by Raye Morgan
She knew this was part of being involved in negotiations and business affairs and it didn’t really surprise her. But…was it her imagination or was there a new coolness to his manner? And if so, why?
She ate her dinner alone in the penthouse, wandering from room to room, wishing it didn’t feel so empty. Kane had obviously had a decorator take care of the furnishings and everything looked like layouts from an upscale magazine, but she would have liked to have seen some personal touches somewhere in all the twelve rooms. Just from the looks of things, she doubted whether Kane had ever spent much time there except to sleep and clean up in the morning. How was she going to turn this place into a home?
She chose her own bedroom—not having had any input from Kane and not wanting to presume so much as to sleep in his bed. There were four of them. She supposed she could try a different one for every night Kane was gone.
Why didn’t that sound like fun? It should have. But she had a feeling nothing was going to be much fun until Kane came back.
Mark came by the next evening and took her over to her old apartment to gather some things together and prepare for the movers to bring over her boxes. Mark was in quite a chatty mood and seemed tickled that his big brother had married Maggie.
“You’ve married a great guy, you know,” he just happened to mention as they drove from one apartment building to the other.
“I know.” She smiled, thinking of Kane. “I have worked for him for two years, remember.”
“Sure.” He nodded, but he was still looking at her as though he thought she didn’t really appreciate what she was getting here. “I’ve known him for longer. And I’m telling you, he’s a great guy.” His brows came together as he thought that over.
“He’s a good businessman. Runs a really quality company. And that’s partly because of his superior management skills and instincts.” He smiled as they came to a stop at a light. “He is a little impractical sometimes,” he added, looking over at her. “A little soft-hearted where he ought to be more hard-headed.”
“In what way?” Maggie asked curiously. She knew he was sensitive in ways she’d never imagined before their honeymoon, but she wasn’t sure what Mark was driving at.
“Well, take this child-care center thing he’s been pushing for his company.” The light changed and Mark started up the car again. “There’s no way that’s going to fly. He’s already getting mired down in problems. They’re going to have to drop it.”
Her heart sank. “You don’t mean that! Why?”
He shrugged. “Can’t do it. The lawyer has said it’s too much liability to carry. There is going to be all kinds of trouble with it.” He pulled into Kane’s parking structure. “There’s almost a guarantee that someone will sue. A kid will get hurt on the kiddy slide or someone will offer peanut butter to a kid who’s allergic to peanuts or someone will claim the day care worker is showing preferential treatment to all the children except hers. There’s always someone who thinks they might have a chance at striking it big. Like winning the lottery. And they ruin it for everyone else.”
“That’s such a shame,” Maggie said, shaking her head. “How did we get into this position where one person’s greed can take something good away from everyone else?”
“It’s a real problem.” He pulled into the parking space and turned off the engine. “But what can Kane do? The liability is just too overwhelming. He can’t risk losing the entire business over a day-care center.”
Maggie swallowed hard, deeply shaken. “I suppose not,” she said sadly, but she wished she could think of some solution.
The situation was so depressing. She knew that many of the women at Kane Haley were depending on the day-care center, planning their lives around it. Jen had called her again that very day asking what she knew about it. She wouldn’t tell her friends what Mark had said just yet, she decided. Better to wait and talk to Kane first.
In the meantime, she could hardly wait for Kane to get home. She missed him so much! He called every evening, mostly to hear about what had happened in the office that day, and he seemed rushed and tired, and on the third night, he had bad news. He was going to have to go down to Florida to put out another rebellion among clients, and since he was due to appear at a conference in Fort Lauderdale the next week anyway, he might as well just go straight to it. That meant it would be over a week before she would see him again.
“I’m a lucky guy, you know,” he told her lightly. “I know you’re holding down the fort, so I can afford to take this much time away from the office. If it weren’t for you, I’d be agonizing over this.”
The compliments were nice, but not enough to make up for not having him home again. Swallowing her disappointment, she held back her comments and tried to remain cheerful. She knew he didn’t like doing this any more than she liked having him do it. She wanted him home so that they could get back to the business of building their marriage.
Every night she was falling asleep with memories of their one beautiful night together playing over and over in her head like a movie. What she was looking forward to most was the sequel.
Kane was back. The elevator bell rang and she looked up and there he was, striding toward the office, looking like the handsome man she’d married. Maggie threw down her pen and jumped up to greet him.
“Welcome home, stranger,” she said, beaming at him.
“Maggie.” He stopped before her and for just a moment, she was sure she saw affection in the depths of his dark eyes, a warmth that could have curled her toes. But almost immediately it was gone and his eyes glazed over, flat as the panes of a tinted window. She lifted her face for his kiss and he landed it on her cheek instead of her lips, then turned and headed for his office.
Maggie stood where she was, stunned. There was no use trying to deny it any longer. All the old excuses she’d been using wouldn’t hold. He was purposely freezing her out.
At first, she was numb. It took a few hours for her to come to terms with what was going on, and then she decided to wait until they were home to approach him about it. This wasn’t something she wanted to talk over in front of others.
But it wasn’t something she could ignore, either. When she’d ignored things in the past, the results had been very bad. She couldn’t let things drift. If he had changed his mind, if he regretted having married her—a thought that cut like a knife into her soul—she wanted to know right away.
She waited until after dinner to talk to him. She’d prepared a big pot of spaghetti with meat sauce and he ate two helpings. That, along with the fact that he seemed perfectly willing to talk about his trip and ask her in a friendly manner about what she’d been up to, helped make her wonder if she were seeing things clearly. He seemed fine.
Except that he never touched her. And he never looked at her as though he wanted to.
Another big hint—when she showed him which bedroom she’d chosen for herself, he approved her choice and didn’t say, “Aren’t you going to sleep with me?” How she would have loved to have heard those words. But he didn’t utter them, and she knew that pretty much confirmed her fears. He didn’t want her in his bed. That hurt in a deep, burning way that bewildered her.
After dinner they sat on his modern leather couch in front of a roaring fire and listened to light jazz and talked a little more about what was going on at the office. And finally, she steeled herself and brought up what was most on her mind.
“Kane,” she said, trying to hold his gaze with her own. “Are you sorry we did this?”
He looked startled for just a second. “Did what?” he asked her.
“Got married.”
Something flashed deep in his gaze, but she couldn’t identify what it was.
“No, of course not,” he said quickly, but his gaze shifted away from hers. “Why do you ask that?”
“Because you seem to want to keep me at arm’s length. I’d almost say you were avoiding me at times.”
“That’s ridiculous. You know how I fee
l about you, Maggie.”
“No, Kane. I don’t. I wish you’d tell me.”
He was quiet for a long moment, staring into the fire. What did she want from him? He was trying very hard to keep the equilibrium they had both agreed they needed for the stability they had to have, and now he was feeling a bit morose and unappreciated.
Didn’t she understand how hard it was to stay away from her? They’d both agreed from the beginning that it would be for the best if they kept their relationship platonic. That way they wouldn’t run the risk having to deal with the complications, the highs and the lows.
But he sure did miss those highs! That night in the hotel…he ached whenever he thought of it. Being near her was sweet temptation mixed with exquisite torture. He was hoping the intensity would dim with time, and they could go on without entanglements. But she wanted to know how he felt about her right now.
Well, how did he feel? Did he love her? Love wasn’t something he thought about a lot. He supposed he did love her in a way. But he’d once loved his first wife, Crystal, too. What did love matter? Love didn’t stop bad things from happening.
For a few days, he’d seen a vision of a possible future that seemed too good to be true. He didn’t dare count on it. Where people were concerned, you couldn’t count on anything. He knew he had to protect himself and hold on to the things he knew he could depend on—work and his money. That was it. Nothing more.
Finally he turned and looked her in the eye. “Maggie, we made a bargain, remember? This is purely a business arrangement.”
Something in his tone shocked her. “But… I thought…after that night in the hotel…”
His gaze didn’t soften. “We made one mistake. That doesn’t negate the entire agreement. I think we’ll both be happier if we stick to the plan. Don’t you?”
Happier? Was he kidding?
She sat in silence for a long time, then excused herself and went to her lonely bedroom. Slipping under the covers, she turned off the light, but she knew very well she wasn’t going to sleep for hours. His words were echoing in her head. This was just a business arrangement. No loving allowed.
Well, darn it, he was right. That had been their bargain and she supposed she ought to keep her end of it. She’d been just as determined to insist upon it at the time as he had.
But that had been before they’d made love. And once she’d given her heart and soul to him, didn’t that make things a little bit different?
Obviously not. He’d said it himself, that women always take that sort of thing much more seriously than men do. She should have taken his words to heart. Maybe she had been silly and female.
“So sue me!” she said aloud, looking up at the dark ceiling with a scowl.
And yet, she knew that on a level of logic and clear thinking, he was right. Well, okay. She would be stronger. She would survive. And she would stop projecting things onto him that he didn’t have any time for. She would stop asking for things he couldn’t give. If that was the way it had to be, she could take it.
But what would that mean for her baby? Putting two loving hands over her stomach, she felt movement, and she had to smile despite her pain. Her baby was the point of this entire situation. Right now she was so confused it was very hard to think through all the ramifications. If she just continued working her way through, day by day, maybe it would all work out for the best in the end. Sure, things would be okay.
But if everything was so hopeful, why were tears spilling down her cheeks? She wiped them away angrily. She wasn’t going to cry, darn it all! She was going to concentrate on her baby. That was all that was really important, after all.
Jill knew something was wrong right away. She came by the office to take Maggie to lunch, and, after downing a very large cheeseburger and two plates of fries, she ordered cherry pie à la mode and demanded Maggie tell her what the problem was.
“And don’t give me that ‘nothing’ routine,” she said crisply, digging into her dessert. “Your eyes are full of misery. You can’t hide it any more than a snake can hide the bulge from that fat rabbit he just swallowed.”
“It’s stupid, really,” Maggie told her hesitantly. “I don’t think…”
Jill nodded and cut right to the chase. “You’re in love with Kane, aren’t you?”
Maggie bit her lip, playing with the silverware. “Yes,” she said softly.
Jill snorted and took another bite of pie. “So much for ‘modern platonic marriages.’”
“Oh, but he doesn’t love me.”
“Really.” Her tone crackled with skepticism.
“No, he doesn’t. He wants us to keep this as a business arrangement. He’s been very clear on that.”
Jill sighed and pushed her plate away. “Nothing’s clear to Kane right now. Kane’s head has been full of fuzz ever since he found out he was going to have a baby.” She pursed her lips. “Has he told you about his father yet?”
Maggie shook her head. “No. He doesn’t like to talk about his past.”
“Then I’ll have to fill you in on that, too.” Jill set her elbows on the table. “Here it is in a nutshell. He adored his father. There was some special attachment that happened because his father drank too much and even as a little boy, he felt protective of the old guy. Then his father died in a traffic accident—he was drunk, of course—and Kane felt it as an abandonment. He’s never really gotten over it completely. Their mother told this to Mark when they were young—explaining why Kane was being moody and had hurt Mark with something he said. Kane’s still hung up on losing his dad. End of story.”
Maggie blinked at her. “Well that’s very sad, but I don’t see—”
“You don’t see how that gives him a special feeling for this kid you’re carrying?”
“Sure, but—”
“You don’t see why that makes him afraid to commit to you for fear he’ll lose you, too?”
Maggie thought for a moment and shook her head. “Not really.”
“Think about it. It will come to you.” She waved one hand in Maggie’s direction as she signaled the waiter for the check with the other. “In the meantime, don’t give up on him. He’s worth the effort.”
Maggie was sure he was, if only she knew what effort she really ought to make to create the climate they could come together in. He’d married her because he wanted ties to his child. She was just a means to an end. How could it be otherwise?
The answer finally surfaced for her. He didn’t love her the way she loved him. And maybe he never would. It took a few days for her to come to terms with what was happening, but once she did, a feeling of dread began to grow in her chest. Could she stay with him if this was the way it was going to be?
The problem was, they were so busy, she hardly had time to think about her own doubts and fears. And despite everything, their relationship was genuinely friendly. Except for the first day they’d been back, he hadn’t been short or angry with her at all, and her vague fears that he might resort to the sort of verbal attacks she’d known with her other male relationships began to fade away. He wasn’t going to be that way.
In fact, many women would have been perfectly happy with what they had together. What she was missing was that extra level of warmth she’d assumed would come after their one glorious night in the hotel.
Had that night really happened? Sometimes she wondered if maybe she had dreamed it.
The day-care center issue was still up in the air and she didn’t want to broach it with Kane at this point. She’d looked through some of the files while he was still away, and sure enough, Mark was right. All the lawyers had recommended against going forward with the day-care center. They’d been quite strong in their opinions. They’d written that establishing the center would just be asking for trouble Kane didn’t need. There were too many fires to put out in their business situation today, and with the tightening economy, the competitive climate, and the amount of legal sharks always circling in a search for vulnerabilities, it would be crazy
to go ahead with something so risky.
Well, of course, his business came first. Without it, none of them would have jobs, much less child care. So she wasn’t prepared to argue with him about it. But she wished, deep in her heart, that something could be done.
Jen and Sharon cornered her in the break room one day and demanded to know what was going on.
“Listen, Maggie, we know you’re very busy, but we really need an answer on this. If you can’t find out yourself, we’re going to have to go to Kane directly.”
Maggie sighed. “You can do that, of course. But I have to tell you, from what I’ve heard so far, things don’t look good.” Briefly, she explained about the lawyers’ opinions.
“This is just so unfair,” Sharon said in frustration. “Can’t you say something to Kane about this? Can’t you convince him?”
How could she tell them that she was afraid she no longer had even as much pull with him as she had when she was only his administrative assistant? Neither Sharon nor Jen seemed to want to see things from Kane’s point of view and Maggie felt as though she had to defend him. Still, she understood how they felt. She was just as upset as they were.
So she was caught completely by surprise when one day in late March she found two men in work clothes wandering the premises, looking lost.
“Can I help you, gentlemen?” she asked.
“Yes,” said the older man. “We’re from Branart Construction. We’re looking for the day-care center.”
“The day-care center?”
“Yes, I think we’ve got the wrong floor.” He held out a requisition form to show her what was marked there.
“You do have the wrong floor. But tell me, why are you looking for the day-care center?”
“We’re preparing for the new round of renovations you’ve ordered. We need to take some measurements and start drawing up final plans.”
The younger man chimed in, “We’ve got a tight deadline since the official opening will be in June. We’d really like to get started right away.”
