“That’s the one.”
“I’ll probably be there. There are a few names I need to mingle with.”
“Bring your pretty fiancée and parade her around,” Rich said. “A guy getting married shows commitment and who doesn’t love a good romance story, right?”
“Yeah, right,” I said.
I walked Rich out of my office and kept going. I wasn’t going to sit around all day and think about Kinsley and everything going on. Work was the only thing that didn’t let me down. And talking about the deal that I got fucked on wasn’t sitting well in my stomach either. Neither was the fact that Rich and everyone else kept calling Kinsley my fiancée. But that was my own doing by telling them I was planning on proposing to her. And when I came back after Christmas, it was easier to tell a quick lie than deal with the sorry eyes by telling everyone that Kinsley was confused about her heart.
I’m not over losing Chrissy and TJ.
That sentence ran through my head for the rest of the day.
It was pretty obvious that was the case, but saying it left me very uneasy. I didn’t like admitting that kind of stuff. I didn’t talk about it either. But if it meant saving whatever Kinsley and I had, then so be it. She wasn’t going to like what I had to say. And as far as plans go… I rarely lived without one.
I cut out of the office early and came up with a new plan.
I stopped to get flowers and picked up dinner from Kinsley’s favorite restaurant. I managed to get home before she did and put the food in the oven to keep it warm, and I set up the table for just me and her.
When I spotted Linda pulling into her driveway, I hurried out of the house to talk to her.
Linda and Paige stood there, staring at me like I had four sets of eyes on my face.
Which was my own fault because I never gave either one of them the time of day before.
“Linda,” I said. “Can we talk for a second?”
“Sure,” she said. She looked at her daughter. “Paige, go inside and get a snack before dinner.”
Paige strutted away as Linda stood with the car door open. “Is everything okay with Kinsley?”
“Yes,” I said. “Fine. I wanted to talk to you about what happened. With your ex.”
“Oh. I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“I do,” I said and stepped forward. “I think what Brice did was stupid.”
“Stupid but necessary. Dave was attacking me. In front of our daughter.”
“Well, there are other ways to handle things,” I said.
“Such as?” Linda asked.
I reached into my pocket and took out a business card. “This is one of the lawyers I work with. He’s really smart. I told him you’d be calling.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?”
“Tough guy antics aside, Linda, I assume you’re in a tough spot. This guy can help. I would have loved to have punched Dave. Running his mouth the way he was. But that’s not how life works. You want to hit him? Hit him where it hurts. I’ve paid for the phone call and for him to look over your case, if you want him to.”
Linda plucked the card from my hand. “I guess I owe you both a thanks.”
“Both?”
“You for setting this up. Because it really helps me. All Dave wants to do is wiggle out of paying any support for Paige because he thinks I spend it on myself. And he thinks by getting more time with her, he’ll pay less. And then he’ll spend less time and eventually just slip away.”
“Asshole,” I said.
“Yeah. And I owe Brice a thanks for hitting Dave. Because I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”
I curled my lip. “Right. The tough guy. Sure.”
“Why do this for me?” Linda asked.
“We’re neighbors,” I said. “And I haven’t been much of a neighbor. I apologize for that. I think I’ve passed unfair judgement on you.”
“Okay then. Does this have anything to do with what happened during the storm?”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning Brice coming to get us?”
“I’m just trying to do the right thing, Linda.”
“Buying your way into my life?” she asked. “No offense.”
“None taken,” I said.
“It’s more than money, Ben. And I’m not just talking about this business card.”
Linda turned and walked away.
I had that coming and I took it on the chin. Maybe I was doing this for Kinsley too. Even still, I did want Linda to get whatever she needed to protect herself and her family. Maybe I wasn’t the kind of guy that just went swinging into a fight. That wasn’t my style. What I did do though was help Dave to his feet and got him to leave before anything else was said or done. And then I got Linda a lawyer who could bury Dave in court. So, what was worth more? A single punch to look tough or the street smarts to take the guy down for good?
Chances were I’d never get my answer.
I went back into the house and poured myself a drink.
I chugged it quickly so I could have a second one.
Kinsley wanted the truth… and she was going to get it.
“This is delicious,” she said as I twisted the cap off a bottle of beer.
I loved her when she drank wine though. Looking so beautiful and classy. But she didn’t like wine. She forced herself to drink it because of me. For me.
So, beer it was.
Watching her hold the bottle of beer, the way her lips formed around it, it was sexy. It was gritty and dirty even.
“I didn’t cook it,” I said. “I just paid for it.”
“Then maybe I should be having dinner with someone else.”
She smiled as she said that, but the implications were something else.
Did she want dinner with someone else? Did she want to be sitting with Brice? Would Brice cook for her? Was he a good cook?
I got myself another drink of scotch and sat back down.
“How was your day?” I asked.
“Busy. Yours?”
“Busy,” I said with a grin. “Is that enough small talk?”
Kinsley laughed. “I suppose so.”
“I said something this morning and I meant it.”
“About Chrissy and TJ?”
“I’m not over it,” I said. “That’s the truth.”
“Not over losing them,” Kinsley said. “That’s what you told me this morning.”
“I meant that. I still feel it, Kinsley.”
She reached across the table for my hand. “Tell me. Please.”
“I don’t know what there is to tell,” I said. “I had them. I lost them. I miss them. I wish they were back, but at the same time, what does that mean for you? For us? How can I wish myself with someone else?”
Kinsley’s cheeks turned a shade of red. I didn’t exactly mean the comment as a shot at her, even though that’s how it sounded.
“Well, maybe you should take a second and imagine what it would be like,” she said.
“Imagine what? Playing in a pretend world?”
“No, Ben, just think about it for a second. What if Chrissy was still alive? What if she wanted to see you? What would you do?”
I smiled. “That’s not fair.”
“How so?”
I stood up. “I’ll never fucking see her again. That’s why it’s not fair. And if you’re going to use my dead girlfriend to justify you fucking your old boyfriend, then maybe we should just be done.”
Kinsley looked surprised at my explosion. She took her fork and poked at a few leftover pieces of food.
“You don’t understand it,” she said. “I don’t expect you to. I’m only asking you about Chrissy and TJ to try and get you to understand it.”
“You don’t think I understand?” I asked. I stepped forward. “I understand. That’s why I’m still here. You never got closure, Kinsley. You never got a chance to understand what actually happened. Meeting you, I knew there was a hidden sadness. And I was exactly the s
ame. So, it worked. We still work, Kinsley.” I gently touched her cheek and put my fingers under her chin and made her look at me. “You’re asking me unfair questions. Because the truth is… if Chrissy was alive, we wouldn’t have broken up. I had plans, Kinsley. Marriage. Babies. Everything. TJ was going to be my best man. He was going to grow up and be a professional baseball player. I was going to support him and make sure that dream happened. Telling you this… I don’t understand what it’s supposed to do. I never want you to think you’re second best to anyone in the world. You’re my one and my only, Kinsley. I love you. Talking about the past maybe is good. You get it off your chest. It’s out there. But how can you keep living in it? Of course I would go back and change things. I would skip that meeting. I would have told Chrissy not to go out for ice cream. I mean, it seems easy to think it, right? Maybe for you, you would have done things differently. Those split-second decisions we make all the time, that’s what makes us people. That’s what shows our flaws. And sometimes our flaws are the best things about us. So, the split-second decision I made when I saw this pretty woman standing in the parking lot of a building I was planning on selling…” I shrugged my shoulders.
Kinsley touched my hand and stood from her chair. “I would never ask you to make an order of who you love, Ben. First, second, third. That’s not how the heart works. I know you love her. I know you will always love her.”
“I know you love him,” I said, slightly frowning. “Except he’s alive. And the look in your eyes…”
“I’m here with you, Ben. I didn’t just pack up a bag and run from you. Okay? We based our entire relationship off of not talking about our pasts. We built our relationship on everything being perfect. This house. Everything in it. Our careers. Everything was so planned out…”
“That’s what I do, Kinsley.”
“You plan. You work. It’s a good life, Ben.”
“But is it the life you want?”
“I’m here,” she said. “When everything happened…” she swallowed hard. “I didn’t know how to function. I went to the hospital in labor and came home with… no baby. The car seat in the car. The toys in our house. Diapers. Powder. A crib. There was nowhere I could go to not be in that world. Not to mention I had a C-section. So that meant going back to the doctor. That meant never getting away from it for a second to breathe. Okay?”
“Okay,” I said. I gently touched her sides. “I’m sorry you had to endure all that.”
“It wouldn’t stop either. I was different to everyone around me. I was different to myself. And then I finally just left. I need you to understand that, Ben. I left. I didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t talk to him about it. I just left. He did everything right. I didn’t. And eventually enough time got between us that it was just over.”
The pain in my chest was real. Probably second only to realizing that Chrissy and TJ were gone. Walking up on the accident scene and realizing it was Chrissy’s car. Charging forward and having police officers tackle me to calm me down.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Okay,” I said. “Then I’ll wait for you to say goodbye.”
“This was really sweet what you did tonight,” Kinsley said. “I mean it. The flowers. The dinner. Getting home before me.”
“I truly love you, Kinsley. My addiction to my work is the only way I know how to say sorry to Chrissy and TJ.”
“And you’ll never stop.”
“I don’t know.”
She touched my face. “That's okay, Ben. I would never force you to stop. We have to let time do its thing.”
I leaned down; I needed a kiss from her.
She was the woman I loved.
She was ruining all my plans.
And for the first time in my life, I was okay with that.
12
Dinner, Drinks, Done
Kinsley
I hung the black dress up on the closet door and left it there until it was time to get dressed and go to the party with Ben. It was rare that I got to see him in his work environment. We always found a way to keep our careers separate. He didn’t show up to my work and I didn’t show up to his. Which worked for us.
Tonight, some guy named Mark was getting an award from his company for some kind of achievement with sales. I didn’t quite understand it and Ben didn’t give a damn about it either. Which sort of made this fun for us. It was almost like we were going to crash a wedding or a party. We both didn’t want to be there, but kind of had to be. Ben had to meet up with a few people just to get his face in front of theirs, and he wanted me to get dressed up, wear my diamond ring, and have some fun with him.
Which wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
It was a very different kind of date night than what we usually had.
Nothing stupid and cliché, right?
I closed up my office at four, let Deb stay until five to finish her paperwork, and I hurried home to get dressed and fix my hair and makeup.
This was not my thing at all.
Wearing a dress. Worried about my hair. Putting on makeup.
As I stood at the mirror, battling with eyeliner, desperate not to poke myself in the eye, I couldn’t help but smile. This was actually fun. The obvious mood in the house had been somber, which was completely my fault. But it was also winter. It was cold, snowy, icy, and miserable out. Cabin fever was a real thing, and everyone wanted to talk about how many days until spring. Which was fun to talk about, but winter in this area didn’t exactly end on the first day of spring. Most of the time, it was still cold. And it was more common than anyone cared to believe that it would snow into April.
Ben got home just as I was wrestling to jam an earring into my ear.
He opened the bedroom door and froze when he saw me.
“Holy hell,” he said. “Look at you.”
“You like?”
“I love,” he said. “You look amazing.”
“Yeah?”
“Kinsley…” He rushed toward me. He looked flustered. “I mean…”
“Well, while you’re finding your tongue, how about you zip me up?”
I turned and waited.
Ben touched my bare shoulders and I shivered.
“You look unbelievable,” he whispered as he pulled the zipper up the dress. “Seriously.”
He zipped the dress and touched my shoulders again.
We were both frozen in that moment.
His body was an inch from mine. I could smell his cologne. A smell of power and success. A man who worked hard and wasn’t afraid to battle for what he wanted in life. A man who planned things out because that was the smart way to live.
I bit my lip as my body tingled.
Part of me almost wished we could skip the stupid dinner party thing. We were dressed up. We looked good. Why not just get right into bed and forget the world? As fast as Ben zipped up the dress he could unzip it. We could start in bed. Order food. End up in bed again.
Ben kissed the back of my head. “We’d better leave, Kinsley. You know I hate to be late.”
I nodded. “Of course.”
I turned, and he stepped back. He eyed me up and down. “Just beautiful.”
“Stop it.”
“I won’t.” He reached for my left hand. “Hey, where’s your ring?”
“Bathroom,” I said. “Let me grab it.”
I rushed into the bathroom and plucked the ring off the sink. I caught my reflection again and stared, watching myself put the ring on my finger. My cheeks burned a little, knowing what the ring meant to Ben and what it meant to me. And what it meant to Brice.
I swallowed hard.
I hadn’t talked to Brice since the punch. Seeing him react like that didn’t surprise me. Seeing the way Ben reacted though sort of gave a hint at what was right and wrong. Throwing a punch was sexy when we were younger. Now? Ben was right. That punch could hurt Linda and Paige. And Ben was the one who stepped in to calm Dave down. He got Dave into the truck and got him to leave without
anything else happening. Ben was the one who then helped Linda with another lawyer. She was going to basically bury Dave in court, thanks to Ben.
My eyes looked down at the diamond ring.
I bit my lip again.
You know right from wrong, Kinsley.
Which I did.
But what if right from wrong was different than want and need?
“Hey, you ready?” Ben’s voice called out.
I took a deep breath.
I forced a smile on my face and told the woman in the mirror that it was going to be okay someday soon.
Let’s make tonight memorable.
The night moved fast.
The banquet hall was semi-dark with more people than I expected to see. From the second we walked through the doors, Ben had my arm hooked into his as he raced around the room to talk to everyone. And I mean everyone. There were too many names for me to keep up with, so I just smiled, nodded, and made small talk when possible.
The one thing that stuck out to me though… was the handful of people who called me Ben’s fiancée. The first time I heard it, I didn’t think much of it. I was wearing an engagement ring. There was no denying what the ring was intended to mean. But after the fourth person - a guy named Rich who was visibly tipsy - called me the prettiest fiancée he’d ever seen, it sort of just stuck with me.
We sat at our table with two other couples.
We ate.
We had a couple of drinks.
The man of the hour, Mark, received his award after four people went to the podium to pick on him. They roasted him with inside jokes that everyone laughed at but me. Ben spent more time leaning to his left towards the guy next to him than he did to me. Every few minutes or so he would touch my hand, maybe just making sure I was there. It was pretty obvious that he took this party far more seriously than I thought he was going to do.
The two hours we were there felt like twelve hours.
After Mark’s long-winded speech, I finally had the chance to stand and get out of the room. With the murmur of the voices along with the music in the background and the sound of glasses and plates clanking together, I felt like my head was going to explode.
Nobody Else Page 11
