This was about my heart. My life.
I sucked in a shaky breath and started to walk away from the table.
When I made the right turn to go around the bar toward the bathroom, a hand suddenly touched my arm. I jumped and let out a yell, my first instinct to make a fist and swing. I turned and saw Brice standing there, looking somehow sexier than he did when he brought us drinks. The black button-down shirt was the devil attached to his body. Sleeves rolled up. Old and dirty jeans. Looking way too rough for his own good.
“Kins,” he said. “We need to talk.”
“I don’t feel like talking,” I said.
“You’re not wearing the ring,” he said, right there for everyone to hear.
I wasn’t sure if anyone was actually paying attention or not, but it bothered me.
I gritted my teeth and stepped toward him. I moved to my toes and grabbed his shirt, realizing too late how it probably looked. My mouth lingered near his cheek as I tried to yell into his ear.
“Can we go in the back and just talk?”
I leaned against the wall for balance because the mix of too much vodka and staring at Brice was a deadly combination.
“Linda went for a smoke,” I said.
“So, we don’t have much time?”
“She knows, Brice. I told her everything.”
“Oh. Wow. You’re just telling the story to anyone who wants to hear, huh?”
“No,” I said. “She’s my best friend.”
“Best friend. And what did she have to say?” Brice cocked his left eyebrow up with a smirk.
“Stop,” I said. “This isn’t a game, Brice.”
“You think it’s a game for me?” he asked, inching closer to me. “If you only knew how much time I spent picturing you wearing an engagement ring from me. Or thinking about what our wedding would be like. The kind of dress you’d pick out. Knowing you’d choose something basic, subtle, too regular of a dress, yet you’d still look like the most beautiful bride to ever walk down the aisle.”
I swallowed hard. “I’m not…”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Kins.”
“What do you want me to say right now?” I asked.
I was in a no-win situation. One that I caused myself. The only person I could be mad at was myself. I was mad at myself. For a lot of reasons. For losing the baby. For losing Brice. For falling into the perfect life trap with Ben. For hurting Ben. For hurting Brice. For hurting myself. For…
Brice touched my face and leaned down, putting his lips a centimeter from mine.
“I love you, Kinsley,” he whispered. “You can tell anyone you want about our story. Your story. What you’re going through. But the ending is up to you.”
“Then let me write the ending, Brice,” I said.
“Am I in your way?”
Of course you’re in my way. You’ve been in my way since you emailed me out of nowhere. You’ve been in my way because you think you can challenge me… no matter how much I secretly want you to keep doing so. You’re in my way right now, Brice. I need to get out of here. I need to get home. I need to call Ben and tell him he needs to come home. You wouldn’t have left, right? You would have stayed there and talked to me. I was the one who left you. I was the one who reached the breaking point while you stayed. And I know you stayed and waited for me as long as you could. So, yeah, you’re in the way. You’ve been in the way since the day I met you. Because all you want to do is love me and care for me and give me forever. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted from you…
“I take that as a no,” Brice said.
He went in for the kiss and I wasn’t going to do a thing to stop him.
Our lips touched so sweetly and softly. I exhaled through my nose, my legs feeling rubbery. His hands touched my waist as though he knew the power of his kisses. He pulled me toward him, away from the wall. The second I felt his body against mine, I groaned. I thrust my hips, but only to break away from him. I did just that, the kiss ending, my back hitting the wall hard.
I gasped for a breath and saw the look in his eyes.
“You have something else on your mind,” I said.
“Maybe I fucking do,” Brice growled.
“So then just say it, Brice.”
He came at me again, kissing me, but only once, because he did have something to say.
“I know you love him,” he said, “but you don’t want to marry him.”
I had put myself into this position once again. Staring into the eyes of Brice as he held me tightly, my back against a dirty wall in the back room of the dirty bar he worked at. The smell of old grease lingering in the air, plastered to the walls and ceilings like a coating of wax.
He was positioned between my legs, everything obvious, our breaths heavy, battling each other. He was sober because he was working. Me, I’d had a few too many drinks. Vodka on my breath, lust in my eyes, a fire between my legs that I hated myself for not being able to fully control.
I didn’t come to the bar to do this with Brice.
I wasn’t wearing any rings or anything like that. Which should have been the end of the conversation he insisted on starting for the hundredth time.
You know why you came here, Kinsley. You came here for this. You fucking liar. All you do is lie… one heart to another heart… like a deadly spider knitting a web of lies to suck both of them in and destroy them…
Brice kissed me.
He growled as he did so.
My hands dug through his hair and I groaned into his mouth.
It was a filthy kiss.
His tongue teased down my neck and around to my throat. I gasped for air as he moved to the other side of my neck. No man could ever do what he did to me. Ever. It was worse than a drug. It didn’t just cloud my mind, it made excuses that felt as good as him pressing himself between my legs.
Brice kissed my cheek and inched away a little, putting distance between us.
“Just fucking tell me the truth,” he whispered.
The tip of his nose against mine, flirting.
“Brice… I don’t know what you want me to say…”
His lips touched mine for a split second. “Tell me you’re not going to marry him. I know you have a lot to think about. And this whole thing is fucked up. But you can’t marry him.”
When he kissed me again, I was like a puddle of water.
My knees bent as urges took control.
His right hand touched my waist, driving me back against the wall again. His fingers playfully teased the button on my jeans. I gasped with a shuddering breath as I saw the look in his eyes.
“I’m staking my claim again,” he whispered. “Unless you stop me. If you don’t… then I won’t stop. Your heart belongs to me, Kins. We both know that.”
His hand eased down as I shut my eyes for a second to do everything in my power to convince myself to grab his wrist and pull it away.
All I wanted was to come out for a drink with Linda. To get away from the situation at home. Nobody understood what was happening there. It wasn’t just the ring… it was more than that.
And it didn’t mean that I didn’t love Ben. I did. I loved him so much.
But this was Brice…
“Three, two… I get to one, love, you’d better stop me or bite your lip…”
My lips moved, but I had no idea what I would even say if words could actually form in my brain in that moment.
Brice was spontaneous and sexy. He was willing to sneak me into the back of a bar and throw me against a wall to make me feel beautiful and dirty at the same time.
Not Ben. He was elegant. Candlelit dinners. Perfect flowers. Expensive wine. Flirting conversation. A slow build all the way back home; up to the bedroom to slowly undress me and kiss me…
“One,” Brice growled.
I reached for him.
Not for his hand though.
I reached for his face.
My nails dug into the sexy scruff that I was now used to seeing on h
im.
He curled his lip.
“You’re going to break my fucking heart, Kins,” he whispered before kissing and taking me with his fingers.
In my mind I nodded.
I’m going to break everyone’s fucking heart, Brice…
I didn’t know what to do as I came, so I bit at his shirt. My face buried in his strong chest, smelling a mix of his soap, sweat, the smell of the damn bar, everything overtaking me. Brice’s two fingers had explored my depths and were now moving in all directions against my swollen clit, my hips wiggling without me being able to control it, Brice holding me, keeping me from falling, me groaning and screaming his name into his chest so nobody would hear us.
He grunted and pressed his body to mine, never letting up as the beautiful pleasure wouldn’t stop. It was pulse after pulse from deep within my core, my body aching and tingling at the same time.
Brice slowly reduced his speed before dipping his fingertips inside me one last time. I put my head back against the wall, staring up at a grease-stained ceiling, trying to catch my breath. I took deep breaths, my heart racing too fast for my own good.
I was done, but I wanted more.
My right hand moved forward and went for the obvious bulge in Brice’s jeans, but he quickly stopped me.
“Nah, love,” he said, gently touching my wrist with the hand he had used to pleasure me.
“Brice…”
“Don’t think too much into it,” he whispered. He buttoned my jeans for me as I stood there, left in shock. “Just wanted to make sure that you still felt something for me.”
“How can you say that?” I asked. “You know how I feel…”
“I know,” he said with a grin. “I just needed a quick excuse.”
“What’s happening with us?”
Brice touched my face and stroked my cheek. “The truth? You’re going to wake up one day soon and realize everything you want and need in your life. And no matter what that is, I can’t lose you. And you can’t lose me. If there comes a time where what I just did is truly wrong, then I’ll never do it again.”
“How can it be wrong when I like it so much?” I asked, instantly blaming the vodka for asking such a question.
“That’s a question you have to answer, Kins.” Brice moved at me again, a gentle kiss to my lips. “I love you, Kinsley. Have a good night. Call me if you want. Or text. Or email. Or just show up unannounced. I’m good with whatever you want or need.”
He backed away and I grabbed his shirt. I looked into his eyes but didn’t say anything. I opened my hand and he walked away.
I reached my hand out and whispered, “I love you too…”
The walk back to the table wasn’t exactly a walk of shame, but inside me, I was a mess. It was almost like having permission from both Brice and Ben to do whatever I wanted. My heart was disgusted by everything, but I couldn’t stop.
“Where were you?” Linda asked.
“I want to go home,” I said.
Her smiling face dropped. “Everything okay?”
“No. I’m a terrible person. I don’t deserve either one of them.”
“Kinsley…”
“I don’t,” I said. “They should go love someone else. Each of them. Then I can fade away from this.”
Linda quickly stood up. “Okay. Let me take care of our bill and get you home.”
“Home,” I said. “That stupid, empty house. Ben bought it without asking me. It was fully furnished. I didn’t pick out a thing. But yet, he bought me a house. How could I be mad about that?”
Linda frowned and nodded. “I understand.”
“You don’t. Because I left Brice. I got lost and I left. He never stopped loving me, no matter what I did.”
Slightly drunk, my body aching from Brice’s touch, the taste of his breath still in my mouth, the word mess wasn’t good enough.
Linda managed to take care of the bill and drove me home.
She offered to help me inside but I declined. I thanked her for the night out and I apologized for stealing her moment.
Inside, I managed to make it to the couch before I collapsed.
I didn’t want to be in that bed alone.
I wanted Ben in that bed.
Yet at the same time, I didn’t even want to be in this house…
7
Into the Storm
Brice
“Well, I’m just going to close it up,” Lucky said as he threw a towel to the bar. “Looking at maybe a foot after the ice.” He stared at the TV screen, shaking his head.
“You realize it’s winter, right?” I asked. “That means shitty weather.”
“Not like this. This ice is going to do some damage. Then add on the snow. Forget about it.”
“I didn’t realize you were a part-time weatherperson too.”
“Smart ass,” he growled. “I’m locking up in ten. You’re either driving home or staying here.”
“There’s food and booze here,” I said.
“Right. So you’re out of here then.”
Lucky walked away, pissed at me.
I laughed to myself.
I eyed the TV, wondering if it was a really big storm or just the normal hype bullshit they tried to sell to get everyone in a panic. Whatever they wanted, they got it because the bar had been quiet since noon. There had been a steady snowfall, only a few inches. According to the weather, it was going to warm up just enough to turn everything into ice. Power outages. Trees coming down. The usual. It had been that kind of winter.
After closing up the bar, Lucky left without so much as a goodbye.
I stood out back in the cold and the snow, tempted to check on Kinsley. I wasn’t sure where she was. Probably home. With Ben. Getting ready to get snowed - and iced - in for the rest of the day and the night.
It pissed me off, okay?
I wanted winter with Kinsley. I wanted every season with her. I wanted every year of the rest of my life with her.
Instead of calling Kinsley, I called April.
“Tell me you’re home,” April said.
“Hello to you too. I take it you’re home? And Milo is with you?”
“Of course,” she said. “Been home since one. Heard it’s going to get nasty in a bit.”
“Yeah. Do you have everything you need? Water. Flashlights. Food.”
“We’re all set.”
“I’m just leaving work now, so I can swing by with anything you need.”
“Brice, get home and get safe,” April said. “I don’t need something else to worry about.”
I laughed. “You worry about me?”
“No. But today, yes.”
“How’s Milo?”
“He’s good. He’s got about two thousand race cars set up through the living room into the dining room.”
“Good. Any word from June?”
“Nothing new,” she said.
I gritted my teeth. “Okay. Well, go enjoy the storm, April. Hopefully this is it for winter.”
“Yeah, right. I sort of feel like we’re not going to see the last of the snow until May.”
“Don’t say that,” I said. “Think positive.”
“Drive safe, Brice.”
“Have a good one, April.”
I walked to my truck and drove home slowly as the weather started to get worse. By the time I parked my truck outside the cabin that was my home, the snow had become ice.
“Looks like they’re getting this one right,” I said to nobody around me.
Once I got inside, I walked to the window at the back of the cabin and watched the storm continue. I couldn’t help myself as I glanced to my left a few times, to the spot where Kinsley had been standing. When she had been sipping tea, talking to me about life.
I tried to play it all through my head so many times. Of what was right or wrong. I tried to tell myself the right thing was to give her space and time. She had been together with Ben for years. And if them opening their pasts to each other could finally let them
figure out if what they had was real or not, then I shouldn’t be in the way.
Yet the asshole inside of me worried that she would fall for him for good.
At the same time, part of me already gave Kinsley time and space. When she left, I knew why. I stayed away and waited patiently until my patience gave out and was traded in for heartache. That heartache never went away, no matter what I did.
That same heartache was still there as I stood at the window, wishing she was there with me. If I shut my eyes, I’d picture Kinsley with me… and Lindsay at her side. A cabin like this would have been the perfect place to go for a family getaway. To turn off the world and just be a family. Make hot chocolate and sit at the coffee table with a board game. Let the snow fall. Let the ice fall. We’d have each other. We’d have a warm fire.
Lindsay would go to sleep and then Kinsley and I would have our time alone together.
I let out a shaky breath and touched the corner of my eyes.
I cleared my throat and turned my back to the window.
There was nothing I could do to change it.
There weren’t words. There weren’t actions.
Seeing her the other night gave me hope. Slightly drunk, letting her heart speak the truth for once, having her to myself. Even if it was in the back of a bar, it was still my Kinsley. It was us being wild. It was me pushing her to the edge. That’s what we did. That’s what worked for us.
Yet I was the one alone without her.
So how did that really work out for us?
I couldn’t debate my thoughts anymore.
That meant my plan was to build a fire and sip some whiskey and wait for the night to catch up to me and win.
Before I could even stand, my phone lit up.
A text message from Kinsley.
can you talk for sec?
I hurried to call her, already starting to pace the floor. There was a side of me full of hope that she was calling to say everything was going to be okay. Although with the weather, we’d be separated and that would be torture.
Nobody Else Page 5
