by Macronomicon
“Something I realized in the Tutorial: I’m not cut out for fighting.” Ron shook his head. “I spent every day for years just playing a necromancer in D&D, imagining how I’d be some kind of lord of the dead, master of all I survey, but man…that’s not my scene. The idea of actually killing people makes me insanely sick to my stomach, and if there’s anything that makes you recognize your own mortality, it’s seeing people drop like flies around you.”
Ron shrugged. “All I wanna do now is get by.”
Jeb tapped his fingers on the back of his hand. “What did you mean when you said ‘share’?”
“The haul from the shipping area, plus the reward from The System for killing the World Tortoise. You didn’t…get that?”
Jeb sighed. “No, I didn’t get that. Although I did drink my share from the shipping area.”
“Oh.” Ron rubbed his neck uncomfortably. “Well, your share is sitting in the empire’s vault. We all decided to set some aside in case you were still alive. Freeman left all his share behind, and we added it in. The only problem was we couldn’t figure out who was gonna babysit a mountain of loot indefinitely, so the emperor let us use his vault.”
“I’m sure he was happy to do that,” Jeb said, tone flat.
“Eh. We were half-convinced you’d been vaporized or some such.” Ron shrugged. “Seemed like as good a place as any.”
“Well, I’ll look into claiming that one day, if it becomes an option,” Jeb said.
“Did you… Did you need money?” Ron asked. “Cuz I could—”
Jeb held his hand up, then revealed the case of gold hanging from his shoulder.
“Today, I’m looking to buy.”
Ron’s face split in a boyish grin. “Fella, you’ve come to the right place.”
******
“You’re okay with it if this breaks?” Jeb asked one last time, holding the ivory ring between his fingers.
“Knock yourself out, man. I don’t even need it anymore.”
Jeb tugged off his Appraiser and blew smoke out of it while Ron looked on in fascination.
Ring of Myst +3
Crafted by a jeweler to find her child that had been spirited away, this ring offers a glimpse into the unseen world. The jeweler poured years of her life and lost an eye to the creation of this artifact in the hopes that she could locate him again. In the end, the ring itself was traded for her son’s life, but the boy was greatly diminished, and she could never again see him without the aid of the ring she had bargained away.
“That’s really cool,” Ron said, watching the roiling Myst form a solid panel, suspending the ring in the top.
Jeb grunted and caught the Myst ring on the way back down, then slipped it on his finger. The ring seemed to relax around his finger, growing wider as it engulfed his digit. Jeb’s temples began to pound, and he knew it was working.
He used the Appraiser on himself.
Jebediah Trapper
Mystic Trapsmith, Level 39
Accolades: Krusker’s Brawn, Siren’s Cunning, R-R-RubU’s Mysteries, Gresh’s Subtlety, Innovator, Lagross’s Power
Body 21 (9)
Myst 71 (16+3)
Nerve 26 (10)
Abilities: Mystic Trigger
Accolade Pending: Lagross’s Power suspended due to multiple instances. Awaiting resolution.
Attention, this User has been flagged for exclusion from The System by executive order.
There it is. Thank God I can still inflate my stats. “How much you want for it?” Jeb asked.
“For you?” Ron asked. “On the house.
“These, on the other hand.” Ron ran his fingers over the case full of artifacts before opening the wooden lid with a dramatic flourish. “These will cost you.”
Jeb nearly squinted at the sheer amount of wealth on display blasting him in the face. Ron didn’t actually have to work a day in his life; the farm was just something to do.
“I’ll take the slave collars,” Jeb said, pointing. That’s right, Ron snagged these at the end of the Tutorial. “I need control lenses, and examples of circuitry.”
Jeb went through and started identifying the wands on display.
Wand of Flowing Barriers
The ultimate intersection between personal protection and affordability, Life-Aide’s Wand of Flowing Barriers releases a thin film that instantly settles into the air, creating a malleable barrier that is difficult and time-consuming to penetrate, giving you the opportunity to escape or launch a counterattack!
Whether you need protection from monsters or simply need to buy time to make yourself presentable, Life-Aide is on your side!
Warning, choking hazard. Do not use Wand of Flowing Barriers in a manner other than for its intended purpose. Do not tamper with Wand of Flowing Barriers. Doing so voids all warranty and may result in serious injury or death. Life-Aide is not liable for any damages caused by using the product other than for its intended purpose.
“Ehh….” Jeb set aside the pearlescent wand and tossed the next one into the Appraisal cloud.
It was a simple steel tube with a ruler stamped into the metal side and a couple different sliding focus rings along the side.
Wand of Sand-blast
The right tool for every job. The Wand of Sand-blast sends a fine blast of sand out, potentially blinding opponents. But wait, there’s more!
The Wand of Sand-blast can also be used to sand furniture and other projects, even steel and gemstones. It can even be used to cut and polish at different settings. It’s the perfect gift for the crafty son of a bitch in your family this holiday season.
Warning, blinding hazard. Do not use Wand of Sand-blast in a manner other than for its intended purpose. Do not tamper with Wand of Sand-blast. Doing so voids all warranty and may result in serious injury or death. Ricter’s is not liable for any damages caused by using the product other than for its intended purpose.
“Interesting. Next.”
Wand of Translocated Vision
Need a clear point of view to fill out that map, or find true north when the canopy is blocking the sun from view? Look no further than the Wand of Translocated Vision!
Creates a temporary invisible sensor linked to the caster at the focal point of the wand, with a practical range of up to a hundred feet. The user’s viewpoint will switch to the sensor’s immediately upon casting.
Scout Rabzi dens in advance, check around the corner of that tunnel for lurking Smorlocks, all without exposing yourself to danger! Smart wizards choose Tenacity™!
May cause nausea. Tenacity™ is not liable for any motion-sickness or temporary loss of vision the user may experience. Do not use Wand of Translocated Vision in a manner other than for its intended purpose. Do not tamper with Wand of Translocated Vision. Doing so voids all warranty and may result in arrest for spying on the opposite sex.
“It boggles my mind, the gulf between the hyper-consumer tone of wands, versus the Grimm fairy tale tone of rings,” Jeb said, holding up the ivory ring on his hand.
“I think it’s because rings can’t be mass-produced?” Ron said. “I mean, you made your fireball wand in less than a week, with scraps. I wouldn’t know the first thing about these rings.”
Something to think about, Jeb thought, eyeing the ivory ring.
******
“Okay, two slave collars, the bubble wand, sand wand, peeping wand, and the gold ring of Body plus three. That’ll be eleven hundred bulbs, or seventy pounds of gold bullion. Would you like me to wrap that up for you?” Ron asked with a hint of a smile.
“Can I get a—”
“That is at a discount.”
“Just the barrier wand for now, then,” Jeb said. “I’ll be back in a couple days with more gold.”
“I don’t doubt it. I’ll be holding onto these for you until then.”
Jeb wanted to grumble aloud and impugn Ron’s family, but that would be a lie, so he settled for a glare.
“Thanks for the ring, Ron.” Jeb waved as he head
ed out, completely bled of gold by the heartless monster.
“Yer welcome, come on back anytime. You too, Smartass.”
Smartass waved from Jeb’s shoulder before giving the necromancer a raspberry.
******
Jeb walked down the road, passing by the occasional rusting heap of steel that hadn’t been moved out of the street yet.
I wonder if I could use Ron as reinforcements, Jeb thought, ignoring the sounds of overcrowding—people fighting over scraps of food and children screaming. The usual.
Jeb had only two moral compunctions about using Ron’s zombies as extra workforce. First, he could see a thousand different ways Ron’s zombies could get caught trying to steal children, and those zombies were indisputably Ron’s.
Good way to get the ginger set upon by a mob with torches and pitchforks.
And second, the kid said he wasn’t a fighter. The only reason he’d been a fighter in the Tutorial was because the alternative was death. Ron’s greatest aspiration was to start a business, get married and have kids. He was already halfway there.
As soon as ladies figured out the necromancer was young, single, had money, food, a place to live, and protection, well… He was about to get very popular, as soon as a woman was brave enough to investigate the mysterious owner of Working Stiffs.
Better to keep Ron out of the splash zone, blame-wise. I’d rather have him available for the long term rather than get him arrested or killed.
So if I’m not using Ron, then what’s my in? I need to start yanking kids off the streets, but without getting caught. I was considering using a custom-built zombie to somewhat disguise my involvement from the casual observer, but that’s not gonna fly.
Honestly, Jeb didn’t have the first clue how he would go about stealing children, because he wasn’t a psycho child predator.
I guess the first thing I would do is find some kids living on their own to steal. Jeb thought back to the kids dwelling in the bookstore.
Check.
Then I would case them, either by myself or with loyal investigators. Then, as soon as I got a solid idea of their comings and goings, I would exploit some flaw in their child-logic and lure one away from the group and pick them off.
Not checked.
Maybe I should’ve bought the peeping tom wand.
Jeb had prioritized his own protection over information gathering, and it looked like that was going to slow down his job. Not by a lot, given he was about to go home and begin producing gold bullion.
I wonder if I could hire a private investigator. No, it might be better to buy one from the slave house. Then I know they’re not involved.
“Nancy!” A single voice cut through the chatter of humans littering the streets, dragging Jeb’s thoughts back to the present.
“Naancyyy!” Another voice echoed through the streets. Young.
Jeb frowned and changed the direction of his foot, heading toward the voices.
“Nancy! Where are you!?”
Jeb turned down an alley that connected to the next road over. Several men sat in the alley, conserving their energy, ribs sticking out like the dry twigs of a mummy. Jeb passed them without a second glance.
Can’t save everyone.
Jeb followed the voices to a small backroad, where he spotted about two dozen children marching through the street, hollering ‘Nancy’ at the top of their lungs, many of them crying.
There’s Rufio, Jeb thought, eyes narrowing as a memory triggered. ‘And now you told a stranger Nancy’s name. Great. Good job.’
Their Nancy is missing? Today!?
Jeb had been close enough to bump shoulders with the culprit! Had the bastard been listening when the kid mentioned Nancy’s name and used that to steal her? Jeb quickly ran through his memory of the day’s events and didn’t remember anyone being close enough to have heard them.
There was nobody in eyeshot, but there was a distinct possibility that Jeb had seen them immediately before or after if they’d been close enough to eavesdrop with magic.
Damn, I wish child-killers would just wear signs that said ‘I’m the bad guy’. Make life a lot simpler.
Jeb lurked in the dark of the alleyway for a moment, casing the two dozen mewling children of varying age, considering his options.
His gaze settled on Rufio, the teenage leader of the pack. I need an in. He has an in. He’s a fighter, and he’s got a bone to pick with the guy stealing his people.
Oh god, I’m considering working with a teen. Kill me now.
Rather than off himself as was appropriate, Jeb followed the wandering horde of children until they mostly ran out of gas. Some of them still shouted for Nancy, while others wrapped their arms around their legs and curled up like pill bugs, weeping into the unfeeling asphalt.
Their leader had pulled ahead of the rest of them, calling out the girl’s name incessantly, his voice hoarse from overuse.
Now’s a good opportunity, Jeb thought to himself, spooling out a strand of Myst and extending it to where Rufio was staring blankly at the side of a building. With a little bit of effort, Jeb formed the string of glowing orange myst into some respectably legible writing, slipping it out onto the road.
Shut up.
You and me are going to have a talk.
Come into the alley.
Rufio’s eyes scanned the invisible message, then tracked over to where Jeb was pulling the unspent Myst back into his Core.
From this distance, Jeb probably looked like…well, like an older dude stalking children through the dark streets of L.A. after dark, looming in an alley.
In essence: not good.
Jeb crooked his finger, grinning evilly at the grieving teen.
This’ll determine if this is the kind of kid I can use.
If he screamed for his friends, he was a little too smart to use. If he believed Jeb right off the bat, he was too dumb.
Ideally, Rufio would come alone, take nothing at face value, then try to kill Jeb. That was the kind of bloodhound Jeb needed. Rufio glanced back at his friends, squared his shoulders, and marched toward the alley, his expression grim.
Okay, so he’s not too smart. Let’s see if he’s too dumb.
“What do you want, pops?” he asked, raising his chin arrogantly at Jeb in a ‘punch me here’ kinda way. God I hate kids, because they all inevitably become teens.
“Before we begin,” Jeb said, choosing his threats carefully, “if you repeat what I’m about to tell you to anyone before it becomes common knowledge, I will literally give you a caning.” Jeb clicked his cane against the ground for emphasis.
He meant it, too.
Rufio crossed his arms. “Spill.”
“I’m hunting the guy who took Nancy. I want your help flushing him out,” Jeb said.
“How the fuck do you know about Nancy?” Rufio bristled.
“Because you’re walking down the street shouting her name!” Jeb hissed. “Look, my plan involves housing you guys somewhere safe to flush the guy out, direct his attention towards me.”
“‘Somewhere safe’, huh?” Rufio asked.
“View this objectively. You kids represent a large pool of free power to some morally bankrupt cocksucker. If we remove your kids from circulation, the culprit’s gotta make a move if he wants the metaphorical gravy train to keep running.”
“Sounds like you’ve thought about this a lot.”
“It’s my job.” Jeb shrugged.
“So what do you want me to do?”
“Well, all you have to do is give me custody of your friends here, and send any more you find my way. Simple.”
“How do I know you’re not the one that took Nancy?” Rufio demanded, whipping his pistol out and pointing it at Jeb’s forehead.
Jeb extended a strand of Myst out his foot, through the ground and snuck it up behind Rufio.
“You were there when he said her name. You were standing right there. Were you watching us?”
Passing marks.
“You�
��ve never seen me before then, have you?” Jeb said, slowly raising his hands. “I just arrived in town. Ask around.”
“You expect me to believe anyone is interested in helping us?” the teen demanded, the gun shaking in his hands as he psyched himself up to commit murder. “No, you gotta be the guy. You killed Nancy.”
“Well, if that’s what you believe, pull the trigger,” Jeb said, reaching a tendril of Myst up from behind and beneath, flicking the safety on.
Rufio’s eyes narrowed, and he squeezed the trigger.
Predictably, nothing happened.
The next couple seconds were a blur of motion.
Rufio dropped the gun, stretching out his left hand and reaching for a pebble with his right. Green Myst gathered in his left palm.
Jeb whipped out his barrier wand and flooded it with Myst while pulling it from one side to the other like closing a curtain.
The pearlescent Wand of Flowing Barriers created what appeared at first to be a massive soap bubble. Take a giant wobbly bubble made by a huge bubble maker, flatten it a bit and give it the ability to harden into a tough resinous substance, and you’ve got the idea.
The thin wobbly film turned from pearlescent to a hard sheen as it cured a fraction of a second before a blast of Myst-slime scattered off its surface.
Rufio snatched a pebble off the ground and whipped it forward with the tips of his fingers.
The tiny bit of rock smashed into the resinous substance between them, creating a trumpet-shaped deformation in the wall as its energy was stolen by the semi-stretchy material. It was a bit like watching ballistics gel stop a bullet.
The gun clattered to the ground, and Rufio threw three more rocks, stretching the wall until it began to turn pearlescent again from the strain.
Better leave soon, Jeb thought, reaching into his pocket with his free hand.
Jeb took out a notepad and scratched down the address of his mansion.
“Come visit us sometime. We can talk about how you can help me catch the guy. And remember, if you tell others about me before they already know, I will beat you with a stick.”
He stuck the note to the tacky wall of clear magical resin and began clomping away. The wall was starting to degrade along the edges already, and Jeb didn’t wanna go for round two until the kid had a chance to calm down.
