by Carmen Caine
I held my breath. That was the last thing that I expected or wanted to hear. “Do you know where it is?” I asked them, beginning to shake.
They nodded.
I waited, the suspense growing by the moment. When they didn’t speak, I finally gasped, “Tell me!”
“You know in your heart,” was all they said.
I glared at them angrily. What kind of answer was that? I was about to snap a snotty response right back at them, Queens or no, when Blondie’s words began to play in my head. Soon, we will enter Earth. The portal is here.
The portal had been in the kitchen. I’d run right into it.
I paused.
Or had I?
Had the invisible wall been the portal?
Blondie had been looking at me.
I barely finished the thought before I froze.
I knew then that the Queens were right, and I knew exactly where the portal was.
The portal was me.
Chapter Nine – A Long Goodbye
I was really too stunned to think. Falling back onto the couch, I just stared at my hand in complete shock. I don’t know how long I stayed that way. When I looked up again, the Queens had gone, but Ajax still sat loyally by my side.
I drew a long, wavering breath.
I had to face it, and it was my worst nightmare. I, Sydney, was the portal the Mesmers wanted to use to enter the Earth from the Second Dimension.
Fear welled inside me. Utter terror. Horror beyond comparison.
And as complete despair threatened to overwhelm me, I heard Ajax’s low growl. As if in a dream, I followed his unblinking eyes to a spot in the corner of the room near the ceiling.
It was getting dark and I hadn’t turned the light on yet. But as I continued to squint, I could see shadows in the corner. They were swirling, creating some kind of vortex, and out of it, something black seemed to be wriggling my way. As I watched, a curling tentacle reached out of the dark hole to stretch forward.
It was the Mutant Tulpa, and it was coming for me.
And then I just knew. Deep inside, things just clicked into place. The Lizard People were using the Tulpa to create a bridge between the Second Dimension and Earth, a bridge anchored by fear. The Tulpa was one end. I was the other.
I panicked. I wanted to run, but I couldn’t. It was almost like I was mesmerized, but I did manage to move my lips. “No!” I gasped defiantly. “I’m not going to let you win!” My voice sounded small in the darkness gathering around me.
Ajax continued to growl, his fur standing on end.
The shadows next to the Tulpa took shape, sliding down the wall to drop into the long form of the Man in the Top Hat. And as he solidified, the Mutant Tulpa jerked, scurried back, and then burrowed away.
Jumping to my feet, I faced my benefactor. “Who are you?” I rasped.
But as I watched, he melted into the shadows, taking the oppressiveness of the room with him. I covered my mouth with my hands and fought the temptation to dissolve into tears. Too much was happening. And too quickly. I was getting overwhelmed.
“What’s going on?” Rafael’s deep voice shattered my thoughts.
I twisted back to see Rafael framed in the darkened doorway with Jareth behind him, the silhouette of a pigeon perched upon his shoulder. And as Rafael entered to flip the lights on, Galahad launched himself at the ceiling where the Mutant Tulpa and the Man in the Top Hat had been. It sent chills down my spine. How had the bird known?
Ajax tilted his head sideways and stared directly into Rafael’s eyes. I knew they were communicating. It was a relief, actually. I didn’t have the energy to repeat what had happened.
Rafael was by my side in a flash after that. “Are you well?” he asked, concern flooding his gray eyes. “We shouldn’t have left you alone.”
I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I know it came out weird.
“Ha, so I am right,” Jareth said as Galahad swooped back to land on his shoulder. Waving his hand over the coffee table, a bowl of fruit appeared, and he grabbed a handful of grapes and began popping them into his mouth. “So, where’s the portal, Sydney? Did they tell you?”
I just stared at him numbly. I didn’t want to think about that.
As Jareth sprawled into Al’s battered recliner, Rafael pulled me down onto the couch and drawing me close, let his arm fall naturally around my shoulders. I just leaned against him, resting my head against his hard chest.
“Say something, Sydney,” Jareth said with a frown. “It’s scary when you’re quiet.”
I looked over at him and then noticed that he was staring over my head. That realization immediately propelled me to my feet.
Jareth was dangerous. He could read my thoughtforms. And right now, I didn’t want him reading anything. Not before I’d decided what to do. I had to keep my thoughts to myself.
I don’t know what I mumbled. I just bolted out of there as fast as I could and ran to the kitchen.
The Fae and their crystal had gone, but Al—with his Faraday cap safely upon his bald head—sat at the table, poring over the notes he’d taken during his phone call to Jack.
“Got an extra Faraday cap?” I asked so quickly that I slurred my words together.
He raised a curious brow but nodded his chin at his supply cupboard. “I can’t get Betty and Grace to wear theirs. Help yourself, kiddo!”
I grabbed the first cap I saw and jammed it onto my head in relief. “Well, maybe we won’t need it now with Blondie and so many others gone,” I said hopefully. “Maybe we’ve scared them off for now.”
“You’re probably right,” he agreed, a little misty-eyed. “Tigger bought us some time.”
I got a little misty-eyed myself at that and nodded, having no doubt he was right.
Al stood up and patted me warmly on the head. “Well, I’ve got some work to do before I go to bed, kiddo. Why don’t you check in early and get some sleep. You’re looking exhausted there.”
“I will in a bit,” I agreed. Even though it was already dark outside, it wasn’t really that late yet.
Whistling a little, he disappeared into the garage, and I took his place at the table to bury my head in my arms.
What was I going to do? How could I tell them that I was the portal? There wasn’t anything they could do about it. It wasn’t like they could cut the connection I had with the Tulpa to prevent the bridge from forming.
That made me pause a little. Now that I knew I was Earth’s anchor, could I somehow uproot my end of the bridge? Was it possible to destroy the portal? The Queens had kind of implied it was. They’d basically agreed with me that love could protect everyone that I loved.
But how?
The Tulpa was trying to reach me to control the connection. Could I head it off? Reach it first? Fight fire with fire? If I jumped into its vortex, like the one I’d seen in the coffee shop, would I be sucked into the Second Dimension?
I knew it sounded harebrained, but my whole being told me I was on the right path.
If I wasn’t on Earth, there would be nothing for them to open the portal with. And if I went to Avalon, I would still be creating a bridge. I could actually make it worse. They might even be able to physically reach both Earth and Avalon that way. The only way I could figure to stop them from expanding their reach to the other dimensions was to short-circuit the whole thing.
I was going to have to go to the Second Dimension.
The Queens were right.
My heart—human intuition—did know the answer. And it was actually a horrible, horrible answer.
It had to be my Blue Thread. What could be worse than calling the Mutant Tulpa and jumping back with it into the Second Dimension?
Could I actually do it?
I knew I had to hurry before I lost my resolve or before someone figured out what I was going to do and tried to stop me.
Feeling strangely disconnected from reality, I raised my head and stood up.
But when I turned on my heel, I ran straight
into Jareth and Rafael standing only a few feet behind me, their arms folded and their sharp eyes suspiciously locked on mine.
Jareth took one look at my Faraday cap and then asked with a hint of sarcastic amusement, “And what are you trying to hide, Sydney?”
Rafael merely cocked a brow in my direction.
For the briefest of moments, my determination fractured and I wanted to just run into his arms and ask him to help me. But only for a moment. I loved him too much to endanger him. I loved them both too much, each in their own way.
I took a deep breath. I was really going to miss them.
“I’m not hiding anything. It’s just been a hard day,” I lied, forcing a smile as I pointed to the Faraday cap half sliding off my head. “I just want to be safe.” Stealing a page out of Rafael’s book, I switched subjects. “So, Jareth, where do you think the portal is? The Queens didn’t tell me. They just said you were right.”
This time, switching subjects actually worked.
Jareth smirked a little and then gave a belligerent yawn. “Of course I’m right. The only Fae that has a prayer of finding it will be myself,” he said. “The ability to dream and travel dimensions are closed to all others.”
“Rafael can dream,” I said, seeking a distraction, any kind of distraction from what I knew I had to do.
Jareth cast a cynical eye at Rafael. “While he’s beginning to generate thoughtforms like a human, they’re not strong enough to be of use. They’re about the strength of a newborn babe’s.”
Rafael arched a challenging brow, and as they began to exchange barbs, I escaped from the kitchen and ran to my room.
Closing the door, I leaned against it to collect my thoughts.
I was going to go. And it was a one-way trip.
I was going to have to leave them all behind. My family. Finally, after all these years, I‘d found my real family. And I was going to have to give them up, everyone that I loved and who loved me back. Jerry. Rafael. Al. Betty. Jareth. Grace. Ellison. Samantha. Ajax. Even my mother, Maya. I would ultimately miss her too, despite everything.
Emotions welled in my throat, and I almost collapsed, but then I felt Jerry move in my sweatshirt pocket. Woodenly, I took out the paper towel roll.
It was time for me to start saying my goodbyes.
I knew I could do it if I didn’t think about it too much.
As if in a dream, I tipped Jerry out onto the floor. He’d been a wild mouse before I’d caught him and made him my pet. He was the first thing that I’d ever really loved. Picking him up, I kissed his little pink nose for the last time.
“Take care, buddy,” I whispered, tears threatening my voice. “I’m sorry I took your freedom away. It’s time for me to give it back.”
Gently, I set him down on the sunflower-shaped rug in the middle of my room. He stood on his hind feet for a few seconds, his whiskers twitching, and then he scampered away to disappear under the bed. I hoped he wouldn’t meet his end in the jaws of a cat or a trap, but he was born free. He probably missed it. I’d caged him long enough. But just to be safe, I put his cage on the floor to give him the option to return should he change his mind.
“Right,” I said aloud, refusing to let myself feel.
Rummaging through my dresser, I dug out a piece of paper and a pencil, intending to write my mother a goodbye note. I tried several times and nearly chewed the eraser off before crumpling the paper and tossing it in the trash.
A letter wasn’t Maya’s style, anyway.
Grabbing my cellphone, I dialed her number.
She picked up on the second try and spent our entire conversation distracted and giggling to someone else. I took it to mean that her new relationship was still in its beginning stages of euphoria.
“I love you, Maya,” I told her.
She clearly didn’t know how to respond, and it made me realize that I’d never actually said that to her before. I guess while I’d always been more of the parent in our relationship, I must have been a distant and resentful-type of parent.
“Uh … that’s nice,” she replied awkwardly.
The long silence on the line was finally broken by a giggle as she whispered to her boyfriend, “Oh, I’m almost done! She’s wrapping up.”
That was my cue. “Well, nice talking to you,” I said.
“Right,” Maya agreed quickly. “Call again sometime.”
“Ok,” I agreed, just to end the conversation. “Goodbye, Maya.”
She hung up and I looked at the phone, not really even feeling any disappointment. I didn’t really expect anything else from her. It was just who she was. I couldn’t really even be angry or irritated. It just wasn’t worth making myself feel bad over. It was time for me to let it all go and let myself move on. I was glad she had someone. It actually helped me say goodbye.
Betty was next.
I really had to distance myself to even think of telling her goodbye and even then, I was on the brink of tears as I walked into the kitchen where she was pouring bowls of cereal out for dinner.
“It’s going to be a light meal tonight,” she announced with a bright friendly smile. “No one’s really too hungry, anyway. I asked Grace and Ellison to go look for eggs, so if you want an egg, I can scramble one right up for you.”
“Cereal is fine,” I said, hovering behind her.
She really was a beautiful woman. I’d never really noticed how graceful she looked before with the wrinkles around her brown eyes and the gray sprinkled lightly throughout her brown hair. She was so warm and open. There wasn’t an ounce of bitterness in her soul. And if my life had taken a different path to lead me to a long journey on Earth, I would have striven to be just like her. Happy, loving, and understanding of everyone else, faults and all. With Betty, I had never felt judged.
“What is it, honey?” she asked in a kind, gentle tone.
I cleared my throat and withdrew even further behind my mental wall of protection. But it was very hard not to feel anything around her.
“I think I’m going to bed early,” I said.
“Today has been a hard one,” she replied sympathetically. “A nice night’s sleep will do you some good.” She reached over and patted me on the cheek.
I didn’t care what she thought then. I just locked her into a hug and squeezed her as hard as I could. “I love you,” I choked and then with tears burning my lashes, I dashed away towards the back to look for Grace and Ellison.
By the time I stepped on the back porch, I’d blinked the tears away to see them both exiting the hen house. Grace in her perpetual sweats and Ellison in his hipster-looking t-shirt and jeans. They made an odd pair, but they were perfect for each other.
“What’s up?” Ellison asked as they joined me on the porch.
“Nothing much,” I said, grimacing a little.
“Sounds like a lie,” Grace inserted with a mischievous grin.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “It kinda is.”
They both sent me intense looks and then Ellison reached over and gave my arm a friendly squeeze. “We know,” he said.
I held my breath and choked out, “You know?”
“Rafael and even Jareth,” Grace mouthed so softly I only heard half of her words. “They’re part of it, aren’t they?”
It wasn’t really a question.
I just nodded. How much did they know? Granted, there were many things they might have seen, but just how much had they figured out?
“It’s kind of exciting, really.” Ellison grinned from ear-to-ear. “Can you talk about it at all? I mean, I know you can’t, but … it’s kind of hard not to, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, like are the Mob Bosses going to show up at our door?” Grace asked, the pitch of her voice rising with excitement.
“Grace!” Ellison jabbed her in the ribs. “They might make her move again.”
It took me several long seconds to put it together. Did they think I was in the Witness Protection Program?
“Sorry,” Grace apologized sheep
ishly.
“Yeah, I have to admit, I thought I was going crazy for a while,” Ellison confessed with a bit of a sheepish laugh himself. “I mean, a few days ago at the coffee shop, I was about ready to call it all some kind of sci-fi conspiracy alien-cover-up or something, but the doctor said it was just stress.”
“Stress?” I repeated, my eyes widening a little. Whatever doctor believed that the coffee shop events had been a product of stress should have his license revoked.
“Yeah, I’ve been kind of tired lately. Guess I zoned out too much at work and kind of half fell asleep or something, but this isn’t about me!” Ellison laughed, a little embarrassed. “I’m not crazy, Sydney. Promise!”
I felt a twinge of conscience. The poor guy had actually allowed himself to be convinced that nothing unusual had happened in Samantha’s coffee shop. But then, maybe it was just safer for him that way. “I wouldn’t worry about it, Ellison.” I just laughed. “I’ve been stressed myself lately. They say stress does all kinds of crazy things.”
“Yeah, and combined with caffeine…” he trailed away with another laugh.
But Grace wasn’t really paying much attention to him. She was staring at me, her eyes taking on an all-knowing look. As I made eye contact with her, she took it as an invitation and leaned forward.
“I bet Rafael didn’t mean to fall in love with you, did he?” she said, her brown eyes sparkling. “I mean, he’s your agent, assigned to protect you. He probably never knew that he’d meet the love of his life. Oh, it’s just like a really good movie!” She gave a loud, dreamy sigh.
I hadn’t realized Grace was such a romantic, and it was really hard not to tell her that it was more of a horror film than a romance flick.
Ellison saved me from having to reply by reaching over and playfully clapping his hand over her mouth. She made a sour face and batted his fingers away.
He turned to me and said, “It’s ok, Sydney. We know we shouldn’t know too much. It’s safer for all of us that way. We’ll stop pestering you.”
I looked into his smiling face and nodded. “Yeah, it’s best that way,” I answered truthfully.
