by Raye Morgan
She had to admit that her dream of having a baby had included a shadowy donor father who looked a lot like Kane. She’d never once wished it were Kane himself. That would have been too contrary to the roles she saw them both in. Yet when she’d idealized that male part of the equation, it was definitely Kane’s image looming in her heart.
But now the fact that her dream had come true was almost too close for comfort—as though it had all been preordained in some mystic, surreal manner. This wasn’t the way she’d planned and imagined it. She hated to feel that the reins were slipping from her fingers.
Besides, it had never been a part of her dream that there would be a real live man in the picture. Real men brought along real complications. Her dream was of mother and child, the two of them together against the world. Though she was beginning to admit that dream was a bit unrealistic, she hated to let it go. It had kept her warm for so long….
When Kane buzzed her from the lobby, she knew who it was before she went to the receiver to answer his call.
“Who is it?” she said.
“It’s me.”
She swallowed and made a face. “I don’t know anyone named Me,”
“Maggie, let me come up.”
“It’s so early.”
“Or late,” he said with the husky timbre of a man who hadn’t had much sleep. “It depends on your perspective.”
She sighed. He wasn’t going to give up.
“All right,” she said, and hit the release.
Then she looked at herself in the hall mirror and grimaced, pushing back the impulse to run for the bathroom and her makeup kit. This was the way she looked on Saturday mornings, hair in a braid down her back, baggy sweats and all. He might as well know the truth.
She started some coffee while she waited for him to come up to her floor, spilling grounds all over the counter. Exclaiming softly, she hurried to wipe up the mess.
She was nervous. A part of her was tempted to welcome Kane’s involvement. After all, she’d been so all alone, and the more this baby had become a reality, the more she’d realized she’d begun a huge undertaking, and maybe, just maybe, she’d set herself up for disaster. To have someone on her side and in her corner, someone who cared right along with her…wouldn’t that be wonderful?
She drew in a sharp breath and shook her head. Wonderful only in fairy tales. Real life had a way of turning on you. No, this was something she’d ventured into on her own and that was the way she wanted it to stay. She had to be strong.
Turning to wash out her dishrag, she knocked over a cup that she’d left beside the sink. Luckily, it was plastic and only bounced, but the fact that she’d done it didn’t help her nerves at all, and she let out a cry that included a swear word she hardly ever used, then jumped when Kane’s knuckles rapped on her door. Blood rushed to her cheeks as she wondered if he’d heard her curse.
She opened the door and got her answer.
“What’s wrong?” was the first thing he said, feeding into her embarrassment.
“Nothing.” She shook her head, avoiding his gaze. “Come on in,” she mumbled, turning into the apartment, then turning back to look at him. There was something different about him this morning. It took a moment for her to realize what it was.
He looked happy. Really happy. Dread began to build in the area around her heart.
“Good morning,” he said cheerfully, and his gaze went immediately to her stomach area.
“I just can’t get over it,” he said. “My baby. You’re nurturing my baby in there. It’s like a miracle.”
She frowned at his words, but he didn’t notice. He came on into her apartment, shedding his overcoat and turning to look at her as though he couldn’t get enough of drinking her in.
She could tell right away that he hadn’t been home yet. He needed a shave and his suit was rumpled, his tie gone and his shirt open at the neck. His dark hair looked ragged and a few strands fell over his forehead in an appealing manner. She’d never seen him look more gorgeous.
“A miracle,” he said again with a reverence that surprised her.
And the baby must have heard him, because he took that moment to move inside, like a small earthquake. She put her hand over her stomach, suddenly feeling the wonder Kane was communicating to her. For just a moment, their gazes met and held, and her heart began to beat a rhythm that took her breath away.
She turned quickly, moving into her little kitchen. “Coffee?” she offered.
“Sure.” He slid onto the bar stool at the counter and leaned his elbows on the surface. “Meanwhile, I suppose you’d like to know just why this mix-up happened,” he said dryly.
She looked up from pouring the coffee. It was something she’d been puzzled about. “Tell me,” she said.
He nodded and launched into a long explanation of how he’d accompanied his friend Bill when he was having his cancer treatments. Slowly, he edged into the sperm bank situation, staring down at his folded hands as he talked, trying to explain why he left a deposit of his own along with Bill’s.
“I just don’t understand,” she said, bewildered. “I always thought of you as a clear-eyed businessman with a mind like a steel trap and a will to go with it. Why would you even do such a thing?”
He paused, trying to explain what had seemed so insignificant at the time. “It’s like when my sister-in-law Jill is trying to get her toddler to eat his mashed peas. She says, ‘Look, Kenny, they’re so yummy!’ And she takes a bite and smiles and pretends it’s delicious, so Kenny will try it, too.” He shrugged. “Bill was freaking out. He didn’t want to do it. So when the technician suggested I go ahead and do it too, to put Bill’s mind at ease, I was glad to help. I really meant to call back right away afterwards and tell them to destroy my sample. But it went flat out of my mind. I didn’t think of it again until…it was too late.” It all seemed too haphazard. At the time, it had seemed insignificant. And now, it meant everything.
Maggie listened, forgetting all about her beverage preparations, her heart thumping out a steady drum-beat in her chest. The whole situation seemed so wildly implausible.
“When they told me my…donation…had been used by someone in my own company, I was stunned,” he said, looking up. “I went crazy trying to figure out who it could be. And when I found out it was you…”
She pulled her gaze away from the intensity of his and busied herself with the coffee again.
“Maggie, why were you having artificial insemination?” he asked softly.
She stopped what she was doing, steeled herself, and looked up into his eyes. “Because I want a baby so badly,” she said in a clear, cool voice. “And I didn’t want to remarry to have one.”
She handed him his coffee and took a sip of her own. She knew he was puzzled by her answer, that he probably didn’t approve. But he didn’t say anything and she didn’t offer any more explanation than that.
“What does your family think about it?” he asked.
“I don’t have any family,” she told him. “My parents have passed away. It’s just me and the kid.”
He half grinned at that. “You and the kid,” he repeated softly. “And now there’s me.”
She didn’t say anything. What could she say? That she didn’t want him in her little family? That he was only an accident? No, that was too cold. Still, it was true.
“Okay, here’s the deal,” he said crisply, suddenly all business. “We’ll go in Monday and find out for sure if our speculation is correct. But we both know it is. Don’t we?”
She started to answer, but he went on without noticing, sliding off the bar stool and pacing the floor as he spoke.
“You’ll quit your job at Kane Haley. And move into a very nice condo that’s available in my building, just one floor down. I’ll hire a truck and some packers to come take care of all this for you.”
He waved at her half-packed boxes. “I don’t want you bending and lifting. And I think it would be best if I hire someone to look after you a
ll day, just in case. Hopefully someone who can take over being a nurse once the baby is born. Meanwhile, we’ll start looking for a house for you in the suburbs.”
She blinked at him. Here she’d been contemplating moving into a cheaper place that wasn’t far from being a slum and economizing in every way she could. The future he laid out before her was a paradise compared to that. And he sounded so sure of himself. She felt a bit overwhelmed as he stopped and smiled into her eyes.
“Of course, we both want to do what’s best for the baby. That will be my major concern in everything we plan from now on.”
Of course. Important plans. The baby was the entire point. How could she not want what was best for him? She turned away and closed her eyes. Maybe he was right. After all, she was so all alone. Maybe it would be best to listen to him, to do what he said….
“I guess you’re going to need some maternity clothes, aren’t you? And I’ve got a friend who’s an obstetrician. I’ll get you an appointment right away.”
Kane had it all planned out. How easy it would be to go along with him, let him make the choices, pay the bills, take control. All the worries, the struggling, would evaporate into thin air. She could relax and let him take over.
Suddenly a memory of Tom’s face swam into her mind, his eyes cold, his mouth in a hard line of disapproval. She shuddered, pushing the image away. Turning, she stared at Kane. He was completely different from Tom. His face was so handsome, so kind. He wanted what was best for her, and the baby. That much was obvious.
“Here,” he was saying, stopping at the counter and pulling out his check register and a pen and beginning to write. “I’ll give you enough to cover any expenses you might have over the next few days.” He ripped it from the book and held it out to her, his eyes warm, his mouth tilted at the corners in a smile.
“Maggie, this is going to be quite an adventure.”
Her throat was dry. She picked up the check and looked at it. It was made out for a lot of money—more money than she made in a month. Her insides were shaking and she prayed her anxiety wouldn’t show in her voice. She knew she had to maintain the iron discipline she assumed at work or she would melt into a quivering mound of Jell-O. And that couldn’t happen. She couldn’t let this relationship devolve into what she’d had before with Tom.
Looking up into his face, she tried to smile and failed. “N-n-no,” she said. “I can’t.” And she ripped the check in two.
Kane’s face registered complete surprise. He looked at the torn pieces of paper in her hand and shook his head. “Maggie, what’s wrong?” he said sharply.
She took in a deep breath and launched her defense. “Did it ever occur to you that this is an ongoing process, and you’ve come a bit late to the fair?” she asked him shakily.
The warmth had faded from his eyes and his brows began to move together. “I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”
“Kane, I’ve been doing this for over five months. You just walk into the middle of things and expect to take over.” She steadied her voice along with her breathing. It was coming easier now. “Why should you feel so free to change all the rules?”
He looked bewildered. “I’m not trying to change all the rules. I want to help you. I’m trying to get a handle on things….”
“You’re trying to take control.”
“What?”
His tone was less outraged than it was astonished, and she felt a pang of remorse for the stern way she was talking to him. But she knew it had to be done if she was going to maintain her position.
“The baby is mine,” she told him, her voice still stiff, but softer now. “The baby may also be yours. Somewhat. And in that case, I’ll be glad to have you as a male influence for my child. I admire you very much. But I will make all the final decisions for my baby.”
She steeled herself, expecting confrontation. Tom had always fought her every step of the way any time she tried to assert herself. She hated fighting. She usually tried to avoid it. That habit had led to Tom pretty much ruling their relationship. She couldn’t let that happen here and she would fight if she had to.
But as she looked into Kane’s eyes, she didn’t see the anger she expected. She saw something else—something she didn’t really recognize. And the next thing she knew, he was taking her hand in his and pulling her much too close.
“Maggie, does this have something to do with your husband dying?” he asked her quietly, his dark eyes full of compassion for her position.
“My husband?” She stared at him for a moment.
“You were so young to lose a husband you probably loved very much,” he said, lacing his fingers through hers. “I know you probably haven’t gotten over losing him. Maggie, are you feeling that letting me get involved would somehow be disloyal to him?”
Her shoulders sagged and she wanted to laugh. If he only knew! “Oh no, it’s nothing like that.”
He drew her hand up and pressed it to his lips, searching her eyes for clues at the same time. “You said there was no other man in your life.”
He was so close and so warm. She could feel his body heat and it tickled her nose. How easy it would be to sink against him, let him hold her, let him make his plans for her life. Everything in her cried for that comfort.
“That’s right,” she said a bit breathlessly.
He smiled at her. “Then I’m going to be the man. You need one. And so does the…your baby.” He shrugged, his dark eyes so very full of that sublime male confidence she could only envy and never hope to duplicate. “I don’t see how you can stop me.”
“Oh…I don’t want to stop you…exactly. That’s not it at all.” How could she explain? He wasn’t Tom, and yet, he was a man. She couldn’t let him take over her life the way that men always did. She closed her eyes, trying to find a way to make him understand without making him into an enemy.
But before she thought of anything, he was releasing her, suddenly striding across the room, and she turned, surprised, to see what had caught his eye.
“Baby clothes?” he said as he dropped down into a squat to look into an open packing box. “You’ve already bought some baby clothes?”
Reaching in he pulled out a little blue shirt and held it up to the light, marveling at it. “Are they really this small?” he murmured, rising and turning toward Maggie, his face glowing.
“Newborns are even smaller,” she said.
He looked down at the shirt again, imagining a tiny, squirming body inside it. Then he realized what the color meant. “Do you already know the gender?” he asked her hopefully.
Despite everything, she smiled. She couldn’t help it. How seductively delightful to have someone to share the joy with. “Yes. It’s a boy.”
“A boy.” His heart was so full, he had to turn away so that she wouldn’t see his eyes misting. “A boy.” He could barely stand to stay calm. He remembered himself with his own father. And he also remembered his devastation when he’d lost the man. How his mother had begun going off to work every day and leaving him with sitters. How he’d waited for a father who never came home again.
Actually, once he’d become an adult and had looked into the facts of the matter, he could see that his mother hadn’t waited all that long to remarry and supply him with a father again. But, as much as he’d liked his stepfather, he’d always thought of him as a visitor. He’d always been waiting for his own father to finally come home again. Sometimes he felt as though he were still waiting.
He turned to look back at Maggie. He liked the way her hair was escaping from the braid at the back of her neck, liked the way her breasts looked under the soft cloth of her sweatshirt, liked her feet in fuzzy socks. He wanted to put his arms around her and hug her close.
But they didn’t quite have that sort of relationship. She would think it odd if he did it. She might even push him away.
Still, it was time to make some sort of statement. He took a deep breath, and then he told her how he felt.
“
I think I know what we’re going to have to do,” he said.
She gazed at him in surprise. “What is that?”
“I think we’re going to have to get married,” he said. “I know that wasn’t in your plans. But hey, life messes up our plans all the time.” That wasn’t quite the way Jill had put it, but it would have to do. “Yes, we’ll have to get married.” And then he shrugged happily. “There’s just no other way.”
Chapter Five
The verdict was in. Suspicions confirmed. Everything was official.
Kane and Maggie came back from meeting with the people at the fertility clinic, riding up in the elevator as silently as they’d spent the last half hour in the car together. They walked into Kane’s office with out a word, sat down across from each other at his desk, and stared into each other’s eyes.
Kane swallowed hard. He’d known it was true, and yet, having it corroborated stunned him all over again. Somehow fate had stepped in and taken charge of their lives. Somewhere a mischievous angel had to be laughing his head off.
“Well,” he said, frowning slightly, not sure what to say next.
“Well,” Maggie echoed, her eyes filled with a vaguely bewildered expression.
Kane shrugged, then reached across the desk and grabbed her hand in his, holding tightly. “Do you realize what this means?” he demanded, looking into her eyes with an intensity that startled her. “Do you get it? No matter what we do—no matter where we go from here—you and I are locked together forever.”
She stared at him. It was almost too big a thought to encompass at the moment. Forever. No matter what. Forever. Their shared future seemed to stretch into infinity.
“You see?” he said softly, his eyes shining. “We might as well get married.”
“Oh!” She pulled her hand back and gave him a look of exasperation mixed with apprehension. “Enough with the marriage talk!”
He leaned back in his chair, but he wasn’t giving up. He wanted to marry her. He’d been trying to get her to see things his way since Saturday morning and he wasn’t used to being denied. He was sure it was only a matter of time before he convinced her. After all, he’d convinced himself, and if anyone had ever been standing firm against marriage, he was that man.
