seeped into Seth’s muscles. He leaned back and let his body rest against Rick’s. The water pummeled his chest and steam rose around them. Seth didn’t feel anything but those strong arms and that naked stomach against his back.
The sound of the shower and the heat from Rick’s body relaxed him. Rick’s stubble rubbed against Seth’s cheek. The rough brush hypnotized him, but the growing bulge behind him woke him up again. He reached around and touched the back of Rick’s head, bringing his face in even closer. They ducked under the shower again.
He didn’t want to take Rick in here, against the cold wall. He wanted sheets and touching. Lots of touching.
He soaped his hands and turned to face Rick. The heated expression in those sexy blue eyes almost did Seth in. He debated turning off the shower and maneuvering them soaking wet into bed. But Rick touched his hand, brought it up against his chest and rubbed circles against the back of it. It was all the encouragement Seth needed.
He generally didn’t waste a lot of time on foreplay, but he did tonight. Water crashed over them as Seth lathered up Rick’s skin. His palms skimmed across his shoulders and into the sharp divot of his collarbone. The scent of evergreen mixed with the water as he spread the soap over Rick’s chest, watching his hair curl under his fingers as it got soaked.
It didn’t take long for the stream to cool again. Suds dripped down Rick’s flat stomach to his long legs. Seth watched the bubbles swirl toward the drain.
With a soft touch, Rick slipped his hand over Seth’s cheek. His voice could barely be heard above the rush of the shower. “I’m not going to be able to take much more.”
Seth heard the quiet plea and pulled Rick under the stream one more time. When the last of the soap slid off them, Seth reached behind him and turned off the spray. He had them out and standing next to the shower in seconds.
He wrapped a towel around Rick’s waist and knotted it there. Let it balance on those slim hips. Then he dried Rick’s hair as well as he could.
Seth took care of him because right now that’s what they both needed. He wanted to make this right. Give Rick a small piece of himself he never shared with anyone else. Unspoken but still profound.
When he finished he took Rick’s hand and guided him toward the bed. The flashes of fear he’d seen in Rick’s eyes earlier had vanished. So had the exhaustion that had him almost curling up in the chair in his office.
No, Rick was awake now. Hard and growing harder.
Sex against the wall. Doubled over the end of the bed. Holding Rick down while he used his mouth. It all played in Seth’s mind. Anything to get close to Rick and feel their skin rub together.
But tonight was about more than getting off or proving they’d survived a gun battle intact. Seth didn’t know why but this mattered. It reached past sex to something deeper. Something Seth didn’t want to poke at or examine too closely. So he turned his mind off. Tonight he would feel.
He opened the drawer next to the bed and took out the condom. Held it between his two fingers in front of Rick’s face. “You’re up.”
With that he passed the control. He’d bottomed before when he felt like it and wanted something different. That was no big deal. He did it now because he wanted Rick in every way possible. It was a surrender of sorts, one Rick would never appreciate but Seth understood the importance.
Rick was special.
His gaze dropped to the condom then back to Seth’s face. “You’re sure?”
“I can be flexible.” Seth tried to make it sound like a joke because that was safer. That’s what he did.
Rick took the condom. “So it’s official? You’re no longer fighting the idea of us sleeping together…dating.”
That need had dropped away. He had a new one now and it centered on the man dripping onto the mat in front of him. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“That sounds like relationship talk.”
Forget Rick’s sexy smile. Even with that, Seth couldn’t let his mind go there. Overthinking might ruin it. Talking about it definitely would. “Honestly, shut up.”
“You’re ceding control?”
That’s not how it worked and Seth could tell from Rick’s grin he knew that basic fact. “You’re smart enough to understand control has nothing to do with who’s on top.”
“Then let’s get this towel off you.” Rick’s fingers went to the knot of material at Seth’s side. He tugged and the towel fell in a heavy wet heap by his feet.
Rick put a hand on the center of Seth’s chest and pushed. Angled them through the doorway and into the bedroom. Didn’t stop until the back of Seth’s calf hit the edge of the mattress.
Seth sat down then. He opened his legs and straddled Rick’s. With shaky fingers, he unwrapped Rick’s towel, revealing inch after inch of bare skin. Unable to resist, Seth leaned in and pressed a kiss at the top of Rick’s hip bone. Then his lips trailed in a line to Rick’s erection.
First he used his hand. Pumping his closed first up and down on Rick’s length. Loving the way his stomach dipped forward and his knees bent. When Rick slipped his fingers along the back of Seth’s head and massaged his neck, Seth’s mouth closed over him.
For long minutes he worked with his tongue and fist. He peeked up to see Rick staring down at him. Felt his fingers close on his shoulder.
He lifted his mouth and fell back. Took Rick with him and landed on the mattress with Rick straddling his hips. He wanted Rick to go fast and get them there. His body was primed and energy spun around him. But Rick dropped his lips to Seth’s stomach. Slid down his body until his mouth covered his cock and his hand caressed his balls.
Seth’s head dropped back and he closed his eyes,
drinking in the feel of Rick’s fingers and lips. Lifting his hips when he felt Rick’s hand slip under him, those fingers inching toward his ass. Sensations pummeled him then. The wetness of Rick’s finger inside him. His hot mouth on him. Seth didn’t even try to hold back his excitement. He surrendered his body, letting Rick take over.
And it felt so damn good. Seth’s leg fell to one side. The combination of the lube and the finger had him squirming on the mattress. Just when he thought he couldn’t take one more minute and his sensitive skin begged for more, Rick got up on his knees.
With a firm hand, he pushed one of Seth’s legs back until his thigh touched his stomach. Seth started to lift the other one, but Rick held it down. The position opened him, made him vulnerable. Panic soared through Seth. His muscles screamed, and his brain shouted for him to flip Rick over.
He ignored it all. Tried to force his body to relax. Groaned when Rick pressed his tip against him and started pushing. The fit proved tighter than Seth expected but he breathed through it. He trusted Rick on this. With everything.
Rick held the back of one of Seth’s thighs and his other hand went to Seth’s length. His fingers wrapped around him and squeezed. His body eased forward, then the thrusting started. The mix of his hand and his dick had Seth’s head spinning.
His shoulders pressed into the mattress. He lifted his hips, welcoming each push and bringing Rick in deeper. The steady rocking, the push and pull, started Seth’s blood pumping. He could feel it race through him as the heat built. His muscles tightened to the point of snapping and a weird tumbling sensation was set off in his stomach.
Rick rose above him. He watched, his eyes lit with excitement as his body entered Seth’s over and over again. The bed shook and Seth’s fingers curled into fists. He ignored the cramp in his leg and focused on the energy exploding through him.
Rick sped up the pace. Their heavy breathing filled the room, punctuated by groans and sexy rumbling sounds at the back of Rick’s throat. Sweat gathered on Rick’s forehead and Seth could feel it on his own chest. They were hot and ready and when the orgasm hit him, all Seth could do was choke out Rick’s name.
The thrusts continued as the pulses grabbed Seth. He came in Rick’s hand and it spilled over his chest. Seth watched as Rick stiffened and his head fell back. For long seconds he faced the ceiling as his body convulsed.
His head fell forward again and those blue eyes opened. “Damn.”
“Exactly.” Seth wasn’t sure what to say after that. It took long minutes before his breathing returned to normal and his chest stopped rising and falling like he’d run a marathon at top speed.
His body cooled as Rick pulled out, then he settled his body on top of Seth’s. Their stomachs met and their heartbeats thudded against each other. More minutes passed until Rick rolled to the side, then to his back. He didn’t say a word as his breathing returned to normal.
Seth watched him, knowing only that he didn’t want to break the connection. Didn’t want this sense of just the two of them to end. He turned over on his side and pushed up on his elbow. Rick’s eyes were closed but his mouth stayed opened slightly. Seth traced Rick’s bottom lip.
He tried to make a joke but that’s not what came out. “Tonight sucked for you. I’m sorry. Not this, of course. Before.”
Rick blew out a long breath but didn’t open his eyes. “That part sucked for both of us.”
“I’m guessing I’m a little more accustomed to death than you are.” God, this was not what Seth wanted to talk about at all. This was the part where he joked, where they’d switch to banter. He loved the byplay, but that wasn’t what spilled through his head.
Rick turned and looked at him with those blue eyes. “Does it ever get better?”
Definitely not bedroom talk. This might not even be considered work talk. But Seth couldn’t look away. He put a hand on Rick’s chest and rubbed his thumb back and forth over his nipple. “It gets easier to pull the trigger. Living with it never does.”
“That’s probably good. Means we’re still human.”
That was the response of a man who understood reality. In a way it was a relief not to have to explain. Still, he hated that Rick had experienced this type of pain. “This wasn’t your first time.”
“How could you tell?” Rick reached out then. The back of his hand brushed against Seth’s chin as their legs tangled below.
“Your eyes. You had the look of a guy who already knew how the kill would eat away at him.” Seth could help him with that. Not in a professional way, but in getting through the guilt. He batted that back every single day.
“I couldn’t let him strangle you.”
“The instinctive reactions of being in the field are still in here.” Seth settled a palm over Rick’s chest.
“But slower.”
That’s not how Seth saw what happened at all. Rick had rushed in, ignoring the risk. “You still had them when it mattered.”
“Well, I learned them young.”
Seth hadn’t expected that answer. He thought back to Alec’s cryptic comments and the adoption. He’d tucked that all away but now he needed to know more. To understand all he could about Rick and what made him. “What does that mean?”
Rick made an odd sound as he rolled on his side to face Seth. “My dad was a piece of shit. He’d yell for no reason, drink all the time and liked to threaten my mother.”
Seth’s insides turned cold. He’d heard stories like this his whole life. It wasn’t his experience, but it was all too common. Even now he could see a little boy in glasses. Feel his terror. “Did he—”
“He didn’t touch me. I was his son. His favorite, forget that I was his only.” Rick closed his eyes. Just for a second, then opened them again. “But he hated her. He never said that, not really, but he acted like it. She knew it.”
The image of the little boy shattered. Seth could only call up a bruising man filled with hate. He couldn’t imagine the suffocating desperation that came along with that sort of upbringing. “Damn, Rick.”
“Then one day he drank too much and hit her too hard. Something must have broken inside her because she struck back, or that’s what the police reports said.” Rick wiped a hand through his hair then let his arm fall again.
Seth’s stomach churned. Awful fact built on awful fact. He thought about stopping the information but it just gushed out of Rick now.
“It was like something possessed him. He grabbed his gun, one of the many he kept scattered around the house, because that’s what people in my town did, and shot her.”
Seth knew that end was coming, sensed it somehow, but still…The words punched into him and his breath hiccupped inside him. “Fuck.”
“Killed her then cried and shouted at whatever demons battled inside him as he shot himself.” Rick turned to his back and stared up at the ceiling. “I was outside and came running in, but I was a beat too late. Saw it but couldn’t reach him in time.”
Thank God. Seeing the aftermath had to be enough of a horror. Living it in real time…Seth couldn’t imagine. Indifference he got. His parents thrived on that. But hate and violence? No.
“After that I went to live with the professor who was living in town on a temporary basis and had been talking to my mom as part of some study she was doing for her book. She never wrote it, but she took me out of Kentucky.”
All the pieces fell together in Seth’s head. “The adoption.”
“That happened later, but yeah.” Rick turned and faced him again. “So when Helena recruited me and talked about making a difference it was a tale I wanted to hear.”
Fucking Helena and her manipulative bullshit. “She used your past to lure you.”
“Not really. She tiptoed around the murder-suicide. Was honest and clear that nothing I did in the CIA would make that right.”
At least that was something. Not much, but Seth unclenched when he realized whatever Helena felt for Rick likely was real. They shared knowledge and a history, and it matte
red to her. “So you joined.”
“Trained to go out in the field, and after I killed someone for the first time in a him-or-me fight I threw up for days. Resigned myself to strategy and sitting at a desk after that.”
Seth exhaled. The sound bounced around the room as he slipped his fingers into Rick’s short hair. “That’s a hell of a story.”
“All true.”
So much terror and fear had shaped him. The idea of that stunned Seth. Rick was so stable and clear. Life whipped him up in a shitstorm and he survived. He became this rock-solid guy who made Seth’s heart pound until he could barely hear anything else.
Every detail made Seth reassess his personal complaints. “And I thought the fact my parents preferred my dead brother and questioned every choice I’d ever made was a fucking sucky draw.”
“I’m sure it was and still is.” Rick slipped his fingers through Seth’s and held their joined hands tight against his chest. “Dead brother?”
Seth didn’t want to talk about that. Not now. This moment was really about Rick, not him.
“I’m talking about perspective.” It was a gift and one he didn’t really know he needed. “You give me that.”
“Is that a good thing?”
Seth leaned down and pressed a kiss on Rick’s mouth, then kissed him again. Let his mouth linger and their tongues touch.
When he finally lifted his head he knew the answer. “I’m starting to think it is.”
Chapter 22
Something had shifted between them. Rick sensed it, felt it. Could see it in the way Seth stared at him.
Rick had expected pity. He’d gotten that before from other people who knew his background. The murder haunted his childhood. For years it played in his head. He had this dream where he couldn’t get his legs to move as his mother reached out for him.
For so much of his early life he’d been the kid whose parents killed each other. The gossip unfairly lumped his parents together, making his innocent mother share in his father’s blame. That’s what people did. They assumed.
So that was his claim to fame in that Connecticut town where his adopted mother and father settled. His new mother had told the truth to the wrong person, then the gossip spread. He’d already been different before that—from somewhere else and not looking like anyone else—and the truth just highlighted how much he didn’t belong. Made him someone to be studied and maybe to fear. After all, if his father was violent, maybe he was, too.
Guarding Mr. Fine (Tough Love #2) Page 18
