Transcending Darkness

by Airicka Phoenix

  “One day, you will find your fairytale, a mhuirnín,” his mother would tell him when his father would go away on business and he would find her curled up in the window seat of the front room, watching the driveway with a look of absolute heartbreak on her face. She would pull him into her lap and cuddle him close. “When you do, don’t let anything in this world touch her.”

  At the time, he had thought she meant not to let another man take away what belonged to him. It wasn’t until much later that he realized she meant his world was poisoned and everything brought into it would die. He had just been too young to understand it sooner.

  He made it as far as the sunroom when his progress was interrupted by the hulking silhouette moving towards him from the opposite direction. It was impossible not to recognize it immediately.

  “Frank?” Killian waited for the giant to draw closer. “Everything all right?”

  Frank gave the faintest inclination of his head. “Yes sir. Just walking the girl to the gates.”

  Killian frowned. “Did a cab pick her up already?”

  It was well after midnight and most cab companies rarely ventured that far north and if they did, it usually took at least thirty minutes. It hadn’t been that long since Juliette had left his bed.

  Frank shook his head. “I offered to call her one. She insisted on taking the bus.”

  “The bus?” Killian checked his watch, not that he needed to. “It’s three in the morning. If the bus even runs this far out of the city, I don’t think it actually runs this late.”

  The other man simply gave a shrug like the matter was completely out of his hands.

  “Did she say why?” he asked.

  Frank shook his head. “No sir.”

  It really wasn’t his problem. She wasn’t his problem. If she refused a cab then what was he supposed to do about it?

  Yet the gnawing in his stomach wouldn’t allow him to brush the matter off so easily. It kept building and knotting up inside him until it was all he could do to keep from snarling his frustrations.

  “Sir, I can—”

  Killian waved Frank’s offer aside, his body already turning away. “Tell Marco to get the car.”

  A frown deepened the creases already etched around the bigger man’s round face. “Maybe I should come—”

  “Rest, Frank,” Killian said. “We have a long day tomorrow. I won’t be gone long.”

  Leaving his head of security scowling in disapproval, Killian stalked back towards the stairs. There was an opening at the other end of the corridor that opened to the gym area and another that led to the indoor pool, but then he’d have to circle around and Juliette had already been out there alone for too long. His hurried strides took the stairs two at a time to the top. Without missing a beat, he jogged down the corridor to the second set of stairs leading downward to the foyer.

  Marco was already parked at the bottom of the stairs when Killian stepped out the front doors. Despite the late hour, the other man was dressed without a crease in sight and looked far more alert than anyone at that hour should. Behind him, the black BMW shone beneath the bright illumination circling the property. The engine was running, which meant the keys were in the ignition and saved Killian from asking for them.

  Marco started to open the back door, but Killian waved him away.

  “I got it. Thank you, Marco.”

  Without waiting to be stopped and reminded of the dangers of going anywhere alone, he circled around the back and ducked into the driver’s seat.

  “Sir—”

  “It’s fine,” he promised his driver as he slammed the door shut behind him and propelled the car into drive.

  The estate sat at the very peak of Chacopi Point, overlooking the entire city. It was the only house for nearly twenty minutes and was surrounded by miles of wilderness and a steep plummet to certain death. Overhead, above the smog and pollution, the sky was a flawless carpet of navy blue littered with stars. Below, the city was a glittering gem of lights despite the hour. But it was the silence his mother had loved when she had picked the spot. There was no sound for miles, except the secrets the wind would whisper to the leaves.

  Killian kept both hands on the wheel as he shot down the winding spiral, careful to take each new bend at a slow embrace just in case she was on the other side. His apprehension grew with every second he didn’t spot her, knowing she couldn’t have gone very far and there was nowhere to go but down.

  His patience paid off when he caught sight of her white blouse. It seemed to glow with its own light in the darkness. She was on the side of the road, arms folded against the early morning chill as she stumbled her way over broken gravel. She jumped when Killian sped up and swerved onto the shoulder several feet ahead of her.

  He threw open the car door and leapt out.

  “Juliette.”

  She stood before him, small and confused with red rimmed eyes and tangled hair. The fact that she’d been crying hit him much harder than he ever thought possible and for a moment, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do.

  She broke the silence.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice hoarse.

  “What did you expect I would do?” he shot back, his anger overruling his common sense. “Let you wander the streets in the dead of night?” He stalked closer, stopping when there was enough space between them to keep his hands in check. “Why didn’t you let Frank call you a cab?”

  “Because I didn’t want a stupid cab,” she retorted. “The bus is fine.”

  “It most certainly is not fine,” he said sharply. “What, you think the world is safer when everyone is sleeping? Do you know what could have happened to you?”

  She simply stared at him a long moment, her eyes narrowed beneath furrowed eyebrows.

  “And why would you care? You certainly didn’t seem to consider my wellbeing when you kicked me out of bed like some whore you were done using. Heaven forbid if you waited until morning.”

  His muscles tightened at her accusation. “I have my reasons, all right? You knew what you were getting into when you got into my car.”

  She scoffed and gave her head a little shake. “You’re right. I did know. I also know that I don’t want anything else from you.”

  With that, she pushed past him. The crunch of gravel beneath her feet drowned out the rustle of leaves. Killian briefly wondered if he should just let her go. He certainly wasn’t responsible for her and if she didn’t want his help, what was he supposed to do? Force her?

  But leaving her didn’t seem to be an option either.

  “Ah for fuck sakes!” He muttered under his breath before twisting around on his heel. “Wanting it or not, I’m not letting you go off on your own.”

  She never slowed her angry strides. “You can’t stop me.”

  It was a challenge that made the darkness in him crackle awake. It made his insides tremble with excitement. Every line of his body went taut with anticipation.

  “Get in the car, Juliette.”

  “No!” she shot over her shoulder.

  “Don’t test me, little lamb,” he warned, his voice barely audible and yet unmistakable. “I’m not like the soft men you’re used to. I will put you over my knee.”

  For a moment, she seemed unfazed by his words. Her feet took her three more steps before she stopped. Her back was rigid and her movement stiff when she turned too slowly to face him. The sharp beams of the headlights shone off her eyes, illuminating their wetness and the anger and defeat shining off their surface. She stared at him for so long he couldn’t help wondering if she was ever going to speak. Then she opened her mouth.

  “I’m so tired,” she whispered at last, sounding it. “I am tired of people like you and Arlo who think you can go through life bullying and threatening people into doing what you want.”

  All thoughts of taking her on the hood of his car vanished with the pain radiating off her.

  “That was not—”

  But she wasn’t finis
hed.

  “I know I’m not a good person. I know I probably even deserve all of this, but I just … I can’t…” She broke off with a choked gasp. Her hand flattened against her stomach as though the pain was too much to take. “I can’t do this anymore.” Her chin wobbled once before she mashed her lips together tightly. Her hands went to the buttons on her blouse and began undoing them roughly. “So whatever you want, just take it and leave me alone.”

  Killian had no knowledge of moving, but he suddenly found himself right in front of her. His fingers closed around the frail bones of her wrists and he wrenched them away on the forth button.

  He was breathing hard. Fury crashed into him with every second he stood there peering into her wet eyes and breathing in her scent; the despair coming off her nearly killed him.

  “Don’t you ever do that again!” he heard himself snarl. His hands released her wrists and moved into her hair. He cupped the back of her head and yanked her the rest of the way to him. Her gasp ripped through him. “Don’t you ever give up, do you hear me? Do you?” He gave her a light shake. “Juliette!”

  Eyes wide with fear and confusion, she nodded quickly. “Yes.”

  He continued to hold her until he was certain she meant it. Then he let go and stepped back, shaken by how much seeing her broken had affected him.

  Christ, what was the matter with him?

  But he knew. He knew exactly what had gone wrong and he couldn’t look at her.

  “Get in the car,” he mumbled, needing to move, needing to do something other than stand there and feel her eyes burning into him with confusion and, God help him, pity.

  “I don’t—”

  “Don’t!” he warned, already turning away. “Just don’t. Get in.”

  He didn’t wait for her to follow him. He stalked to the passenger’s side door and yanked it open.

  There was a moment of pause. Then he heard the quiet shuffle of her feet crossing to him. She slid into the seat and he shut the door behind her. He rounded the hood and climbed in behind the wheel. Neither spoke as he maneuvered the car back onto the road.

  She sat huddled against the door, her face painted in lines and shadows. Exhaustion seemed to pour off her in waves to suffocate the air around them. Killian had never found himself in that position before and had no idea what to say or do to make her stop twisting up his insides.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked at last.

  “No, thank you,” she whispered.

  The leather beneath his grasp squeaked as his grip tightened around the wheel. They reached the base of the hill and started down the road in the direction of the city.

  “The bus stop is at the end of that block,” she murmured, never lifting her head off the glass.

  “Not leaving you at the bus stop,” he said evenly.

  She sighed and straightened. “You don’t have to take me all the way home. I live an hour out of the city.”

  Without taking his eyes off the road, he activated the GPS built into the car.

  “Put your address in,” he told her.

  She hesitated and he wondered if she was worried he might rob her in the dead of night. After all, in her eyes, he was no better than a good for nothing lowlife like Arlo. She’d said so herself. The thought annoyed him far more than was rational. He was nothing like Arlo and for her to think he was, was insulting. He may not have been the sort of man she deserved, but he sure as hell wasn’t Arlo.

  She put her address into the machine and sat back. The map on the screen swirled until it synced their location and shot a purple arrow through the streets they needed to take.

  “In six kilometers, turn—”

  He set it on mute.

  Juliette lay her head back against the headrest and stared out the window as they shot through a near empty city lit by lamps and the pale fingers of dawn. Pink and pale blue bled into navy blue and black as they hit Main Street. Every so often, she’d grind her knuckles into her eyes and yawn, but remained awake the whole way to her house, a squat two story that had clearly seen better days. It sat in a neat little neighborhood, surrounded by manicured lawns and well kept houses.

  It wasn’t exactly a rich area, but reasonably well off. Juliette’s house seemed to be an exception. The paint was flaking. The grass was dead in patches. There were several shingles missing off the roof and the whole place radiated with a sort of hollow despair normally found in abandoned places. For a moment, he thought maybe the GPS had taken him to the wrong place. But Juliette was taking off her belt as he pulled into the empty driveway. She grabbed her purse up off the car floor and reached for the door handle.

  “Thank you,” she said as she threw the door open. “And I’m sorry about my breakdown earlier. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

  The thought that that was her way of yelling almost made him laugh. But he could only shake his head as she climbed out. He stayed until she had stepped inside and the door had shut firmly behind her. Only then did he pull away.

  Chapter 6

  There was a level of soreness most people didn’t know existed. It was the sort that started in the thighs and splintered across the length of the body in bunched knots of agony. Juliette had never felt so used. Everything hurt and not in the good way romance novels always portrayed after a serious fuckfest.

  Her thighs throbbed as though she had spent the night riding a stone horse. Her breasts felt tender and held the lingering remains of Killian’s demanding fingers, as did her waists, thighs, arms, and ass. Her lips were swollen from his and felt oddly numb. But it was her pussy that hurt the most. Granted, it wasn’t all bad, but there was enough soreness to make Juliette wince every time she attempted to sit down. Having seven inches of hard, angry man meat rammed into untouched territories no doubt had that effect. But he had been gentle as well, she mused. He hadn’t been pleased about the state of her experience, that was for sure, but she knew Arlo would not have cared one way or another whether she was in pain or not. Killian had practically been a saint in comparison. He had also been thorough and attentive. He had put her pleasure above his own each time. Pain aside, it had been the best first time a girl could ask for. She had come … often and hard. She had felt the sharp sting of passion as her body had been ripped apart and rebuilt. It may not have been a night she willingly wanted, but it was a night she would never forget either.

  Until it was over. Exhaustion and pain had broken her and she had fallen to pieces for the first time in ages. She had said things she regretted, but what was worse, she had let him see her cry. That was something she regretted most. People like him, people who lived on power and the throats of their victims, thrived on the show of weakness. While she didn’t believe Killian was like that, not entirely, she couldn’t help wondering if he would use what happened the night before to his advantage somehow.

  She prayed she was wrong. She prayed that would be the last time she ever saw Arlo or … no. Not Killian. It was horrible and contradictory to everything her brain was telling her, but the thought of seeing him again didn’t fill her with dread. If anything, the thought made her body prickle with awareness and her breast tingle.

  Stop it! She scolded herself, trying not to dwell on things she couldn’t change.

  Instead, she focused on pulling on a light summer dress and a pair of flats. She brushed out her hair, swept on some makeup and hurried downstairs to start on the mile long list of errands she’d written out a week ago before having to face work later that evening.

  In the kitchen, Mrs. Tompkins looked up from the previous night’s chicken casserole she was scrapping into the trash and smiled.

  “Hello dear. How was your evening?”

  “Exhausting,” Juliette confessed. “How was yours? Did Vi behave herself?”

  “Didn’t hear a peep from her the whole night. Didn’t eat her supper of course, but went up to her room and didn’t come out.”

  Juliette nodded. “I’m glad she didn’t give you a hard time.” She sighed and checked
her watch. “I have to run to the bank and then the grocery store before heading out to work. I’ll be back some time after midnight.”

  Mrs. Tompkins smiled and nodded. “All right, dear. Be safe.”

  With a wave, Juliette left the house. She hurried along the sidewalk in the direction of the bank. The day was warm with just the right amount of breeze to make it beautiful. It was the sort of day she would have spent in the park, on the towel in nothing but a bikini and sunscreen while her friends chattered on around her and Stan played football with his buddies a few yards away. It had been years since she had been so frivolous, but the pain was still so raw, so fresh. It always felt like she’d lost everything only yesterday.

  But she did what she always did when the lingering fingers of depression began creeping across her chest, she reminded herself she had a sister who needed her. She and Vi may not have ever gotten along, but the girl was the only family Juliette had. It was her job to protect her. Something she couldn’t do if she let the darkness consume her.

  Forcing aside her sadness, she squared her shoulders and ducked into the frigid interior of the bank. The place was nearly empty with only an elderly woman at the teller depositing a check. Juliette followed the neatly painted arrow across the floor to the please wait here sign. She was there a full second before she was waved over.

  Nena smiled as Juliette approached her window, the kind of smile that was reflexive and a little dead.

  “Hello Juliette.”

  Juliette offered her own smile, but it felt strained. “Hello. I would like to make a deposit, please.”

  Nena fixed her with cool gray eyes. “Do you have your bank card?”

  Juliette shifted. She dug out her card and passed it along.

  “I know I’m overdrawn, but I’m going to cover that.”

  To prove it, she pulled out the envelope of cash Arlo had sent back and set it on the counter between them, deliberately keeping Arlo’s message pressed into the glass. It wouldn’t have meant anything to Nena, but Juliette didn’t want to see it. She didn’t want to remember anything from the night before that involved Arlo. She didn’t even care that she’d been sold to pay off Arlo’s debt to Killian. In her mind, to be away from Arlo, to never have to see or hear him again … it was worth it. She was officially free. She could finally cut back on working. She could refurnish the house. She could maybe get a car and new clothes. The possibilities were endless and she wanted to cry she was so happy.