by Walsh, Chloe
The skin on my cheeks felt dry and brittle from dried in tears.
“You need to wake up, Lee. I need you to wake up and get better. I can’t do this without you.”
I kissed her hand and lowered my head to her bed, resting my forehead on our joined hands.
“The baby needs you. I need you. I can’t…I won’t survive without you. I don’t want to be here without you. I don’t want a life without you.”
“Mr. Carter…Kyle, this isn’t doing any good, for either of you…”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I shouted, moving closer to Lee’s lifeless body. “Leave us be.”
I needed them all to fuck off and give me two goddamn minutes to make a plan.
I needed a plan.
There was something…There had to be something someone could do to fix her.
I’d asked the surgeon who operated on Lee that very question when she’d come out of surgery.
And he’d filled me with bullshit; bullshit and sheer fucking terror.
“Mr. Carter, your girlfriend’s condition is critical. Whilst we were able to remove the bullet and stem the hemorrhaging in her stomach and repair her bowel without removing it, I’m afraid the wound in her back has proved far more serious.
She was shot directly in her left kidney, ravaging the organ, rendering it unrepairable. We removed the left kidney during the surgery, and curtailed spread of blood, but I’m afraid we found large amounts of shrapnel in her right kidney, which has caused severe damage to the organ, reducing its rate of function to an alarming eleven percent, too low for Delia to exist on.
We have equipped her with kidney dialysis, but, to be frank, Mr. Carter, without a kidney transplant as soon as possible, Delia’s prognosis, to put it mildly, is bleak.”
“Have they found a match yet?” I asked.
I knew the nurse hadn’t left, I could hear her breathing from behind me.
“Not yet, I’m afraid.”
I swung my head around to glare at her.
“How hard can it be, to find a fucking kidney? People die, every second of the goddamn day. Surely, someone out there is compatible?”
“Mr. Carter, you know it’s not that simple,” the nurse said calmly, as if she heard that question a dozen times a day, and in her line of work, she probably did.
But this was different, Lee was different.
She needed to live.
I knew that was a selfish way to think, but I didn’t give a fuck.
All I cared about, was getting that kidney for Lee. I’d been tested myself. I wasn’t a match.
“Why hasn’t she woken up yet?” I asked, again knowing the answer, but needing the reassurance of a medical professional.
“You know this, Mr. Carter. Lee’s body has weakened, her kidney is under extreme demand. The doctors have put her in an induced coma, to allow her body to repair itself and lessen the strain on her body.”
I turned back to Lee, ignoring the rising swell of panic that threatened to smother me.
“Do you hear that, baby? They’re going to make you better, and then you can come home to me. Please, Lee, I’m begging you, come back to me, baby.”
*****
“Your cocoa sucks, baby. I mean it, it’s really fucking disgusting,” I mused, as I wiped Lee’s face with a washcloth.
This was day five of coma-induced Lee, and I was getting pissed, and seriously considering buying a kidney online.
I’d heard they sold all types of shit on the internet.
“And don’t get me started on your taste in books.”
I combed her hair as gently as I could, while thinking up as many insults as I could, to try and get a reaction out of her.
I didn’t why I was bothering, considering she was in what I referred to as a ‘doctor coma,’ but I needed a response from her, and pissing Lee off was usually the best way to get one.
“Do you remember when we were in Louisiana, and you asked me where I got those bruises? Well, I didn’t tell you then, but I kicked that punk Perry’s ass.”
Lee moved her hand, or at least, I thought she did.
I couldn’t be sure if she was actually moving her hand, or if I was losing my fucking mind.
I suspected the latter, but I rambled on anyway.
“I loved you then, you know. Long before it actually, but that was the night I knew.
I watched you from the corner of the bar. You were all alone on the dance floor in that crummy bar. You were wearing that skimpy ass denim skirt, shaking those sexy hips of yours, and all I could think of was… Damn, this is her. This is my woman. That was the night when my future attached itself to yours.”
Leaning down, I kissed her freshly combed hair, before sitting down to continue my vigil.
My phone went off in my pocket, but I ignored it.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
I’d been ignoring all my calls with days, avoiding everyone.
Mike had come by the hospital, and Anna, even my father… But I’d told the nurse on call at the time to send them away. The only person I could handle right now, was Derek.
Derek had told me the cops had cleared our house, and that Mr. and Mrs. Frey were staying there while they organized the funeral.
If I had my way I’d take a match and a gallon of petrol to the whole fucking place, but I guessed they needed to be close to where their daughter had spent her final years.
I wasn’t sure if I could ever go into that house again, or face those people. Hell, I couldn’t even face my own daughter.
I hadn’t seen Hope since the evening Lee was shot…The evening Cam was killed.
I couldn’t see her…couldn’t look at her.
If I did, I would break. It would be too real, it would become my reality.
I felt guilty as shit for thinking like this, but the longer I put off seeing Hope, the longer I could pretend that this was some fucked up nightmare.
If I saw Hope, the veracity of Lee not recovering, would wreck me.
I couldn’t raise her on my own, I wouldn’t be able to.
There was a knock on the door, and I sagged in relief.
“Come in,” I said, thankful to have a distraction from my thoughts.
“Hey, man,” Derek said, closing the door quietly. “I brought you some clean clothes, a toothbrush, and your charger,” he said, passing me a small duffel bag.
“Thanks man.”
I stored the bag under my chair.
“How is…everything?”
Derek sighed, and plopped into a chair on the other side of Lee’s bed.
“Fucked up as hell, dude, Ted is in bits, Mora is worse. She keeps crying and asking for you.”
My head snapped up. “For me?”
“Yeah, she keeps demanding that she talk to you, says she has something important to tell you. Something you need to know. She rambles on and on about how the truth has to be revealed for a perfect match. Ted is at his wits end with her. He’s stopped her from coming here. Poor woman, the grief is driving her crazy.”
“I bet.”
I had a fair idea of what Mrs. Frey wanted me to know, and her telling me how it was my fault Cam was dead couldn’t make me feel any worse than I already did.
“They were sitting in the kitchen, looking at some brochures of caskets this morning, and…they asked me to…Oh, Kyle, I couldn’t look at it man.” Derek shuddered, and slumped forward. “They kept asking for my opinion on things, like her favorite songs, and which flowers she preferred. I couldn’t deal, you know, told them I had to come check on you.”
“Are you dealing, Derek?”
Derek looked up and me, his eyes full of tears.
“I’m dealing,” he said in a gruff voice. “It would be a lot fucking easier if they went and asked Mike about shit like that.”
I didn’t know what to say, but my heart fucking bled for my best friend.
Derek loved Cam, he always had, even when she went and screwed him over.
I c
ouldn’t imagine what it felt like, to have to sit in a room, with the parents of the girl who had left me for another man, broken my heart and have to help organize her funeral.
“You can stay at the hotel, if it’s easier,” I offered.
“Thanks man, but I have to face this, I need the closure.” Derek shook his head, and cleared his throat. “Speaking of facing things…”
“Derek, don’t,” I warned, my shoulders stiffened.
I couldn’t deal with this right now.
“Linda has been calling me, non-stop. You’re gonna have to see her, Kyle.”
“I can’t,” I growled, blocking out the feeling of guilt in my stomach.
“You have to,” he pressed. “She is your daughter.”
.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Kyle
The door opened, and I stiffened.
There was only one person who came into this hospital room without knocking, and that person made my skin fucking crawl.
“Morning, Darling,” Jimmy Bennett said, as he walked over to Lee and kissed her on the forehead.
I had to hold onto Lee’s hand a little tighter to keep myself in my chair.
Even though I’d paid for him to fly here, I still struggled with keeping my cool around him.
The man was built like a brick shit house, and the knowledge that he used this strength to wield control over Lee as a child, caused my body to thrum with rage.
Every time I looked at his beefy arms, and huge motherfucking chest, I was hit with an insane urge to return the beatings he’d given my girl.
“Carter,” he acknowledged, nodding in my direction as he pulled up a chair on the other side of his daughter and sat, eyes narrowed, directed at me.
I nodded stiffly. “Jimmy.”
Jimmy didn’t like me.
He didn’t have to say it, it was obvious in the way he moved around me, or the way he watched me like a hawk with those cold gray eyes of his.
It was a fair assumption to presume that the angry energy I had pulsating towards him, was being returned in waves.
“Any news?” he asked, and I shook my head.
I knew what he meant; Jimmy had been checked as a donor.
“You’re not compatible. The doc told me this morning.”
“Well, shit,” he muttered, pulling off his baseball cap and wiping his sweaty brow.
Running his hand across his gray stubble jaw, he leaned closer to Lee.
“Now, don’t you worry about a damn thing, darling. Daddy’s here, and he’s gonna get you all fixed up.”
He pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed it, before glaring at me. “I see you still aint put a ring on my daughter’s finger, boy.”
“Her choice, not mine,” I said through gritted teeth.
I’d asked Lee to marry me more times than I could count. She was the one with the reservations.
Jimmy let out a whistle.
“Well, damn, that girl’s smarter than I gave her credit,” he said, looking straight at me. “If she aint gonna marry you, there aint no reason for her to stay here.”
Turning to face Lee, he smiled.
“You’re gonna come with your daddy, aint ya darling, you and that grandbaby of mine?”
I shoved my chair back, and stood up quickly.
“Over my dead body, is my daughter going anywhere with you. Lee might have forgiven you, but I sure as hell haven’t forgotten what you did to her. Lee and Hope are staying with me.”
The chair I was sitting on crashed against the wall behind me, but I didn’t move to pick it up.
I remained stock still, glaring at the gray headed, child beater holding my girl’s hand.
Lee was going to get better, and then we would go and collect Hope together…
“That’s real fucking hypocritical, kid,” Jimmy snarled. “Considering, you’re the reason that crazy redhead bitch put two fucking holes in my daughter’s body.”
Those words took the air right out of my lungs, and I staggered back.
“Don’t like hearing the truth, do ya, boy?” Jimmy continued. “I never claimed to be a good father. I sure as hell know I screwed things up in the past. But I’m better now, and I’ll be damned if I sit back and watch you destroy my baby girl’s life.”
He leaned his elbows on the side of Lee’s bed; his bicep’s flexed as he focused on me.
“This is what’s gonna go down, son. My baby girl’s gonna get better, and when she does I’m gonna be taking her and the baby home to Louisiana with me, where I can keep her safe, where I can protect them both, because god knows, you’ve done a real, fucking stellar job at it so far.”
“I didn’t know…”
“I don’t give a rat’s ass what you didn’t know, Carter. I don’t like you, not one fucking bit, and I aint taking no more risks when it comes to Delia. God knows how many more skeletons you got, waiting to jump out of the closet.
“She’s nineteen years old, for Christ’s sake. She’s just a child herself; she’s my child. My teenage daughter, who you went and got pregnant, and now you’ve got yourself a baby girl of your own as a result. Put yourself in my shoes kid. Think of what’s best for them.”
“You’re not taking them.”
Jimmy shrugged his shoulders.
“We’ll see,” is all he replied.
I had to get away from that man or they were going to need another bed in that room, real fucking soon.
“I’ll be outside,” I growled, as I stormed out. I had to get away from him or I would lose it.
*****
Running my hands through my hair, I rushed from Lee’s room, needing to get a little space and breathe for moment.
I was not prepared for the welcoming party that awaited me.
“There you are, kiddo. I was wondering when you were going to come up for air again,” Linda said. “You know…With all that self-pity you seem to be bathing in.”
I closed my eyes, and made to go back inside Lee’s room, but she grabbed my arm, yanking me back.
“Look at her, Kyle,” Linda demanded.
I shook my head.
“I can’t.”
The sounds of her babbling, were slitting through me. “Please, Linda, just take her, get her out of here.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Kyle,” she replied firmly. “This little girl needs her parents. And since her momma can’t take care of her, then her daddy sure as hell will.
“Look at her, Kyle; she is your flesh and blood. Open your eyes. Don’t let your fear of the future be the cause of you making the biggest mistake of your life. Take your child, now.”
Shuddering, I opened my tear filled eyes as Linda placed Hope into my arms.
The feel of her, the smell of her in my arms…It was too much.
“Linda, I’m scared.”
“Since when did fear ever stop you, Kyle Carter? You’ve been feeling the fear and doing it anyway since you were twelve years old. You can do this, and you will get through this.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Kyle
I stood at the edge of the cemetery, behind of the crowds of mourners and reporters who had showed up to watch Cam’s casket being lowered into the ground.
Derek stood stiffly by my side.
Using one hand to rock Hope’s buggy, I placed the other on his shoulder.
This was harder for him than me. I knew that, and I empathized with him no end.
It was too hard for him to stand at her grave and watch Cam’s burial, while Mike stood side by side with the family he’d once been a member of.
I comforted myself in the knowledge that whilst nine days had passed since the attack, and the doctors hadn’t yet found a kidney donor, the love of my life wasn’t being placed in the ground.
She was still fighting, and she was still alive.
We stood there silently, until the priest excused himself and the crowd dwindled.
“You ready to go, man?” I asked quietly, tucking Hope’s
blanket around her sleeping body.
Even though it was early June, the air was cold in the cemetery. My heart swelled in my chest at the sight of Hope, and I stroked her cheek as I silently thanked Linda for helping me come to my senses.
I was ashamed of myself for denying my daughter.
The fear of living without Lee, the depression…I hadn’t wanted to see Hope because I knew that when I did, I would have to carry on.
Those first few days after Lee’s surgery I had-in my delirious state of grief-decided that if Lee didn’t make it, then I didn’t want to…
I had selfishly blocked Hope out of my life in a bid to ease my conscience, knowing that once I saw my daughter, I would have to live, regardless of what happened…
It had been an unforgivable thing to think, and to be honest, at the time I hadn’t been thinking.
I hadn’t considered Hope’s future, or thought about what Lee would want. I’d been too caught up in my guilt and grief to think straight.
I was now though, and I wasn’t going to let my family down again.
Derek wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and nodded.
I clasped the handles of Hope’s buggy, and walked towards the exit.
“Kyle, wait,” a voice shouted from behind us. “I need to talk to you.”
I cringed.
If I had to tell one more reported ‘no comment,’ I was going to lose my shit.
I swung around, and my heart hammered in my chest.
Not here…
Mora Frey stood five feet away from me, red faced, and panting.
“Mrs. Frey,” I acknowledged quietly. “I’m so sorry about Camryn.”
I didn’t know what else to say to the woman.
In truth, there was nothing else I could say. Nothing could bring Cam back. No one could rewind to that night and press pause.
Mora kept moving towards me and I braced myself for the slap I was sure to get.
I could not have predicted what happened next.
